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(Mercury News)   Couple nailed for embezzling $1.3 million from hardware store. Office manager saw a problem and called police to drill them. Woodn't you know it: Tax Board also plans to hammer them   (mercurynews.com) divider line 45
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4618 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Oct 2009 at 11:48 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



45 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-10-22 11:48:59 PM
Probably just a couple of tools...
 
2009-10-22 11:49:14 PM
Can't wait for all the other punsters to pipe in.
 
2009-10-22 11:49:32 PM
Wow, amazing it took 7 years to notice!
 
2009-10-22 11:50:48 PM
It's about time they got nailed. Hopefully the screws in the joint will give them what they deserve.
 
2009-10-22 11:52:00 PM
dj_bigbird: It's about time they got nailed. Hopefully the screws in the joint will give them what they deserve.

Yeah, and something something caulk
 
2009-10-22 11:52:27 PM
I think you meant "embeveling."
 
2009-10-22 11:54:11 PM
Penis.
oh wait...
 
2009-10-22 11:54:28 PM
All these pun headlines are incredibly stupid. What happened to the headlines that used to make me actually laugh out loud?
 
2009-10-22 11:55:46 PM
Caulk one up to the good guys.
 
2009-10-22 11:57:01 PM
These guys are screwed.
 
2009-10-22 11:57:17 PM
The jig is up.
 
2009-10-22 11:57:25 PM
Oh Snap-on!
 
2009-10-22 11:57:31 PM
Derp, derp, derp...derp.
 
2009-10-22 11:58:12 PM
Oh man, you mean they forgot to put that $7M in illegal income on their 1040? No way!
 
2009-10-22 11:58:47 PM
DOH, $1.3M - where did I get 7?
 
2009-10-22 11:58:59 PM
img.photobucket.com
 
2009-10-23 12:00:47 AM
Well, that didn't work.

You guys brought your magnifying glasses?
 
2009-10-23 12:01:18 AM
I heard that the guy is going to be rooming with Phillips.

So he'll probably have to give Phillips head.

*Rim Shot*

/Meh.
 
2009-10-23 12:02:08 AM
That is one hellacious load of penny nails.
 
2009-10-23 12:02:19 AM
I bet he mitered in her dovetail joint while she woodglued her tablesaw into his drill press.
 
2009-10-23 12:06:19 AM
They're going to grove the grit into the grain while gouging the greenwood.

Maybe they'll fishtail the fretsaw while frosting the fence.


http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Glossary_of_woodworking_terms
 
2009-10-23 12:06:27 AM
she sounds like a hoe, and he sounds like a piece of dirt.
 
2009-10-23 12:07:51 AM
rosehip: All these pun headlines are incredibly stupid. What happened to the headlines that used to make me actually laugh out loud?

Maybe if you were as sharp as a tack, you'd paint your own vivid headline instead of chiseling away at a successful greenlight.
 
2009-10-23 12:14:44 AM
dj_bigbird: rosehip: All these pun headlines are incredibly stupid. What happened to the headlines that used to make me actually laugh out loud?

Maybe if you were as sharp as a tack, you'd paint your own vivid headline instead of chiseling away at a successful greenlight.


Uh huh... hilarious.
 
2009-10-23 12:23:34 AM
Trivia: The guy who invented the Pet Rock lived (lives?) in nearby Los Gatos. He bought all those rocks at this Payless Rockery.

/you may now continue the punfest
 
2009-10-23 12:23:38 AM
Tempted: Can't wait for all the other punsters to pipe in.

This

Is there a way to filter pun headlines? It's like a series of fail blog comments anytime there's a pun involved
 
2009-10-23 12:25:51 AM
Upon their arrest, they said: "Oh, nuts!!"
 
2009-10-23 12:38:29 AM
Even with concrete evidence, they might have been framed.
 
2009-10-23 12:39:16 AM
I went to the "Free Colon Screening" there.
I was pulling chunks of spline out of my ass for a month.
 
2009-10-23 12:57:21 AM
I hear the vise squad is investigsting too.
 
2009-10-23 12:59:54 AM
this is a riveting case.
 
2009-10-23 01:01:33 AM
Needs moar Heidi

in-one-ear.com
 
2009-10-23 01:08:32 AM
I saw that story, and it's a wrenching tale, but they miter guessed that unless they bolted, someone would bring the hammer down and they'd be screwed. penis
 
2009-10-23 01:19:33 AM
I feel for these people. If you do not routinely audit everything your staff does, people can steal from you.

My father's bookkeeper of 23 years began stealing from him starting on year 24. She altered everything, and she managed to steal $300,000 over three years before she was caught. Why? Because he trusted her. She'd been there 23 years. She knew exactly how to cover it up, and if their accounting software hadn't blown up and they had to redo everything from paperwork she'd probably still be stealing from him instead of in jail.

Audit. Everything.

Seriously. Audit everything like you have Snoop's pot dealer running your register. Audit everything like Bernie Madoff has the combo to your safe.

Oddly enough, I think this happens at extremely small businesses more often than larger ones because it's easier to cover your tracks if you control all points of the transaction.
 
2009-10-23 01:30:37 AM
This thread is plumb full of scrap. I hope everyone will come along so we can at least have a thin set of level headed comments.
 
2009-10-23 01:32:20 AM
dj_bigbird: It's about time they got nailed. Hopefully the screws in the joint will give them what they deserve.

In other words, a fitting punishment?
 
2009-10-23 01:34:37 AM
rosehip: All these pun headlines are incredibly stupid. What happened to the headlines that used to make me actually laugh out loud?

So, you found this headline boring?
 
2009-10-23 02:04:25 AM
rosehip: Uh huh... hilarious.

Come now, I'm sure you can device a better retorque than that.

And are you sure it's the case that you aren't even a bit amused by puns? After all, wire you even reading this thread if puns driver you nuts as much adz you claim? Hex, it's plane-ly fu-tile to rail against puns, when everyone else here is venting so much support for them. Level with me, do you reel-y find puns as grating as you claim? Join the fun -- better ladder than never.
 
2009-10-23 02:06:54 AM
APPROVES
http://tinyurl.com/yzt7m65
(copy and paste)
 
2009-10-23 09:50:02 AM
I won't be checking gorgor's link anytime soon. :)
 
2009-10-23 10:07:07 AM
rosehip: All these pun headlines are incredibly stupid. What happened to the headlines that used to make me actually laugh out loud?

You're right. Why don't you join TFD so you can make an E/N thread about how you're quitting TF because no one makes punny headlines any more?

Here's an idea. Submit your own puns or STFU. Nobody likes a whiner, which is what you are.
 
2009-10-23 11:26:46 AM
In the 80s my Dad grew a garage business into a 40+ employee business. Eventually it crashed and burned, partly because of economic downturn, partly because he grew it too fast, and partly because his account made off with hundreds of thousands of dollars. Getting a kick, etc.
 
2009-10-23 11:47:16 AM
"Tacks board" for Pete's sake!
 
2009-10-23 01:55:25 PM
Sounds like someone was raking it in.

/with that amount I suppose they'd need a shovel.
 
2009-10-23 06:33:03 PM
She'll Pussy Pass© out and he'll be left holding the bag.
 
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