I guess that means I get to sue Emeril for making me fat.

Celebrity chefs are responsible for Mexican immigrants and McDonald's? Interesting

Oh, great. Another formerly chubby person who is now skinny and feels the need to lecture everyone else about it.

Alton Brown knows how to make everything. I bet he made the dinosaurs too.

He's bald and annoying.

BalugaJoe: He's bald and annoying.

Watch out. Them's fightin' words 'round here. ;)

bambi121899: Oh, great. Another formerly chubby person who is now skinny and feels the need to lecture everyone else about it.

Well, he was already criticizing fat people when he was fat. And he is right that we do have an obesity problem in this country. I'm not if eating shooting the messenger is a wise course of action.

fark that! I want my 12oz Kobe beef hamburger cooked medium rare in duck fat.

Is he going to sue all those chefs for the skin tags on his neck?

wow, no arrogance there.
I'm gonna go with too much high fructose corn syrup, partially-hydrogenated oils, and sugar combined with not enough farking exercise.

//Alton, you ain't all that influential, get over yourself

He's anal-retentive. He's also annoying because he has the patience to reteach people the 6th grade science they should remember anyway. I say let the fools live in ignorance.

elchip, you owe me a keyboard.

And I would like to thank you for helping me scare the crap out of my roommates. :-)

Well, who am I to criticize Alton Brown, but I think people were getting way fat long before Celebrity Chefs were the craze.

/my mom's boyfriend would regularly get kicked out of all you can eat buffets
//shakes head, "mom? what the hell were you thinking?"

Alton Brown grinds his own peppercorns. With his teeth.

Alton Brown's chili cheese fries are healthier than raw carrots. Even after he adds the bacon and lard.

Alton Brown brushes his teeth with wasabi and gargles with pickle brine. But still his breath smells like lemon merengue.

Alton Brown can boil a three-minute egg in thirty-seven seconds.

When Alton Brown was born, he collected the hospital slop they'd left for his mother and made it into an zesty, appetizing goulash. The dish fed the entire maternity ward for a week.

In the first, as-yet-unaired episode of Iron Chef America, Alton Brown single-handedly defeated an all-star team of Bobby Flay, Cat Cora, and Hiroyuki Sakai. The secret ingredient was 'whimsy'.

Alton Brown doesn't reduce sauces. He demoralizes sauces.

Alton Brown prepares his fugu blindfolded, with one chopstick and a plastic spork. Alton Brown ain't afraid of no chump neurotoxin.

Alton Brown's blender has four speeds: 'stir', 'mix', 'frappe', and 'plasmify'.

Alton Brown can split a pineapple in half using only his pinkies. For coconuts, though, he has to use his thumbs.

Alton Brown knows where capers come from. And he grows his own, on a Chia pet in the pantry.

On Rachel Ray's show, she shows people where to eat for less than forty dollars a day. When Alton Brown eats, people pay him.

Alton Brown slices ham so thin, it can only be seen using an electron microscope.

Some knives can slice through a tin can and still cut a tomato. Alton Brown's knives can slice through a Pontiac, and still cut a tin can.

Grown men have been known to weep for joy in the mere presence of Alton Brown's vinagrette. His hollandaise sauce can kill a man from sheer ecstacy at forty paces.

Alton Brown can eat just one Lay's potato chip. If he ever bothered to eat food he didn't make himself, that is.

Alton Brown once got carried away slicing carrots, and julienned his cutting board. Undaunted, he sauteed the splinters in olive oil and spices -- and they were delicious.

Every Burger King Alton Brown has walked into has immediately closed forever -- try as they might, they simply can't 'do it his way'.

Alton Brown can pair a wine with any food -- including hot dogs, ice cream, raw eggs, Alpo, sawdust, and soylent green. It's people!

Alton Brown's cakes don't rise. They ascend.

Some meats are so tender, they seem to melt in your mouth. Alton Brown's meats are so tender, he's had entire turkeys vanish into thin air.

Alton Brown's no saint. But if his chicken Kiev cures one more kid's leprosy, the church will reconsider the evidence.

Alton Brown doesn't whip potatoes. Alton Brown's potatoes whip themselves, if they know what's good for them.

Alton Brown's other car is the Wienermobile.

Alton Brown's show is called 'Good Eats', because 'Multiple Shuddering Mouthgasms' didn't play with the network's target demographic.

Alton Brown's freezer operates at minus-twenty-seven degrees. Kelvin.

Alton Brown once prepared shrimp gumbo for a cooking competition, using only salt, water, canned Spam, and a packet of Arby's 'Horsey Sauce'. He took second place. He would have won, but one of the judges was allergic to shellfish.

