FARK.com: (4862171) The Nebraska Humane Society is looking for a new home for two adorable pugs named Harry and Sally. They like to play fetch and tug-of-war, enjoy long walks, snuggling on an available lap, and feasting on human flesh

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		The Nebraska Humane Society is looking for a new home for two adorable pugs named Harry and Sally. They like to play fetch and tug-of-war, enjoy long walks, snuggling on an available lap, and feasting on human flesh (usatoday.com)		80
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jehovahs witness protection

2009-12-17 08:23:25 AM

And when I look at the cute little darlings I see a little bit of their owner in them.

Ennuipoet

2009-12-17 08:30:03 AM

jehovahs witness protection: And when I look at the cute little darlings I see a little bit of their owner in them.

That is so wrong, it must be right!

TheGrayCat

2009-12-17 08:42:17 AM

slayer199

2009-12-17 08:47:24 AM

Pugs love to eat...and if the owner was dead, they had to eat something.

eddyatwork

2009-12-17 08:47:37 AM

What kind of asshole shoots himself leaving his dogs to starve?

FredaDeStilleto

2009-12-17 08:49:13 AM

eddyatwork: What kind of asshole shoots himself leaving his dogs to starve?

Not really. He did feed them.

xanadian

2009-12-17 08:49:18 AM

Well, THIS is a hell of an article for a Cursday thread. :-/ Oh well...guess I'll just make do.

I love how the town in TFA is Papillion...

The Icelander

2009-12-17 09:55:57 AM

I'll take them but only if I can name them The Ghost and The Darkness.

jaylectricity

2009-12-17 10:01:14 AM

Sally was delighted when she took her first bite. When she realized her owner didn't mind, she took another glorious bite.

Harry saw the pure joy on her face and thought to himself, "I'll have what she's having."

MaxxLarge

2009-12-17 10:07:59 AM

I don't believe it.

Here's a "cool story bro" for y'all:

My dad is a retired cop. One winter, he got sent to a house out in the middle of nowhere because some people realized that they hadn't seen their elderly neighbor in some time, and they were worried about him. Dad found him, dead on the floor of his kitchen of an apparent stroke. He also found the guy's yellow lab lying right next to him, head on the guy's chest. It was also dead.

The coroner eventually determined that the guy had been dead for a little over a month. But my dad said the dog couldn't have been dead long, because it hadn't started decomposing yet. But it was skinny as hell, despite the fact that there was still about a handful of food left in its bowl across the room. In addition, the guy's heat had apparently been shut off at some point, because the house was a meat locker. And the dog's body was frozen to the floor in a puddle of its own urine. So...yeah. Next time you're wondering what the definition of "devotion" really is? That's farking IT. My folks got a dog not long after that.

The corollary to that story is that my dad HATES cats. HATES them. I never knew why until my wife came into our relationship with one, and I asked Dad why he always gave it space when he'd come by. He told me that it was because he could never fully trust a cat. Apparently, he'd responded to a domestic once that had wound up being a murder/suicide by the time he got there. Guy drilled his wife with a 12-gauge before he decided to snack on a shell himself. And dad said after he got there, he had had to grab the guy's cat by the scruff of the neck and huck the little sunovabiatch out the front door, because the damn thing didn't even wait for the dude's body to start cooling off before it was up on the back of the couch eating his brains off the wall. Om nom nom.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

xanadian

2009-12-17 10:12:50 AM

MaxxLarge: because the damn thing didn't even wait for the dude's body to start cooling off before it was up on the back of the couch eating his brains off the wall. Om nom nom.

You're supposed to tell us that story in the form of a limerick.

In other news, *SHUDDER*

jehovahs witness protection

2009-12-17 10:27:00 AM

MaxxLarge: I don't believe it.

Here's a "cool story bro" for y'all:

My dad is a retired cop. One winter, he got sent to a house out in the middle of nowhere because some people realized that they hadn't seen their elderly neighbor in some time, and they were worried about him. Dad found him, dead on the floor of his kitchen of an apparent stroke. He also found the guy's yellow lab lying right next to him, head on the guy's chest. It was also dead.

The coroner eventually determined that the guy had been dead for a little over a month. But my dad said the dog couldn't have been dead long, because it hadn't started decomposing yet. But it was skinny as hell, despite the fact that there was still about a handful of food left in its bowl across the room. In addition, the guy's heat had apparently been shut off at some point, because the house was a meat locker. And the dog's body was frozen to the floor in a puddle of its own urine. So...yeah. Next time you're wondering what the definition of "devotion" really is? That's farking IT. My folks got a dog not long after that.

