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(Cracked)   Seven great products for telling the world you're a rich dick   (cracked.com ) divider line
    More: Spiffy, luxury cars, massage therapists, happy ending, OCD, Yakov Smirnoff Jesus, Diamond Studded Cell Phones, poor people, snuggie  
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56464 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Nov 2009 at 10:33 AM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



99 Comments     (+0 »)
 


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2009-11-15 08:30:23 AM  
That writer sure is whiney.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2009-11-15 08:40:03 AM  
The treehouse is nice.
 
2009-11-15 08:41:33 AM  
The Lord of the Rings tree house for $90k seems completely in line with what I'd expect with Lord of the Rings obsessed geekboys.
 
2009-11-15 08:59:21 AM  
I can see why a feline wedding would cost $45K.

It had to cover the medical bills for severe flesh wounds caused when the owner put the tuxedo on the cat.
 
2009-11-15 09:01:25 AM  

TheYeti: That writer sure is whiney.


Disagree. The Cracked writers put out some entertaining material, and this article is no exception. Had a few chuckles when reading. Agree with the Lord of The Rings treehouse comment. That's just within reach of a large number of upper middle-class persons who may want to build such a structure. It looks pretty cool in the article. Want.

//not upper middle class, so won't get
 
2009-11-15 09:14:58 AM  
More money than sense.

But then....if the rich didn't spend money on stupid stuff, the rest of us would be left to gather filth for a living.
 
2009-11-15 09:18:23 AM  
They forgot Congressman.
 
2009-11-15 09:25:39 AM  
If there is a single thing that I have learned from this article, it is that you must NOT give God back his phone number.
 
2009-11-15 10:35:11 AM  
FAIL
 
2009-11-15 10:37:40 AM  
Big farking deal. I'm so rich, I don't even use the buy 10, get one free coupons at Quizznos.

/That's right. You all jealous.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2009-11-15 10:38:18 AM  
What if God was one of us?
Just a slob like one of us.
On her cell phone on a bus,
Trying to call Oral home.
 
2009-11-15 10:40:43 AM  
Actually, I kinda like the LOTR tree house thingie.
 
2009-11-15 10:49:18 AM  
what happens in Bangkok... makes Unicorns cry.
 
2009-11-15 10:51:58 AM  
Couldn't afford to buy the stupid tag submitter?
 
2009-11-15 10:52:56 AM  
This is what modern slavery has bought for our masters. I for one think it is well worth the suffering of millions, nay, billions for the sake of the precious few we call the rich. I applaud their fantastic purchases.
 
2009-11-15 10:57:35 AM  
Poor Republicans vote against their own self interests for the slim chance of being wealthy enough to throw a $45,000 cat wedding.
 
2009-11-15 10:58:13 AM  

camelclub: More money than sense.

But then....if the rich didn't spend money on stupid stuff, the rest of us would be left to gather filth for a living.


Trickle down economics.
 
2009-11-15 10:58:25 AM  
All of those things are ridiculously stupid. Except maybe for the tree house.

Tree houses are awesome.
 
2009-11-15 10:58:59 AM  
This NSFW appears to missing from the list. Although I guess you can't be showing it off like the rest of this stuff.
 
2009-11-15 11:00:44 AM  
i37.tinypic.com
 
2009-11-15 11:02:10 AM  

eraser8: All of those things are ridiculously stupid. Except maybe for the tree house.

Tree houses are awesome.


The car wash one is actually pretty reasonable for what it is. The wax that a service like that uses runs about $2,500 - $3,000. Add in 2-3 days worth of labor and the cost of the other equipment and you're looking at a very, very high cost of operation.
 
2009-11-15 11:05:29 AM  
Has anyone pointed out this TReehouse (new window) that was buit by
Roderick Romero?
 
zz9
2009-11-15 11:06:25 AM  
The "House For Dogs" was actually on Fark a year or so ago. It's actually a house, for people, with some nice dog friendly features built in. It's not a "dog house".
 
2009-11-15 11:08:27 AM  

bookman: camelclub: More money than sense.

But then....if the rich didn't spend money on stupid stuff, the rest of us would be left to gather filth for a living.

