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(The Morning Call)   Police are on the lookout for the Jesse James of Pennsylvania Wal-Marts   (mcall.com ) divider line
    More: Strange, Wal-Marts, Lehigh Valley Data Center, shoplifting, conflicts in Iraq, traffic cameras, Muhlenberg Township Police Department, crime rates, stole  
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8109 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Oct 2009 at 10:47 AM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



51 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-10-21 10:17:37 AM  
I prefer Jesse Jane.
 
2009-10-21 10:50:33 AM  
Walmart trifecta in play.
 
2009-10-21 10:50:40 AM  
Gotta love how they ask for people to call the police if they recognize the man, but have no photo in the article.

/mighty fine reportin'
 
2009-10-21 10:51:24 AM  
God damn it, Pennsylvania. Get your shiat together. You're pushing mighty hard for a Fark tag.
 
2009-10-21 10:53:28 AM  
FTFA: A string of retail thefts of high-end electronic goods from Wal-Mart stores

Oxymoron?

/Jumbo shrimp
//Military intelligence
 
2009-10-21 10:53:41 AM  
Police said the thefts entail distracting store employees and then fleeing,

Distracting Wal-Martians? Does he give them a sheet of aluminum foil or does he toss them a squeaky toy from the pet department?
 
2009-10-21 10:55:18 AM  

Tosoto: Gotta love how they ask for people to call the police if they recognize the man, but have no photo in the article.

/mighty fine reportin'


Second thread in 20 minutes from PA where they do this.
Morans.
 
2009-10-21 10:55:42 AM  
What does the conflict in Iraq have to do with stealing from Wal Mart?

i635.photobucket.com
 
2009-10-21 10:56:01 AM  

Whatthefark: Police said the thefts entail distracting store employees and then fleeing,

Distracting Wal-Martians? Does he give them a sheet of aluminum foil or does he toss them a squeaky toy from the pet department?


Neither, you just point in a random direction and say "Look, fur-lined Crocks on sale over there..."
 
2009-10-21 10:56:05 AM  
media.peopleofwalmart.com

what the perp may look like
 
2009-10-21 10:56:06 AM  
2 computers for $2500 = $1250 per computer

at wal-mart?

in stock at the same time?

maybe the police used drug raid pricing here.
 
2009-10-21 10:58:07 AM  
Did anyone else notice the name of the article's author?

"Tracy Jordan"

30 Rock comments anyone?
 
2009-10-21 10:58:16 AM  
I say wait till he's hanging a picture on the wall, then shoot him in the back.
 
2009-10-21 10:59:44 AM  
And now for my next impression, Jesse Owens!
 
2009-10-21 11:00:28 AM  
images2.fanpop.com

Wanted for questioning...
 
2009-10-21 11:00:36 AM  
what do you get if you steal a wal*mart computer?

so much HP crapware that you won't be able to delete it all before the bad capacitors on your motherboard fail.
 
2009-10-21 11:04:43 AM  
Are Wal-mart employees really that absent minded that you can distract them long enough to steal TWO COMPUTERS right out from under their noses?? Wow.
 
2009-10-21 11:05:09 AM  

Doctor Funkenstein: God damn it, Pennsylvania. Get your shiat together. You're pushing mighty hard for a Fark tag.


We already deserve one, I'm sorry to say.
 
2009-10-21 11:08:01 AM  
I loathe Walmart.

This guy is a hero. I hope he wears a cape while he steals. Or at least a Zorro mask.
 
2009-10-21 11:09:10 AM  
I am going to take a wild guess, this guy is probably black. They did not display his photo or description because that will be racist. Just like saying the chances of a black person committing a crime is higher than everyone else because of the higher proportion of incarcerated blacks.
 
2009-10-21 11:09:33 AM  
because if you want to make a lot of money, you take hostages computers in a discount supermarket from Walmart


/Eagerly awaiting Darwinian theft trifecta
 
2009-10-21 11:11:25 AM  
Great! Keep up the good work patriot!
 
2009-10-21 11:12:56 AM  
First Subway, now Wal-mart. Is there really no better place to rob in the Lehigh Valley?
 
2009-10-21 11:14:47 AM  

Xomodo: I am going to take a wild guess, this guy is probably black. They did not display his photo or description because that will be racist. Just like saying the chances of a black person committing a crime is higher than everyone else because of the higher proportion of incarcerated blacks.


Thank you for your wild guess, we will let you know if anyone phones in to tell us that they care.
 
2009-10-21 11:16:11 AM  
media.peopleofwalmart.com

His accomplice keeps them distracted in the produce aisle....
 
2009-10-21 11:19:10 AM  
media.peopleofwalmart.com

don't forget the lookout
 
2009-10-21 11:19:48 AM  

Xomodo: I am going to take a wild guess, this guy is probably black. They did not display his photo or description because that will be racist. Just like saying the chances of a black person committing a crime is higher than everyone else because of the higher proportion of incarcerated blacks.


2/10. Good try though.

If all the blacks are incarcerated, how could one have possibly committed this crime, hmm?
 
2009-10-21 11:20:04 AM  
But the poor Missouri farmers knew that Wal*Mart Jesse did the best he could.
 
2009-10-21 11:21:42 AM  
His accomplices are a bunch of random people from all over the country who do all of the actual stealing while he shows up once a week and welds a door open or something.
 
2009-10-21 11:22:56 AM  

Xomodo: I am going to take a wild guess, this guy is probably black. They did not display his photo or description because that will be racist. Just like saying the chances of a black person committing a crime is higher than everyone else because of the higher proportion of incarcerated blacks.


My one black friend told me the same thing just last night.
 
