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(News24)   Villagers will "do some tests" to see how witchcraft made dog give birth to kittens   ( ) divider line
    More: Unlikely  
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54 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Mar 2003 at 1:01 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

49 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-03-31 09:32:47 AM  
2003-03-31 10:20:25 AM  
Those cat claws in my hair.
That sly
come hither stare
that strips my woodwork bare
it's witchcraft.
And I've got no defense for it.
Mating heat is too intense for it.
What good would commonsense for it do?

'Cause it's witchcraft!
Wicked witchcraft.
And although I know
it'a strictly taboo
2003-03-31 10:23:35 AM  
Is one of the villagers named Mrs. Kravitz? Cause she's been peeking in our windows again.... Geez, all this AND Darren just doesn't seem the same lately.

- Mrs. Stevens
2003-03-31 12:53:45 PM  
"Cats and together...!"

Name that movie.
2003-03-31 01:07:25 PM  
2003-03-31 01:07:46 PM  
Koko's a witch!
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-31 01:08:27 PM  
darth - ghost busters

And a famous line from M*A*S*H, " Oh everythings fine, crab grass is in bloom and the cat had puppies..."
2003-03-31 01:09:03 PM  
Well, we know that THIS village still has the post of "Idiot".
2003-03-31 01:09:45 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-31 01:10:31 PM  
Obvious? Its been scientific proven that inserting any animal or lifeform inside a trailer home will produce mass quantities of kittens and other inbreds.
2003-03-31 01:12:32 PM  
Ghostbusters...and isnt that a sign of the end?
2003-03-31 01:13:27 PM  
Cox-Zucker Thanks! Now I have the themesong for Cat-Dog racing through my head. ;)
2003-03-31 01:17:06 PM  
Farkers have been killing kittens at an alarming rate, science had to step in
2003-03-31 01:18:08 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
"How do you know she is a witch?"
2003-03-31 01:18:11 PM  

"Villagers will "do some tests" to see how witchcraft made dog give birth to kittens"

In April of 2003, three students dissapeared in the woods near Pretoria, while investigating a dog nursing three kittens...

2003-03-31 01:19:12 PM  

"Villagers will "do some tests" to see how witchcraft made dog give birth to kittens"

In April of 2003, three students dissapeared in the woods near Pretoria, while investigating a dog nursing three kittens...

[image from too old to be available]

2003-03-31 01:19:28 PM  
Test = anal probe. Sounds to me like the dog ate the kittens, then "gave birth". Only one way to find out...
2003-03-31 01:21:47 PM  
Does the dog way the same as a duck?
2003-03-31 01:22:08 PM  
It's one of those transspectites cats. It's a dog who was born in a cat's body and has now made the life transition to full time doghood. HBO has a movie on this right now called "NormALPO".
2003-03-31 01:24:34 PM  
dammit. weigh, I say.
2003-03-31 01:36:13 PM  
A few years back in college, we used to share a dog. One year after getting Porter (the dog), one roommate got a kitten. Though Porter was spayed, she thought she was the kittens mother and allowed it (the kitten) to suckle on her teets!
I think the dog in the article ran away, lost her puppies, and found herself some kittens.
2003-03-31 01:36:35 PM  
Notice the story came from the Daily Sun.
2003-03-31 01:36:39 PM  
I was there last week, got turned into a newt.
2003-03-31 01:38:47 PM  
okay...first theres a time traveling man who plays the stock market...then theres a dog who gives birth to kittens...whats next? a yiddish-speaking carp?

/end of the world
2003-03-31 01:40:21 PM  
This is probably just like that lioness that keeps adopting antelope calves. She got all maternal and stole some babies, end of story.
2003-03-31 01:43:34 PM  
Bump, I just spilled a whole cup of warm coffee (it's been sitting here for awhile) all over myself and my desk from laughing so hard at your Sinatra remake. Brilliant.
2003-03-31 01:45:07 PM  
it's really upsetting to think that something this dumb made it this far. i think you would be less than an absolute tard to think that a dog actually gave birth to kittens.
2003-03-31 01:46:07 PM  
The scientific method surrenders.
2003-03-31 01:47:14 PM  

