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(Canoe)   If you're going to a strip club with handfuls of funny money, make sure that you don't spend your time with a stripper who can detect counterfeit bills   (cnews.canoe.ca) divider line 77
    More: Fail, Rickey A. Kempter, CHEYENNE  
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11248 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Oct 2009 at 3:44 AM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



77 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-10-20 09:53:50 PM
Strip clubs are full of black lights and other uv sources.

Its a bad place to pass fake bills.

Or to wear a black lint covered shirt.
 
2009-10-20 11:05:30 PM
"The taxi driver called police after they arrived, saying Kempter asked him to hold a roll of $50 bills and he noticed that they looked odd and were not cut evenly."

www.tvworthwatching.com
/Either he's giving lap dances or subby fails at reading comprehension.
 
2009-10-21 02:34:10 AM
rcain: "The taxi driver called police after they arrived, saying Kempter asked him to hold a roll of $50 bills and he noticed that they looked odd and were not cut evenly."


/Either he's giving lap dances or subby fails at reading comprehension.


the latter

it was the taxi driver subby, not the stripper

nice headline
 
2009-10-21 03:48:05 AM
archichris: Strip clubs are full of black lights and other uv sources.

Its a bad place to pass fake bills.

Or to wear a black lint covered shirt.


Or a white shirt with a stain on it.
 
2009-10-21 03:49:26 AM
wild9: archichris: Strip clubs are full of black lights and other uv sources.

Its a bad place to pass fake bills.

Or to wear a black lint covered shirt.

Or a white shirt with a stain on it.


Or black pants with a stain on them.
 
2009-10-21 03:50:28 AM
SUBMITTER:

READING COMPREHENSION: FAIL. FAIL, FAIL, FAIL.

MISLEADING HEADLINE: A++++++

Yay! You're a winner!
 
2009-10-21 03:51:07 AM
Fake tits, fake money, suck it up you nasty slut whore.
 
2009-10-21 03:55:03 AM
Airfoilsguy: Fake tits, fake money, suck it up you nasty slut whore.

Well aren't you the classy one.
 
2009-10-21 03:57:16 AM
The article headline itself states that the stripper detected the bills and yet the article body says the taxi driver detected it. I'm lost on who to blame the fail on.
 
2009-10-21 03:58:11 AM
The lap dance is always better when the counterfeiter is crying.
 
2009-10-21 04:01:35 AM
I know this happened in Wyoming, but reading it on a Canadian news site had me wondering how you put a loony in a stripper's g-string.
 
2009-10-21 04:02:39 AM
Why would you give a taxi driver a "roll" of $50 bills, fake or real? How long was that ride?
 
2009-10-21 04:03:42 AM
maximum_jack: Why would you give a taxi driver a "roll" of $50 bills, fake or real? How long was that ride?

images.thecarconnection.com

This guy might know
 
2009-10-21 04:05:32 AM
StarSys: The article headline itself states that the stripper detected the bills and yet the article body says the taxi driver detected it. I'm lost on who to blame the fail on.

The taxi driver moonlights as a stripper? Vice-versa?
 
2009-10-21 04:27:05 AM
So they went to a motel so he could get a lap dance?


Riiiiiiiight...
 
2009-10-21 04:34:31 AM
Why don't they just go with 90's technology and have you swipe your card and enter your PIN?
 
2009-10-21 04:34:32 AM
I went to a strip club in Amsterdam. The girl was pretty hot, from Poland I think although her breasts were too fake looking and she still had red scars underneath them, anyway I paid for a private dance (100 euros) and it was great she rubbed herself on my leg and put her breasts in my face. After I left the club I looked at my trousers where she had rubbed herself and there was a small stain of feces, like you get in your underpants. It was disgusting!
 
2009-10-21 04:38:07 AM
www.speakfreeamerica.org
"Do you take credit?"
 
2009-10-21 04:38:59 AM
BesiktasBoy83: I went to a strip club in Amsterdam. The girl was pretty hot, from Poland I think although her breasts were too fake looking and she still had red scars underneath them, anyway I paid for a private dance (100 euros) and it was great she rubbed herself on my leg and put her breasts in my face. After I left the club I looked at my trousers where she had rubbed herself and there was a small stain of feces, like you get in your underpants. It was disgusting!

I don't know why, but I giggled.
 
2009-10-21 04:39:46 AM
BesiktasBoy83

Jesus H. Christ on a pogo stick. Speaking for the rest of us farkers, thanks for sharing that. Somethings are best kept to yourself. Even on FARK. I'm never going to thing of a lapdance the same. Assole.
 
2009-10-21 04:40:30 AM
His new cell mates may want a stripper too.
 
2009-10-21 04:41:02 AM
BesiktasBoy83, cool story, bro.
 
2009-10-21 04:41:09 AM
BesiktasBoy83: I went to a strip club in Amsterdam. The girl was pretty hot, from Poland I think although her breasts were too fake looking and she still had red scars underneath them, anyway I paid for a private dance (100 euros) and it was great she rubbed herself on my leg and put her breasts in my face. After I left the club I looked at my trousers where she had rubbed herself and there was a small stain of feces, like you get in your underpants. It was disgusting!

