I liked it when he was the first one killed in Executive Decision.

That Van Damme pic in the article creeps me out.

*shudder*

4. Steven Seagal was a 17th century monk in a past life

Really? Seagal claiming he was a 17th century monk makes him awesome?

What I didn't know is he's a freaking sheriffs deputy (i.e., a REAL COP) for the parish that I now live in. When we had the moving truck parked in front of our house, so someone objected to how much it blocked the street and they called a cop to see what was up. One of them Jefferson Parish deputies showed up to ask me how long that thing would be there. Didn't know motherfarking Steven Seagal could have showed up to ask me about it. How cool would that have been? I move here and they sic motherfakin' Steven Seagal on me! I probably would have dropped a load in my shorts the moment I opened the door.

Then I found out about his A&E show.

the best part of TFA is that Judo Gene Lebell kicked Segal's farkin' ass.

bet the old man could still do it. that sumbiatch is one bad farker.

I had no idea he was so proficient with small arms until I saw him take the heads off a couple of Q-Tips and a match with a semi-automatic on "Law Man" this weekend.

Why no mention of the real mobsters that were planning on shaking Segal down?

http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/scams/steven_seagal/index.htm l (new window)

Dey didn't know how truly fearsome he iz?

impaler: 4. Steven Seagal was a 17th century monk in a past life

Really? Seagal claiming he was a 17th century monk makes him awesome?

I was a Chinese rice farmer in a past life. Of course, so was everyone else on the planet.

FarkinFarker: Somaticasual: Quantum Apostrophe: Somaticasual: The mid-90s called. It wants it's popularity back.

The possessive pronoun ITS called. It wants to give you back that apostrophe.

Semantics called. It feels it's just not working out..

Know you too quite fiteing.

Stop being so anti-semantic!

jehovahs witness protection: I liked it when he was the first one killed in Executive Decision.

I always figured that he agreed with Golan and Globus to work exactly ONE DAY for what they were paying him...and as far as G&G were concerned that's exactly all they needed - to be able to put the Steven Segal name in the credits.

FarkinFarker: FunkOut: FarkinFarker: Somaticasual: Quantum Apostrophe: Somaticasual: The mid-90s called. It wants it's popularity back.

The possessive pronoun ITS called. It wants to give you back that apostrophe.

Semantics called. It feels it's just not working out..

Know you too quite fiteing.

Stop being so anti-semantic!

Hay sugartit's1 Are you a Jew?/

Naw, just got sugary tits.

netringer: jehovahs witness protection: I liked it when he was the first one killed in Executive Decision.

I always figured that he agreed with Golan and Globus to work exactly ONE DAY for what they were paying him...and as far as G&G were concerned that's exactly all they needed - to be able to put the Steven Segal name in the credits.

You're probably right.

PluckYew: EdgeRunner: GungFu: Chuck Norris's beard vs. Steven Seagal's ponytail.
Who wins?

Tom Cruise's beard vs. Sarah Jessica Parker's ponyface.

Who wins?
We all Lose.

The Norris beard/Segal ponytail is moo anyway. All bow down to the greatness of Sam Elliot's mustache.

/hot

In the hair world, that mustache is God.

savage henry [TotalFark] Quote 2009-12-14 06:31:33 PM
netringer: Why no mention of the real mobsters that were planning on shaking Segal down?

http://www.trutv.com/library/crime/criminal_mind/scams/steven_seagal/index.htm l (new window)

Dey didn't know how truly fearsome he iz?

Not reading the link (9 pages?), but Seagal apparently got his first roles thru mob financing. I think it was Spy magazine that did an expose on it.

Came here to post this link, You really only have to read the first page to get a chuckle.

Here is a clicky synopsis of that 9 page thing.

Link