There is an OLD english folk myth about fishmen that were caught by a fisherman and taken to talk with the king, they supposedly made an alliance between their kingdom and the English and returned to the sea.
2003-03-31 01:55:33 PM  
if the fishmen are with the Brits and the Brits are allied with us, then we have nothing to worry about after all...the world is ours for the taking!
2003-03-31 02:01:18 PM  
Build a bridge out of 'em.
2003-03-31 02:03:24 PM  
BEDEMIR: How do you know she is a witch?
VILLAGER #2: She looks like one.
BEDEMIR: Bring her forward.
WITCH: I'm not a witch. I'm not a witch.
BEDEMIR: But you are dressed as one.
WITCH: They dressed me up like this.
CROWD: No, we didn't -- no.
WITCH: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one.
VILLAGER #1: Well, we did do the nose.
BEDEMIR: The nose?
VILLAGER #1: And the hat -- but she is a witch!
CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
BEDEMIR: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
BEDEMIR: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
BEDEMIR: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!
BEDEMIR: Quiet, quiet. Quiet! There are ways of telling whether
she is a witch.
CROWD: Are there? What are they?
BEDEMIR: Tell me, what do you do with witches?
VILLAGER #2: Burn!
CROWD: Burn, burn them up!
BEDEMIR: And what do you burn apart from witches?
VILLAGER #1: More witches!
VILLAGER #2: Wood!
BEDEMIR: So, why do witches burn?
VILLAGER #3: B--... 'cause they're made of wood...?
CROWD: Oh yeah, yeah...
BEDEMIR: So, how do we tell whether she is made of wood?
VILLAGER #1: Build a bridge out of her.
BEDEMIR: Aah, but can you not also build bridges out of stone?
VILLAGER #2: Oh, yeah.
BEDEMIR: Does wood sink in water?
VILLAGER #1: No, no.
VILLAGER #2: It floats! It floats!
VILLAGER #1: Throw her into the pond!
CROWD: The pond!
BEDEMIR: What also floats in water?
VILLAGER #1: Bread!
VILLAGER #2: Apples!
VILLAGER #3: Very small rocks!
VILLAGER #1: Cider!
VILLAGER #2: Great gravy!
VILLAGER #1: Cherries!
VILLAGER #3: Churches -- churches!
VILLAGER #2: Lead -- lead!
ARTHUR: A duck.
CROWD: Oooh.
BEDEMIR: Exactly! So, logically...,
VILLAGER #1: If... she.. weighs the same as a duck, she's made of
BEDEMIR: And therefore--?
VILLAGER #1: A witch!
CROWD: A witch!
BEDEMIR: We shall use my largest scales!
BEDEMIR: Right, remove the supports!
CROWD: A witch! A witch!
WITCH: It's a fair cop.
CROWD: Burn her! Burn!
2003-03-31 02:12:38 PM  
Yep, Ghostbusters it is.

Feskan: Great MASH quote, I laughed pretty hard at that one.
2003-03-31 02:15:12 PM  
I was going to suggest they contact a DNA paternity test by contacting one of the companies that do that sort of thing. So, I went URL fishing. The first URL I tried was There is a web site there. But it takes you off in an entirely different direction. And it opens one of those "loops" from which there is no escape.

Have they been booked on Springer yet?
2003-03-31 02:31:43 PM  
This is actually pretty sad. The dog very likely found some kittens and began mothering them for some reason, but now the villagers will assume witchraft and kill the dog and the kittens and possibly the dog's owner.
2003-03-31 02:37:27 PM  
the Fishmen are just the children of Dagon. no big deal.
2003-03-31 02:57:14 PM  
Chances are, it's like an adorable children's story. Sort of.

See, the dog ate the momma cat, then the dog found the momma cat's kittens, and was so very overwhelmed by doggie guilt that it took the kittens under its doggie wing.
2003-03-31 03:17:31 PM  
Stupid christians!
2003-03-31 04:47:18 PM  
[Voice of Reason]
Seeing as how no one seems to have read the story and the headline is pretty misleading, let me break it down for you.

1. Kids say that dog gave birth to kittens.
2. Adult doesn't believe and investigates.
3. Adult is surprised to see the wild dog nursing kitten.
4. Neighbor says it witchcraft.
5. SPCA Investigator says that they will do tests and the results will show what happened.

See guys. No connection between the tests and the witchcraft besides the fact that they are both talking about the same thing.

[/Voice of Reason]

Ok, you may continue.
2003-03-31 05:02:28 PM  
5. SPCA Investigator says that they will do tests and the results will show what happened.

What kind of tests? A cat is a cat and a dog is a dog. The headline should read "Dog suspected of birthing kittens, SPCA will 'will do some tests' to see what happened. Not much of a difference.
2003-03-31 05:09:05 PM  
All they have to do is get the males of the village to jerk off. If the kittens die, then they're kittens; if they don't, then they're witches!

2003-03-31 05:21:45 PM  
that is the most intelligent thing i have heard today.
2003-03-31 05:29:12 PM  
Huzzah to the Voice of Reason!
2003-03-31 05:40:47 PM  

Everyone, masturbate!
2003-03-31 06:22:17 PM  
Its true. The same witch turned me into a newt!
.......I got better.
Kat [TotalFark]
2003-03-31 06:49:12 PM  
I can't believe that an SPCA investigator hasn't heard of this before...things like this happen every once in awhile...I've heard of dogs raising cats, cats raising dogs, pigs raising puppies, cats raising squirrells...

Hell, they even did a movie about a mommy dog raising a baby pig...
2003-03-31 07:58:14 PM  
only 3? those kittens don't stand a chance surviving the, for a timely boobies link...
2003-03-31 09:09:07 PM  
I smell a new Chick tract...
2003-04-10 03:06:17 PM  

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