Way too much for a private dance. $20 per dance at the strip club I go to.
 
2009-10-21 04:52:28 AM
ty for your replies. Thats not even the worst thing that ever happened to me with a stripper. When I was studying and I forst moved to Hamburg I was pretty lonely so I went to this strip club/bar a lot and I fell in love with this one girl from Ukraine. I used to hang out a lot and spend all my money, anyway I started seeing her outside the bar/club which was amazing because I loved being seen by other people with her, so to cut a long story short she had a kid with cancer back in Ukraine & I ended up giving her like 2.5k euros to help pay for medicine etc. I knew it was probably not a true story but I loved her & wanted to keep seeing her. After I gave her the money she finished things, I went a bit crazy and her new boyfriend beat me up pretty bad (broken nose, fingers, ribs lol)
Cool story bro, I know ;)
 
2009-10-21 05:02:02 AM
BesiktasBoy83: ty for your replies. Thats not even the worst thing that ever happened to me with a stripper. When I was studying and I forst moved to Hamburg I was pretty lonely so I went to this strip club/bar a lot and I fell in love with this one girl from Ukraine. I used to hang out a lot and spend all my money, anyway I started seeing her outside the bar/club which was amazing because I loved being seen by other people with her, so to cut a long story short she had a kid with cancer back in Ukraine & I ended up giving her like 2.5k euros to help pay for medicine etc. I knew it was probably not a true story but I loved her & wanted to keep seeing her. After I gave her the money she finished things, I went a bit crazy and her new boyfriend beat me up pretty bad (broken nose, fingers, ribs lol)
Cool story bro, I know ;)


YDI
 
2009-10-21 05:19:30 AM
Love makes men do crazy things, BesiktasBoy83, which you so well illustrate.
 
2009-10-21 05:40:58 AM
PLease stop posting BesiktasBoy83. Just stop. Please.
 
2009-10-21 05:46:20 AM
FTA
Court documents say Kempter told investigators that he made the bills on a printer in his home, but that he planned to go home and get real money to pay the dancer.

That is the second crappiest story here.
 
2009-10-21 05:50:47 AM
Reminds me of a story this stripper told me. One of the older (and dumber) dancers biatched about one of her regulars, this "weird European guy" who was "a total cheapskate," because he tipped her "in these stupid African quarters."

The other stripper was curious what they looked like, so she asked if she could see one.

They were solid gold Krugerrands.
 
2009-10-21 05:59:48 AM
mreuther: had me wondering how you put a loony in a stripper's g-string.

I was going to post a picture of Anna Nicole Smith in a thong, but I don't feel like getting banninated this early on a Wednesday.
 
2009-10-21 06:11:09 AM
CaptainBeer: PLease stop posting BesiktasBoy83. Just stop. Please.

Ok. Sorry bro.
 
2009-10-21 06:15:53 AM
BesiktasBoy83:

Interesting story. I remember I was at a strip club in Montreal and and my friend kept "buying drinks" for this one girl, got a few lap dances too. It was like he was obsessed. Meanwhile I spent about 1/4 as much money and got to spend the evening looking at titties of various shapes and sizes, and more, since full nudity is legal here. Anyway suddenly he comes flying out of the lap dance room and is like "we have to go now" - I was smart and went, we barely made it out of there before two bouncers were after him with blood in their eyes. Dunno what he did to deserve that, I was afraid to ask. So we whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'fresh' and it had dice in the mirror.
 
2009-10-21 06:19:46 AM
Funny how the headline is "Stripper detects counterfeit bills" while the article clearly states the taxi driver is the one who called the police

Still is wise advice though
 
2009-10-21 06:22:00 AM
No Such Agency: BesiktasBoy83:

Interesting story. I remember I was at a strip club in Montreal and and my friend kept "buying drinks" for this one girl, got a few lap dances too. It was like he was obsessed. Meanwhile I spent about 1/4 as much money and got to spend the evening looking at titties of various shapes and sizes, and more, since full nudity is legal here. Anyway suddenly he comes flying out of the lap dance room and is like "we have to go now" - I was smart and went, we barely made it out of there before two bouncers were after him with blood in their eyes. Dunno what he did to deserve that, I was afraid to ask. So we whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'fresh' and it had dice in the mirror.


This is why you show up bright green to me.
 
2009-10-21 06:33:53 AM
mreuther: I know this happened in Wyoming, but reading it on a Canadian news site had me wondering how you put a loony in a stripper's g-string.

One at a time. They make a 'clink-clink' sound after you drop the first one in.
 
2009-10-21 06:37:04 AM
No Such Agency: Anyway suddenly he comes flying out of the lap dance room and is like "we have to go now"

There's a reason for that.
 
