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(The Straight Dope)   What's the size of your hand, runs 25 mph, eats the stomach out of live camels until their intestines fall out, and screams like a human child?   ( divider line
    More: Interesting  
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286 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Mar 2003 at 6:52 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

100 Comments     (+0 »)
2003-03-29 01:01:03 PM  
Nothing, as it turns out. Why do stories like this get approved?
2003-03-29 01:06:38 PM  
So, today is April 1, 2003, eh?


Be sure to start doing April Fool's Day pranks as early as possible.

/heads off to plan April 1, 2004 prank that will be pulled off on April 2, 2003 ....... RIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!
2003-03-29 01:14:03 PM  
Early April Fools. WTF?
2003-03-29 01:23:32 PM  
This this the best that can be posted? There has been nothing on the main page for a while now.
2003-03-29 01:43:35 PM  
That's okay, Woody, they've redded out dozens of great stories. TotalFark rules!!!
2003-03-29 01:55:21 PM  
slow news day

i'd like to take one of those farkin spiders and send it to chase my ex - im bitter and drunk already slow day blah
2003-03-29 02:27:07 PM  
That's it, I am taking my wife hiking. Newsday sux arse. :)
2003-03-29 02:30:23 PM  
/brain x-ray of type of individual who goes live with web page of April Fool's Day prank 2+ days before 4/1
2003-03-29 02:35:22 PM  
unfetchable img URL?
2003-03-29 02:39:08 PM  
2003-03-29 02:40:33 PM  
o-tay, size matters (Doh!)

/feh ..... slinks away
2003-03-29 03:01:08 PM  
Maybe its not a Camel spider, but I do have one of these:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-29 04:40:24 PM  
"What's the size of your hand, runs 25 mph, eats the stomach out of live camels until their intestines fall out, and screams like a human child?"

Tom Cruise?
2003-03-29 04:47:59 PM  
I hear he's gay.
2003-03-29 05:21:24 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

Harmless or not, they're still evil lookin little critters.

Didn't somethingawful have a thing about them like 2+ years ago?
2003-03-29 06:55:56 PM  
Danny DeVito?
2003-03-29 06:57:47 PM  
El Chupacabra?
2003-03-29 06:58:08 PM  
yeah, but I heard that they can shoot laser beams out of their asses.
2003-03-29 06:58:19 PM  
Too cool. But what do you do with it?
2003-03-29 06:59:09 PM  
Don't be silly. Danny DeVito can't run that fast.
2003-03-29 06:59:17 PM  
Actually I think it was ehowa that had the big CAMEL SPIDERS ARE EVIL article.... Those things are nasty.
2003-03-29 06:59:58 PM  
Really? I thought he was smaller than my hand...
2003-03-29 07:00:29 PM  
Well, they are not all they are cracked up to be. But are they good eatin'?
2003-03-29 07:00:43 PM  
oh, so you've met my mom?
2003-03-29 07:01:14 PM  

That's what I was a-wonderin'
2003-03-29 07:01:28 PM  
Those little old people at the end of Mulholland Drive?
2003-03-29 07:01:58 PM  
I dunno, but I'd hit it.
2003-03-29 07:02:21 PM  
The answer is... a human child!!!
2003-03-29 07:02:39 PM  
Awww man, I thought I had the correct answer.
2003-03-29 07:03:25 PM  
2003-03-29 07:04:01 PM  
Michael Jackson?
2003-03-29 07:04:18 PM  
Rosie O'Donnell after the Al Roker surgery??
2003-03-29 07:04:29 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-29 07:05:31 PM  
Didn't somethingawful have a thing about them like 2+ years ago?

I saw something about them in the last couple weeks, maybe on snopes.
2003-03-29 07:05:41 PM  
So when is the "kentucky gets beat down by marquette" article going to be green-lighted? I don't watch college basketball, but I'm sure there will be some good shiat talking in that thread.
2003-03-29 07:06:11 PM  
Argh! seeing those pictures with out any warning just shortened my life by 10 years. jebus. I'm highly Arachnophobic lol. Good god i havent screamed that ever. Good scare. hehe. i pray i never, ever come across a spider the size of my hand...Trantulas are ok.. but no actual spiders.
2003-03-29 07:06:13 PM
2003-03-29 07:07:34 PM  
Curse you quickdraw AQuigley!!!!!! Curses!!! LOL
2003-03-29 07:08:39 PM  
Kentucky got blew the fark out by a team of camel spiders today.

Or was it Marquette?

Dwayne Wade looks like Seal, the singer, not the animal.
2003-03-29 07:09:40 PM  
All of these creatures pale before the AWESOME creepiness that is....

