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(Cracked)   The six most horrific lessons ever taught in elementary school   (cracked.com) divider line 71
    More: Florida, elementary schools, bunny, Sunshine State, voter fraud, substitute teacher, fifth grades, school systems, news feeds  
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40138 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Nov 2009 at 2:23 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



71 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-11-25 11:45:29 PM
I'm pretty certain that each and every one of those "lessons" was a greenlit headline too.
 
2009-11-25 11:49:30 PM
Cracked gathering headlines from articles on fark, which is then placed into an article which is submitted to fark? how close is that to dividing by 0?
 
2009-11-26 12:09:00 AM
StormnMormon: Cracked gathering headlines from articles on fark, which is then placed into an article which is submitted to fark? how close is that to dividing by 0?

This close...eero.info
 
2009-11-26 12:53:24 AM
A spokesman for the school district said the school would do things differently in the future by getting release forms from the students before making them watch the inhumane killing of any more defenseless animals.

Since the school dropped the ball on this one I hope some of the kid's older siblings get together and stop by to teach the teacher a lesson in cruelty.
 
MBK [TotalFark]
2009-11-26 02:00:02 AM
List fails for not mentioning Intelligent Design.

/yes I went there
 
2009-11-26 02:13:34 AM
FTFA: In Port St. Lucie, Florida...

Wait, what the fark? That's three of our entries that are from Florida. What the hell is going on down there?


Doesn't Cracked own part of Fark or something to that effect? They can't be this naive surely...
 
2009-11-26 02:19:17 AM
StormnMormon: Cracked gathering headlines from articles on fark, which is then placed into an article which is submitted to fark? how close is that to dividing by 0?

You forgot it was linked to page two...
 
2009-11-26 02:27:47 AM
Florida indeed.
 
2009-11-26 02:29:11 AM
Uchiha_Cycliste: StormnMormon: Cracked gathering headlines from articles on fark, which is then placed into an article which is submitted to fark? how close is that to dividing by 0?

You forgot it was linked to page two...


This. I'm all for making kids watch bunnies get murdered, but don't link to the second page please.
 
2009-11-26 02:32:39 AM
It started at #3?

Thanksgiving is a time to....

...watch Dead Man.

i242.photobucket.com

I have shown this movie every thanksgiving for the last 430 years, and no one has ever complained. Stupid white man. Show it.
 
2009-11-26 02:33:11 AM
Uchiha_Cycliste: StormnMormon: Cracked gathering headlines from articles on fark, which is then placed into an article which is submitted to fark? how close is that to dividing by 0?

You forgot it was linked to page two...


I hate the assjacks that do that. Here's a tip jerk towels: If your submission is redlit, there is no need to submit a different URL. Just submit the same URL and add some ?????'s at the end of it. Bingo. It passes the "Bad Kitty" test.

Look at my profile. I have... oh, right, I am an alt.
 
2009-11-26 02:36:05 AM
Does anyone even read Cracked articles before clicking on the booby pic at the bottom that demands to be clicked on even though you know there won't be any more boobies on the other side of that link than there were last week?
 
2009-11-26 02:38:49 AM
Hell, when I was in elementary school my parents butchered the offspring of our pet Flemish Giant rabbits and fed them to us in Chinese stir fry. It somehow seems strange in retrospect.
 
2009-11-26 02:39:23 AM
The article's description about the kid getting voted out of class wasn't exactly accurate.

I remember reading later stories where it came out the kid was basically the classroom asshole. He was constantly getting sent to the principal's office anyway and the teacher was apparently trying to demonstrate that the classmates he thought he was entertaining didn't really think he was all that funny.

Also, he didn't get diagnosed with autism until after getting voted out of class. So he probably just has one of those bullshiat types of autism that parents with shiatty kids get their kids diagnosed with so they don't have to feel so bad about being shiatty parents.
 
