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(USA Today) Amusing Jesus Christ, what some people will do to get out of jury duty   (content.usatoday.net) divider line 130
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28152 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Dec 2009 at 9:26 AM   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»   |    Get this fabulous T-Shirt and impress the methane out of your friends! shirt it!



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2009-12-02 08:24:11 AM
Blessed are the freak
 
2009-12-02 08:36:09 AM
Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

Isn't that always the case?
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2009-12-02 08:36:56 AM
When she started with the "judge not, lest ye be judged" routine the prosecutor had her removed from the jury pool.
 
2009-12-02 08:51:01 AM
40yoVirgin: Isn't that always the case?

Just look for a burning bush to get your answers
 
2009-12-02 08:57:36 AM
labman: 40yoVirgin: Isn't that always the case?

Just look for a burning bush to get your answers


I did that. Then needed to find some gauze and antiseptic.

/ow ow ow ow ow
 
2009-12-02 09:08:06 AM
You don't have to do anything but actually answer the questions and odds are you'll get out of jury duty.

If you want to be absolutely certain you aren't picked, mention that you fully support and believe in Jury Nullification. They'll drop you immediately.

/doesn't get the jury duty hate
 
2009-12-02 09:14:31 AM
She kept turning the water in the judge's pitcher into wine. CHEAP wine.
 
2009-12-02 09:27:08 AM
Talon: You don't have to do anything but actually answer the questions and odds are you'll get out of jury duty.

If you want to be absolutely certain you aren't picked, mention that you fully support and believe in Jury Nullification. They'll drop you immediately.

/doesn't get the jury duty hate



I had jury duty on Monday. I've never sat on a jury in my life but I got nailed this time. It was a municipal court and every case that day had to do with traffic violations. It took about 30-45 minutes once the case got going to the time when we were dismissed. The only questions asked were about our occupation, where we live, and had we sat on a jury before (aside from the disqualification questions that were on the duty notice). I'm sure if this was a criminal case, it would have been much more extensive.
 
2009-12-02 09:28:31 AM
If I laugh at that headline, will I go to hell?

/A+++ Would read again!
 
2009-12-02 09:29:41 AM
Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

Yes, it has been tried before.
 
2009-12-02 09:31:21 AM
I kinda liked jury duty - got me out of work for 3 days. The only down side was that I had to go to downtown Passaic for it.
 
2009-12-02 09:31:30 AM
I submitted this with a better headline.

/sat on a jury, convicted a guy promptly, then reversed 12-0 seconds before we walked back into the court room.
//accidentally rewound surveillance tape to the point where they planted the evidence
 
2009-12-02 09:32:37 AM
I don't mind jury duty. It can be a bit boring, but the payoff can be worth it. I've never gotten selected for a trial though. I'd love to send a guilty person to jail or tell a DA that his/her case sucked and should never have been taken this far.

Wife sat on a armed robbery case jury a few years back. Guy's still in the PMITA prison.

/Course, I'm not Jesus Christ either.
 
2009-12-02 09:32:57 AM
I was excited to get jury duty. I got selected for the jury and went to the court room, and the defendant jumped bail and didn't show. So, I made $32 for nothing. I really wanted to see how court hearings went.

/cool story bro.
 
2009-12-02 09:36:08 AM
It would've ended up in a hung jury anyway.
 
2009-12-02 09:36:09 AM
Ive never had to go to jury duty. one of the benefits of not voting i think.
 
2009-12-02 09:36:28 AM
That's about right.
 
2009-12-02 09:36:37 AM
One time, I was put on trial for all of humanity.
 
2009-12-02 09:37:16 AM
alwayschasingjustice.files.wordpress.com

Did she have a sibling named Damnit?

/bill cosby joke
 
2009-12-02 09:37:47 AM
You all laugh, but how else is someone supposed to get ahead in lawnscaping these days?
 
2009-12-02 09:38:00 AM
40yoVirgin: Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

Isn't that always the case?


Over in 2.
 
2009-12-02 09:40:30 AM
Talon: /doesn't get the jury duty hate

It's the same selfish, misplaced, worst-of-humanity hate directed at the IRS, which is just a collection arm and relatively reasonable at that. (Most people really don't stop to think the IRS merely collects; it's the legislators that set the rates and piss away the money.) People really don't hate the system so much as they hate having to actually put up their fair share; they want their bennies for free. Most of the people who detest jury duty would be screaming for a jury if they became a defendant. Government revenue, jurors and voters don't come from nowhere.

In short, they're right-wing freeloaders.

Third In Line: Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

Methinks the reporter dug up this scoop specifically for the chance to put that one line in a published article.
 
2009-12-02 09:41:31 AM
Only time I've been called up was during my spring break sophomore year. 2 week estimated medical malpractice case, explained I had class the next week, and I was free.
 
2009-12-02 09:41:51 AM
allegedman: Did she have a sibling named Damnit?

/bill cosby joke



Came here for this.
"Damnit! Get in here!" "But dad, I'm Jesus Christ!"
 