The corollary to that story is that my dad HATES cats. HATES them. I never knew why until my wife came into our relationship with one, and I asked Dad why he always gave it space when he'd come by. He told me that it was because he could never fully trust a cat. Apparently, he'd responded to a domestic once that had wound up being a murder/suicide by the time he got there. Guy drilled his wife with a 12-gauge before he decided to snack on a shell himself. And dad said after he got there, he had had to grab the guy's cat by the scruff of the neck and huck the little sunovabiatch out the front door, because the damn thing didn't even wait for the dude's body to start cooling off before it was up on the back of the couch eating his brains off the wall. Om nom nom.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

I tried to sing this one and it didn't work out.
HMMM

seventypercent

2009-12-17 10:31:03 AM

They were just enjoying the flavors of a fallen friend.

MaxxLarge

2009-12-17 10:31:35 AM

xanadian: You're supposed to tell us that story in the form of a limerick.

You're right...Sorry.

It's not what I wanted to sell him,
But honesty forced me to tell him.
The nasty ol' feline
Had made a quick beeline
To munch on the guy's cerebellum.

ejwsod36

2009-12-17 11:12:00 AM

zootsuit

2009-12-17 11:14:02 AM

Favorite line from TFA:
Langan says the dogs appear to be well-adjusted and in excellent shape. He says they're unlikely to suffer from long-term psychological effects because "they don't have memories like people."

Good thing, too. Otherwise they'd remember how delicious and salty man-flesh is. Mmm... people...

hugheric

2009-12-17 11:14:26 AM

Do you know what that sound is Princess? Those are the shreking pugs

Evil-Imposter

2009-12-17 11:18:37 AM

MaxxLarge

And dad said after he got there, he had had to grab the guy's cat by the scruff of the neck and huck the little sunovabiatch out the front door, because the damn thing didn't even wait for the dude's body to start cooling off before it was up on the back of the couch eating his brains off the wall. Om nom nom.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

trollcats.com

Johnny the Fox

2009-12-17 11:20:04 AM

Not getting a kick out of this thread.

/hot like those doggie's meals were not

Mordis

2009-12-17 11:20:49 AM

MaxxLarge: xanadian: You're supposed to tell us that story in the form of a limerick.

You're right...Sorry.

It's not what I wanted to sell him,
But honesty forced me to tell him.
The nasty ol' feline
Had made a quick beeline
To munch on the guy's cerebellum.

Bravo! Great work as always.

Mr Guy

2009-12-17 11:22:35 AM

The Nebraska Humane Society is seeking a new home for two small dogs that police say fed on their owner's body after he killed himself.

Humane Society spokesman Mark Langan says he can't verify the dogs had fed on the body, but he says it would be normal behavior for dogs left without food or water for two weeks.

Has he considered asking, maybe just for kicks, the police if the dogs fed on the owner? They seem to have an opinion.

Whiskey Dickens

2009-12-17 11:24:27 AM

Fano

2009-12-17 11:24:44 AM

slayer199: Pugs love to eat...and if the owner was dead, they had to eat something.

From the book, You are Worthless, it contains the sobering reality is that if you died, your cat/dog would have no remorse about eating you.

CygnusDarius

2009-12-17 11:25:15 AM

MaxxLarge, that was creepy.

Marley'sGirl

2009-12-17 11:25:58 AM

jdog71

2009-12-17 11:25:59 AM

MaxxLarge: ...because the damn thing didn't even wait for the dude's body to start cooling off before it was up on the back of the couch eating his brains off the wall. Om nom nom.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

i178.photobucket.com

Go ahead...jump. Kitty needs a treat.

etler

2009-12-17 11:26:54 AM

MaxxLarge: And dad said after he got there, he had had to grab the guy's cat by the scruff of the neck and huck the little sunovabiatch out the front door, because the damn thing didn't even wait for the dude's body to start cooling off before it was up on the back of the couch eating his brains off the wall. Om nom nom.

Smart too. As the responding officer those brains officially became property of your dad. The cat should know better than to steal. Mmm... brains. Sweet sweet braaaaaaiinnnsssssss

Gamer Grrrl

2009-12-17 11:26:56 AM

MaxxLarge: I don't believe it.

