Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(LaCrosse Tribune)   Man ordering food called a zombie, punched twice   (lacrossetribune.com ) divider line
    More: Strange, Iowa City, University of Iowa, ambulances  
•       •       •

13424 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Oct 2009 at 3:05 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



92 Comments     (+0 »)
 


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2009-10-25 12:24:18 PM  
I bet the guy ordered GRAAAINS!
 
2009-10-25 12:33:37 PM  
Rule 2: Double tap.
 
2009-10-25 01:19:08 PM  
With their tanks and their bombs,
And their bombs and their guns.
In your eye, in your eye, they are dying...
 
2009-10-25 01:27:01 PM  
why am I so fascinated by this? There are so few details, but they are delicious
 
2009-10-25 01:58:30 PM  
This is obviously a victimless crime. Zombies don't have rights.
 
2009-10-25 02:11:27 PM  
Punch his head clean off or he'll just keep comin at you!
 
2009-10-25 02:19:17 PM  
this man is a hero. he recognizes the zombie revolution is coming, and it is more than likely going to start at a mexican food joint at 1am. i say kudos to him for showing some initiative, even if he misidentified his prey. young men like this will be the leaders of the future
 
2009-10-25 02:29:02 PM  
Why would you order food called a zombie?
 
2009-10-25 02:45:45 PM  

Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: Why would you order food called a zombie?


Seriously! Mixing brandy, fruit juice, liqueurs and sugar with rum is sure to give you a hell of a hangover. The guy deserved to get punched.
 
2009-10-25 03:09:33 PM  
Tyler: Motherfarker! You hit me in the ear eye!
Narrator: Well, Jesus, I'm sorry.
Tyler: Ow, Christ... why the ear eye, man?
Narrator: Guess I farked it up...
Tyler: No, that was perfect!
 
2009-10-25 03:10:11 PM  

Tr0mBoNe: This is obviously a victimless crime. Zombies don't have rights.


scottkenemore.files.wordpress.com
 
2009-10-25 03:11:44 PM  

Megain: this man is a hero. he recognizes the zombie revolution is coming, and it is more than likely going to start at a mexican food joint at 1am. i say kudos to him for showing some initiative, even if he misidentified his prey undead combatant. young men like this will be the leaders of the future


Still, the appropriate response should involve 00 buckshot. Can't be slacking with zombies roaming about.
 
2009-10-25 03:16:48 PM  
www.freewebs.com

/man in question
 
2009-10-25 03:17:02 PM  
The zombie may be punched twice, but the threat lives on.
 
2009-10-25 03:17:40 PM  
I was just trying to get a cheeseburger, man.

www.celebritypuke.com
 
2009-10-25 03:17:48 PM  
FTFA:

Iowa Raccoon City police are investigating an early morning assault in which a man accused another of being a zombie

Fixed.
 
2009-10-25 03:18:35 PM  
i486.photobucket.com
Alleged victim.
 
2009-10-25 03:18:44 PM  
Wow. Perfect setup for this

www.thinkgeek.com
 
2009-10-25 03:20:18 PM  
I don't see a denial from the man that he is a zombie but he did try to call the cops, which is not stereotypical zombie behavior. Are we talking a swine flu pig zombie or a normal zombie? I hear the former is much trickier to spot. Just to be on the safe side I suggest everyone attack people calling the cops as such behavior could be warning sign of a pig zombie. Get you shots early and often!
 
2009-10-25 03:21:49 PM  

Tr0mBoNe: This is obviously a victimless crime. Zombies don't have rights.


Well, I think there's laws concerning committing indignities to bodies so you can't rape them.
 
2009-10-25 03:22:39 PM  
When I was in IC there was a rash of vegetable-related assaults. Seriously, they would show up in the Police Ledger of the paper. "Woman called 911 to report a brocolli/zuchini/beets assault etc." Something about the place makes people do shiate. People don't realize that Jesus' Son was a documentary.


No, I had nothing to do with it.
 
2009-10-25 03:23:00 PM  
Hero, indeed. Granted, fists are not the ideal weapon when dealing with zombies, but this man used what he had at his disposal and executed his attack flawlessly.

1. Identify zombie.
2. Attack quickly.
3. Retreat and regroup.

Brilliant.
 
2009-10-25 03:23:11 PM  
I guess asking for the 'Brains Burrito' was a mistake.
 
2009-10-25 03:23:33 PM  
FOR WHOM THE BELL TOLLS!
 
2009-10-25 03:24:08 PM  

misanthropic1: Still, the appropriate response should involve 00 buckshot.


Perfect! Infected, highly contagious zombie viscera splattering in all directions. Exactly what we need.

2.bp.blogspot.com
Sh*t. I forgot my umbrella.
 
2009-10-25 03:24:23 PM  
I saw a massive thriller dance happening here in Vancouver. It got me wondering when the first person is going to snap, believe zombies are real, and start mowing down people at such a demonstration.

