FARK.com: (4821757) Pastor of the First Church of Tiger Woods says the organization is being dissolved because of the golfer's "personal sins"

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		Pastor of the First Church of Tiger Woods says the organization is being dissolved because of the golfer's "personal sins" (int.iol.co.za)		105
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torch

2009-12-04 02:13:51 AM

That's just farking stupid. Sinners is what the Christian church exists for.

sab6300

2009-12-04 11:30:45 AM

I think this would be like the United Church of Christ finding out that Jesus raped a murdered a girl in 1990

angry_scientist

2009-12-04 11:30:46 AM

Bawhahaa, a church set up in his honor??

Tiberius Gracchus

2009-12-04 11:32:50 AM

Unavailable for comment:

img207.imageshack.us

redmid17

2009-12-04 11:33:42 AM

Thanks god! I thought that meant he was divorcing his wife. I would have lost a large bet.

Pants_Optional

2009-12-04 11:33:44 AM

Well, the church of the Fonz is always looking for members.

CapitolG

2009-12-04 11:33:57 AM

"Tiger is clearly no longer deserving of being seen as a role model or a hero and he has needlessly squandered his unique potential to be a positive force in our country and the world.

So what did he do before that made him so good? play golf? if being good at golf makes you god, maybe this guy should look up North Korea, i heard they got a guy who can get a hole in one on every stroke! That makes Woods look like a chump....

southern78

2009-12-04 11:34:06 AM

A church setup in his honor? Really? I mean isn't that kind of contradictory to Christian teachings? Something about worshiping false idols or something.

Fano

2009-12-04 11:34:13 AM

I know your anger, I know your dreams / I've been everything you want to be

Whodat?

2009-12-04 11:34:24 AM

I haven't been paying attention, but from what I've gleaned:

Why is this such a friggin' big deal?!?! It's not like he was running a coke ring or anything.

vonClogg

2009-12-04 11:35:37 AM

I'm confused.... Is Tiger Jesus, or is he God? Blurry theology helps no one. His divinity shines through despite the flaws of his mortal vessel, as recognized by the Tenth Commandment.

perdu

2009-12-04 11:35:53 AM

Tiger has been revealed as the Anti-Christ, so here starts the End of Days. And to think all those fundies thought it was Obama!

MBooda

2009-12-04 11:36:47 AM

There is no God.
2.bp.blogspot.com

/ratfarts

drunk_bouncnbaloruber

2009-12-04 11:38:01 AM

Meanwhile, there are idiots in Gainesville, Florida who are laughing at this moron as they worship their own false prophet.

cryinoutloud

2009-12-04 11:38:17 AM

I've always liked Tiger, for no particular reason, but all I can say now is, What a dumbass. Did he really think he could go around banging attention whores and keep it a secret?

Another Government Employee

2009-12-04 11:38:59 AM

southern78: A church setup in his honor? Really? I mean isn't that kind of contradictory to Christian teachings? Something about worshiping false idols or something.

You have never read Flannery O'Connor, I see.

EighthundredmillionthFarker

2009-12-04 11:39:39 AM

FMSism still rules, no matter where the Great One sticks his noodly appendages.

Bodine Wilson

2009-12-04 11:40:27 AM

Whodat?: I haven't been paying attention, but from what I've gleaned:

Why is this such a friggin' big deal?!?! It's not like he was running a coke ring or anything.

A coke ring would be ok so long as there was no sex.

Biness

2009-12-04 11:40:43 AM

EighthundredmillionthFarker

2009-12-04 11:40:54 AM

cryinoutloud: I've always liked Tiger, for no particular reason, but all I can say now is, What a dumbass. Did he really think he could go around banging attention whores and keep it a secret?

I always admired Tiger because he is reaally reaaally good at golf.

Lord Farkwad

2009-12-04 11:41:34 AM

"The church, whose home page has now been renamed The Damnation of Tiger Woods"

God Damn Tiger Woods!
img525.imageshack.us

ace466

2009-12-04 11:43:09 AM

Biness beat me to it...
I'll just leave this here anyway

familyguycutaways.com

Trik

2009-12-04 11:43:09 AM

Just call Tiger, Suzy Chapstick
Dewd uses more lip gloss than a whole chorus line of hos'

bravian

2009-12-04 11:43:49 AM

Bennie Crabtree

2009-12-04 11:44:39 AM

vonClogg: I'm confused.... Is Tiger Jesus, or is he God? Blurry theology helps no one. His divinity shines through despite the flaws of his mortal vessel, as recognized by the Tenth Commandment.