2009-10-21 11:25:19 AM  
Turns out Xomodo was right

http://www.mcall.com/news/breaking/all-news-walmart-102009-cn,0,368741​6.story (new window)
 
2009-10-21 11:26:14 AM  
The Pennsylvania Wallie Worlds must be different from the California stores. I've yet to see any "high end electronics" in the stores around here.
 
2009-10-21 11:27:12 AM  
ops

Click this (new window)
 
2009-10-21 11:40:48 AM  
Distract employees, run out a fire escape door? Why bother.

Just roll the stuff out the front door while you nod in a friendly manner to the greeter. They will even help you load it up if you ask.

Seems to work for me
 
2009-10-21 11:40:51 AM  

Whatthefark: Police said the thefts entail distracting store employees and then fleeing,

Distracting Wal-Martians? Does he give them a sheet of aluminum foil or does he toss them a squeaky toy from the pet department?


Actually at that Wal-Mart he probably just spoke English. It is a second language at that particular store. If he would have just taken a deep breath outside of the store he would have just passed out from the Mushroom smell.
 
2009-10-21 12:02:38 PM  

johm: Turns out Xomodo was right

http://www.mcall.com/news/breaking/all-news-walmart-102009-cn,0,368741​6.story (new window)


This really does happen -- I suspected it was a black guy due to the lack of a description in the article. Our local newspaper ignited a shiatstorm several years ago when it printed photographs of all the locals convicted of armed robbery during the previous year, and almost all of them were black. People were writing angry letters for weeks.

The paper doesn't publish photos like that any more.
 
2009-10-21 12:08:38 PM  

Cowkitchen2: johm: Turns out Xomodo was right

http://www.mcall.com/news/breaking/all-news-walmart-102009-cn,0,368741​6.story (new window)

This really does happen -- I suspected it was a black guy due to the lack of a description in the article. Our local newspaper ignited a shiatstorm several years ago when it printed photographs of all the locals convicted of armed robbery during the previous year, and almost all of them were black. People were writing angry letters for weeks.

The paper doesn't publish photos like that any more.



That dude only has one computer in his cart, but he does look black/suspicious.
 
2009-10-21 12:35:38 PM  
I came for the peopleofwalmart.com photos. My work has begun blocking the site, and even the pictures hotlinked aren't viewable. I leave sad, but not because of you, farkers.
 
2009-10-21 12:39:35 PM  

Cowkitchen2: Our local newspaper ignited a shiatstorm several years ago when it printed photographs of all the locals convicted of armed robbery during the previous year, and almost all of them were black. People were writing angry letters for weeks.


There was a similar PC overload in Flint while I was in college. Concerned citizens noticed that most of the urban crimes were reported as having black perpetrators or suspects (and, generally, victims).

Now, if you're a fan of the obvious, you'll notice that urban Flint is 90%+ black, so the above is hardly a surprise. But the news station obediently changed policy and began to only report race if it was non-African, going so far as to even remove the shading from police sketches. They justified it by pointing out the black majority, so it wasn't worth mentioning when it was the "norm".

It was hilariously obvious. "Four teens are still being sought in connection with a home-invasion robbery caught on video that occurred last night. One of the suspects is a white male, about 15 years old, 5'7 and a slight build. The other boys are believed to be between 15 and 18 years old as well. If you have any information, please call..."
 
2009-10-21 01:22:05 PM  
i36.tinypic.com

This is not the Jesse James you seek.

Move along.
 
2009-10-21 02:12:08 PM  
I once pissed in a trash can in a Pennsylvania Walmart, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.
 
2009-10-21 02:31:21 PM  
like I'm gonna believe an article written by Tracy Jordan.
 
2009-10-21 03:10:44 PM  
img245.imageshack.us
 
2009-10-21 03:59:20 PM  
He's "wanted in 6 counties." The rest of the state is not interested? Has no jurisdiction?

Or, did the "journalist" mean something else entirely?
 
2009-10-21 05:11:15 PM  
They rode against the railroads,
And they rode against the banks
And they rode against the governor WalMarts
Never did they ask for a word of thanks

Keep on riding, riding, riding...
 
2009-10-21 05:57:03 PM  

Xaneidolon: They rode against the railroads,
And they rode against the banks
And they rode against the governor WalMarts
Never did they ask for a word of thanks

Keep on riding, riding, riding...


Between your comment and mine, I'm thinking that a full parody song is in order.


Inflatable Rhetoric: He's "wanted in 6 counties." The rest of the state is not interested? Has no jurisdiction?

Or, did the "journalist" mean something else entirely?


That's nothin'. I've got the death sentence on twelve systems.
 
2009-10-21 06:01:56 PM  

MurphyManifesto: Xaneidolon: They rode against the railroads,
And they rode against the banks
And they rode against the governor WalMarts
Never did they ask for a word of thanks

Keep on riding, riding, riding...

Between your comment and mine, I'm thinking that a full parody song is in order.


Inflatable Rhetoric: He's "wanted in 6 counties." The rest of the state is not interested? Has no jurisdiction?

Or, did the "journalist" mean something else entirely?

That's nothin'. I've got the death sentence on twelve systems.


Damnit. Skimmed the thread for a reference but missed your much more subtle one. Well done!
 
2009-10-21 06:23:05 PM  
who cares.....fark walmart....... will the $2500 screw their earnings for the quarter? Wholsale whores. They come into a town and put every mom and pop shop out of business. Screw them.
 
2009-10-21 07:14:28 PM  
Pennsylvania sucks. Is there a law saying that all women have to get pregnant before they can get their driver's license or something? I can't wait to get out of this white-trash-infested gang-banger-saturated smelly armpit of America.
 
2009-10-21 07:48:43 PM  

2tonejackal: like I'm gonna believe an article written by Tracy Jordan.


If you're referencing 30 Rock...I'm disappointed by the lack of related comments in this thread.
 
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