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(Cracked) Amusing You are standing in an open field west of a white house, with a boarded front door. You're about to be raped by a huge monster. There is a small mailbox here   (cracked.com) divider line 347
More: Amusing  
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46350 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2009 at 1:51 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



347 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-12-02 09:36:35 PM
I really enjoyed that, given that I've got copies of all of the Infocom games on my shelf at this moment.

:)
 
2009-12-02 09:40:38 PM
Amusing
 
2009-12-02 09:48:22 PM
Love the reference. Hate the website. +/-0
 
2009-12-02 09:49:51 PM
Zork III FTW BTW. That and Cutthroats.
 
2009-12-02 10:00:14 PM
Hey, a link from Cracked. And it's not a list! HOORAY!
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2009-12-02 10:18:53 PM
I, too, am amused, and I have played Adventure on a 36 bit computer using a modem unlike you spoiled kids with your DOS and VGA.
 
2009-12-02 10:28:01 PM
That was gruesome.
 
2009-12-02 10:37:20 PM
I was in tears from laughing. that was great.
 
2009-12-02 10:38:53 PM
>open mailbox
 
2009-12-02 10:45:10 PM
Alacritous: Hey, a link from Cracked. And it's not a list! HOORAY!

And it's funny to boot!

"Bone some gnomes"
 
2009-12-02 10:47:03 PM
morphius501: >open mailbox

I don't see that here.
 
2009-12-02 10:56:04 PM
As an old school PC gamer, I loved it.
 
2009-12-02 10:58:46 PM
Heh, very nice, thanks :)

Reminds me of the Omegle text adventure.
 
2009-12-02 11:04:04 PM
Okay. I usually don't click on the Cracked links, but that was actually pretty funny.
 
2009-12-02 11:05:30 PM
"Leather Goddesses of Phobos" sounded like a pretty cool game when you were 12.
 
2009-12-02 11:07:34 PM
dletter: "Leather Goddesses of Phobos" sounded like a pretty cool game when you were 12.

>pick up sword
>kill dletter
>teabag corpse
 
2009-12-02 11:08:29 PM
That was hilarious. I was having flashbacks to my youth.

"Just start nailin' tiny biatches". Bwahaha
 
2009-12-02 11:09:02 PM
Man, does this bring back memories. I remember playing LORD on my 2400 baud modem and thinking it was the pinnacle of technology.
 
2009-12-02 11:30:52 PM
Shoot Arrow at Gazebo
 
2009-12-02 11:53:19 PM
Attack the darkness
 
2009-12-02 11:58:23 PM
Mentat: Attack the darkness

You have been eaten by a grue.
 
2009-12-03 12:02:19 AM
xyzzy
 
2009-12-03 12:37:03 AM
Heh. Awesome.
 
2009-12-03 12:41:02 AM
Take the analgesic.
 
2009-12-03 12:47:57 AM
You die... -- More --
 
wee [TotalFark]
2009-12-03 12:58:39 AM
Alacritous: Hey, a link from Cracked. And it's not a list! HOORAY!

Still ain't gonna click it.
 
2009-12-03 01:48:54 AM
img254.imageshack.us
 
2009-12-03 01:56:27 AM
Wow, I expected one of the twenty year old /b/ set to throw up a tl;dr by now with no respect for roots.

/lawn
 
2009-12-03 01:57:50 AM
Eddie_Dean_NY: Take the analgesic.

Lay down in front of the bulldozer
 
2009-12-03 01:59:41 AM
Archie Goodwin: That was gruesome.

Heh. Dark humor.
 
2009-12-03 02:01:10 AM
[This post intentionally left blank]
 
2009-12-03 02:01:42 AM
i45.tinypic.com
 
2009-12-03 02:08:09 AM
moike: Wow, I expected one of the twenty year old /b/ set to throw up a tl;dr by now with no respect for roots.

/lawn


I'm in the 20-25 year old /b/ set, and that was completely awesome. Makes me regret being so young.

The background chatter was funny too.
/Sic Semper Tyrannis!
 
2009-12-03 02:09:49 AM
"The Road to the South is impassable. Absolutely... impossible to pass! Impassable."
 
2009-12-03 02:11:26 AM
ragekage: Man, does this bring back memories. I remember playing LORD on my 2400 baud modem and thinking it was the pinnacle of technology.

You rich kids pissed me off. All we had was a stick and a cat tied to a bungee cord.
 
