If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
"The U.S. is facing an epidemic of swine flu...stories." Don't worry, coming to Fark is an innoculation against media panic. A short post by Drew, then a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 10/18 - 10/24 
Posted by Drew at 2009-10-26 3:17:28 PM (107 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

•       •       •

9617 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Oct 2009 at 3:21 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Halloween week is upon us, so be on the lookout for the usual outrage commentaries about how kids costumes nowadays are too slutty, then articles on where to x-ray candy, followed up the day after Halloween by articles on how poisoned candy is mostly just an urban legend.

Man your newsflash stations: THE UNITED STATES IS FACING AN EPIDEMIC OF SWINE FLU...stories. Just like how every time you masturbate God kills a kitten, every time time MSM runs another swine flu story, they lose just a little more credibility. Hasn't everyone had swine flu already? I caught it last April. Don't worry, for the next few weeks you'll get to hear which sports and entertainment celebrities have swine flu, which were reported to have swine flu but actually didn't, and probably some more death rumors tied to those. If there's one celebrity that you hate with the heat of a thousand suns, don't worry, that celebrity will remain healthy as a bull.

Next week's story today: Can Thanksgiving turkeys give you swine flu? I'm just guessing, based on the fact that there were a ton of articles on "Can Thanksgiving turkeys give you bird flu?!" a few years ago.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-10-18 to Sat 2009-10-24:

ssl.fark.com  As more cyclists hit the road, more cyclists hit the road    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  LHC gears up to test the theory that it greenlights stories about itself from the past    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  288 people killed by mudslides in the Benguet province. Officials say that it's two gross    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Balloon boy family feels 'Under Siege'. Sheriff's department is now Out For Justice as this story proves Hard To Kill. Is this family Above The Law, or will an Executive Decision leave them Marked For Death?    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Steve Irwin's $40 million zoo to open in Las Vegas. I'm sure that it will be a ray of sunshine for everyone    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Out in the West Texas town of El Paso / They have the country's most hideous guys / Obese and ugly and uneducated / Just to get farked they must wear a disguise    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Utah's four-day workweek has saved taxpayers millions and given the average state employee more time to spend with his spouses    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a complete halt    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Two agencies, both alike in purpose / In fair Verona, where we lay our scene, / From stillness move to probe an accident / Where falling flooring makes the ground unclean    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Man acquitted of 1990 rape, murder. That means the real killer's still out there somewhere    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Balloon Boy's mom admitted to police the whole saga was a hoax. WHAT? A HOAX? REALLY?    img.fark.net


Sports:

ssl.fark.com  Denver improves to 6-0, although they have yet to play a good team, as evinced by the fact that every team they have played has lost to the Broncos    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Ahman Green signs contract with the Green Bay Packers, immediately drops it    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Trojans stick it to Beavers    img.fark.net


Geek:

ssl.fark.com  Scientists discover how Lotus stays dry. Surprisingly, answer is not "Because they're always in the shop"    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Twitter's co-founder, Evan Williams, talks exclusively to the Daily Telegraph about the future of search and plans for improving the micro-b (0)    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Pilot project is trying to determine if chewing gum will ease swallowing problems among people with Parkinson's disease. I'll pause while that sinks in for a minute    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

ssl.fark.com  CBS to produce two shows from Samuel L. Jackson's TV company. You know the shows on TV? You ARE aware that there's an invention called television, and on this invention, they show shows, right?    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Joss Whedon to direct an episode of "Glee". In other news, "Glee" will be promptly moved to Friday night and cancelled    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Hulk Hogan floored by divorce, steel chair    img.fark.net


Politics:

ssl.fark.com  Men who voted for McCain saw immediate drops in testosterone levels after election results announced. Men who voted for Obama didn't have any to lose, stayed the same    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Twenty years ago, communism fell across the globe, surviving today only in Cuba, China and Berkeley    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  US warns of 'slow, painful' intercourse with Myanmar, suggests that Burma shave    img.fark.net


Music:

ssl.fark.com  Next demographic to be exploited: Parents who grew up worshipping hair metal. "Lullaby Renditions of Guns & Roses" is out, in case you always wanted your kids to fall asleep to a song about heroin and prostitutes    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Evanescence plans on playing a secret show in New York next month. The news has been greeted warmly by their legion of fan    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Man tries to hijack Paul Simon's tour bus. This wouldn't have happened if Paul had a bodyguard    img.fark.net


Business:

ssl.fark.com  On 3/11/09, a trader made a $1.7 million bet that shares of Bear Stearns would lose more than half their value in less than nine days. On 3/17/09, the options paid $270 million. And yes, SEC about as effective as Sgt. Schultz overseeing Hogan    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  The luxury market, once in free-fall, is still declining, just not as steeply as some analysts earlier expected. In other words, people are still buying ivory back scratchers, just not as many    img.fark.net

ssl.fark.com  Giant crane has swan song in St. Louis before trip to Kansas City. It will have to duck, but has no egrets    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


107 Comments   (+0 »)
   

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2009-10-26 03:24:21 PM
DIG
 
2009-10-26 03:24:32 PM
"Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a halt" had better show up in the HOTY voting. That is my favorite so far this year.
 