Alton Brown can fit three hundred and forty-two cookies on a standard-sized baking sheet. Without any touching.

When Alton Brown slices onions, the onions cry.

Alton Brown was once asked to participate in a blind orange juice taste test. He was the only person able to successfully identify the brand, style, vintage, temperature, pH level, distance to the orchard, age of the grove trees, and the names of the workers picking the fruit. Including the one who needs to start washing after bathroom breaks.

Your grandmother may make biscuits that taste light and airy. Alton Brown's biscuits have to be tethered, or they float right up the chimney.

Too many cooks spoil the soup. Unless one of those cooks is named Alton Brown.

Alton Brown ran a lemonade stand as a child, just like the rest of us. But Alton Brown's lemonade was so delicious, he bought his house with the profits.

Some salsas are so thick, a tortilla chip may break off when dipping. Alton Brown's salsa has been known to trap entire herds of wild deer.

Alton Brown grows truffles in his back yard. And at harvest time, he sniffs them out himself.

In Alton Brown's fridge, the open boxes of baking soda aren't thrown out when they're through absorbing odors. They go straight to the Louvre.

Like any trained chef, Alton Brown can make any of the five 'mother sauces'. But Alton Brown also makes father sauce, grandmother sauce, and great-uncle-twice-removed sauce.

Alton Brown's oven is a Hotternell.

Legend has it that a school of piranha can strip the meat from a full-grown cow in sixty seconds. Alton Brown can do it in thirty -- and wrap the cuts in butcher's paper, to boot.

Alton Brown's fudge brownies aren't simply dark and rich. Alton Brown's fudge brownies actually exert a mild gravitational pull.

Gordon Ramsay calls Alton Brown 'sir'.

Alton Brown was once pulled over by a traffic cop who asked to see his driver's license. Though he had forgotten his wallet, Alton Brown proved his identity on the spot by preparing a delicious stromboli using only the beef jerky, ketchup packets and stale doughnut scraps found in the officer's car. Needless to say, Alton Brown was not given a ticket that day.

To most people, 'a pinch of salt' is an approximate measure. To Alton Brown, a pinch of salt equals three hundred and twenty-four grains, exactly. And he can grab them, even blindfolded, every time.

Alton Brown doesn't need to brush. Alton Brown's teeth are coated with Teflon.

Cervantes famously said: 'Hunger is the best sauce in the world'. Cervantes clearly never tasted Alton Brown's remoulade.

Alton Brown doesn't use deodorant. Alton Brown brushes down with olive oil.

Some chefs can sculpt fancy swans out of foil to hold their diners' leftovers. Alton Brown's diners never have leftovers.

Alton Brown scrambles eggs into their individual component atoms. And can still make them into a tasty omelet.

Most souffles collapse if you breathe too loudly near them. Alton Brown's souffles are guaranteed fall-proof, up to 8.6 on the Richter scale.

Alton Brown's kitchen timer is an atomic clock. It's set to GMT (Gumsmacking Morsel Time).

You or I might cream leeks until they're tender. Alton Brown creams leeks until they say they're sorry.

Alton Brown once carved a rose garnish from a radish peel so lifelike, neighborhood bees tried to pollinate it. He planted and watered it, and now Alton Brown has a whole rose garnish garden in his back yard.

Some desserts are so tasty, they come with extra spoons. Alton Brown's desserts are so decadent, he cannot legally serve them without defibrillator paddles for every person within a three-mile radius.

Alton Brown owns the fastest mixer in existence. When he runs it in reverse, time flows backwards.

The Eskimos have fifty words for 'snow'. Alton Brown has fifty words for 'kosher salt'.

Alton Brown's egg slicer can cut through cue balls, too. And when he's done seasoning them, diners can't tell the difference.

Most chefs are happy when they've beaten egg whites into 'stiff peaks'. Alton Brown isn't satisfied until his egg whites can support a watermelon.

Alton Brown doesn't bother buying elbow macaroni. Alton Brown buys mezzani, and bends it with his will alone.

The sweat from Alton Brown's brow registers 30,000 units on the Scoville scale.

Alton Brown once attended a charity ball where a prize was awarded for the best donation. Though he showed up seemingly empty-handed, he won the prize, anyway. Because Alton Brown brought flavor to the party.

I think most people who watch cooking shows (myself included) only do so for the vicarious eating experience, and not to actually replicate the dishes made.

The shows may be making people hungrier, but mcdonald's and co. are still to blame.

van1ty: I think most people who watch cooking shows (myself included) only do so for the vicarious eating experience, and not to actually replicate the dishes made.

