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Drew sets the Fark Betting Line for this week's upcoming stories, plus Headlines of the Week for 10/25 - 10/31 
Posted by Drew at 2009-11-03 1:18:19 PM (34 comments) | Permalink
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3885 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Nov 2009 at 2:00 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



For some reason, November brings out the weird more than any other month. Even on Fark, we notice an uptick in truly weird stories. Maybe it's Seasonal Weird Disorder, or perhaps Halloween candy has a latent hallucinogenic effect. More likely it's just a slow news month. There will be a bit of analysis on the presidential election from last year, and the 30-year anniversary of the Iranian hostage crisis is this week, so expect a bit of retrospective, but otherwise there's probably not as much to report on, so there's more filler. The holy trinity will be 1) The Holidays, 2) Bacon Lung, and 3) The Economy. So expect stories on How to Deal with your Asshole Relatives, How to Not Get Swine Flu from your Asshole Relatives During the Holidays, and How to Politely Decline when your Asshole Relatives are Laid Off and Need to Crash With You.

Now that Halloween is over and they're feeding the leftover pumpkins to zoo animals, the horror movies are out, and the rush of family-friendly movies is on. This year will feature the classic story of the Family Who Hates Each Other but Eventually Gets Along.

Here is the Fark Betting Line on some other stories we expect to see this week, and the odds of each. Feel free to add your own to the thread:


- First of the radio stations switches to an all-Christmas-Music format -- in November (12:1)

- News stations break into local coverage to remind you that flying is expensive and to buy your flight tickets as early as possible (3:1)

- News stations break into broken-into local coverage to breathlessly inform you that there's an airline fare war going on (17:1)

- "Fare war" is actually just a publicity stunt from jacked-up ticket prices the week before the fare war (2:1)

- "Does flying actually increase your odds of catching swine flu? Stay tuned" (3:2)

- Zany radio station zoo crew disposes of leftover Halloween pumpkins in the most entertaining way possible (5:1)

- Disposal method includes either explosives or catapult (7:1)

- Or both (28:1)

- First sighting of the business financial analyst who pulls a number out of his ass that swine flu absences will cause American businesses to lose $193.47 bullshillion dollars (5:1)

- First fistfight between helicopter parents during a line-up for swine flu vaccinations (4:1)

- First theft of swine flu vaccines (59:1)

- Iran takes a few hostages from the American Embassy "just for old times sake" (429:1)

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-10-25 to Sat 2009-10-31:

ssl.fark.com  Rhode Island man hits pedestrian with car, drives for one mile with man stuck in windshield. Driver charged with leaving the scene of an accident, which is odd, since technically he took it with him    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  DC sniper to get one shot, one kill    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  We've secretly replaced this couple's alarm clock with a Chevy Malibu. Let's see if they notice the difference    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Man pleads guilty to stealing $69,000 in antique coins, will be sent to £MITA prison    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Headline redundancy: "Windows Broken, Computers Damaged"     img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Small plane rapidly plunges into bottom end of Virgin Islands, to be renamed Technical Virgin Islands    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  EPA finds manganese threat at two schools. Just wait until they learn about the tentacle rape    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Farmer killed by grain auger. You know the drill    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Here is the church, and here is the steeple, have some bad weather, and it falls on the people    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Remote Brazilian tribe finds plane crash survivors alive, delicious    img.fark.net


Sports:

ssl.fark.com  Braylon Edwards hit with assault charges, though they're expected to be dropped    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Yankee fans believe that Jay-Z was responsible for the win last night. Clearly, this is a logical fallacy; after all, the Phillies had 99 problems, and pitching was one    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  New Cubs owners say there are no plans for changes, pennant    img.fark.net


Geek:

ssl.fark.com  Chemical discovered that attracts mosquitoes to humans. Submitter was going to joke that they had named it "submitters-wifeium", but realized that they really named it "nonanal", which means the same thing    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Internet turns 40 years old today, starts surfing itself for the best price on a new Porsche and a young blonde mistress with huge tits    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  British woman finally on her feet again a year after sneezing and breaking her back. If this woman ever has an orgasm we're all dead    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

ssl.fark.com  Corey Feldman's wife files for divorce. Corey Feldman to seek sole custody of Corey Haim    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Sony greenlights Men in Black 3, the most anticipated movie of 1999    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Members of blind and deaf community upset that one of their own won't play Helen Keller on Broadway; authorities baffled as to how they found out    img.fark.net