2009-10-21 06:55:50 AM
BesiktasBoy83: anyway I paid for a private dance (100 euros) and it was great she rubbed herself on my leg

100 EUR for a lap dance? Shiat, you can get laid for that in Amsterdam. Twice.
 
2009-10-21 07:01:11 AM
Fifty-year-old Rickey A. Kempter faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted

He'll be out before the next season starts.

4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2009-10-21 07:02:14 AM
mreuther: I know this happened in Wyoming, but reading it on a Canadian news site had me wondering how you put a loony in a stripper's g-string.

You don't.
You make them come get the loony from your teeth without using their hands.
 
2009-10-21 07:09:26 AM
Oh oh. A stripper with super sensing powers.
 
2009-10-21 07:15:04 AM
moops: Fifty-year-old Rickey A. Kempter faces up to 20 years in prison if convicted

He'll be out before the next season starts.


+1 for Trailer Park Boys reference.
 
2009-10-21 07:44:51 AM
Grumble.

I submitted this with a funnier headline.
 
2009-10-21 07:51:04 AM
I wonder if they handled this "in-house". No cops involved.

www.gonemovies.com
 
2009-10-21 08:13:15 AM
Rules for succesfully passing fake bills.

1. Never use high denominations. Lower denominations are less likely to be checked by cashiers. Fifties will almost always be checked and twenties are sometimes checked.

2. Use them during busy shopping times. Paying for an item with fake bills when cashiers are busy makes it less likely that they will be checked.

3. Never carry a huge amount at once. Keeping a box full of fake bills or a huge roll of them in your car, in your house, some where easily seen is just begging to be busted by the cops. Cash is no longer king and huge amounts of cash is considered suspiscious.

4. Mix in some real and some fake bills, hand the real bills to the cashier first. This makes it look like you are the victim and cashiers are more likely to check the first bill and not the others.

5. Never pass fake bills to people who primarily handle cash and are suspicious by nature. Bartenders, taxi cab drivers, strippers, and other disreputable people primarily handle cash and are more likely to spot a fake then the bored check out girl at Walmart.
 
2009-10-21 08:16:31 AM
wholedamnshow: BesiktasBoy83: I went to a strip club in Amsterdam. The girl was pretty hot, from Poland I think although her breasts were too fake looking and she still had red scars underneath them, anyway I paid for a private dance (100 euros) and it was great she rubbed herself on my leg and put her breasts in my face. After I left the club I looked at my trousers where she had rubbed herself and there was a small stain of feces, like you get in your underpants. It was disgusting!

Way too much for a private dance. $20 per dance at the strip club I go to.


The bacon strip costs extra.
 
2009-10-21 08:20:10 AM
No Such Agency: BesiktasBoy83:

Interesting story. I remember I was at a strip club in Montreal and and my friend kept "buying drinks" for this one girl, got a few lap dances too. It was like he was obsessed. Meanwhile I spent about 1/4 as much money and got to spend the evening looking at titties of various shapes and sizes, and more, since full nudity is legal here. Anyway suddenly he comes flying out of the lap dance room and is like "we have to go now" - I was smart and went, we barely made it out of there before two bouncers were after him with blood in their eyes. Dunno what he did to deserve that, I was afraid to ask. So we whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'fresh' and it had dice in the mirror.


He tried to play along during the lesbian suck off. Or, he fingerraped her. Could be either one.
 
2009-10-21 08:29:21 AM
Bartenders, taxi cab drivers, strippers, and other disreputable people

Elitist asshole. Go fark yourself
 
2009-10-21 08:48:48 AM
No Such Agency: Interesting story. I remember I was at a strip club in Montreal and and my friend kept "buying drinks" for this one girl, got a few lap dances too. It was like he was obsessed. Meanwhile I spent about 1/4 as much money and got to spend the evening looking at titties of various shapes and sizes, and more, since full nudity is legal here. Anyway suddenly he comes flying out of the lap dance room and is like "we have to go now" - I was smart and went, we barely made it out of there before two bouncers were after him with blood in their eyes. Dunno what he did to deserve that, I was afraid to ask. So we whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said 'fresh' and it had dice in the mirror.

I'll one up your cool story bro

Was at a club north of Chicago. Same setup as you, except my friend was out in the mingle area and I was the one who ended up in the VIP room. IN any event it wasn't the bouncers who came after us but rather the strippers boyfriend and his Biker Club.

I'd like to say we got away, or I put up the good fight....well you can prolly guess the ending to that one.
 
2009-10-21 09:03:40 AM
Epic Double Fail

those who blame subby fail to notice the headline fail
 
2009-10-21 09:07:20 AM
My whore story: Went to a strip club in Germany and stepped into a private booth for a show. She was smoking hot/nice rack/etc... she was grinding her hand in her crotch and I'm thinking this is going to be awesome. Eventually she dropped her little skirt, well.. the chick had a whanker.. or he had breasts. Either way, I am sure for good reasons I forgot that incident until this morning.

Those brain cells will die a horrible death tonight.
 
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