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(Yahoo) Obvious Teens who get The Talk from their parents wait longer before having sex, since it takes time for the creeped out feeling to go away   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 289
More: Obvious, sex lives, hand holding, birth control, teens, sex education, pediatrics, University of California, highlights  
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5430 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Dec 2009 at 7:57 PM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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2009-12-07 05:27:28 PM
"Son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, sometimes, they go up to their bedroom for a little 'special' time. And during this 'special' time, sometimes, the man puts on a cock ring and ball spreader, and the woman stuffs some anal beads in her ass..."
 
2009-12-07 05:35:18 PM
So, Sarah Palin either never talked to her daughter about sex education or she talked to her along time ago. About...um, how old is her first kid, you know, the retarded one?
 
2009-12-07 05:37:15 PM
"Son, fat chicks give the best blow jobs. They just try harder. And you may think it's over at 1:45 AM as everyone exits the club for their cars. It's not. The fat chicks and good blow jobs are at Denny's...and they never close."

Delivered to the young Spankowitz at age 7.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2009-12-07 05:45:27 PM
Deadhouseplants

Mothers and daughters talking about sex is hot. Dads and sons talking about sex is creepy.
 
2009-12-07 05:51:21 PM
"A lot of parents think they had a conversation, and the kids don't remember it at all," says Dr. Karen Soren, director of adolescent medicine at New York Presbyterian Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital.

. . .

Instead, the conversations should focus on what the child is capable of absorbing, and what the child asks about. Parents should also take advantage of every excuse to broach the difficult subject - a mention of sex or sexuality on a TV show, a pregnancy in the family, sex education classes in school, or a visit to the doctor around the time of puberty.


How hard is it to be open and honest with your kids? Not just about sex, but that figures into it. I think what this study shows is that parents who are willing to answer questions and don't freak out if little Johnny or Sally sees a boobie or ass on TV will have kids more able to make decisions.

Isn't it a parent's job to teach a child to think on their own? Unfortunately, there's too many people who would rather stick their head in the sand and write a letter to the FCC about it.

/now back to your regularly scheduled joke thread.
 
2009-12-07 05:55:09 PM
My parents never gave me the talk about "it". I figured it all out from a buddy of mine finding a copy of "The Joy of Sex" and renting it out to a bunch of us. Two dollars got you 30 minutes with the book and all the knowledge you could gain. It was totally cool though because I was a fast reader. I made it through Johnny Tremain in 4th grade in like an hour and a half. Anyhow, after I learned all a man needs to know from that book I went out on a date to go see the Exorcist III with Shawn Perkin's sister and it scared the shiat out of her. I figured that out when we got in my Geo Metro and headed out to an Amish party in the riverbottoms and she got drunk as hell and I figured I'd try out my awesome new knowledge of positions like that weird palm tree one. Anyhow, she was too drunk to get her panties off and I started to get them off for her but I swear to God there was a skidmark in there a full inch wide. Seriously. I about puked when I thought about it later. That's a total lack of courtesy. I don't care how scary the scene is...exercise some effin' b-hole control. It's just rude when you're being quasi-date-raped later and I can't keep 'em in the glove compartment for later because I don't want your dookie to get on my insurance paperwork.
 
2009-12-07 05:55:21 PM
benlonghair: /now back to your regularly scheduled joke thread.

BOIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGG!!!!!!

i363.photobucket.com
 
2009-12-07 06:22:06 PM
The Talk as given by my parents:

Mom- Children ruin your life and you should never get married.

Dad- You get pregnant I'll kick your ass out.
 
2009-12-07 06:29:09 PM
"Don't stick your dick in the crazy."

Delivered to Dallymo Jr., age 16, about two weeks ago.
 
2009-12-07 06:38:29 PM
The Talk from their parents? What the hell? That's not how it happened when I was a kid. Parents didn't talk to you about sex. Gym teachers talked to you about sex. There would be one day in elementary school where Mr. Bayliss, the Bavarian gym teacher, would gather up all the fourth-grade boys and take them to the cafeteria, and Ms. Llewellyn, the curiously broad-shouldered math teacher, would gather up all the girls and take them to the music room. And then you'd learn that sex was a serious thing and that you shouldn't have sex until you're married and if you do have it before you're married you should use something called a condom, which was a metallic looking square thing that fit into Mr. Bayliss' pocket. And then he'd explain about sperms and eggs and how when the sperm met the egg it made a baby. And he'd show you a chart of a boy's reproductive system that would get everybody giggling and he'd tell everybody to shut it and be serious, this was serious stuff. And then he'd show you a chart of a girl's reproductive system that was just weird and made you sort of think of your dad's Dodge. And then he'd pass around little slips of paper and tell you that you could write any questions you had on it and he'd collect them and answer them after the video. And then he'd show the video, which was 10 minutes long and showed a woman giving birth and was the most horrifying thing you'd ever seen in your life. And after the video, when you felt sick and scared and just wanted to get out of there, he'd go through the little bowl where he'd collected all your questions and pull them out one by one and read them to himself and shake his head each time and blow a little annoyed puff of air out of his mouth and toss the question in the trash. And then you'd be sent back to class in time for silent reading, and you'd sit in a nervous, huddled group with your friends in the corner and realize that you'd all asked the same question, which he hadn't answered, and that question was how sperms met eggs in the first place? How did that happen? Good lord, what would happen if you accidentally put one of your sperms on a girl's egg without even knowing you were doing it? Would she have to do what that woman was doing in that video? And would you have to watch? The world was scarier then. Scarier, but safer.
 
