Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Yahoo)   It's a modern-day version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears, except Goldilocks is a sleepwalking guy and the bears beat the sh*t out of him   (news.yahoo.com) divider line 34
    More: Strange, Iowa City, Troy Kelsay, The Gazette, bodily injury, apartments  
•       •       •

5440 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Nov 2009 at 6:25 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



34 Comments   (+0 »)
   

Archived thread
 
2009-11-06 06:27:11 PM  
Well, and the bears aren't "bears", at least as far as we know.
 
2009-11-06 06:27:59 PM  
I expected this story to be cuter, somehow.
 
2009-11-06 06:31:45 PM  
But was there porridge involved somehow?
 
2009-11-06 06:32:07 PM  
Damn! I wanted to use this:

www.alpinecom.net
 
2009-11-06 06:32:49 PM  
They call getting too drunk and passing out on a strangers couch 'sleepwalking' now?
 
2009-11-06 06:36:29 PM  
I believe in the original story actually, the bears ate Goldilocks. The story was meant to teach children not to wander into strangers homes and steal things. Then later on modern sensibilities decided it was too graphic for children, and the moral of the story could be damned.
 
2009-11-06 06:37:35 PM  
valleylodgemusic.com

bear thread?
 
2009-11-06 06:37:56 PM  
mahershalal: I believe in the original story actually, the bears ate Goldilocks.

When my parents told the story, the bears raped Goldilocks and then sold her into white slavery.
 
2009-11-06 06:38:14 PM  
Subterfuge1: They call getting too drunk and passing out on a strangers couch 'sleepwalking' now?

Yeah. I didn't fark that fat chick from the bar, I was sleepfarking.
 
2009-11-06 06:39:52 PM  
eraser8: mahershalal: I believe in the original story actually, the bears ate Goldilocks.

When my parents told the story, the bears raped Goldilocks and then sold her into white slavery.


Where she was gay married.

I remember my mom telling me a version called "Goldilocks and the Three Toots" about farts that were too smelly, loud, whatnot. No wonder I'm so farked up.
 
2009-11-06 06:40:19 PM  
I feel sorry for Golidilocks. I sleepwalk, especially after some booze and when I'm sleeping in a strange place. One St. Paddy's Day I sleep-walked into the lobby of the hotel I was staying at in Whistler, B.C. When the staff woke me up there were about a dozen other guests/staff staring and laughing. I was wearing nothing but my boxers, had no idea what room I was in, and didn't have a key. Good times, good times.
 
2009-11-06 06:40:56 PM  
GonzoNihilist: bear thread?

Continuous 24-hour streams of industrial strength eyebleach please...
 
2009-11-06 06:45:22 PM  
Now playing: M. Night Shyamalan's The Three Bears starring Bruce Willis.

WHAT A TWEEST
 
2009-11-06 07:01:48 PM  
If I found a random dude sleeping on my couch, funnily enough, my first reaction wouldn't be to beat the shait out of him. Call the cops maybe, wake him up with a loaded gun and ask for an explanation, sure; but not beat him up.

/what's wrong with people
 
2009-11-06 07:11:21 PM  
I sleep walk after extended shifts. The last time the Exchange server crashed, I spent 36 hours straight rebuilding and restoring. When I finally did get to bed, my wife told me I walked into the kitchen, lifted the lid on the garbage can, wizzed, tried to flush the garbage can, and went back to bed.
In my mind, it never happened. No lights , no kitchen, no garbage can.

No it's not a new way of saying "too drunk".
 
2009-11-06 07:15:48 PM  
Did they beat him in the woods?
 
2009-11-06 07:49:04 PM  
misanthropic1: If I found a random dude sleeping on my couch, funnily enough, my first reaction wouldn't be to beat the shait out of him. Call the cops maybe, wake him up with a loaded gun and ask for an explanation, sure; but not beat him up.

/what's wrong with people


They finally had an opportunity and what they considered justification to really beat the shiat out of someone.
 
2009-11-06 07:49:59 PM  
Charges have been filed against three men accused of beating a man who sleepwalks after they found him asleep in one of the men's apartment
If I found someone wandering around in my house Id beat the crap out of him too.
 