Politics:

ssl.fark.com  Obama declares swine flu a national emergency, eyes Nobel Prize in Medicine    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Pakistan: We don't know where Al-Qaeda leaders are. Hillary: Huh? what? Sorry, I couldn't hear you over the sound of my bullshiat detector going off    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Sarah Palin: "Those who would sell their body for money...are likely to say and do anything for even more attention." Andrew Sullivan: "Hey, here's a video of you in a bathing suit competition"    img.fark.net


Music:

ssl.fark.com  Michael Jackson on target for a sixth No. 1 album. Needless to say, he's speechless    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  John Mayer tried to smuggle a small pocketknife onto a plane; airport security confiscated it, fearing that someone would try and kill Mayer with it    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Why Barry Manilow likes gardening: "It allows me to be quiet." I think that's a hobby that we could all support, Barry    img.fark.net


Business:

ssl.fark.com  After realizing he won't be allowed to burn the company down and collect the insurance money, Carl Icahn resigns from the board of Yahoo    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Dodd: We're imposing new rules on credit cards. CC Companies: Then we'll jack up interest rates before the rules go into effect. Dodd: Then I'll freeze card rates, you c*ck    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  JoltColatoshutdownoperations    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


34 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2009-11-03 01:34:28 PM  
Some are wondering if an athletic event that ended with the death of the first person to ever complete it might not be safe

was a great headline too
 
2009-11-03 01:53:05 PM  
[Showbiz] Everyone can relax now, it turns out infamous manwhore John Gosselin will NOT be starring in 'John and Octomom Plus a Metric F*ckload of Genetically Engineered Crotchfruit' after all

This should have made it. The showbiz tab is notoriously boring.
 
2009-11-03 02:05:47 PM  
How to Deal with your Asshole Relatives, How to Not Get Swine Flu from your Asshole Relatives During the Holidays, and How to Politely Decline when your Asshole Relatives are Laid Off and Need to Crash With You.

Drew's evidently met most of my family.
 
2009-11-03 02:06:29 PM  
That headline about Nicholas Cage's father dying, possibly of shame didn't make this list? For shame, Fark.
 
2009-11-03 02:06:42 PM  
Three words:

Butterball Hot Line. What're the odds you'll hear about this this week? 2-1? 3-1?
 
2009-11-03 02:10:44 PM  
Wow. I actually got a farkin' HOTW.
amazing.
 
2009-11-03 02:11:28 PM  
Bhtdmjck (new window) didn't make the cut? I am a sad panda.
 
2009-11-03 02:13:11 PM  
Drew,

The Nic Cage headline. Why isn't it on there?
 
2009-11-03 02:17:08 PM  
Members of blind and deaf community upset that one of their own won't play Helen Keller on Broadway; authorities baffled as to how they found out


Whoever is responsible for this one is one hell of a genius.
 
2009-11-03 02:18:25 PM  
Wow my first headline of the week.

Thanks Drew
 
2009-11-03 02:19:30 PM  
Alright, I'll take that bet, but I swear to God, Drew, if Iran takes those hostages I'm going to make sure my final Will and Testament fingers you for killing me with alcohol poisoning.
 
2009-11-03 02:20:54 PM  
There's got to be some more good healthcare stuff coming.
 
2009-11-03 02:22:00 PM  
me_the_farker: Wow my first headline of the week.

Thanks Drew


This.
 
2009-11-03 02:24:51 PM  
First professional sports league to cancel games because at least four members of a single team have swine flu simultaneously: the NBA (5:1)
 
2009-11-03 02:27:56 PM  
I'll put $50 on the helicopter parents.
 
2009-11-03 02:29:16 PM  
First of the radio stations switches to an all-Christmas-Music format -- in November (12:1)

Too late. 93.3 in Louisville, KY started playing all Christmas music on Sunday.
 