2009-12-07 06:49:38 PM
Pocket Ninja: The Talk from their parents? What the hell? That's not how it happened when I was a kid. Parents didn't talk to you about sex. Gym teachers talked to you about sex. There would be one day in elementary school where Mr. Bayliss, the Bavarian gym teacher, would gather up all the fourth-grade boys and take them to the cafeteria....

Did they have to show child-birth in the cafeteria? How the hell did you eat your goulash in there after that?
 
2009-12-07 06:51:28 PM
Jeebus Pocket Ninja how am I s'posed to follow that with a story about a couple of Thai Hookers and a bottle of Old Grandad given to me by my Dad on my 14th Birthday?
 
2009-12-07 08:02:41 PM
bullwinkl: Pocket Ninja: The Talk from their parents? What the hell? That's not how it happened when I was a kid. Parents didn't talk to you about sex. Gym teachers talked to you about sex. There would be one day in elementary school where Mr. Bayliss, the Bavarian gym teacher, would gather up all the fourth-grade boys and take them to the cafeteria....

Did they have to show child-birth in the cafeteria? How the hell did you eat your goulash in there after that?


PLEASE tell me that is not a euphemism.
 
2009-12-07 08:04:02 PM
I had a testicle amputated as an infant and I have to say the creepiest conversation of my life was my dad explaining to 13 year old me about prosthetic testicles.

/nobody gives the Arabian Monocle like me
 
2009-12-07 08:06:23 PM
My dad gave me a book on how to score with women. It was basically a how-to on getting to each base. I think he was too afraid to have "the talk" so tried for the cool points, instead.
 
2009-12-07 08:07:34 PM

Lupine Chemist


I had a testicle amputated as an infant and I have to say the creepiest conversation of my life was my dad explaining to 13 year old me about prosthetic testicles.


Neuticlestm?
 
2009-12-07 08:07:45 PM
I learned about it from reading trashy horror novels.

/early reader
 
2009-12-07 08:08:02 PM
I never got The Talk from my parents. And when I got to Health class, I was "convieniently" pulled out of high school and sent to a hospital for a month.

/Long story.
 
2009-12-07 08:08:03 PM
I remember my mom giving me the talk and then having me look at some book that showed not only how people did it, but how animals did as well.

/WTF mom?!
 
2009-12-07 08:08:08 PM
5 midgets...spanking a man...covered in thousand island dressing...

/what were we talking about again?
 
2009-12-07 08:08:42 PM
We got hearded into a room with the school nurse to watch a movie from the 1970s about getting your period. We'd sit and laugh at the hideous 1970s clothes (because it was the 1980s and we thought we had better taste). Then we got these bright orange "gift packs" that had a booklet on getting your period, free tampons, coupons for stuff, and some Noxema.
 
2009-12-07 08:08:56 PM
^^^conveniently

You'd think I was keystroke happy today.
 
2009-12-07 08:09:15 PM
"Son, when you're banging your girlfriend, I want you to remember that that's how your mother and I made you."
 
2009-12-07 08:09:48 PM
I'm 42 years old and I'm STILL waiting for The Talk. Maybe I'll ask my mom at Christmas dinner where babies come from - that will jazz things up.
 
2009-12-07 08:10:24 PM
My mom is a social worker who for most of my life was working teen pregnancy prevention, my dad is a rabbi

the talk was along these lines
Mom:If you ever get a girl pregnant I'll finish what the mohel started
 
Tui
2009-12-07 08:10:27 PM
Ugh, had dinner with my parents for the first time in awhile tonight. They made a point of mentioning that I should practice safe sex.

And they wonder why I don't see them as often.
 
2009-12-07 08:10:42 PM
Juniper Jupiter: I never got The Talk from my parents. And when I got to Health class, I was "convieniently" pulled out of high school and sent to a hospital for a month.

/Long story.


Difficult pregnancy?
 