2009-10-26 03:25:48 PM
"Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a halt" had better show up in the HOTY voting. That is my favorite so far this year

That was yet another brilliant gorgor fest, indeed.
 
2009-10-26 03:25:50 PM
My favorite headline this week:

Scientists discover how Lotus stays dry. Surprisingly, answer is not "Because they're always in the shop"

Well done, subby. I used to own a Triumph and know the pain of British Automotive Engineering.
 
2009-10-26 03:27:37 PM
I blame Obama for making it a national emergency. What were they thinking? Ya I know the reasons - but you think they could still prioritize the issue without naming it an "national emergency."
 
2009-10-26 03:32:44 PM
This may or may not be the place to ask, but when these first started being more regular we were promised an elaboration of the baninnationingiserisms.

Not that I particularly care, but it has irked me for some strange reason (I guess completion). Did I miss this update previously, or...?
 
2009-10-26 03:33:23 PM
Considering we're 7 games into the football season. It's about time for ESPN/SI/SBB/etc to start running the "Can *insert team* go undefeated this year?" stories.

They'll be old stories with just the names/stats changed.
 
2009-10-26 03:33:39 PM
GoodOmens: I blame Obama for making it a national emergency. What were they thinking? Ya I know the reasons - but you think they could still prioritize the issue without naming it an "national emergency."

After several years of fabricated, color-coded "terror" alerts, it takes a pretty significant announcement for people to pay attention. My guess is that the administration realizes that and acted accordingly.
 
2009-10-26 03:34:10 PM
GoodOmens: I blame Obama for making it a national emergency. What were they thinking? Ya I know the reasons - but you think they could still prioritize the issue without naming it an "national emergency."

Wow... Obama blamed in 5. Is that a record?

/wwhhaarrgble LIBS LIBS!!
 
2009-10-26 03:34:45 PM
Denver improves to 6-0, although they have yet to play a good team, as evinced by the fact that every team they have played has lost to the Broncos

LOL'd. Not a snicker, a full-on LOL.

/Broncos fan
//understands where subby is coming from
 
2009-10-26 03:34:49 PM
Anyone know what happened to thread 4727241?
 
2009-10-26 03:35:01 PM
Drew: Next week's story today: Can Thanksgiving turkeys give you swine flu? I'm just guessing, based on the fact that there were a ton of articles on "Can Thanksgiving turkeys give you bird flu?!" a few years ago.

Wouldn't the equivalent this year be the Christmas ham?
 
2009-10-26 03:35:46 PM
jdogga: GoodOmens: I blame Obama for making it a national emergency. What were they thinking? Ya I know the reasons - but you think they could still prioritize the issue without naming it an "national emergency."

Wow... Obama blamed in 5. Is that a record?

/wwhhaarrgble LIBS LIBS!!


;-)
 
2009-10-26 03:36:30 PM
jdogga: GoodOmens: I blame Obama for making it a national emergency. What were they thinking? Ya I know the reasons - but you think they could still prioritize the issue without naming it an "national emergency."

Wow... Obama blamed in 5. Is that a record?

/wwhhaarrgble LIBS LIBS!!


5? Hardly a record. Not even a daily record, I bet.

I think the original record was set during the Bush Administration, when someone blamed Bush for an article that wouldn't be written for a month.
 
2009-10-26 03:37:14 PM
boxster: After several years of fabricated, color-coded "terror" alerts, it takes a pretty significant announcement for people to pay attention. My guess is that the administration realizes that and acted accordingly.

Well, that's about as roundabout way of blaming Bush I've ever seen.
 
2009-10-26 03:37:15 PM
While he is apparently still alive and kicking, the celeb I hate the most (Mr. KanYe West), did happen to have a fake death report. Some stories should be true because I want them to be.
 
2009-10-26 03:37:32 PM
Razor blades in Halloween candy can't kill you if the childhood diabetes strikes first.

I'm also betting that the ratio of Salmonella to Bird Flu outbreaks from consuming turkey this year will be like 10,000:1. Remember what Alton Brown says: don't put stuffing in your turkey's cavity. Or any cavity for that matter. It promotes the growth of bacteria.
 
2009-10-26 03:39:05 PM
The "El Paso" headline has to be a front runner for HOY...
 
2009-10-26 03:39:30 PM
Theaetetus: Anyone know what happened to thread 4727241?