2009-11-26 02:45:38 AM
There is a lot of cruel, stupid teachers out there. A lot of them don't get caught. I remember in 3rd grade one teacher repeatedly slaping a little girl for not finishing her schoolwork fast enough. Nothing happened to the teacher, or at least she didn't lose her job. I'm guessing the kid didn't tell her parents.
 
2009-11-26 02:47:48 AM
SeamusFerrell: Uchiha_Cycliste: StormnMormon: Cracked gathering headlines from articles on fark, which is then placed into an article which is submitted to fark? how close is that to dividing by 0?

You forgot it was linked to page two...

I hate the assjacks that do that. Here's a tip jerk towels: If your submission is redlit, there is no need to submit a different URL. Just submit the same URL and add some ?????'s at the end of it. Bingo. It passes the "Bad Kitty" test.

Look at my profile. I have... oh, right, I am an alt.


Ahh...I'd been wondering how people have been getting around that. Thanks!
 
2009-11-26 02:57:02 AM
#5 was my school :(
 
2009-11-26 03:11:57 AM
boobsrgood: It started at #3?

Thanksgiving is a time to....

...watch Dead Man.



I have shown this movie every thanksgiving for the last 430 years, and no one has ever complained. Stupid white man. Show it.

I LOVE that movie.

You're awesome.
 
2009-11-26 03:16:51 AM
Am I wrong, or are at least half of the stories from Florida?
 
2009-11-26 03:21:08 AM
this needs more negative votes and a public shaming of subby for linking to page 2 of an article
 
2009-11-26 03:22:48 AM
Did any of these teachers get fired? It doesn't say in the article (except number 6, who apparently got fired)

CowboyNinjaD: The article's description about the kid getting voted out of class wasn't exactly accurate.

I remember reading later stories where it came out the kid was basically the classroom asshole. He was constantly getting sent to the principal's office anyway and the teacher was apparently trying to demonstrate that the classmates he thought he was entertaining didn't really think he was all that funny.

Also, he didn't get diagnosed with autism until after getting voted out of class. So he probably just has one of those bullshiat types of autism that parents with shiatty kids get their kids diagnosed with so they don't have to feel so bad about being shiatty parents.


And that justifies it because...?
 
2009-11-26 03:25:19 AM
calbert: this needs more negative votes and a public shaming of subby for linking to page 2 of an article

yeah but it starts with bunny death. that's pretty attention grabbing right there.
 
2009-11-26 03:29:22 AM
Bathia_Mapes: I'm pretty certain that each and every one of those "lessons" was a greenlit headline too.

Indeed, I remember the teacher who had the kids pretend to be slaves thread. Mostly because I was trying to see things from the teacher's point of view.

/Still an amazingly dumb thing to do
//But I don't think it was truly malicious and racist in intent
 
2009-11-26 03:42:22 AM
Hey kids, I have a fun new game for you.

It's called Stanford Prison Experiment.
 
2009-11-26 03:42:49 AM
Curiously enough, in all the cases where it was stated, the teacher was a woman. #1 didn't specify, but it was creative writing, and that barely counts anyways.
 
2009-11-26 03:44:28 AM
The Florida tag is a nice touch.
 
2009-11-26 03:47:54 AM
My sociology teacher in High School showed us the MST3K "Cheating" Short, and Clueless as a case study.

/more cool than horrific really
 
2009-11-26 03:48:43 AM
Well golly, thank you Cracked.
 
2009-11-26 03:55:51 AM
boobsrgood: It started at #3?

Thanksgiving is a time to....

...watch Dead Man.



Haven't seen it but should, I love the Neil Young song on the soundtrack.

#1. Homework for Thursday: Design a Car Bomb

I did something like this once, with detailed instructions on making the device and using it to destroy a dam... My prof was a bit concerned but I had a good time with it.
 
2009-11-26 04:03:50 AM
The "bunny" teacher should've lost her job.
 