Trickle down economics.


That's what those tax cuts were for. I bet that tree house alone created 100 permanent jobs.
 
2009-11-15 11:11:47 AM  

otterrr: eraser8: All of those things are ridiculously stupid. Except maybe for the tree house.

Tree houses are awesome.

The car wash one is actually pretty reasonable for what it is. The wax that a service like that uses runs about $2,500 - $3,000. Add in 2-3 days worth of labor and the cost of the other equipment and you're looking at a very, very high cost of operation.


Christ, had I known this when I was younger I would have charged my father way more than the clothes on my back and the roof over my head.
 
2009-11-15 11:12:44 AM  
What about nice cars? Farkers can't afford those so they suck and people that have them have small penises and they need to compensate by spending more money than farkers have and showing them by driving them.
 
2009-11-15 11:13:46 AM  
I would love to be in THAT dog house.
 
2009-11-15 11:14:29 AM  

otterrr: eraser8: All of those things are ridiculously stupid. Except maybe for the tree house.

Tree houses are awesome.

The car wash one is actually pretty reasonable for what it is. The wax that a service like that uses runs about $2,500 - $3,000. Add in 2-3 days worth of labor and the cost of the other equipment and you're looking at a very, very high cost of operation.


Reasonable? I don't care if they're waxing my car with the natural juices of underwear models, it ain't worth it. It's a car, ferfarkssake, so as long as it's shiny, the body panels all line up, and the reflections look right, what can you improve upon? One single trip down the highway makes the difference between a $10K detail job and a couple hundred dollar detail job completely disappear. Meaning that if you really want to enjoy the perfection that this service provides, you need to get it redone every single time you drive the farkin' thing.

Or you could just do what most of us do, which is to wax it maybe twice a year (if said car is nice enough to warrant it) and the rest of the time just run it through the automatic car wash thingy whenever it looks too dirty. Works for me.

/had to wax my old pickemup truck finally because the paint was so oxidized that all the tree debris was staining it
//which I wouldn't care so much about, except it's white
 
2009-11-15 11:15:16 AM  

Ready_Cents: What about nice cars? Farkers can't afford those so they suck and people that have them have small penises and they need to compensate by spending more money than farkers have and showing them by driving them.


I bought a 24inch HD monitor, and my girth has increased by 3 inches, it really works.
 
2009-11-15 11:17:20 AM  

just_dis_guy: Reasonable? I don't care if they're waxing my car with the natural juices of underwear models, it ain't worth it. It's a car, ferfarkssake, so as long as it's shiny, the body panels all line up, and the reflections look right, what can you improve upon?


I was thinking they did something like completely disassemble the car, clean every individual component and rebuild it according to factory specifications. But when I found out that it's just a really expensive hand job, I was a little less enthused.
 
2009-11-15 11:19:56 AM  

eraser8: just_dis_guy: Reasonable? I don't care if they're waxing my car with the natural juices of underwear models, it ain't worth it. It's a car, ferfarkssake, so as long as it's shiny, the body panels all line up, and the reflections look right, what can you improve upon?

I was thinking they did something like completely disassemble the car, clean every individual component and rebuild it according to factory specifications. But when I found out that it's just a really expensive hand job, I was a little less enthused.


If they did that for $11K, I have an old Studebaker that I'd like to send them.

/feels too much like work doing all that oneself.
//and make sure you use anti-seize on all the bolts, dammit!
///hey, I already did the engine, transmission, driveshaft, rear end, exhaust, suspension and brakes for them so I should get a discount!
 
2009-11-15 11:25:48 AM  
On the other hand, if it weren't for the silly rich folk, then the luxury doghouse builders, ultra-car-waxers, and cat-wedding coordinators wouldn't be able to exploit them with these over-priced services.
 
2009-11-15 11:26:36 AM  
I'm so rich I click on sponsored Cracked.com links so Drew can have a few extra bucks.
 
2009-11-15 11:31:21 AM  
I actually thought the 11,000 dollar car wash was going to involve the Dallas Cowboys cheerleading squad washing your car in their underwear.

/Is there a market for this?
//I like the picture of Tony Stark at the top.
 