The shows may be making people hungrier, but mcdonald's and co. are still to blame.

This is the main reason for why people are still fat.

I will watch a show that details exactly how to make a beautiful bourbon-and-avocado reduction to go with my thinly-sliced, marinated flank steak, but I won't make the damn thing. It takes too farking long to do that, so I'll just watch the episode as I eat a 10-piece McNugget with honey mustard sauce. It's called "food porn" for a reason, and I don't spend three hours per day making my dinner for the same reason I don't expect my babysitter to casually ask me how it feels when one has sex.

bambi121899: Oh, great. Another formerly chubby person who is now skinny and feels the need to lecture everyone else about it.

BalugaJoe: He's bald and annoying.

bigwave: Is he going to sue all those chefs for the skin tags on his neck?

Ow! That was my feelings!: wow, no arrogance there.
I'm gonna go with too much high fructose corn syrup, partially-hydrogenated oils, and sugar combined with not enough farking exercise.

//Alton, you ain't all that influential, get over yourself

You all sound fat.

Celeb chefs? Really? It's like blaming Ferrari for making gas guzzlers. It's absurd. He sees the market changing, and he wants to be in front of it, in his little white shirt and red scarf, outrunning the porkers of Pamplona.

/porker. not from Pamplona

van1ty: I think most people who watch cooking shows (myself included) only do so for the vicarious eating experience, and not to actually replicate the dishes made.

The shows may be making people hungrier, but mcdonald's and co people's poor choices are still to blame.

FTFY

I agree with what people in the thread have been saying. It isn't the food on TV. It is the fact that we spend all day watching the food on TV while we eat fast food or a bag a chips while doing it. We need to return to the old days when you ate at meal times and don't snack all evening. And we need to get outside and move around. It should be a fairly simple plan. Eat less and exercise more. Eat more plants. Smaller servings are an easy change. Never super-size. Park at the back of the parking lot and walk a little farther.

Kierkegaard's Pseudonym: I will watch a show that details exactly how to make a beautiful bourbon-and-avocado reduction to go with my thinly-sliced, marinated flank steak, but I won't make the damn thing. It takes too farking long to do that, so I'll just watch the episode as I eat a 10-piece McNugget with honey mustard sauce.

Ingredients

* 1 cup low-fat mayonnaise
* 1 tablespoon curry paste, or more
* Kosher salt
* Freshly ground black pepper
* 4 skinless, boneless chicken breasts
* 2 cups panko (Japanese) bread crumbs

Directions

Heat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a large bowl, combine the mayonnaise and curry paste, to taste. Thin this with a little water, 1 tablespoon at a time, until you get the consistency of heavy cream, and season with salt and pepper.

Cut the chicken breasts into thick strips. Drop the strips into the bowl and coat them well with the curry mayonnaise. Cover and refrigerate for at least 5 minutes or up to 1 hour.

Pour the bread crumbs onto a plate and toss the chicken strips well to completely cover them. Put them onto a nonstick baking sheet and into the oven. Cook for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the chicken is browned and cooked through.

Tastier than McNuggets better for you and doesn't take that long.

Ow! That was my feelings!: wow, no arrogance there.
I'm gonna go with too much high fructose corn syrup, partially-hydrogenated oils, and sugar combined with not enough farking exercise.

//Alton, you ain't all that influential, get over yourself



Should be required high school reading.

ProdigalSigh: Tastier than McNuggets better for you and doesn't take that long.

The main problem that I've found isn't that I don't have enough energy for the original concoction, it's that the raw leftovers tend to die within my fridge before I have time (or energy) to cook them. Well... that and I've had dishes in my sink from six months ago, so I detest cleaning up after myself.

america is fat for the same reason i'm overweight - mcdonalds 1/3 pounder swiss and cheese is farkin' delicious

That's awfully presumptuous of him. I am not a fat, over-eater because of celebrity chefs, I am a fat, over-eater because I like food too much and I have serious insecurities and my parents didn't teach me how to eat in a healthy manner. Watching celebrity chefs just allows me an outlet for my problem. If celebrity chefs were to blame for anything it is taking too much credit for fat people. I like Alton Brown but here is another celebrity over-inflating their intelligence, importance and influence on all of us little people who are morans.

Sherjo311: america is fat for the same reason i'm overweight - mcdonalds 1/3 pounder swiss and cheese is farkin' delicious I have no farking self control

There, I think that's more accurate.

hovsm: If celebrity chefs were to blame for anything it is taking too much credit for fat people.

And taking too little credit for me jacking off to Giada deLaurentis, increasing my arm strength.