2009-11-06 07:57:31 PM  
jerks
 
2009-11-06 08:03:13 PM  
The Good Logins are Gone: GonzoNihilist: bear thread?

Continuous 24-hour streams of industrial strength eyebleach please...


Not really my cup of tea, either, but really? 24-hour streams? Really? I mean, there's a couple bare chests of middlish-aged dudes and that's it. Pretty mild, really. You could see that on the street, theoretically.
 
2009-11-06 08:04:08 PM  
Was there any waltzing?

or picnicking?
 
2009-11-06 08:19:23 PM  
If only he'd learned how to survive a bear attack in Cub Scouts.
 
2009-11-06 09:14:28 PM  
I still want to go as Goldilocks and the Three Bears for Halloween. The Wife says "no." My 6 y/o, Mrs. and Me as Bears, and a blond, bloody mannequin head. Maybe next year.
If a stranger were asleep on my couch, I'd wake him up (with backup) and then decide if a beatdown was necessary. I'd then kick my locksmith square dead in the nuts, 'cause I lock my doors.
 
2009-11-06 09:29:48 PM  
i'd just shoot the bastard and feed him to the hogs. wrong couch dude!
 
2009-11-06 09:43:04 PM  
Subterfuge1: They call getting too drunk and passing out on a strangers couch 'sleepwalking' now?

It's easier to write than "comatose-walking" I think. Or "intoxicated-wandering."

The moral of this story is: LOCK YOUR FARKING DOORS, DUMMIES! And don't leave porridge just sitting around.
 
2009-11-06 09:43:23 PM  
Here's how I'd handle that situation.

img188.imageshack.us


/itg
 
2009-11-06 10:00:40 PM  
Bill_Wick's_Friend: Here's how I'd handle that situation.

/itg


Bring out the gimp
 
2009-11-06 10:01:01 PM  
Was Ambien involved?
 
2009-11-06 11:01:58 PM  
Three men were charged with willfully causing bodily injury.

WHAT?? There's an intruder in their place, and they're charged for beating the tar out of him? What were they supposed to do...serve him pancakes and offer him some cab fare?
 
2009-11-06 11:45:09 PM  
MattyBlast: Three men were charged with willfully causing bodily injury.

WHAT?? There's an intruder in their place, and they're charged for beating the tar out of him? What were they supposed to do...serve him pancakes and offer him some cab fare?


He shouldn't have been there, but he didn't attack them, so they weren't exactly acting in self-defense. They attacked a guy who was sleeping in their place after somnambulating there. I could understand maybe giving him a rough awakening (which is ill-advised for sleepwalkers, but they can't really be held responsible for that), but beating the crap out of some defenseless sleeping dude? Come on.
 
2009-11-06 11:57:21 PM  
mahershalal: I believe in the original story actually, the bears ate Goldilocks. The story was meant to teach children not to wander into strangers homes and steal things. Then later on modern sensibilities decided it was too graphic for children, and the moral of the story could be damned.

Wikipedia says the following about one of the older versions:

At the end of the tale, the bears try first to burn the old woman, then to drown her, and being unsuccessful in both attempts on her life, finally "chuck her aloft on St. Paul's church-yard steeple"
 
2009-11-07 12:43:56 AM  
misanthropic1: If I found a random dude sleeping on my couch, funnily enough, my first reaction wouldn't be to beat the shait out of him. Call the cops maybe, wake him up with a loaded gun and ask for an explanation, sure; but not beat him up.

/what's wrong with people


Why don't you make him breakfast and score him some dope while you're at it hippie?? You only get so many chances to beat the living shiat out of somebody. You're gonna waste that?

You sicken me.

/Beat that farker!
//So his momma don't no him
 
2009-11-07 02:28:49 AM  
For those of you who don't know the story of Goldilocks & The Three Bears here it is in living color via a Show 'N Tell record player: Link (new window)
 
2009-11-07 02:45:59 AM  
Thats actually a sneaky good headline.
 
Displayed 34 of 34 comments



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report