Here's a "cool story bro" for y'all:

My dad is a retired cop. One winter, he got sent to a house out in the middle of nowhere because some people realized that they hadn't seen their elderly neighbor in some time, and they were worried about him. Dad found him, dead on the floor of his kitchen of an apparent stroke. He also found the guy's yellow lab lying right next to him, head on the guy's chest. It was also dead.

The coroner eventually determined that the guy had been dead for a little over a month. But my dad said the dog couldn't have been dead long, because it hadn't started decomposing yet. But it was skinny as hell, despite the fact that there was still about a handful of food left in its bowl across the room. In addition, the guy's heat had apparently been shut off at some point, because the house was a meat locker. And the dog's body was frozen to the floor in a puddle of its own urine. So...yeah. Next time you're wondering what the definition of "devotion" really is? That's farking IT. My folks got a dog not long after that.

The corollary to that story is that my dad HATES cats. HATES them. I never knew why until my wife came into our relationship with one, and I asked Dad why he always gave it space when he'd come by. He told me that it was because he could never fully trust a cat. Apparently, he'd responded to a domestic once that had wound up being a murder/suicide by the time he got there. Guy drilled his wife with a 12-gauge before he decided to snack on a shell himself. And dad said after he got there, he had had to grab the guy's cat by the scruff of the neck and huck the little sunovabiatch out the front door, because the damn thing didn't even wait for the dude's body to start cooling off before it was up on the back of the couch eating his brains off the wall. Om nom nom.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

This just in: Sometimes dogs are too stupid to save their own lives.

This ALSO just in: Cats are carnivores!

All joking aside, if my dog or cat had to choose between eating my dead body and dying of starvation, well, dig in pal! I don't need my liver anymore.

images.play.com

/Iorek Byrnesson agrees.

andyofne

2009-12-17 11:27:22 AM

eddyatwork: What kind of asshole shoots himself leaving his dogs to starve?

lol. that's what i said yesterday when i submitted the same thread to TFD. :)

Chinchillazilla

2009-12-17 11:27:53 AM

Personally, if I die, I don't care if my pets eat me. I'd rather they eat me and live than all of us die.

I would totally take the man-eating pugs. Just so I could tell people that story.

LiesAndSlander

2009-12-17 11:28:54 AM

looks like the one licking its lips is looking to snack on the photographer

darkmayo

2009-12-17 11:29:06 AM

Whiskey Dickens: MaxxLarge: I don't believe it.

Here's a "cool story bro" for y'all:

My dad is a retired cop. One winter, he got sent to a house out in the middle of nowhere because some people realized that they hadn't seen their elderly neighbor in some time, and they were worried about him. Dad found him, dead on the floor of his kitchen of an apparent stroke. He also found the guy's yellow lab lying right next to him, head on the guy's chest. It was also dead.

Listen, piglet:
What's the likelihood that your dad planted the dead dog, and passed along the story to your family, in the hopes that they'd see the disgusting beauty in it and buy a dog? Yeah, yeah, sprinkle some coke or dead dogs and you get results.

Farkin' cops.

/10/10

I am now picturing cops with baggies filled with crack and a trunk stuffed with frozen dog corpses.

Gamer Grrrl

2009-12-17 11:30:15 AM

Chinchillazilla: Personally, if I die, I don't care if my pets eat me. I'd rather they eat me and live than all of us die.

I would totally take the man-eating pugs. Just so I could tell people that story.

If you do it right, all the kids in your neighborhood will stay well off your lawn. [cue pic of young Wil Wheaton scrambling up a chain-link fence in a panic.]

TrekRat

2009-12-17 11:30:22 AM

I wouldn't be offended at all if my dogs ate my body if I died. It'd save my widower some money on their food. That shiat's expensive.

8.5 tailed fox

2009-12-17 11:30:24 AM

My dad is a retired cop. One winter, he got sent to a house out in the middle of nowhere...

This story sounds like BS to me.

refrigeratorelf

2009-12-17 11:30:34 AM

Disapproves (new window)

wet_dream

2009-12-17 11:31:20 AM

Your dog wants YOU!

www.terrylove.com

Lambeau

2009-12-17 11:31:51 AM

Came here for the "I'll have what she's having" quote. Leaving satisfied.

Mr Guy

2009-12-17 11:33:11 AM

Chinchillazilla: Personally, if I die, I don't care if my pets eat me. I'd rather they eat me and live than all of us die.

I would totally take the man-eating pugs. Just so I could tell people that story.

If I was in Nebraska, I'd probably take them. Not their fault their owner provided an inappropriate last meal.