2009-12-02 09:42:54 AM
I've got a foolproof way to get out of jury duty.

Move out of the state like I did.

/The ONLY time I've ever been summoned and the move was already in progress
 
2009-12-02 09:44:13 AM
monsieurstabby: Only time I've been called up was during my spring break sophomore year. 2 week estimated medical malpractice case, explained I had class the next week, and I was free.

Yeah, justice certainly doesn't want to interfere with your trip to Padre. I hope the judge reads Fark, recognizes your admission of perjury, and sentences you to life as Carrot Top's roadie.
 
2009-12-02 09:44:51 AM
Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

i43.photobucket.com
 
2009-12-02 09:46:50 AM
Talon: /doesn't get the jury duty hate

For a lot of people it's the loss of income. Many (most?) employers in the US do not pay you for time on jury duty.
 
2009-12-02 09:47:02 AM
I spent two years serving on a Federal Grand Jury. We met once a week to hear cases from Federal ADA's looking to get indictments. What makes GJ's interesting is that we're encouraged to ask questions, and while a lot of my 22 counterparts weren't exactly the brightest bunches, every once in a while someone came up with a question that the ADA clearly hadn't thought of.

Personally, I'd like to see trial juries given some more opportunity to participate, rather than be passive observers.
 
2009-12-02 09:48:38 AM
TheAngryGazebo: Personally, I'd like to see trial juries given some more opportunity to participate, rather than be passive observers.

They should have a basket of stones in the jury box.
 
2009-12-02 09:49:53 AM
Just do what I do ...

/always vote not guilty ...
 
2009-12-02 09:50:03 AM
Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

Pure comedy gold.
 
2009-12-02 09:51:44 AM
Served on a couple of jurys. The next time I was called and asked if there was any reason I couldn't or shouldn't serve, I explained that I have no problem with it. Then I mentioned I have migraine headaches (true) and produced my bottle of painkillers (hydrocodone). Told the questioner that if I start having symptoms I will need to be in a darkened room for a couple of hours with an ice pack.

I was asked to step down.
 
2009-12-02 09:53:10 AM
Crazy... Who would give up a cool last name like Killingworth? Now that I think of it "Jesus Killingworth" would be kick ass.
 
2009-12-02 09:55:21 AM
I was on a jury a few weeks ago, and now I know why everyone curses when they get that notice. I was put on case where this guy was accused of furnishing alcohol to an underage person. It was all right until we started deliberating. One juror had a very strong "fark tha police" attitude and was convinced that the entire sting was staged. We officially acquitted because of a lack of evidence, but in reality, we all just got sick of arguing with her.

/Cool story, etc.
 
2009-12-02 09:55:25 AM
Talon: If you want to be absolutely certain you aren't picked, mention that you fully support and believe in Jury Nullification. They'll drop you immediately.

THIS.

I do fully support Jury Nullification and the Fully Informed Jury Amendment. I recently received my jury notice; I discussed my support for JN on the survey. When the DA began interviewing jurors, I was the first one called and asked specifically about this. His question indicated that he wanted to ensure I understood what it meant and that I wasn't just spouting BS. I explained it in detail and gave a hypothetical example of where I'd use it, such as marijuana decriminalization.

Oh yeah, he and the judge hated me. Even the defense lawyer questioned me on it.

I also indicated that I was willing to serve on the jury. I really would. I'd love to put Jury Nullificaton to work.

The average citizien participates in governing in three ways:
1) Voting
2) Paying taxes
3) Serving on a jury

Of the three, jury duty empowers us the greatest.
 
2009-12-02 09:56:07 AM
Jesus wept
 
2009-12-02 09:58:15 AM
Third In Line: Jesus wept

no, he came. twice.
 
2009-12-02 09:58:46 AM
Oh, forgot to mention; I got my first jury duty notice when I was 49 years old. My jury date was September 11, 2001.

Jury duty was cancelled.
 
2009-12-02 09:58:48 AM
img265.imageshack.us
 
2009-12-02 10:01:55 AM
I have served on a municipal court jury and a U.S. district court jury. Both lasted 3 days. It wasn't bad. I truthfully answered questioned that I thought would get me dismissed but they didn't.

Level of education: B.A, B.S. and M.Eng.

Are you a member of any clubs or organizations?
Stone Road Hunt Club
Water Environment Federation

What bumper stickers do you have on your car?
Harley Davidson Motorcyles
Stone Road Hunt Club
and a Darwin Fish

I was the foreman for U.S. District Court where we convicted a guy of felon in possession of a firearm, possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, possession of marijuana with intent to distribute, and possession of a firearm in furtherance of a drug crime.
 
2009-12-02 10:03:50 AM
The one time I made it into the actual jury pool, a guy was suing his parents because he stepped in a hole in their back yard and hurt his foot/ankle/leg. Yes, of course, he was suing their insurance company, but still...