2009-11-03 02:40:14 PM  
ElusiveWookiee: First of the radio stations switches to an all-Christmas-Music format -- in November (12:1)

Too late. 93.3 in Louisville, KY started playing all Christmas music on Sunday.


Too late. Oldies station here in Twin Cities started before Halloween, until people got pissed and made them switch back.
 
2009-11-03 02:40:28 PM  
These articles always seem to happen:

Turkey doesn't actually make you sleepy, you just ate too much (3:1)

Gas prices go up right before thanksgiving (and every long weekend) (2:1)
 
2009-11-03 02:41:39 PM  
I'm glad to see the term "Bacon Lung" is finally finding some ground. "Hamthrax" is also acceptable.
 
2009-11-03 02:45:45 PM  
Dog Welder: I'm glad to see the term "Bacon Lung" is finally finding some ground. "Hamthrax" is also acceptable.

Ooooh, "Hamthrax" really has a ring to it.
 
2009-11-03 02:48:26 PM  
+1 for "bullshillion"
 
2009-11-03 02:51:40 PM  
A radio station here in cincy (93.3) switched to an all-christmas line-up about 10/21. Ticked me off. But could I win something?
 
2009-11-03 02:55:47 PM  
Ryan Howard needs glasses 3:1
 
2009-11-03 03:14:00 PM  
Some guy from Omaha, Nebraska buys the railroad that owns the entire US rail transport west of the Mississippi. Don't bet against the house.
 
2009-11-03 04:07:15 PM  
I'm waiting for some story to come out about how pumping your own gas will give you swine flu. Or opening your mail. Or going to work. Or, fark it, just living.
A great man once said that on a long enough timeline, the survival rate drops to zero.

/a GREAT article would be about how drinking liqor prevents swine flu
 
2009-11-03 04:28:02 PM  
KingKauff: I'm waiting for some story to come out about how pumping your own gas will give you swine flu.

That's why I live in Jersey. Ha Ha! I've outsmarted Swine Flu by not pumping my own gas!

/I got nothin.
//I'm still chuckling over Bolivian animal rights activists succeed in banning circuses from using animals, but now have to figure out what to do with 22 useless lions, a problem Detroit has faced for years
 
2009-11-03 04:32:22 PM  
ElusiveWookiee: First of the radio stations switches to an all-Christmas-Music format -- in November (12:1)

Too late. 93.3 in Louisville, KY started playing all Christmas music on Sunday.


Dog Welder: I'm glad to see the term "Bacon Lung" is finally finding some ground. "Hamthrax" is also acceptable.

BKITU: +1 for "bullshillion"


These.

Great headlines.
 
2009-11-03 05:05:03 PM  
IMSwim80: A radio station here in cincy (93.3) switched to an all-christmas line-up about 10/21. Ticked me off. But could I win something?

Maybe that's what I'm hearing, then. I just barely get WEBN on a clear night, but I found it odd another station in Louisville in that range when we already have a reasonably powerful 93.1
 
2009-11-03 05:13:41 PM  
Unfreakable = Drew (8-1)

/Happy to have returned to the HOTW podium
 
2009-11-03 06:00:32 PM  
Hey how come Drew's links aren't ever redlit? What's up with that?!
 
2009-11-03 09:06:01 PM  
Odds on Your Average Witty Fark User getting butthurt for no good goddamn reason? 1:1.
 
2009-11-03 09:32:59 PM  
"First fistfight between helicopter parents during a line-up for swine flu vaccinations "

Hasn't this already happened?
 
2009-11-03 09:52:40 PM  
Damn. There's a lot of fine contenders in that list.

dstanley: Bhtdmjck (new window) didn't make the cut? I am a sad panda.

heh. The headline might not have been a winner, but the thread sure was.

Unfreakable: Dog Welder: I'm glad to see the term "Bacon Lung" is finally finding some ground. "Hamthrax" is also acceptable.

Ooooh, "Hamthrax" really has a ring to it.


And the only cure is a hot pork injection.
 
2009-11-04 08:23:19 AM  
- First of the radio stations switches to an all-Christmas-Music format -- in November (12:1)

I'm putting $500 down.
 
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