There's a trinity. Tiger is God and His own Father. Or are you one of those Muslin people who say worship the Tiger, not the prophet?

wildsnowllama

2009-12-04 11:45:55 AM

southern78: A church setup in his honor? Really? I mean isn't that kind of contradictory to ~~Christian~~ Jewish teachings? Something about worshiping false idols or something.

Give credit where it is due...

LeroyBourne

2009-12-04 11:48:07 AM

If Tiger is God....Then Mickelson has to be Satan.
/Satan would be a lefty.

Gish21

2009-12-04 11:49:00 AM

This whole thing is ridiculous. If this happened to an athlete in an Asian or European country, no one would even bat an eye. They would EXPECT a 33 year old billionaire athlete to be banging lots of broads.

jesusjuice007

2009-12-04 11:50:10 AM

help me out here guys...

this link in in the article...

http://www.iol.co.za/index.php?set_id=1&click_id=13&art_id=vn20091203043343451C 6 73793

what the hell is this word that is so prominent in the story?

'I cannot be arrested by k*****s'

EighthundredmillionthFarker

2009-12-04 11:51:01 AM

Gish21: This whole thing is ridiculous. If this happened to an athlete in an Asian or European country, no one would even bat an eye. They would EXPECT a 33 year old billionaire athlete to be banging lots of broads.

Everyone here just expected him to bang much hotter babes, rather than skanky plastic slutbags.

Frizbeedog

2009-12-04 11:54:10 AM

Here is the re-enactment of the Tiger crash.

Link (new window)

MLWS

2009-12-04 11:55:48 AM

So we all care about a guy who hits little balls with sticks.

...and there was an actual Church out there, for this same guy that hits little balls with sticks?

The power of 'celebrity' on the human brain is truly awe inspiring...

///We are well and truly farked...

badstiffy

2009-12-04 12:02:08 PM

southern78: A church setup in his honor? Really? I mean isn't that kind of contradictory to Christian teachings? Something about worshiping false idols or something.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that this guy is obviously NOT a Christian and therefore Christian teachings mean squat.

Armed And Disgruntled

2009-12-04 12:04:01 PM

Speaking of AW's ......... I remember when John Ziegler was a talk show host in LA on KFI. He got fired from that job and had a meltdown posting the story and blaming everyone else for his dismissal instead of accepting the fact that he was boring. He talked smack about the morning host, program director, John and Ken (the show that was on before him and that he tried to ride the coattails of) the guy replacing him (Brian Suits ... not sure of last name spelling) who is way more entertaining than Mr. Ziegler was. Then he started doing some documentaries and trying to do a talk show on a much smaller station. That talk show gig washed out too.

On the link to his website is the meltdown "The Real KFI" but when you click on it, it says "Under Construction". So this guy is just as much of an AW as Tiger and his bimbos.

Merky

2009-12-04 12:06:40 PM

Armed And Disgruntled

2009-12-04 12:08:08 PM

LeroyBourne:

/Satan would be a lefty.

She is. Trust me.

Latinwolf

2009-12-04 12:09:23 PM

A church set up to worship a golfer? WTF is wrong with people?

Harry Freakstorm

2009-12-04 12:15:12 PM

And it came to past, my brrrrrotherss and sssisterss that Tiger did slice one in to the rough. And in to the rough he did descend. For Tiger had not the fear and not the trepidation. For he was Tiger.

And while in the rough, he came acrosss a hole he's never played. And he sayeth thus: I have found a hole I have not yet playeth and I desire to play it. Even though it was not on the course, of the course or even associated with the course.

And he did playeth the hole knowing full well it was not of the course and he did play it with his regulation wood, his regulation iron and his regulation putter and his regulation balls. And he did score the hole on his scorecard and he was glad.

But when he turned in his card, the officials did declare "Tiger what is of this hole you played? You sayeth you eagled this hole but we do not know of it. Reportedth you shall be."