It ran off with another same-article thread and got married and did not have kids.

/repeat
 
2009-10-26 03:39:33 PM
I had a feeling my Steven Seagal homage would make it this week.
 
2009-10-26 03:40:32 PM
Theaetetus: Anyone know what happened to thread 4727241?

Weirdness. Same thing happened to a Sheriff Joe thread last week. I assumed Fark Goblins.
 
2009-10-26 03:41:53 PM
Theaetetus: Anyone know what happened to thread 4727241?

Duplicate of 4701067.
 
2009-10-26 03:43:41 PM
GooberMcFly: Theaetetus: Anyone know what happened to thread 4727241?

It ran off with another same-article thread and got married and did not have kids.


So then it's in Maine?
 
2009-10-26 03:44:23 PM
I hate the whole Halloween overprotective everyone-is-trying-to-poison-my-kids BS. Just once I'd like to give out homemade cookies for Halloween and actually have some fun. Nope, have to buy the same mass produced junk as everyone else and put it out.
 
2009-10-26 03:46:00 PM
Dinjiin: Razor blades in Halloween candy can't kill you if the childhood diabetes strikes first.

I'm also betting that the ratio of Salmonella to Bird Flu outbreaks from consuming turkey this year will be like 10,000:1. Remember what Alton Brown says: don't put stuffing in your turkey's cavity. Or any cavity for that matter. It promotes the growth of bacteria.


Not unless you cook it right.

/Had stuffing like that for years.
//Never got sick from it once.
 
2009-10-26 03:47:04 PM
massaroca.files.wordpress.com

Hot hot hot
 
2009-10-26 03:48:36 PM
For some reason Hospitals across the USA are being told by the federal government to report ALL cases of FLU as H1N1 (swine flu.) Even if it`s just regular flu,,,,,why is that??? Something isn`t right with all of this!
 
2009-10-26 03:49:05 PM
I would certainly appreciate the return of the betting pool, or at least a Fark weekly drinking game.
 
2009-10-26 03:52:05 PM
You guys think the USA is going overboard on Swine flu? Europe is going psychotic about it.
 
2009-10-26 03:52:10 PM
LaraAmber: I hate the whole Halloween overprotective everyone-is-trying-to-poison-my-kids BS. Just once I'd like to give out homemade cookies for Halloween and actually have some fun. Nope, have to buy the same mass produced junk as everyone else and put it out.

True; most of the candy that people give out is lackluster at best. Nerds, Special Dark, Peanut M&Ms, Reese's Cups, and York Patties are the only things I even like. Crackle, Mr. Goodbar, Kisses, Crunch, Whoppers, tootsie rolls, most of the rest are just boring.
 
2009-10-26 03:52:26 PM
HONDOWAYNE: For some reason Hospitals across the USA are being told by the federal government to report ALL cases of FLU as H1N1 (swine flu.) Even if it`s just regular flu,,,,,why is that??? Something isn`t right with all of this!

Which is it, they asked them to stop reporting entirely, or they asked them to no longer differentiate between flu strains, and just report the total numbers of flu and pneumonia cases?

I've heard both so many times now.
 
2009-10-26 03:53:05 PM
tarvuz: You guys think the USA is going overboard on Swine flu? Europe is going psychotic about it.

The people going crazy over it are the ones that are using it to fuel their anti-vaccine paranoia.
 
2009-10-26 03:53:18 PM
HONDOWAYNE: For some reason Hospitals across the USA are being told by the federal government to report ALL cases of FLU as H1N1 (swine flu.) Even if it`s just regular flu,,,,,why is that??? Something isn`t right with all of this!

[citation needed]


/seriously, I'd like to see where they're saying this
 
2009-10-26 03:54:10 PM
The_Six_Fingered_Man: Same thing happened to a Sheriff Joe thread last week.

Sheriff Joe had a same sex marriage? Wow, that's really gonna piss off the Catholic brown people from slightly down under even more.
 
2009-10-26 03:54:10 PM
Man your newsflash stations: THE UNITED STATES IS FACING AN EPIDEMIC OF SWINE FLU...stories. Just like how every time you masturbate God kills a kitten, every time time MSM runs another swine flu story, they lose just a little more credibility. Hasn't everyone had swine flu already? I caught it last April.

My wife's old High School is closed for a week (possibly more) after 900 cases of the Swine Flu at the school. The number of pediatric deaths has already exceeded the normal yearly flu-season deaths, with months and months of flu season still remaining. You're totally right though, it's just the media making a mountain out of a molehill.
 
2009-10-26 03:57:05 PM
Yomoxu: I would certainly appreciate the return of the betting pool, or at least a Fark weekly drinking game.