Halloween would be a good time for this as well if any of you are in fact, this person.
 
2009-10-25 03:24:25 PM  
He's doing it wrong...

"In extreme circumstances, the assailants can be stopped by removing the head or destroying the brain. I will repeat that: by removing the head or destroying the brain."
 
2009-10-25 03:25:07 PM  
Well, was the "victim" a zombie or not? What the hell kind of news story is this where they would leave out such important details?
 
2009-10-25 03:25:50 PM  
Maybe he was a SMOKER!
 
2009-10-25 03:25:57 PM  
Wait, the article was a little sparse on details. Was the victim actually a zombie, or not?
 
2009-10-25 03:26:51 PM  
i195.photobucket.com
 
2009-10-25 03:28:29 PM  
img200.imageshack.us
 
2009-10-25 03:28:37 PM  
Okay. Man #1 calls Man #2 a zombie, then punches him in the face. Man #2 calls cops on cellphone. Man #1 punches Man #2 again, this time breaking his nose.

Anyone can be surprised, so the first punch is one thing, but shouldn't Man #2 have been on his guard and blocked or dodged the second punch?

IMO, the proper response would have been to punch him back first, THEN call the cops.
 
2009-10-25 03:31:16 PM  
In case of zombie (ideally):

future-weapons.org

Aim for spine.

Or:

www.drsfostersmith.comwww.share-winning.com

www.worldofstock.com

"Rawrrrgh?"


Beat bucket until soft. Repeat.
 
2009-10-25 03:31:38 PM  

nytmare: I was just trying to get a cheeseburger, man.


msp208.photobucket.com
 
2009-10-25 03:33:13 PM  
"Hello, human friend. You may need to lean in closer, for as you see I have trouble projecting my voice. Yes, your head just like that, good. Now, human friend, I would like some of those disgusting potato sticks, five burgers - as raw as you can make them. Better yet, don't cook them at all. And lastly, can I get that on a bun made of braaaaaaaaaains..."

"Hey! Did you just say 'brains'?!"

"Fark. N-No! I said 'grains!' A bun of grains- ow my eye! Blast! Foiled again!"
 
2009-10-25 03:33:56 PM  

DarknessTigerpaw: Wow. Perfect setup for this


I would buy that shirt..

/just saw the movie last night
 
2009-10-25 03:33:57 PM  

LargeCanine: Okay. Man #1 calls Man #2 a zombie, then punches him in the face. Man #2 calls cops on cellphone. Man #1 punches Man #2 again, this time breaking his nose.

Anyone can be surprised, so the first punch is one thing, but shouldn't Man #2 have been on his guard and blocked or dodged the second punch?

IMO, the proper response would have been to punch him back first, THEN call the cops.


Zombies are known to be a bit clumsy.
 
2009-10-25 03:35:44 PM  

thamike: In case of zombie (ideally):(pictures)


All you need is your SIR and lobo.
 
2009-10-25 03:36:06 PM  
What if the zombie was taking the order?

images4.wikia.nocookie.net

Though don't you think "Zombie" is a little derogatory?
 
2009-10-25 03:37:22 PM  

Lady Beryl Ersatz-Wendigo: Why would you order food called a zombie?


Say goodnight, Gracie.
 
2009-10-25 03:37:27 PM  
CARDIO... sorry but the first ones to go were the fatties.
 
2009-10-25 03:38:03 PM  
"Dad you killed zombie Flanders!"

"He was a zombie?"
 
2009-10-25 03:39:14 PM  
In a related story, the entire U. of Iowa football team was called in for questioning.
 
2009-10-25 03:39:56 PM  
Isn't punching a zombie just asking to be infected?
 
2009-10-25 03:41:23 PM  
APPROVES


farm4.static.flickr.com
 
2009-10-25 03:42:02 PM  
"Do I LOOK like one of them?!"

/"ZOEY!"
 
2009-10-25 03:46:10 PM  

brap: When I was in IC there was a rash of vegetable-related assaults. Seriously, they would show up in the Police Ledger of the paper. "Woman called 911 to report a brocolli/zuchini/beets assault etc." Something about the place makes people do shiate. People don't realize that Jesus' Son was a documentary.


No, I had nothing to do with it.



Would'nt that be classified as a Beets-Down?

Lettuce hope these veggy related attacks are not the tip of the Iceberg.
 
2009-10-25 03:49:37 PM  
I had a drink called a zombie once. My condition afterwards remains a blur. I think animals and sex were involved, not necessarily at once, but I can't be sure.
 
2009-10-25 04:01:04 PM  

ms_lara_croft: I had a drink called a zombie once. My condition afterwards remains a blur. I think animals and sex were involved, not necessarily at once, but I can't be sure.


A typical "zombie" drink does not actually call for Rohypnol.
 
Displayed 50 of 92 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all



This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report