2009-12-07 08:11:45 PM
i'm 20, and i think i only know one person who actually got the sex talk. then again, i also know about 8 people my age who are pregnant or already have children-meh, if your family doesn't talk to you about it, then it's left to the abstinence-ed teachers at school.
 
2009-12-07 08:11:48 PM
Son: Dad, what's a vagina look like?

Me: Well Son, before sex it looks like a beautiful flower! After sex, it looks like Fido's mouth right after he drank a bowl of milk.

Son: Ewww!

Me: Yup, you can only avoid that horrible mess if you wait for marriage to have intimate relations, or you at least until you've turned 18 and moved out of the house so there's no danger of me having to...

Wife: WTF are you two talking about???

Me: Football !!!

Son: Baseball !!!

Wife: *sneer*
 
2009-12-07 08:13:14 PM
I certainly never got the talk. In fact, given that I was raised into a Baptist household, the only mention of sex was when we were being told how immoral it was. Raising a child to believe that premarital sex, masturbation, lust, dating (because God intends for marriage), etc. are sinful is a sure fire way to ensure they never have sex.

/still, I know most religious people won't even consider that the practice of their religion might ever be repressive
 
2009-12-07 08:15:36 PM
Tui: Ugh, had dinner with my parents for the first time in awhile tonight. They made a point of mentioning that I should practice safe sex.

And they wonder why I don't see them as often.


What's so bad about that?

It's not like Dad bent Mom over the dining room table, hiked her skirt up over her head, pulled out his pesky, popped a rubber on it, and proceeded to give her the deepest dicking he could.

...did he?

If so, do you have any pictures?
 
2009-12-07 08:16:23 PM
Thakh: Juniper Jupiter: I never got The Talk from my parents. And when I got to Health class, I was "convieniently" pulled out of high school and sent to a hospital for a month.

/Long story.

Difficult pregnancy?


No...actually, I have no clue how my mom knew it was "sex ed" month in my class, but she somehow managed to get my ass in a psych ward.

/Biatch herself was crazy...even though she had cancer.
 
2009-12-07 08:17:45 PM
Howie Spankowitz: "Son, fat chicks give the best blow jobs. They just try harder. And you may think it's over at 1:45 AM as everyone exits the club for their cars. It's not. The fat chicks and good blow jobs are at Denny's...and they never close."

Delivered to the young Spankowitz at age 7.


img44.imageshack.us

[crying] "He was a saint!"
 
2009-12-07 08:19:14 PM
Juniper Jupiter: Thakh: Juniper Jupiter: I never got The Talk from my parents. And when I got to Health class, I was "convieniently" pulled out of high school and sent to a hospital for a month.

/Long story.

Difficult pregnancy?

No...actually, I have no clue how my mom knew it was "sex ed" month in my class, but she somehow managed to get my ass in a psych ward.

/Biatch herself was crazy...even though she had cancer.


That's nuts!
 
2009-12-07 08:19:18 PM
zedster: My mom is a social worker who for most of my life was working teen pregnancy prevention, my dad is a rabbi

the talk was along these lines
Mom:If you ever get a girl pregnant I'll finish what the mohel started


Ha. In total seriousness, my mother was similar. She worked as a school nurse in a teen parent program.
 
2009-12-07 08:19:25 PM
I'm one of the lucky ones. My mother was a very hardworking RN who helped deliver babies and inform women on reproductive health.

Her office was like a treasure trove of information. There was a model of a uterus on her desk, lots of those "our bodies, ourselves" books, pamphlets on safe sex, etc. The best was when she would come back from conferences with a bag full of different condoms, dental dams, etc. She would take me, my brother and my sister (at the time, aged between 9 and 19) to her office and dump all of the contents into a desk drawer and said, "I didn't count any of this and I won't ever. I don't want you having sex, but if you do, use these. You will never get in trouble if you do."

Come to think of it, she probably knew exactly what she was doing and left all the right information out, to let our curiosity do the rest. She's pretty awesome like that. Made a lasting impression, too. I wound up working for the Red Cross for a few years teaching AIDS awareness and safer sex to students.

/I hope that was a cool story, bros
//Knew more about female reproductive health at 12 than many women at 20
 
2009-12-07 08:19:50 PM
man, subby that headline has so much truth to it, it's hard to appreciate it for its comedic value.

my parents gave me the talk before i could grasp the idea that your reproductive organ was the same as your waste management organ. so yeah, waiting until i was 17 to lose my virginity was probably the result of that.
 
2009-12-07 08:19:51 PM
Pocket Ninja: And then you'd learn that sex was a serious thing and that you shouldn't have sex until you're married and if you do have it before you're married you should use something called a condom, which was a metallic looking square thing that fit into Mr. Bayliss' pocket.