I wasn't able to finalize a solid betting line in time for this week, but a few of the topics were:

- Shaq confused why his backhanded compliment on Twitter is offending a teammate

- First of the "Could the Saints go 16-0?" stories

- First of the "Could the Rams go 0-16?" stories

- Brad Pitt's embarrassing motorcycle accident gets Hollywood media revisiting other celebrity motorcycle accidents, which would then lead to revisiting celebrity sudden deaths, which inevitably would end at some point when somebody discussed James Dean, which is a variation of Godwin's Law

- First celebrity hospitalized for swine flu bacon lung
 
2009-10-26 03:57:15 PM
Wow, sad week for headlines.

/still managed to go 0 for 2
//Who does a guy have to blow around here?
 
2009-10-26 03:58:04 PM
raygundan: Man your newsflash stations: THE UNITED STATES IS FACING AN EPIDEMIC OF SWINE FLU...stories. Just like how every time you masturbate God kills a kitten, every time time MSM runs another swine flu story, they lose just a little more credibility. Hasn't everyone had swine flu already? I caught it last April.

My wife's old High School is closed for a week (possibly more) after 900 cases of the Swine Flu at the school. The number of pediatric deaths has already exceeded the normal yearly flu-season deaths, with months and months of flu season still remaining. You're totally right though, it's just the media making a mountain out of a molehill.


I agree. 83 kids died in the 2007-2008 flu year, and although 95 kids died over the summer, and that's the SLOW flu period, it doesn't mean that anything alarming is going on. The media should just STFU and give us another story about balloon boy.
 
2009-10-26 04:00:47 PM
B-b-b-b-but Obama said that the Flu is an emergency, just like the media sez.
 
2009-10-26 04:02:08 PM
HONDOWAYNE: For some reason Hospitals across the USA are being told by the federal government to report ALL cases of FLU as H1N1 (swine flu.) Even if it`s just regular flu,,,,,why is that??? Something isn`t right with all of this!

The CDC and the various state departments of health do random sample testing, and of confimed flu cases, H1N1 comprised 99+%. The "regular" seasonal flu (other strains of influena-A) isn't in wide circulation, nor is it expected to be this year.
 
2009-10-26 04:02:49 PM
WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.
 
2009-10-26 04:05:02 PM
girljen: Denver improves to 6-0, although they have yet to play a good team, as evinced by the fact that every team they have played has lost to the Broncos

LOL'd. Not a snicker, a full-on LOL.

/Broncos fan
//understands where subby is coming from


it took me a while, but i got it.

what? it's monday.
 
2009-10-26 04:06:37 PM
Treygreen13: "Gas blowing out exit brings 69 to a halt" had better show up in the HOTY voting. That is my favorite so far this year.

I dinna get it
 
2009-10-26 04:06:38 PM
B-b-b-b-b-b-b-but Drew said swine flu is no big deal and he runs a website so he's real smart
 
2009-10-26 04:09:29 PM
vygramul: I agree. 83 kids died in the 2007-2008 flu year, and although 95 kids died over the summer, and that's the SLOW flu period, it doesn't mean that anything alarming is going on. The media should just STFU and give us another story about balloon boy.

Well, I do like a good balloon hoax, at least before I find out it's a hoax.

But yeah... nothing worth reporting about is going on with the flu. Take the death rate... we've had about 1400 confirmed deaths in the US-- except 435 of those happened in the last week. The shape of that particular graph is not a comforting one... but it's just media fearmongering to talk about it.
 
2009-10-26 04:10:20 PM
Is Anti Swine Flu the newest form of Anti Vaccination stupidity?

It's real, it's dangerous and it's not the same as any other flu. Even if it were the same as any other flu, having a double flu season would be newsworthy.
 
2009-10-26 04:10:57 PM
On my deathbed from H1N1:
'Dallas Cowboys must win!'

Doc: Quick get Tony Romo!
Wife: HAHA No way its just the fever.....
 
2009-10-26 04:15:31 PM
HA! I'm just getting over Swine Flu so...


COUGH!
 
2009-10-26 04:16:28 PM
Chinchillazilla: WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE.

Well, you will. Personally I plan to live forever.
 
2009-10-26 04:16:42 PM
meat0918: HONDOWAYNE: For some reason Hospitals across the USA are being told by the federal government to report ALL cases of FLU as H1N1 (swine flu.) Even if it`s just regular flu,,,,,why is that??? Something isn`t right with all of this!

Which is it, they asked them to stop reporting entirely, or they asked them to no longer differentiate between flu strains, and just report the total numbers of flu and pneumonia cases?

I've heard both so many times now.


My understanding is that most years seasonal flu is H1N1 as well, and tracking the two seperately is time consuming and unlikely to be worth investing all the lab resources at this point when swine flu is so widespread so as to be uncontainable.
 
Displayed 50 of 107 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all



This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report