While questioning, they asked what I thought of him suing his parents. I answered honestly that my mom would kick my ass up and down the main street of town if I even thought of it. She woudln't give a shiat if it was the insurance company paying or not. I would die.

I was dismissed.
 
2009-12-02 10:04:04 AM
spentmiles:
Yeah, justice certainly doesn't want to interfere with your trip to Padre. I hope the judge reads Fark, recognizes your admission of perjury, and sentences you to life as Carrot Top's roadie.


Read the post dude. He said he class "next week", as in the week after spring break. He could have done a one-week trial but a two-week trial would interfere with school the week after.
 
2009-12-02 10:04:10 AM
40yoVirgin: Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

Isn't that always the case?


Getting to put that in print must have been the highlight of the writer's year. I was laughing at loud.
 
2009-12-02 10:07:33 AM
Once I was called for jury duty in a county I no longer lived in (hadn't for about 3 months - moved home when I started grad school). I called up to tell them I was no longer a resident, and got into the following exchange with someone in the Court Clerk's office.

CC: You'll have to provide proof of your new residence in order to be excused. A utility bill is fine.

Me: I just moved back in with my parents, so there are no utility bills in my name except my cell phone.

CC: A cell phone bill is unacceptable because you could have that sent to any address, and not actually live there.

Me: Okay, then... I guess I need to report for jury duty.

CC: But you can't...! You're not a resident.

Me: Well, I don't seem to have any way of proving that to you, and I don't mind, actually.

CC: Having a non-resident serve on a jury would be illegal.

Me: Okay then, the only other thing I have with my current address on it is my newly updated car title. Will *that* be enough for proof?

CC: {crickets} Okay, send us a copy.

The one time I did actually serve, the opening spiel from the Chief Clerk to everyone in the jury pool was a hoot. "I wish to inform you that claiming an inability to speak English will NOT get you excused from serving. This Court has spent a great deal of time and money confirming that most of those who claim they can't speak English are only selectively monolingual here in the Court, since they have no trouble speaking English at work or at home. So if you're not a native English speaker, just do the best you can if called to serve."
 
2009-12-02 10:08:05 AM
I served on a jury once for a criminal case (actually, one whose verdict got a greenlight). The jury selection process ran almost as long as the actual trial, but I have to say, it was actually an interesting experience, and in the end my tax dollars are paying for a special reserved place for someone particularly violent.
 
2009-12-02 10:11:39 AM
jaytkay: Talon: /doesn't get the jury duty hate

For a lot of people it's the loss of income. Many (most?) employers in the US do not pay you for time on jury duty.


I definitely can understand that... but when I see people complain in threads like this it's usually about how boring jury duty is, or how inconvenient it is to have to actually go... and not so much about the loss of income.

I guess I'm lucky. My employer pretty much turns my jury duty days into a paid holiday (up to 7 days). Even so I was enthusaistic about going even before this current employer.

I get summoned every single year to the date. Seriously. I live in Baltimore and get a summons every year right around Nov/December. Last year I got a Grand Jury summons. Unfortunately they never called me in (it was a "you have to call once a week for four weeks and you may be summoned for any of those dates and if you get picked you may serve on a jury in excess of 4 weeks") and now I'm apparently good on jury duty for another two or three years because of it.

/cool story bro
 
2009-12-02 10:12:42 AM
40yoVirgin: Efforts to reach Christ for comment were unsuccessful.

Isn't that always the case?


*slow clap*
 
2009-12-02 10:13:47 AM
I did jury duty earlier this year. I wasn't picked to be a juror, but it was really interesting. I'd have loved to have been picked. They asked several questions regarding our reactions and understanding of "proof beyond a reasonable doubt", and "innocent until proven guilty".

The problem they were facing was that the only witness was an eyewitness and also happened to be the arresting officer. So the concept of "innocent until proven guilty" was kinda' messed up.. People wanted to say "Well, he saw you do it, so you did it" before even getting further details of the case.

The reality is that you have to look at the police officer's testimony as being their understanding of the situation, not an ironclad clarification of what actually occured that night.

There were also concerns that jurors would be prejudiced against the guy because he was tatooed and pierced, plus drunk at the time, and being charged with some sort of public disturbance.

It's harder to maintain the "innocent until proven guilty" thing under conditions like that, but it's important to do so.

You can't go in there thinking.. "oh.. there's the guy.. I wonder what he did wrong?" Because just by saying/thinking that, you've already made the assumption that he did something wrong, and it contaminates your thought processes regarding his possible innocence.

It's weird though.. it seems like some folks version of common sense has to take a backseat. Some of the jurors were pretty obviously biased against the defendant.. maybe some of them did it on purpose, but that didn't seem to be the case.. who knows.

I still wish I'd seen it play out.

Third In Line: Jesus wept

lol that biatch would be my punching bag just so I could say that all the time!
 
2009-12-02 10:13:51 AM
So, your honor, let me see if I have this straight. The potential jurors laughing out loud when Her name was called, were NOT shocked. Is that what I am to believe, your honor?
 
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