Then I'd put a sign in my front window advertising crime scene clean up.

WoWgirl

2009-12-17 11:34:41 AM

Aww love me some pugs! ...Nebraska's too damn far away though....

/Loves my pug
//Wants more of them!

varmint runnin' round

2009-12-17 11:40:32 AM

scotto

2009-12-17 11:47:12 AM

/hot

stevetherobot

2009-12-17 11:50:10 AM

Meat's meat and a ~~man's~~ pug's gotta eat!

jaylectricity

2009-12-17 11:54:26 AM

This is payback for that man who ate his corgi.

silvervial

2009-12-17 11:55:08 AM

On X-Files, that is how Scully got her dog, Queequeg (which was later eaten by an alligator). In "Clyde Bruckman's Final Repose," the little Pekingese ate the body of its owner when she died. Clyde gave Scully the dog and said he hoped she would not hold it against him.

DenveradoDobbini

2009-12-17 12:00:36 PM

Mayhem of the Black Underclass

2009-12-17 12:04:49 PM

omris

2009-12-17 12:12:10 PM

MaxxLarge: I don't believe it.
Next time you're wondering what the definition of "devotion" really is? That's farking IT. My folks got a dog not long after that.

Not to discount your story at all, because cats are indeed vicious little monsters (mine try to nibble off my fingers when I'm only SLEEPING sometimes), but I would guess that the lack of heat may have had a lot more to do with it. That, plus dogs can be dopey, and are actually social, and would be sad to be alone. Not like a cat, who would live of my splattered brains for a week, until they decided they wanted new ones because these brains are no longer fresh enough, at which point they would claw through the walls and suck the breath out of my neighbors baby.

The dumbest dogs I've ever run into are always Golden Retrievers. My dad is a marine biology PhD. Someone gave him a large sea turtle head, which he wanted to skeletonize. So he put in in a bucket of water out in back of the lab, and once a week or so would change the water. (Protip: marine reptile have very fragile skulls that can't stand up to boiling or burying, which are both much faster and less smelly than this method)

Round about July, he had to go away for a month or so, and the other people in the lab thought it was kind of gross, so they stopped changing the water. When he got back, it was too gross to deal with, so he wanted to wait until the weather cooled off so the smell when you dumped the bucket wouldn't make him retch.

Sometime in mid to late August, Toby, the resident golden, discovered the bucket. I don't think I can adequately describe the smell that this turtle head solution produced. Like nothing you've ever encountered short of maybe enclosed space decomp. But Toby dipped his face ALL the way in, and drank about a quart. He threw up for hours, and he couldn't come back to the lab for weeks because the smell wouldn't come off him.

Cool story though, bro.

Misanthropic Byotch

2009-12-17 12:18:11 PM

Now THIS is what I want in my lunch time reading.

/Now I have a reason why I've always been a cat person

RedT

2009-12-17 12:26:23 PM

MaxxLarge: I don't believe it.

Here's a "cool story bro" for y'all:

My dad is a retired cop. One winter, he got sent to a house out in the middle of nowhere because some people realized that they hadn't seen their elderly neighbor in some time, and they were worried about him. Dad found him, dead on the floor of his kitchen of an apparent stroke. He also found the guy's yellow lab lying right next to him, head on the guy's chest. It was also dead.

The coroner eventually determined that the guy had been dead for a little over a month. But my dad said the dog couldn't have been dead long, because it hadn't started decomposing yet. But it was skinny as hell, despite the fact that there was still about a handful of food left in its bowl across the room. In addition, the guy's heat had apparently been shut off at some point, because the house was a meat locker. And the dog's body was frozen to the floor in a puddle of its own urine. So...yeah. Next time you're wondering what the definition of "devotion" really is? That's farking IT. My folks got a dog not long after that.

The corollary to that story is that my dad HATES cats. HATES them. I never knew why until my wife came into our relationship with one, and I asked Dad why he always gave it space when he'd come by. He told me that it was because he could never fully trust a cat. Apparently, he'd responded to a domestic once that had wound up being a murder/suicide by the time he got there. Guy drilled his wife with a 12-gauge before he decided to snack on a shell himself. And dad said after he got there, he had had to grab the guy's cat by the scruff of the neck and huck the little sunovabiatch out the front door, because the damn thing didn't even wait for the dude's body to start cooling off before it was up on the back of the couch eating his brains off the wall. Om nom nom.

Happy Thursday, everyone!

I love my cats, but I can tell you they would gnaw my face off my skull if I overslept.

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