"We knew we had to use a condom," she said. "But we didn't know how."

Okay. There's this little glove like thing, it's for protection. Only one body part is particularly in need of protection. Gloves work by being placed on a bodypart one wishes to protect or keep clean.

I can understand how this can be confusing.

/Also, the tab on my chicken noodle soup came off and there doesn't seem to be any other way to open it

This time, they managed to roll on the condom but then ... well, where was the penis supposed to go?

OK that can't possibly be true, can it?

It is an ancient Chinese secret.

But slot F is so much better.

It seemed kind of obvious to me from a rather young age. Perhaps they're missing out by not being exposed to enough porn. Let's start foobies.cn...

what no panda sex jokes yet? For shame fark.

thalassatx: Then why are there so damned many of them?

Came here to say this. But that's not what the article is about. This is one of the EXACT reasons why there are so damned many of them.

No one teaches anyone to have sex, no one teaches anyone to put on a condom. In america.

Yet we figure it out.

It's really not that difficult.

I was never told how to use a condom, but the first time I opened one there was really only two options: a) Roll on penis or b) make balloon animal. And I figured b) wouldnt provide much protection so I went with a).

Saborlas: This is what abstinence-only sex ed leads to.

Came here for this. Shocking, isn't it, that if you don't teach kids about sex, they won't take the proper precautions when they decide to do it? Amazing that abstinence-only sex ed doesn't work as intended.

Im confident they'll figure it out with enough practice.

Damn

I didn't know so many Farkers were Chinese.

PC LOAD LETTER: I expect hot Chinese women to be posted in this thread. I will check later.



You're welcome.

Really?

You have a one in three chance of getting it right. Just go eeny meeny miny mo and plug away.

If they play the harmonica, the answer is fairly obvious.

WRONG! Tab A goes into Slot A.

the_chief: WRONG! Tab A goes into Slot A.

Only Ron Jeremy can do that.

Tab A fits in Slot B

Tab P goes into slot V.

oblig

anywhere it wants to go

/now go back to sleep while I finish up

Barakku: the tab on my chicken noodle soup came off and there doesn't seem to be any other way to open it

Take my pen-knife, my good man!

/mono--doh!

Chinese health officials said that 13 million abortions are performed in registered medical institutions each year

Will farkhead born agains shiat themselves over this or not care because they're not white little Christian embryos being aborted?

I hard to make a condom stay on a chinese, their penis so small it keeps slipping off.

ne2d: This time, they managed to roll on the condom but then ... well, where was the penis supposed to go?

OK that can't possibly be true, can it?

Well the sentence right after it; It took another week of research before they succeeded in doing the deed, is worse.

jake3988: No one teaches anyone to have sex, no one teaches anyone to put on a condom. In america.

Yet we figure it out.

It's really not that difficult.

In 6th grade, 7th grade, 8th grade, and 10th grade in the wonderful public school system here in California, I was told how to use a condom by various heath education speakers and/or classes.

Of course since I had an older brother who wasn't shy about his efforts I already knew how it worked much earlier.

ne2d: This time, they managed to roll on the condom but then ... well, where was the penis supposed to go?

OK that can't possibly be true, can it?

My mother used to be a school nurse in a district that taught abstinence-only sex education.

She had teenage girls approaching her, concerned they were pregnant because they held hands with their boyfriend.

Kids learn fast with proper education, but are otherwise very clueless in general.

I've been doing it wrong.
I thought it was Tab B fits into Slut G.

thalassatx: Then why are there so damned many of them?

Good question.

Actually, I heard that Chairman Mao wanted the Chinese people to breed like rabbits so they could outnumber and conquer the U.S. Or something like that.

Maybe they could learn the South Africa method...

EdNortonsTwin: A friend of mine from S.Africa volunteered at a clinic. A 19 yo woman who already had x3 kids came in asking for birth control. There was a language barrier so my friend demonstrated the use of a condom on a broom stick. Few months later the woman is back and of course pregnant again. Turns out she had put the condom on a broomstick and put it in the corner while 'doin it'.

Well, this explains that whole panda thing.

ne2d: This time, they managed to roll on the condom but then ... well, where was the penis supposed to go?

OK that can't possibly be true, can it?

I'm with you there. WTF did they think? Applying a condom somehow required you to stick it in her ear? Do Chinese condoms not come with directions on the box?

EL_FABREZ: Chinese health officials said that 13 million abortions are performed in registered medical institutions each year

Will farkhead born agains shiat themselves over this or not care because they're not white little Christian embryos being aborted?

I'm more worried about the fact that most of those abortions were most likely girls, and the resulting gender imbalance will cause a shiatload of problems.

Having a large, single and sexually frustrated young male population running around has never been a good thing.

Slot A? I've heard that they have Slot --

Abortion is murder, and I condone it.


Bishes

i do not have the capacity to facepalm both this and the tweeted board meeting miscarriage articles. it's just too much facepalm.

/Asian, skilled at using contraceptives, occassionally attends business meetings, but has never spontaneously aborted at one

Condom use may not be as common as the US but not knowing where the penis goes is just about as rare. Author just wanted a sensationalist article to get published. China is full of brothels and they fark like bunnies. And if paying $30 in China for a cheap hotel it better come with a hooker.

I also have a hard time believing the story about the couple making out at McDonalds.

Narrator: GOB was at Ancient Chinese Secret that very moment.
Gob: I'm looking for something to give my dingle less tingle. Me quick want slow! Wait, that's Indian...
Chinese Shop Owner: Tea for dong!
Gob: What is this?
Chinese Shop Owner: It's the sword of destiny. Very powerful. Comes with back story.
Gob: Yeah, I make up my own patter. Just ring it up with the dong tea.

BobtheFascist: ne2d: This time, they managed to roll on the condom but then ... well, where was the penis supposed to go?

OK that can't possibly be true, can it?

I'm with you there. WTF did they think? Applying a condom somehow required you to stick it in her ear? Do Chinese condoms not come with directions on the box?

Just imagine the possibilities of your new girlfriend, looking upwards at you all doe-eyed and innocent, asking you "where does it go?"