2009-11-26 04:05:11 AM
I was in 6th grade, it was in the middle of the War in Viet Nam. Lawn, etc. Our teachers had us build an "African Village" on the floor of the gym. We made huts out of dried corn stalks. The student riots against the war were all over the news.

Our asshat teachers decided to pay Syracuse University students to conduct a "raid" on the village to teach us about slavery. They didn't bother to tell the local cops first.

The SU kids descended on the "village" and proceeded to rampage. One savvy kid got loose and made it to a pay phone (lawn, yada, yada)and called Officer Fife. Hilarity ensued.
 
2009-11-26 04:09:26 AM
"...As one boy told his dad afterward, the only thing he learned was that he really didn't want to be a Jew..."

If that's the lesson you take away, you're a moron. I don't care if you are in Middle School.

Only a child in the single digits has an excuse for so thoroughly missing the point.
 
2009-11-26 04:13:13 AM
Elementary school should have taught you to link to the first page of the article, subby.
 
2009-11-26 04:18:10 AM
Huh... Elementary school passed without incident, but I did have one rotten experience along these lines in High School. On the day they covered the Third Reich, the teacher decided to "segregate" the class. He called out all the black students (2), the jews (1), the catholics (4). Then he moved on to "brown eyes", and "poor" until he included everyone. Those first 7 kids all did very poorly in his class of 22 or 23 or so. He loved Johnny Appleseed, whom he always informed us was a preacher, and used the opportunity to go on "bible-believing" rants. Years later I found out that Johnny Appleseed was the Swedenborgian and potentially much more interesting than that hackcould have understood. Wow. So glad I found that website, too bad you guys aren't /b/.
 
2009-11-26 04:39:01 AM
I was educated in a Catholic school and being told that I'd burn in hell for all eternity was pretty horrific.
 
2009-11-26 04:57:27 AM
I learned a few years back that my fifth grade teacher had been fired for locking a kid in a closet all day. No one was really surprised.
 
2009-11-26 05:06:55 AM
Never had anything like this, but I did have a teacher in HS that had a mental breakdown the year after I had her. She just walked out of class one day and never came back.

/A kid in that class had also managed to use a universal remote to convince her that her TV was possessed.
//Good times, good times
 
2009-11-26 06:31:26 AM
MorrisBird: I was in 6th grade, it was in the middle of the War in Viet Nam. Lawn, etc. Our teachers had us build an "African Village" on the floor of the gym. We made huts out of dried corn stalks. The student riots against the war were all over the news.

Our asshat teachers decided to pay Syracuse University students to conduct a "raid" on the village to teach us about slavery. They didn't bother to tell the local cops first.

The SU kids descended on the "village" and proceeded to rampage. One savvy kid got loose and made it to a pay phone (lawn, yada, yada)and called Officer Fife. Hilarity ensued.


Thank goodness the teacher wasn't teaching you about Vietnam. They would have had to call the fire dept. too.
 
2009-11-26 06:43:31 AM
"we are the bunnies and the shovel is God"


hhahhahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahaha

/she wasn't fired?!
 
2009-11-26 07:10:31 AM
Necrosis: boobsrgood: It started at #3?

Thanksgiving is a time to....

...watch Dead Man.



Haven't seen it but should, I love the Neil Young song on the soundtrack.

#1. Homework for Thursday: Design a Car Bomb

I did something like this once, with detailed instructions on making the device and using it to destroy a dam... My prof was a bit concerned but I had a good time with it.


I remember playing a modded version of doom where it looked just like my high school with a cyberdemon by the principal's office. so much fun.
 
2009-11-26 07:22:16 AM
Is it an horrific dream?
 
2009-11-26 07:41:43 AM
This one time in band camp.......
 
2009-11-26 08:09:12 AM
My history teacher did a slave boat thing in the ninth grade. Her husband (we didn't know who he was) burst into the class room and ordered everyone to lie on the ground. Our hands were taped and then we were taped to a rope and led out of class, across the building, outside, waaaaay across the multi-acre campus and made to stand in the 90 degree weather for an hour while the teacher gave her lesson on the slave trade. Then she let us try and run back to the building before we were late for our next class.

