With Thanksgiving still two and a half weeks away, it's too early to run the usual "don't forget to cook your turkey thoroughly" and "OMG the airports are really full" stories, so expect a bit more about the cost of holiday airfare, how some families are skipping flying this year because of the costs, and some marginal early Christmas stuff, like the must-have toys. Also, it's never too early to start the "Top 10 (whatever) of 2009" retrospectives, so expect those to start trickling in this week.

Otherwise it'll be a lot more coverage of the senate dry-humping the hell out of the health care bill and some more swine flu stories. The swine flu stories will really ramp up as soon as someone famous gets hospitalized for it. It seems callous to guess who that will be, but the odds-on favorite would be somebody who used to be in the news a lot but isn't anymore and doesn't have anything on their plate at the moment, job-wise. Which means it could be damn near anybody.

With a new week, we have a fresh batch for the Fark Betting Line on probable news stories coming your way soon. As always, feel free to add any of your own in the thread if you have any that were missed:

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-11-01 to Sat 2009-11-06:

  Cyclists have a lot riding on L.A. driver's trial, claim spokes people    

  20-foot geyser gushes in the San Fernando Valley, or as some there call it, talent    

  Wife found guilty of attacking her husband with a wooden pestle. He was mortarlly wounded    

  Kissing boosts a women's immune system. Her dirty little skank immune system    

  Gay groups vow to reach around Maine defeat and plow forward with new strategies    

  Driver for brown fails to deliver the green, is now blue after getting the pink    

  Obama pledges to improve treatment of indian tribes. Native Americans have heard this kind of blanket statement before    

  First member of Texas polygamist sect tried and convicted of statutory rape. Sentencing has been delayed as the court tries to come up with a worse punishment than having nine wives    

  Teen set on fire gets an apology, though a few blasts from a fire extinguisher would have been appreciated as well    

  Three doctors and a nurse arrested in Mexico City for selling babies after telling mothers their babies had died. So much for kid pro quo    

  Cop who took down Ft. Hood shooter ran INTO the line of fire, huge brass balls clanking the whole way    


Sports:

  It took almost 150 years for a Southerner named Lee to beat the Yankees; now it's happened twice in one week    

  Jimmy Rollins still insists the Phillies are the better team. By the way Jimmy, you can take the A, C, E,1, 2, or 3 subway trains from NYC's Penn Station to the World Series parade in lower Manhattan tomorrow    

  Joe Girardi rescues a woman from a car wreck while on his way home from the Series clincher; needs 38 more postseason saves to tie Rivera    


Geek:

  Another inane and stupid study found that negative thinking improves memory. What a load of crap. IIRC, Mecklenbräuker and Hager published the same garbage in the Journal of Psychological Research, Volume 46, Number 4, December 1st 1984  

  Claude Lévi-Strauss is dead. We'll miss his genes    

  Windows 7 is significantly more resistant to viruses and WOULD YOU LIKE BIGGER PENIS??? YOUR BULGING MANTOOL WILL CAUSE HER SCREAM    


Showbiz:

  Edward Norton "phenomenal" after finishing the New York City marathon in three hours and 48 minutes. In related news, Brad Pitt finished the marathon in the same amount of time    

  Kirstie Alley is set to star in reality series about her efforts to lose weight. Tentative title: The Kobayashi Shamu    

  Founder of San Diego Comic-Con, Sheldon Dorf, dies at 76. Rumored to return next summer in issue #77    


Politics:

  Republican Chris Christie wins New Jersey. Wow, what a crappy prize    

  Abbas threatens to quit Palestinian elections. Mamma Mia, here we go again    

  Cliff Clavin slams health care bill as "socialism." Adds, "Did you know, the word socialism derives from the French word "socialisme," which was first attributed to the philosopher Pierre Leroux..."    


Music:

  Ashlee Simpson gives up music. Our long national nightmare is over    

  Bruce Springsteen pens autobiography. Chapter 1: "One time, I uh, my dad and I, uh, we didn't, uh, get along so much, and uh, we uh, well, I used to go down to the reservoir, and uh, my old man, uh...HUH ONE TWO THREE FAWWW"  

  As a Christmas present for their fans, Pet Shop Boys are releasing an EP featuring covers of Madness and Coldplay. What have we done to deserve this?    


Business:

  Tool company Stanley buys Black & Decker, plans to hammer out more profit, but will ultimately just end up screwing customers    

  Buffett, who already owns an electric company, will buy Burlington Northern Railroad. Next up: Water Works    

  Kellogg pulls immunity claims from Rice Krispies. Oh, snap    
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