Actually, I've seen that successfully pulled off. No joke.

Used to live in the middle of town and there was this little shop on the street right below my window. This jackass put this little motion-activated dancing christmas tree outside during December. It was supposed to attract people or who knows what by starting up this stupid little song and moving around while blinking its animatronic eyes every time someone walked past....which happened to be always.

Well the damn thing ran from 8 in the morning until 8 at night. 12 farking hours a day this goddamn tree would go. HO HO HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MERRRRRY CHRISTMAS *JINGLE BELLS JINGLE BELLS*

And every couple days or so you'd see someone fling a shoe at it from a window, or scream "fark you" or something.

So finally one night some person who lived in the area was riding home on his bicycle from happy hour and as he pedaled past that f*cker he snagged it and dragged it, extension cord an all, off into the night.

The next day I walk past the store and see the owner open a giant box with no less than a dozen of these goddamn things inside and place another one outside.

Long story short, I no longer live in the city.

Police in Portage say they spotted 48-year-old Phillip Menefee about 1 a.m. Friday riding the bike equipped with a homemade motor but no lights.

I can only imagine the technical ingenuity of this futuristic cycle. This man treads where lesser gods fear go.

Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: And every couple days or so you'd see someone fling a shoe at it from a window, or scream "fark you" or something.

I lol'ed. Good story. :D

instant A-hole
/just add alcohol

CtrlAltDelete: Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: The next day I walk past the store and see the owner open a giant box with no less than a dozen of these goddamn things inside and place another one outside.

The war on Christmas is a war of attrition.

I found out later, after moving out, that this jackass has been doing this same animatronic warfare for years. People keep complaining to the city, but he just takes it down for a few hours when the police come.

And I never see anyone in that store. Never. I think that tree probably has the effect of driving more people away from his store than bringing them in.

Goddamn it. Just thinking about that asshole makes my blood boil. He'd do this stupid "no speaka Deutsch" crap everytime someone would ask nicely to stop with the goddamn tree.

I witnessed from my window one guy go in the store and curse out the owner, which the owner clearly understood. The reason why the owner wasn't intimidated? Knife store. The walls were decorated with all kinds of ornate swords and knives and axes and crap. So since no one wanted to steal it in his presence and risk a knife in the ass, it turned into this guerrilla warfare thing.

He'd go on lunch break? Someone would cut the extension cord

He'd go to the bathroom? Drunk rides by on the bike and carries it off.

I heard this year he started chaining the trees to something heavy so the bike trick doesn't work anymore.

They're wearing him down.....slowly. Those little animatronic things can't come cheap.

GRINCH!

on the case

i've stolen giant cactus on my bicycle drunk. Used to do it all the time. yummy cactus.

TFA fails to mention if the cyclist was wearing a helmet

I figured out one time who it was that succesfully robbed a bank and made his getaway on a bicycle.
But I aint tellin, cause it was pretty cool, no gun, no bomb, just politely asked for all the money about 4;30 on a friday...he made out like a bandit.
Everybody remarked about how polite and non-threatening he was, so you know, it'd be sort of not cool to rat him out, it was a real long time ago anyhoo.
Great guy, used the money to.....not telling.

Schadenfreude ist die schoenste Freude: And I never see anyone in that store. Never. I think that tree probably has the effect of driving more people away from his store than bringing them in.

Storefronts that are just there for money laundering purposes are seriously inconvenienced when customers come in and screw up the accounting.

Thai Mai Xhu: I figured out one time who it was that succesfully robbed a bank and made his getaway on a bicycle.
But I aint tellin, cause it was pretty cool, no gun, no bomb, just politely asked for all the money about 4;30 on a friday...he made out like a bandit.
Everybody remarked about how polite and non-threatening he was, so you know, it'd be sort of not cool to rat him out, it was a real long time ago anyhoo.
Great guy, used the money to.....not telling.

no exploding dye packs? lucky