2003-03-29 07:10:27 PM  
errr Is it Rosemary's baby ?
2003-03-29 07:11:13 PM  
Kentucky lost hahahahaha! who sucks now?
2003-03-29 07:11:20 PM  
My ex-girlfriend.
2003-03-29 07:11:50 PM  
Goes great with mustard.
2003-03-29 07:13:52 PM  
This was put up instead of a boobies link?
2003-03-29 07:14:29 PM  
Marquette sucks. Anyone not pick Kentucky?
2003-03-29 07:16:22 PM  
2003-03-29 07:16:57 PM  
If #3 Duke lost to a #2 seed by 4...

what does it say about #1 Kentucky, who lost to a #3 seed by fourteen?
2003-03-29 07:20:26 PM  
Weaps How long have you been collecting cutsey stuffed snowmen?
2003-03-29 07:21:16 PM  
attack of the somethingawful cliches
2003-03-29 07:22:15 PM  
These are harmless creatures, hard to keep because they have to be fed often and are much more active than most cold-blooded animals.

Which didn't stop New York City officials effectively showing themselves as idiots by declaring them "venomous" as an excuse to ban hobbyists keeping them as pets. Never mind the opinions of biologists and arachnid experts - they're venomous because the City of New York has declared them to be!

Next month, the City of New York will be announcing that they are changing the schedule of the tide tables to make port operations more efficient.
2003-03-29 07:22:37 PM  
Ans: My cock.
2003-03-29 07:24:03 PM  
*ahem* .....cutesy
2003-03-29 07:24:05 PM  
No mention of Screamers? One of the best Peter Weller roles and a somewhat reasonable Philip K Dick adaptation. Bleh.
2003-03-29 07:24:10 PM  
Obviously Marquette does not suck, since they just beat Kentucky.
2003-03-29 07:24:17 PM  
That was the funniest thing I have read all day
2003-03-29 07:25:03 PM  
know thats a big spider

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-29 07:29:59 PM  

We shall meet again...bwa ha ha aahhha HAHAHHAAAA *hack* ahh haaaaa!
2003-03-29 07:30:20 PM  
Weaps- is that what is called a goliath, or a mexican something ? I used to know the names of most tarantulas after a friend almost ran one over, then brought it to me to take care of.It was in pretty bad shape, so i had to buy a book to learn how to care for the damn thing, and the book had all the names w/pics to match.Been over 10 years now, the thing died after six months so memory gets fuzzy about id of the things.
Just curious.In case you wonder why the friend brought it to me, i had a huge, well, about 3 inch legspan wolf spider i had caught and let live in an old fishtank.It was cool to watch the thing jump at moths/flys/any other insect I would catch to feed her.. She died as well, i think i overfed the thing.
2003-03-29 07:33:45 PM  
....facehuggers eh? SARGE GIMMA A GRENADE....we are gonna smoke em out.
2003-03-29 07:35:24 PM  
If these things arent a reason to embombinate Iraq, I don't know what is.
Actually, in all seriousness, I saw them when I was over there. We even kept one as a pet. They do have some serious fangs but in all my time there, I have never heard of any of my soldiers being bitten.
2003-03-29 07:37:36 PM  
What's the size of your hand, runs 25 mph, eats the stomach out of live camels until their intestines fall out, and screams like a human child?

[image from too old to be available]
"You guessed it, Frank Stallone."

2003-03-29 07:43:26 PM  
Oh, farkin' awesome. Your Frank beats my Webster any day of the week.
2003-03-29 07:47:13 PM  
In a god a DeVito, baby!
2003-03-29 08:01:21 PM  
I thought the real danger was from the middle eastern Frank Stallone?
2003-03-29 08:03:50 PM  
Not advertised as promised.

what am I gonna do with 40 subscriptions to Camel Spider Monthly?

I want my money and the last 3 minutes of my life back. now.
2003-03-29 08:04:42 PM  
Drwiii, you win.

Best. SNL reference. Today.
2003-03-29 08:07:09 PM  
img src=
2003-03-29 08:08:26 PM  
I. Suck.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-29 08:11:28 PM  
Oh, OH, I know the answer:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-29 08:14:46 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-29 08:16:54 PM  
What's the size of your hand, runs 25 mph, eats the stomach out of live camels until their intestines fall out, and screams like a human child?

Ann Coulter.

What? No voting?
2003-03-29 08:19:45 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-29 08:19:50 PM  
Garanimal = teh win!!!!!111!!
2003-03-29 08:21:25 PM  
These things are nasty. Last year I lived on the SW edge of Tucson, AZ. Aside from the 9 or so scorpions I killed inside the house that year, which do hurt you, my roommates found one of these wind scorpion things in their bed. even though they can't hurt you, they look about 10 times scarier than a scorpion. I'm glad I don't live there anymore.
2003-03-29 08:28:40 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-29 08:35:45 PM  
3 days early...WTF
2003-03-29 08:39:05 PM  
What about the screaming? The answer didn't mention the screaming. Is there a giant farking screaming spider or not?
2003-03-29 09:30:48 PM  
Hehe, oops, sorry everyone. Was trying to upgrade my computer when this went up. For Stoliman - not much, he pretty much stays in the cage and I get to look at him sometimes. For Rennin - sorry about that...spiders are scary sometimes. For Digmyfarmertan - my wife thought he could use a companion. She's the cutsey stuffed snowman collector.
2003-03-29 09:32:45 PM  
Why do Snopes and The Straight Dope have to ruin everything they touch?
2003-03-29 09:48:51 PM  
What about the screaming? The answer didn't mention the screaming. Is there a giant farking screaming spider or not?

