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		Gold E. Locks arrested for breaking into house (bostonherald.com)		57
		More: Amusing, Massachusetts Bar Association, Gold E. Locks, Goldilocks, Greater Boston, Community Service Branch, vandalizing, law schools, community service

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57 Comments (+0 »)

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Spaz-master

2009-12-07 12:23:11 AM

first...ha

numbone

2009-12-07 12:28:26 AM

That bears repeating...Gold E. Locks arrested for breaking into house

Summercat

2009-12-07 12:30:06 AM

So... I take it this is some sort of educational outing for the Girl Scouts?

If so, this is totally awesome and full of win. Makes me kinda wish I joined Mock Trial back in highschool.

/I joined the Academic Decathlon instead =(

Bullet Ridden Stop Sign

2009-12-07 12:32:20 AM

and the verdict...?

headstone

2009-12-07 12:34:19 AM

Fry the biatch.
Porridge's gotta be perfect. Bed's gotta be just so.
Spoiled twat.

Summercat

2009-12-07 12:34:35 AM

Bullet Ridden Stop Sign: and the verdict...?

Guilty, sentenced to 100 hours in Judge's Chambers.

Hide your chickens

2009-12-07 12:34:52 AM

Yeah, it's all fun and games with the mock trials, until the cops get overzealous and taser Grandma in the neck...

twizzted

2009-12-07 12:37:48 AM

woot for mock trials, mine back in school was rumpelstiltskin vs the biatch he spun gold for. and we found him guilty. not sure of what though, we were in like 5th grade XD

nicoffeine

2009-12-07 12:38:34 AM

I've always wondered about the porridge. I mean, how long was it sitting there for one to be too hot, one to be too cold, and the other to be just right? It doesn't add up. Was the "too hot" still too hot after the consumption of the "just right" porridge?

Dorian Gray

2009-12-07 12:39:00 AM

Oh, sure, Northeastern, you can have the Girl Scouts do something nifty like this, but you can't even allow the theater department to put on a show without double booking the space this fall?

/not bitter.
//much.

anfrind

2009-12-07 12:39:10 AM

Bullet Ridden Stop Sign: and the verdict...?

Not guilty by reason of sharp knees.

AgentKGB

2009-12-07 12:41:59 AM

There's a sequel to "Goldilocks and the 3 Bears". The three bears try to get revenge and find what they think is Goldilocks house. They vandalize the shiat out of it only to find out it's the Big Bad Wolf's house and everyone learns a lesson blah blah blah.

/has 6 nieces 1 nephew and 2 kids of my own
//in before "derrrr cool story bro derp derp derp"

vudukungfu

2009-12-07 12:42:48 AM

i spanked the jury
but i didn't spank he deputy

6655321

2009-12-07 12:44:33 AM

Gold E. Locks was found guilty after the court discovered she was not a natural blond.

GWSuperfan

2009-12-07 12:49:41 AM

6655321: Gold E. Locks was found guilty after the court discovered she was not a natural blonde.

FTFY. Men are blonds and brunets, women are blondes and brunettes. Yes, it's weird that English has a pair of gender-specific homophones. It's the damn French influence in our bastard language.

headstone

2009-12-07 12:53:58 AM

.
.
Wanted for questioning....
.
.
farm2.static.flickr.com

Pope Michael of Discordia

2009-12-07 12:54:56 AM

Any relation to Gol D. Rodger?

...I wonder if she keeps all of her porage in one piece...

baka-san

2009-12-07 12:55:37 AM

Summercat: If so, this is totally awesome and full of win.

Seconded!

Even though we know Ms. Locks would plead out.

ramen_for_all

2009-12-07 12:57:19 AM

numbone: That bears repeating...

photos3.meetupstatic.com

fragMasterFlash

2009-12-07 12:57:29 AM

In other news, the big wolf was FRAMED!

stuffy

2009-12-07 12:59:15 AM

Little Bo Peep, Animal abuse
Snow White, Prostitution
Little Mermaid, Illegal Fishing
Sleeping Beauty, Possession of Illegal substance

headstone

2009-12-07 01:00:48 AM

GWSuperfan: 6655321: Gold E. Locks was found guilty after the court discovered she was not a natural blonde.