2009-12-03 02:11:54 AM
I put on my robe and wizard hat
 
2009-12-03 02:13:32 AM
I put on my robe and wizard hat.
 
2009-12-03 02:14:06 AM
When I was about 12, we had an 8086 with dual 5.25" floppies. I played some text-based adventure with about 5 blocky ASCII graphics that it recycled throughout the game. It was about killing a vampire lord in a town or something like that. All I remember was the intense frustration I felt at never being able to guess the exact syntax it was looking for. Thinking about it still makes me want to punch kittens, and I'm a guy that normally doesn't want to punch kittens very much.

"Pick up lantern"
"Huh!?"
"Get lantern"
"Huh!?"
"Obtain lantern"
"Huh!?"
"Receive lantern"
"Huh!?"
"format a: /q /y"
 
2009-12-03 02:14:07 AM
fappomatic: ragekage: Man, does this bring back memories. I remember playing LORD on my 2400 baud modem and thinking it was the pinnacle of technology.

You rich kids pissed me off. All we had was a stick and a cat tied to a bungee cord.


You're lucky! We didn't have sticks or cats. Bungie cords? Pah! Dad would tie dead possums to us with our own entrails!
 
2009-12-03 02:14:44 AM
Anyone ever play Deadline? That was one of my favorites of the Infocom text adventures. The reason I bring this up is it had a rather disturbing part in which you find a copy of a book that shares the same name as the title of the game. If you read the end of the book, you pull out a gun and blow your brains out.
/Sgt. Duffy was a smartass
 
2009-12-03 02:15:05 AM
Further proof that Cracked's lists are their only quality/funny content. The worst are the webcomics they link to (White Ninja? Seriously?) and the liveblogs.
 
2009-12-03 02:16:42 AM
wait, wait, wait...
Are you guys saying games aren't like that anymore ???

Yeah, so I don't play games on PCs.
And boy this brings me back to the good old days when mr.BA tried to get me to.
 
2009-12-03 02:17:20 AM
Cold1s: fappomatic: ragekage: Man, does this bring back memories. I remember playing LORD on my 2400 baud modem and thinking it was the pinnacle of technology.

You rich kids pissed me off. All we had was a stick and a cat tied to a bungee cord.

You're lucky! We didn't have sticks or cats. Bungie cords? Pah! Dad would tie dead possums to us with our own entrails!


You had a dad?
 
2009-12-03 02:17:50 AM
lolmadillo:
Lay down in front of the bulldozer


What do you want to lay down?
 
2009-12-03 02:18:42 AM
I refuse to tell you what is going on in the room even in LEWD mode, but it involves a lot of lubricants, some plastic tubing, and a yak.
 
2009-12-03 02:22:07 AM
rebelyell2006: I'm in the 20-25 year old /b/ set, and that was completely awesome. Makes me regret being so young.

Well, you say that, but believe you me...try installing Zork I on an emulator and see if you can keep at it for 30 minutes without gouging your eyes out, if you can, you're a better man than me.

You'll appreciate the humor better for having played it a bit. It's like you have to anticipate the command syntax of the game in order to play it...like reverse engineering with no clues...it's very frustrating to say the least.

/goes back to playing WoW
//has fond memories of 'Pirates', 'The Bard's Tale', 'Dungeon Master', and yes...even 'Zork'
 
2009-12-03 02:24:51 AM
I cast detect good on the mailbox
 
2009-12-03 02:25:05 AM
2005: "Press X to not die"
1985: "Type 'EAST' to not die"

Games have come a long way.
 
2009-12-03 02:25:06 AM
untaken_name: When I was about 12, we had an 8086 with dual 5.25" floppies. I played some text-based adventure with about 5 blocky ASCII graphics that it recycled throughout the game. It was about killing a vampire lord in a town or something like that. All I remember was the intense frustration I felt at never being able to guess the exact syntax it was looking for. Thinking about it still makes me want to punch kittens, and I'm a guy that normally doesn't want to punch kittens very much.

"Pick up lantern"
"Huh!?"
"Get lantern"
"Huh!?"
"Obtain lantern"
"Huh!?"
"Receive lantern"
"Huh!?"
"format a: /q /y"


Exactly. These games were no where near as good as TFA. The only command that would have worked was "look". After 5 minutes of "Huh?" crap any one with sense would load up an ASCII based maze game and go to town.
 
2009-12-03 02:26:01 AM
Plugh
 
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