2009-11-15 11:31:22 AM  
I paid $2000 for an extra parking spot we bought our condo, so I'm getting a kick etc...
 
2009-11-15 11:32:51 AM  

otterrr: eraser8: All of those things are ridiculously stupid. Except maybe for the tree house.

Tree houses are awesome.

The car wash one is actually pretty reasonable for what it is. The wax that a service like that uses runs about $2,500 - $3,000. Add in 2-3 days worth of labor and the cost of the other equipment and you're looking at a very, very high cost of operation.


Just because it makes use of overpriced products doesn't mean that it's reasonable. Why is this wax $2,500 - $3,000?
 
2009-11-15 11:33:03 AM  
Keep your tree house. I want a Hobbit Hole (new window)
 
2009-11-15 11:36:17 AM  
300k for a parking space seems like a good investment!
it costs a dollar for an hour of parking meter time.
300k will buy you around 34 years of meter time... but if you buy the space you have it for as long as you live, so as long as you live 35 more years... your saving money!!!!
 
2009-11-15 11:36:22 AM  

just_dis_guy: otterrr: eraser8: All of those things are ridiculously stupid. Except maybe for the tree house.

Tree houses are awesome.

The car wash one is actually pretty reasonable for what it is. The wax that a service like that uses runs about $2,500 - $3,000. Add in 2-3 days worth of labor and the cost of the other equipment and you're looking at a very, very high cost of operation.

Reasonable? I don't care if they're waxing my car with the natural juices of underwear models, it ain't worth it. It's a car, ferfarkssake, so as long as it's shiny, the body panels all line up, and the reflections look right, what can you improve upon? One single trip down the highway makes the difference between a $10K detail job and a couple hundred dollar detail job completely disappear. Meaning that if you really want to enjoy the perfection that this service provides, you need to get it redone every single time you drive the farkin' thing.

Or you could just do what most of us do, which is to wax it maybe twice a year (if said car is nice enough to warrant it) and the rest of the time just run it through the automatic car wash thingy whenever it looks too dirty. Works for me.

/had to wax my old pickemup truck finally because the paint was so oxidized that all the tree debris was staining it
//which I wouldn't care so much about, except it's white


Admit it, we're all just pissed we didn't think of this one first...
 
2009-11-15 11:37:47 AM  

the_be_sharps: I'm so rich I click on sponsored Cracked.com links so Drew can have a few extra bucks.


On a related question to clicky links, is it true that having to click through several times (such as slide shows) to read an entire article counts as multiple page hits and thus more ad revenue?
 
2009-11-15 11:38:34 AM  
Is it sad that I think that the parking space was reasonable for Boston?
 
2009-11-15 11:56:04 AM  
Bugatti Veyron suspiciously absent.
 
2009-11-15 11:57:14 AM  

just_dis_guy: Reasonable? I don't care if they're waxing my car with the natural juices of underwear models, it ain't worth it. It's a car, ferfarkssake, so as long as it's shiny, the body panels all line up, and the reflections look right, what can you improve upon? One single trip down the highway makes the difference between a $10K detail job and a couple hundred dollar detail job completely disappear. Meaning that if you really want to enjoy the perfection that this service provides, you need to get it redone every single time you drive the farkin' thing.

Or you could just do what most of us do, which is to wax it maybe twice a year (if said car is nice enough to warrant it) and the rest of the time just run it through the automatic car wash thingy whenever it looks too dirty. Works for me.

/had to wax my old pickemup truck finally because the paint was so oxidized that all the tree debris was staining it
//which I wouldn't care so much about, except it's white


Value is defined by what some idiot is willing to pay for it. I'm willing to pay absolutely nothing for a service like that so it holds no value for me. I can see that they're doing quality work, but since I do actually like to take my Xterra off-roading (Tread Lightly only or at private parks where we're allowed to tear things up) and transport a very active lab, it'd be a pure waste of money.

However, I say the exact same for things like iPhones and the latest electronic gadgetry. The hold zero value for me. However, for others, they totally think it's worth it.

Point: just because you don't think it holds any value doesn't mean someone else doesn't.
 