What part of "They make no noise whatsoever" don't you understand?
2003-03-29 09:49:59 PM  
Si!!! El Chupacabra!!
2003-03-29 09:57:42 PM  
I had one of these for a pet. They're pretty cool as far as invertebrets(bah) go, and they're fun to feed.
2003-03-29 10:03:21 PM  
Ever think how bad life'd be if spiders and scorpians could fly?
2003-03-29 10:06:00 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-29 10:53:05 PM  
Sorry if this has been said above, but I don't buy this non-flesh eater stuff that is coming from snopes. I have seen photos of these guys eating rats. Not the flies on the rats, but he blood of the rats. The camel spider's abdomen swells up until it can hardly walk after a meal. And they do in fact go for human blood as well. But they are not deadly. Unless you have only as much blood as a rat. I begin not to trust snopes.
2003-03-30 12:07:22 AM  
Sun Spiders or Wind Scorpions (a.k.a. solifugids) are farily common out here in my locale. They will -try- to eat pretty much anything that moves.... from instects, scorpions and eachother to small lizards and baby birds. I have even witnessed one attack and chomp on a styrofoam peanut that was blowing in the breeze. More importantly, one bit me on the fleshy part of my hand 'tween my thumb and pointing finger. And that hurt more than my feelings, that's for sure.

We used to capture all of the critters of the desert and make them battle eachother in aquarium arenas. I've seen sunspiders as long as four inches.. and as someone else here mentioned, they will gorge themselves to near immobility. Let me tell you, when it comes to a battle between a scorpion and these sun spiders... the scorpion usually gets shredded. Solifugids are voracious eaters, fast and fearless... they will chase your shadow and even you if you are not careful. They often lie in wait on the stucko wall near the porchlight to snag moths and other insects... they will jump out at you. They will give you a freak out hell ride.

Most of what the reporter said is true...Yeah, they're harmless in the long run, they dont poison you or swarm you, but they can and will bite you. They don't have enough power to bite through your clothes or rend your flesh, they don't go into your stomach and eat your innards out, and they don't shoot lasers from their faces. However, they will bite you and they are predators of opportunity, eating whatever does not eat them. They aren't really built to eat things as large as humans, but they are fearless, mean as hell and may end up biting you... or at least jump on you and make you scream like a little girl. Chances are, if you find one on you... you will probably injure it far more than it will injure you. Although I have seen them live after being stepped on.
2003-03-30 12:09:41 AM  
Just a guess: Avril Levigne?
2003-03-30 12:20:59 AM  
man, what a bummer, I was hoping it was true
2003-03-30 12:33:29 AM  
[image from too old to be available]

2003-03-30 01:43:23 AM  
I can't beleve no one thought of Batboy yet
2003-03-30 01:57:30 AM  
Holy Shiat Glitch77

That is one scary looking mother-faucker O.O
2003-03-30 01:57:47 AM  
You guessed it. Frank Stallone.
2003-03-30 01:59:32 AM  
Aw, damn you Drwiii.
2003-03-30 04:06:31 AM  
Critters. ugh horrid movie cept for the part where the dude is blasting with a shotgun and one critter says to the other. "They Got Weapons." BOOOOOM "f*****CK"

/endless rant continues beer consumption
2003-03-30 04:09:19 AM  
WHY DID I LOOK AT THIS THREAD?! skin is crawling and now I am paranoid..anyone who posted pix of spiders..Thanks..I think I will go cry in the cornor now.

My father loves the Straigt Dope books. Has them all I think. I remember I would always ask stupid questions, and he would answer with "Well, As Cecil said..". I know anime knowdgle, he knows useless knowledge about stuff. We are a good pair.
2003-03-30 05:02:11 AM  
Person 1: "What's the size of your hand, runs 25 mph, eats the stomach out of live camels until their intestines fall out, and screams like a human child?"

Person 2: "I don't know"

Person 1: "Nor do I, but there's one crawling up your back..."

2003-03-30 10:10:06 AM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-30 02:52:02 PM  
Want fun, US Air National Guard style while on a classified desert location in the Middle East?

1. Activate glowstick.
2. Toss glowstick on runway.
3. Watch camel spiders swarm.
4. Trap camel spiders.
5. Camel Spider Fight Club!
6. For good measure, toss in a desert rat, and watch the rat lose.

Apparently, that amused my brother's unit to no end.
2003-03-30 04:08:40 PM  
used to see these when I lived in tucson. As scary looking as they were I'd still have rather seen one of those then the scorpions that were all over. Or the black widow spiders for that matter.
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