Blame the people who sit and watch TV; all while stuffing their pie-hole.

I just want to say how farking pissed that Jennifef got elimated on Top Chef last night. Holy Christ she can cook and she is smoking hot in a chefs jacket and a skimpy bikini. The Voltagio bros may be the best cooks on the show but they are jackasses.


Go Kevin!

Bek: Well, he was already criticizing fat people when he was fat. And he is right that we do have an obesity problem in this country. I'm not if eating shooting the messenger is a wise course of action.

Apparently, 213 lbs is "fat".

As someone who is over 300 lbs, that is just "exercise and stop biatching!" *I* am fat!

/Also lost over 140 lbs cooking at home using many of Alton's recipes.

Jakevol2: I just want to say how farking pissed that Jennifef got elimated on Top Chef last night. Holy Christ she can cook and she is smoking hot in a chefs jacket and a skimpy bikini. The Voltagio bros may be the best cooks on the show but they are jackasses.


Go Kevin!

Jennifer was really starting to fall apart halfway through the season, and I wish she got dropped instead of Eli last week. Eli's awesome, and Kevin's freaking adorable. And the Volt brothers might be dicks, but they're clearly pretty impressive and creative cooks, so seeing them work is still entertaining.

But Kevin's going to win. He's won, what, half of the elimination challenges this entire season? The prizes he's gotten so far have to be comparable to the grand prize for becoming Top Chef!

/Might be jealous of his complete set of professional-grade Caphalon pots
//Loves his Caphalon skillet and pot, the latter of which is holding a huge batch of jambalaya he made tonight
///Didn't come out quite the way he hoped. Couldn't get any jalapenos or chilis and Trader Joe's was out of their squid-and-clam seafood mix, which he freaking loved.

Bloody William: Jakevol2: I just want to say how farking pissed that Jennifef got elimated on Top Chef last night. Holy Christ she can cook and she is smoking hot in a chefs jacket and a skimpy bikini. The Voltagio bros may be the best cooks on the show but they are jackasses.


Go Kevin!

Jennifer was really starting to fall apart halfway through the season, and I wish she got dropped instead of Eli last week. Eli's awesome, and Kevin's freaking adorable. And the Volt brothers might be dicks, but they're clearly pretty impressive and creative cooks, so seeing them work is still entertaining.

But Kevin's going to win. He's won, what, half of the elimination challenges this entire season? The prizes he's gotten so far have to be comparable to the grand prize for becoming Top Chef!

/Might be jealous of his complete set of professional-grade Caphalon pots
//Loves his Caphalon skillet and pot, the latter of which is holding a huge batch of jambalaya he made tonight
///Didn't come out quite the way he hoped. Couldn't get any jalapenos or chilis and Trader Joe's was out of their squid-and-clam seafood mix, which he freaking loved.

but that duck dish last night, damn I want a chance to eat that. I love duck and very very rarely get a chance to indulge.

Fano: Anything encouraging people cooking at home would cause the people at large to lose weight. Keep up the good work.

It's not the cooking at home...I was doing that even more when I was heavy. It's knowing WHAT I'M DOING when I'm cooking. It means I know why I need to add the salt, what the heavy cream is doing in the sauce, etc. If I know the heavy cream is just for viscosity, I can use fat-free half-and-half mixed with fat-free plain yoghurt and get the same result. If the fat is needed for XYZ reason, I know to leave it in or just skip that dish.

Paula Deen, Rachel Ray, Guy Fieri, and DEFINITELY Sandra Lee don't teach you that shiat. Only cook who does (at least on Food Network) is Alton motherfarking Brown.

Abstruse: DEFINITELY Sandra Lee don't teach you that shiat.

Listening to Sandra Lee for anything except how to make a quick-drunk cocktail is a recipe for disaster.

Abstruse: Paula Deen, Rachel Ray, Guy Fieri, and DEFINITELY Sandra Lee don't teach you that shiat. Only cook who does (at least on Food Network) is Alton motherfarking Brown.

Guy Fieri seems like a douche to end all douches. I didn't even know he was a TV personality or a chef when I started seeing him on Friday's commercials (GREAT place for a chef to whore out), but I thought, "Wow, what a DOUCHE."

Though Next Iron Chef, Iron Chef America, and Chopped are all pretty entertaining, and... so help me, the announcer on Chopped sounds exactly like Barack Obama. Also, Mario Batali is informative, if only when it comes to Italian cuisine.

Kierkegaard's Pseudonym: Listening to Sandra Lee for anything except how to make a quick-drunk cocktail is a recipe for disaster.

I'd rather have Rachel Maddow tell me how to make a cocktail.