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(Telegraph)   Two supermarket customers both want the same shopping cart, so they do the only logical thing and attack each other with a salami and a four-pound hunk of cheese   (telegraph.co.uk) divider line 56
    More: Dumbass, pitched battles, parmesan, brother and sister, Getty Images  
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4910 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Dec 2009 at 1:41 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-12-14 11:24:42 AM
The trolley was undamaged.

Oh, thank god! I was so worried about the shopping cart.
 
2009-12-14 11:39:17 AM
That sounds like a delicious melee. Were there any crackers to go with it? Or possibly some humus?
 
2009-12-14 11:46:26 AM
Geez, what is with people of the world? Have we just gone complete and total psycho? Was that the last grocery cart in all the world, or something?

These are the same people who chant 'Jerry, Jerry' in front of their TV, no doubt
 
2009-12-14 12:04:08 PM
Trance750: Geez, what is with people of the world? Have we just gone complete and total psycho?

It's like the whole world has gone rogue or something.

And it didn't necessarily have to be the last shopping cart. It might have just been the last good shopping cart. Like, maybe all the other shopping carts had wobbly wheels. There's nothing worse than shopping with a wobbly-wheeled cart, although if you're careful and subtle about it you can use a wobbly-wheeled cart as a fantastic cover for wreaking mayhem and devastation on every aisle. Like, you're pushing it along through the fruit section and you're really acting like you're struggling to hold it in a straight line, sticking your tongue out of the the corner of your mouth and everything and jerking it back and forth because this stupid wheel won't stop shimmying, and then you just lose it in one carefully timed swoop that takes out the grapefruit pyramid. Or the skyscraper stack of Ritz crackers--that's just begging for it. You can just careen down the aisles like a pinball, sideswiping carts and smashing into shelves. Just be sure to say oops and sorry a lot, and they might even bring you a new cart just to save the other half of the store.

Or those big carts, the ones that kids can sit in that are shaped like trucks. Man, those things take some serious steering ability. Have you ever tried to push one of those things? People look at you funny if you're using one without kids, but the little cab section is actually pretty handy for storing sundry items. Like, say you're buying a bunch of condoms and lubricant and Preparation H and you don't want everybody to see it all just lying there in the cart. You can just put it in the cab and close the little door and it's more or less hidden from prying eyes, leaving the normal basket area for your less personal items, cucumbers and things like that.

On that note, it's curious to me that nobody has yet invented shopping carts with retractable covers on them. Like convertible carts. So you can cover your load. This would be especially useful not just for more personal shopping needs, but for protecting your wares when you wheel them out in the parking lot. And if you're one of those people who likes to leave your cart out in the middle of the parking lot, preferably across the white line so it's blocking two spaces instead of just one, you could at least pull the convertible top down if it's raining and the cart would stay dry for the next person who comes along to take it into the store. And at night, when the store is closed, hobos could use them as shelters.

Which is all to say that, while getting into a salami and cheese fight over a shopping cart may seem stupid and pointless, there may sometimes be an understandable reason if there's a special cart at stake. Like, you might be a hobo and trying to get a convertible cart for the night. Which doesn't seem to be the case in this story, but I'm just saying. I've never actually seen a hobo in my local supermarket parking lot, but I bet they'd come out if they had convertible carts there.
 
Pud [TotalFark]
2009-12-14 12:38:41 PM
Still waiting for you to sign that book deal of Pocket Ninjaisms. It would hit the best seller lists just from Fark alone.
 
2009-12-14 12:53:48 PM
I need video of this.
For some reason I was picturing it all happening as a XXX film.
 
2009-12-14 01:06:42 PM
Now if only one had a band of French Bread weilding ninjas and the other a group of italian dressing swigging pirates, we could have had an epic battle and some great sandwichs.

As it was, the fight was merely appetizing.
 
2009-12-14 01:36:57 PM
with salamis used as clubs and a chunk of Parmesan cheese brandished like a dagger.

....his mother tried to fend him off with a sharp 4lbs piece of Parmesan.


"Sharp Cheese" doesn't work like that, lady.
 
2009-12-14 01:43:47 PM
jehovahs witness protection: I need video of this.
For some reason I was picturing it all happening as a XXX film.


Uh, the dude was 74 years old.
 
2009-12-14 01:44:12 PM
www.skooldays.com
Approves
 
2009-12-14 01:45:29 PM
That sounds like a delicious fight.
 
2009-12-14 01:46:37 PM
toonz: Approves

Alas, my hotlink---she was broken
 
2009-12-14 01:51:02 PM
img339.imageshack.us
FOOD FIGHT!!!
 
2009-12-14 01:56:10 PM
No 'Hero' tag?

/because a Hero sandwich contains cheese and salami
//and slashies
 
2009-12-14 01:57:19 PM
I would have grabbed a fresh artichoke...natures perfect weapon.
 
2009-12-14 02:03:57 PM
This article is very thorough

What salami and Parmesan might look like :
i.telegraph.co.uk
 
2009-12-14 02:04:20 PM
img509.imageshack.us
 
2009-12-14 02:06:10 PM
FTFA: the last-but-one Saturday before Christmas

Do we now give special designations to every day prior to Christmas?