2009-11-15 11:58:31 AM  
Seems to me having the 666-6666 phone number would be a huge pain in the ass. Imagine all the late night calls you'd get looking for a taxi ride.
 
2009-11-15 11:58:51 AM  

ronaprhys: Value is defined by what some idiot is willing to pay for it. I'm willing to pay absolutely nothing for a service like that so it holds no value for me. I can see that they're doing quality work, but since I do actually like to take my Xterra off-roading (Tread Lightly only or at private parks where we're allowed to tear things up) and transport a very active lab, it'd be a pure waste of money.


I don't know... if I had a Lamborguini, I probably would pay for that service what w/ the days of labor and all the equipment used. Good thing I'm confident in saying if I were to have the money I wouldn't spend it on either.
 
2009-11-15 12:00:46 PM  
To make sure, we burned all the other copies and for extra measure we burned Yakov Smirnoff, also.

That is phrased in an amusing way and I like it very much.
 
2009-11-15 12:03:54 PM  

Exodus2001: bookman: camelclub: More money than sense.

But then....if the rich didn't spend money on stupid stuff, the rest of us would be left to gather filth for a living.

Trickle down economics.

That's what those tax cuts were for. I bet that tree house alone created 100 permanent jobs.


Of course. You have to hire maintenance people and monkey butlers. And the elves don't guard that place for free, you know.

That's the problem with justifying this kind of boondoggle spending. That 300K parking space? 0 jobs. Maybe you can say it contributed to a security guard job. The luxury car wash? One, collectively. I suppose someone will argue that the money goes into the economy and will eventually be spent on things that do create jobs, but it sounds to me like it will just stay in the boondoggle circle-jerk. The luxury car wash guy subscribes to Rich Asshole magazine and the publisher pays $11K to wash his car.

There's a huge difference between using your money in a way that actually works for you, such as a BMW, nice house, or tropical island, and something that just allows you to throw away money for your ego's sake. The second one is immoral.
 
2009-11-15 12:07:26 PM  

Froman: You have to hire maintenance people and monkey butlers.


How many monkey butlers?
 
2009-11-15 12:08:31 PM  

just_dis_guy: Reasonable? I don't care if they're waxing my car with the natural juices of underwear models, it ain't worth it. It's a car, ferfarkssake, so as long as it's shiny, the body panels all line up, and the reflections look right, what can you improve upon? One single trip down the highway makes the difference between a $10K detail job and a couple hundred dollar detail job completely disappear. Meaning that if you really want to enjoy the perfection that this service provides, you need to get it redone every single time you drive the farkin' thing.


It's not the sort of car wash you get done every weekend, it's a once or twice a year job. Basically, the car will come out of it looking better than it did when it comes out of the factory. It's not just a wash, washing the car is pretty much only the first step. It includes a whole car colour match, and on something like a Ferrari or a Bugatti, that's not a cheap thing. They check the thickness of the paint, touch up and stone chips etc.

It's basically the cleanest OCD car clean you have ever seen. You could eat your dinner off of it (though you wouldn't as it's cost you another couple of grand to get the gravy off the car).

Also, the wax they use is proper prrotection, and once it's on, you probably need the second 10k car wash to get it off again, as Caranuba wax alledegly dries as hard as concrete.

I see it as someone protecting their investment, when you have a car that costs $1,000,000+ then paying $10k every 12 months doesn't seeem to unreasonable.
 
2009-11-15 12:11:55 PM  

KatjaMouse: Is it sad that I think that the parking space was reasonable for Boston?


That's still kinda high.

I lived in the Back Bay (sold in late '04) and while it was not uncommon to read of my neighbors paying 40-50K to buy a spot in an alley, nobody paid more than about 100K for a garage spot. (You could see all the sales in the real estate paper that's delivered every weekend.) If I'd had the money, I would have done that myself. As it was, I paid $250/month to park in my neighbor's spot next door.

The Back Bay does have resident-only parking, but when you come home from work you really don't want to circle, circle, circle the area looking for a parking spot like some kind of demented parking shark. And God help you if you want to do something in the evening and expect to find a place when you get back home. It's a quality of life issue.

/ Don't own a car any more.
// Cool story, bro
 
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