We were told that a condom would only prevent pregnancy 76% of the time, so even they weren't entirely effective and you should stay abstinent. Then one of the slower kids asked "Why couldn't you just wear two, wouldn't that make it completely effective?". We all laughed at him, though I didn't know why we were laughing because it seemed like a perfectly reasonable question to me at the time. He's married now and I'm still single. So it goes.
 
2009-12-07 08:19:52 PM
Walking through the park the other day we come across two dogs going at it:

Son: Hey pops, what are those two dogs doing under that tree over there?

Me: Well Son, ummm...they're making puppies!

Son: Wow, alright.

Later that night Son walks in on me and the Mrs going at it in the missionary position:

Son: Pops, what are you doing with Mommy!!?

Me: Well Son, we are uh, making you a little sister.

Son: Well can you roll Mommy over, I'd rather have a puppy.
 
2009-12-07 08:20:25 PM
Deadhouseplants: So, Sarah Palin either never talked to her daughter about sex education or she talked to her along time ago. About...um, how old is her first kid, you know, the retarded one?

Studies also show that parents wait too long to give "the talk" and kids have already been having sex for a year or two.
 
2009-12-07 08:20:57 PM
Juniper Jupiter: I never got The Talk from my parents. And when I got to Health class, I was "convieniently" pulled out of high school and sent to a hospital for a month.

/Long story.


We have lots of time....
 
2009-12-07 08:22:42 PM
bullwinkl: It was totally cool though because I was a fast reader.
i bet that's not all you're fast at

(i'm sorry i couldn't resist!)
 
2009-12-07 08:23:03 PM
Heh, my mom's version of "the talk" was, "You won't do that before you're married." And knowing full well that A) She wasn't a virgin before she met my dad and B) She was pregnant with me before she got married her laying down the law didn't go over real well with a rebellious teenager.

I don't really know how to approach it with my kids. I just tell my 14 year old son that if he never ever listens to any of my advice for his entire life I want him to take me seriously when I say, "If you're going to do it, wrap it. Don't believe her if she says she's on the pill, and use your own condoms because you have no idea how long she's had those sitting in her wallet." My daughter hasn't hit that age yet, but I'm dreading every second of that chat when she does.
 
2009-12-07 08:23:12 PM
Theaetetus: "Son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, sometimes, they go up to their bedroom for a little 'special' time. And during this 'special' time, sometimes, the man puts on a cock ring and ball spreader, and the woman stuffs some anal beads in her ass..."

Thanks. Now I don't ever want sex again.
 
2009-12-07 08:24:35 PM
I think I heard more about birth control and protection from people who were campaigning for schools to teach abstinence-only and then proceeding to describe, in detail, everything that they were worried that schools were going to teach.

It's like, yeah, if you're worried about what kids are going to hear, you probably shouldn't be describing it all with young kids in the room.
 
2009-12-07 08:25:20 PM
lstywnch:

I don't really know how to approach it with my kids. I just tell my 14 year old son that if he never ever listens to any of my advice for his entire life I want him to take me seriously when I say, "If you're going to do it, wrap it. Don't believe her if she says she's on the pill, and use your own condoms because you have no idea how long she's had those sitting in her wallet."


Don't forget to mention that if the condoms are hers, she might be a crazy biatch who pokes holes in 'em because she wants to get knocked up for some crazy reason, so don't trust any condom but his own.

...and if those fark up, you can sue the manufacturer.
 
2009-12-07 08:25:34 PM
My mother makes cheap rubber condoms
She pokes in the tip with a pin
My father does quickie abortions
My God, how the money rolls in!
 
2009-12-07 08:26:08 PM
Pocket Ninja: The Talk from their parents? What the hell? That's not how it happened when I was a kid. Parents didn't talk to you about sex. Gym teachers talked to you about sex.


Obviously we went to the same school. All you missed adding was the slightly too loud snarky comment between teachers about how easy the childbirth was.

/they even did the stupid "write your questions down" thing
 
2009-12-07 08:26:11 PM
zedster: My mom is a social worker who for most of my life was working teen pregnancy prevention, my dad is a rabbi

the talk was along these lines
Mom:If you ever get a girl pregnant I'll finish what the mohel started


She should use Mr. MohelTM for the speed and ease of use:

www.2blowhards.com
 
2009-12-07 08:26:30 PM
blowfish2000: Theaetetus: "Son, when a man and a woman love each other very much, sometimes, they go up to their bedroom for a little 'special' time. And during this 'special' time, sometimes, the man puts on a cock ring and ball spreader, and the woman stuffs some anal beads in her ass..."

Thanks. Now I don't ever want sex again.


Just skip the anal beads
 
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