/12th to the last odd numbered Tuesday following a full moon before Christmas.
 
2009-12-14 02:08:29 PM
You wanna know how to get a shopping cart? They pull a cheese wedge, you pull a salami. He sends one of yours to the dairy aisle, you send one of his to the deli department. That's the Safeway!
 
2009-12-14 02:14:02 PM
Mmm I had the most awesome salami sandwich at Armandino's Salumi last week so I'm getting kick out of these replies.
 
2009-12-14 02:19:01 PM
I wonder how long it took to get those images for the article.
 
2009-12-14 02:19:27 PM
So did the guy with the Parmesan cheese have to open the can and sprinkle the other guy with it???

What, you mean it's made by people other than Kraft?
 
2009-12-14 02:21:11 PM
They should have sent a salami to their boy in the army

/not obscure
 
2009-12-14 02:22:07 PM
Your bakery products are weak, old man.

www.nytmare.org
 
2009-12-14 02:23:49 PM
Marquis of Dairy Queen rules, I presume?
 
2009-12-14 02:28:08 PM
fernt:

Wow, I can't believe someone else remembers that show.
 
2009-12-14 02:31:30 PM
They were just playing Hide-the-salami.... -and-cheese.
 
2009-12-14 02:35:38 PM
fc00.deviantart.net

/Approve!
//That better not be obscure!
 
2009-12-14 02:43:30 PM
toonz: Approves

Came here for this. Leaving satisfied.
/Time for timer!
//A hanker fer a hunk of cheese!
 
2009-12-14 02:44:23 PM
Trance750: Geez, what is with people of the world? Have we just gone complete and total psycho? Was that the last grocery cart in all the world, or something?

These are the same people who chant 'Jerry, Jerry' in front of their TV, no doubt


Yeah, stupid things never used to happen in the good old days.
 
2009-12-14 02:50:15 PM
Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta!

photos.imageevent.com
 
2009-12-14 02:52:03 PM
roothog: jehovahs witness protection: I need video of this.
For some reason I was picturing it all happening as a XXX film.

Uh, the dude was 74 years old.


But there WAS a 53 YO woman involved. Giggity
 
2009-12-14 03:04:39 PM
What I find disturbing is the "Christian Christmas" attitude towards their neighbors and a senior citizen. GEEZ. Your Jesus is just waiting with open arms for you stupid idiots isn't he? After all you've just been so christ like, neighbor loving and turning the other cheek and all that jazz. Ya go home and celebrate Christmas minus anything he bothered to try to teach you dumb germans.
 
2009-12-14 03:07:26 PM
The trolley was undamaged.

Thank god!
 
2009-12-14 03:08:53 PM
That's a pretty badass old man; but I suppose spending the first 10 years of his his life under a crappy fascist regime probably helped make him that way...
 
2009-12-14 03:11:16 PM
i am the cheese. i am better than both the salami and the bologna combined.
 
2009-12-14 03:12:02 PM
A couple of times a Home Depot, I've gone back to where my cart was, only to find the few items piled on the ground, and the cart gone. It would have been nice to catch them in the act. There are better weapons there.
 
2009-12-14 03:22:54 PM
One of the people involved
media.peopleofwalmart.com
 
2009-12-14 03:31:50 PM
www.comicbookreligion.com

Will bring the bread to the party.
 
2009-12-14 03:40:22 PM
[READS FARK HEADLINE]

Was a naked blonde and a poodle involved in the melee?
 
2009-12-14 03:46:41 PM
Approves

/Vive le Cart of Death!
 
2009-12-14 03:59:26 PM
only thing missing is a little olive oil, some pepperoncini, and a bottle of table wine.
 
2009-12-14 04:08:28 PM
@ fernt:

LOL - "Supermarket Sweep" was the first thing I thought of when I read this.

/need to bring the show back
//always go for the hams first!!!
 
2009-12-14 04:23:17 PM
Shenanigans.

They don't make sharp Parmesan
 
2009-12-14 04:41:27 PM
I think I have this pR0n.
 
2009-12-14 04:47:39 PM
gorgor: I think I have this pR0n.

I'll go out on a limb and ask for proof.

/yes farkers....I did it
 
2009-12-14 04:55:31 PM
SwiftFox: Shenanigans.

They don't make sharp Parmesan


You've never been stabbed by an angry woman wielding a Reggiano rind have you...
 
2009-12-14 05:19:11 PM
Burchill: Trance750: Geez, what is with people of the world? Have we just gone complete and total psycho? Was that the last grocery cart in all the world, or something?

These are the same people who chant 'Jerry, Jerry' in front of their TV, no doubt

Yeah, stupid things never used to happen in the good old days.


Yeah they did, but it was not on an epidimic scale, as it is now. I guess with the invention of Youtube and viral video, everybody wants to come out of the woodwork and claim their 15 minutes of fame
 
2009-12-14 05:28:57 PM
I wear the cheese, it does not wear me.

/glad the cart was ok
 
2009-12-14 05:38:07 PM
jehovahs witness protection: gorgor: I think I have this pR0n.

I'll go out on a limb and ask for proof.

/yes farkers....I did it


whut?
http://tinyurl.com/ycwbhkl
(copy and paste, NSFW)
 
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