And reported he was and his wife chased him with a 5 iron. Which is not the club you use on a Cadillac.

Thusly, he was thrust out and I say to you bbbbrothersss and ssisterss that he shall rise again. He shall over come this sand trap. He shall over come the sharp winds which blow across the course and he shall enter the clubhouse of the afterlife with his head held high!

Can I get a Fore! Bbbbrotherss and Sssisterss?

Fore!

vincentfox

2009-12-04 12:15:14 PM

Latinwolf: A church set up to worship a golfer? WTF is wrong with people?

As opposed to worshipping a carpenter?

Americans should worship Goldman Sachs, they are doing "God's work".

DPSturm

2009-12-04 12:18:10 PM

Next?

Omegamerc

2009-12-04 12:22:06 PM

We need a brady bunch style pic of tiger woods and the women hes been with around him, call them the wood'ed bunch?

Harry Freakstorm

2009-12-04 12:28:10 PM

How is the Church of OJ doing?

/Hot like Mindy

Doggiewoggie

2009-12-04 12:31:27 PM

Those among you who wouldn't fark around if they were Tiger Woods should cast the first stone.

Latinwolf

2009-12-04 12:34:43 PM

vincentfox: Latinwolf: A church set up to worship a golfer? WTF is wrong with people?

As opposed to worshipping a carpenter?

Americans should worship Goldman Sachs, they are doing "God's work".

Worshipping a business? You're a libertarian aren't you?

black_knight

2009-12-04 12:37:36 PM

In other news, there was a First Church of Tiger Woods.

JohnBigBootay

2009-12-04 12:39:44 PM

Omegamerc: We need a brady bunch style pic of tiger woods and the women hes been with around him, call them the wood'ed bunch?

I still thought there was just the one and a bunch of rumors?

AbbeySomeone

2009-12-04 12:40:01 PM

EighthundredmillionthFarker: Gish21: This whole thing is ridiculous. If this happened to an athlete in an Asian or European country, no one would even bat an eye. They would EXPECT a 33 year old billionaire athlete to be banging lots of broads.

Everyone here just expected him to bang much hotter babes, rather than skanky plastic slutbags.

I was also repulsed at his choice, not only because she is an AW skank, but he should have known she would go to the media.
Churches are corny anyhow. The pastor most prolly wants to bang his wife.

Floobergasted

2009-12-04 12:42:45 PM

I always thought Tiger Woods' fame was funny. It's like people are that much more in awe of him because of his ethnicity.

As for his congregation: O ye of little faith / works in mysterious ways yada yada...

Floobergasted

2009-12-04 12:44:53 PM

Harry Freakstorm: And it came to past, my brrrrrotherss and sssisterss that Tiger did slice one in to the rough. And in to the rough he did descend. For Tiger had not the fear and not the trepidation. For he was Tiger.

And while in the rough, he came acrosss a hole he's never played. And he sayeth thus: I have found a hole I have not yet playeth and I desire to play it. Even though it was not on the course, of the course or even associated with the course.

And he did playeth the hole knowing full well it was not of the course and he did play it with his regulation wood, his regulation iron and his regulation putter and his regulation balls. And he did score the hole on his scorecard and he was glad.

But when he turned in his card, the officials did declare "Tiger what is of this hole you played? You sayeth you eagled this hole but we do not know of it. Reportedth you shall be."

And reported he was and his wife chased him with a 5 iron. Which is not the club you use on a Cadillac.

Thusly, he was thrust out and I say to you bbbbrothersss and ssisterss that he shall rise again. He shall over come this sand trap. He shall over come the sharp winds which blow across the course and he shall enter the clubhouse of the afterlife with his head held high!

Can I get a Fore! Bbbbrotherss and Sssisterss?

Fore!

I lol'd. Well played, sir.

vincentfox

2009-12-04 12:49:55 PM

Latinwolf: vincentfox:
Americans should worship Goldman Sachs, they are doing "God's work".

Worshipping a business? You're a libertarian aren't you?

Whooosh! That's the sound of the comment going right over your head.

Americans worship bankers not golfers. Although frequently bankers are golfers, so I guess there is a connection.

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