FTFY. Men are blonds and brunets, women are blondes and brunettes. Yes, it's weird that English has a pair of gender-specific homophones. It's the damn French influence in our bastard language.
.
.
.
So the French created all the homophones in England?
.
.
punpunpun.com

Jaakobi

2009-12-07 01:04:03 AM

Bullet Ridden Stop Sign: and the verdict...?

would hit. Fist, angry God, you know the rest.

headstone

2009-12-07 01:04:07 AM

fragMasterFlash: In other news, the big wolf was FRAMED!
.
.
.
Nah. He just hires out for blowjobs....

headstone

2009-12-07 01:09:46 AM

.
.
Thinking of trying out for the part....
.
.
3.bp.blogspot.com

phatface

2009-12-07 01:13:36 AM

They should give her the chair.

aerojockey

2009-12-07 01:13:41 AM

Northeastern canceled their football program for this?

cantthinkofafarkingname

2009-12-07 01:17:28 AM

/not amused

Naed

2009-12-07 01:19:08 AM

I think we found the perfect Judge!

www.delawareonline.com

Hot like father bear's porridge!

Kaze ni Naritai

2009-12-07 01:32:20 AM

Thankfully, in New Jersey, bears do not have standing to sue.

/hot

Thats an 827

2009-12-07 01:32:47 AM

The Big Bad Wolf met his match when he tangled with the Guinea Pigs.

Elektrohed

2009-12-07 01:35:15 AM

Pope Michael of Discordia: Any relation to Gol D. Rodger?

...I wonder if she keeps all of her porage in one piece...

www.unificationfrance.com

Also interested in the outcome.

redhook

2009-12-07 01:39:22 AM

Elektrohed

2009-12-07 01:45:53 AM

headstone: So the French created all the homophones in England?

I luld.

CruiserTwelve

2009-12-07 01:59:32 AM

Bullet Ridden Stop Sign: and the verdict...?

She looks like she's about twelve feet tall. What's up with that?

VvonderJesus

2009-12-07 02:12:22 AM

Bullet Ridden Stop Sign: and the verdict...?

I'll be in my bed.

/it's just right

Oysterman

2009-12-07 02:21:47 AM

Pope Michael of Discordia: Any relation to Gol D. Rodger?

...I wonder if she keeps all of her porage in one piece...

japangeeks.files.wordpress.com

What you did there, he sees it.

gunther_bumpass

2009-12-07 02:35:49 AM

Safe T. Bear...
Safety Bear.

not amused

Gyrfalcon

2009-12-07 02:53:26 AM

1. The door was left open, thus raising a possible defense of collateral negligence.
2. Burglary is a crime of specific intent; did Miss Locks have the intent to commit a felony when she entered the house?
3. What is the total value of the eaten porridge, sat-upon chairs, and slept-in beds, and does that total reach the value of a felony in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts?
4. If there was only a misdemeanor amount of damage, then Miss Locks should be released with time served plus community service.

Hamilton_G_Fantomas

2009-12-07 02:58:43 AM

Watch out, she's a crazy biatch.

Britney Spear's Speculum

2009-12-07 03:26:25 AM

Spaz-master: first...ha

serious question, how did you get past the filter?

TheLittleLemon

2009-12-07 03:44:26 AM

So I was the only idiot who thought some other idiot named their kid Gold E. Locks, and blessed with that unfortunate moniker, said kid grew up to a life of burglary? Stranger names have happened.

jaytkay

2009-12-07 04:45:30 AM

TheLittleLemon: So I was the only idiot who thought some other idiot named their kid Gold E. Locks, and blessed with that unfortunate moniker, said kid grew up to a life of burglary? Stranger names have happened.

No, I was disappointed, too.

DjangoStonereaver

2009-12-07 06:31:22 AM

What Goldilocks might look like if a Republican was running the excercise:

www.jewishjournal.com