I thought it was pretty cool. I really liked her lesson on trench war fare too.
 
2009-11-26 08:14:07 AM
WFern: "...As one boy told his dad afterward, the only thing he learned was that he really didn't want to be a Jew..."

If that's the lesson you take away, you're a moron. I don't care if you are in Middle School.

Only a child in the single digits has an excuse for so thoroughly missing the point.


This, the only mistake they made was in not telling the parents beforehand, otherwise it was a pretty good exercise. Same goes for the slavery one.
 
2009-11-26 08:20:50 AM
That_Dude: CowboyNinjaD: The article's description about the kid getting voted out of class wasn't exactly accurate.

I remember reading later stories where it came out the kid was basically the classroom asshole. He was constantly getting sent to the principal's office anyway and the teacher was apparently trying to demonstrate that the classmates he thought he was entertaining didn't really think he was all that funny.

Also, he didn't get diagnosed with autism until after getting voted out of class. So he probably just has one of those bullshiat types of autism that parents with shiatty kids get their kids diagnosed with so they don't have to feel so bad about being shiatty parents.

And that justifies it because...?


Because it changes it from maliciously picking on a kid who she knew couldn't easily help his behaviour to punishing an incredibly disruptive child in a way that in hindsight was a bad method.

It's not exactly like punishment for small children doesn't usually involve some element of humiliation. Standing in a corner in clear view of the rest of the class (with or without a dunce cap), being forced to sit at his desk whilst the rest of the class play with toys etc. A lot of these punishments rely on the kid feeling ashamed about his actions and they've been pretty effective for centuries.
 
2009-11-26 08:38:05 AM
Came hoping for things like, "#1 Columbus discovered America when he proved the earth was round..."

Left disturbed.

First photo needs a NSFThxgvng tag.
 
2009-11-26 09:17:29 AM
The bunnies should have been raised, slaughtered, and made into a delicious meal for the students to teach them where their food comes from.
 
2009-11-26 09:47:37 AM
WFern: "...As one boy told his dad afterward, the only thing he learned was that he really didn't want to be a Jew..."

If that's the lesson you take away, you're a moron. I don't care if you are in Middle School.

Only a child in the single digits has an excuse for so thoroughly missing the point.


He does have a point. If you're going to "play" anything, no one wants to be on the team that has to lose. It's why no one wants to be the South on Civil War day.
 
2009-11-26 09:47:48 AM
gadian: My history teacher did a slave boat thing in the ninth grade. Her husband (we didn't know who he was) burst into the class room and ordered everyone to lie on the ground. Our hands were taped and then we were taped to a rope and led out of class, across the building, outside, waaaaay across the multi-acre campus and made to stand in the 90 degree weather for an hour while the teacher gave her lesson on the slave trade. Then she let us try and run back to the building before we were late for our next class.

I thought it was pretty cool. I really liked her lesson on trench war fare too.


We had a thing where our teacher all of a sudden started teaching the blue/green eyed children like shiat. The whole class day (elementary school) she was giving us a bad attitude and didn't explain it until the end. It was so out of left field. It wasn't extreme, but I don't even remember the point. I think she tied it into the civil rights movement.
 
2009-11-26 10:04:24 AM
GoSurfing: We had a thing where our teacher all of a sudden started teaching the blue/green eyed children like shiat. The whole class day (elementary school) she was giving us a bad attitude and didn't explain it until the end. It was so out of left field. It wasn't extreme, but I don't even remember the point. I think she tied it into the civil rights movement.

There's only so much you can do with a "simulation". Our 'slavery' day when I was in elementary school just involved getting recess canceled for anyone who was labeled a slave (we had to pick a number at the beginning of the day and then they drew numbers before lunch).

I don't think anyone learned jack shiat about slavery that day.
 
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