FARK.com: (4698818) Man sentenced to probation after stabbing girlfriend's pet fish. And if you can visualize the sort of idiot who might do such a thing, there's a mugshot that looks EXACTLY like that staring back at you from the article

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		Man sentenced to probation after stabbing girlfriend's pet fish. And if you can visualize the sort of idiot who might do such a thing, there's a mugshot that looks EXACTLY like that staring back at you from the article (oregonlive.com)		215
		More: Dumbass, stabbing, probation, Portland Weird, pet fish, The Onion, deputy district attorney, pay phones, harris

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47200 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Oct 2009 at 12:19 PM | Favorite | share:

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veedeevadeevoodee		2009-10-14 09:53:18 AM

/ must have missed the fall flounder run

tnpir		2009-10-14 10:22:14 AM

AND I WOULD WALK 500 MILES AND I WOULD WALK 500 MORE...

KC8501		2009-10-14 10:24:49 AM

First degree animal abuse. Wow. *Scratches head* That's just... wow.

slayer199		2009-10-14 10:27:16 AM

Was the guy's name Frank Drebbin?

Sybarite		2009-10-14 10:29:44 AM

Just to be the man who perforates your fish
And pins him to your door

benlonghair		2009-10-14 10:35:04 AM

Isn't he the guy that Peter Venkman was testing telepathy in at the beginning of Ghostbusters?

beerrun		2009-10-14 10:44:29 AM

KC8501: First degree animal abuse. Wow. *Scratches head* That's just... wow.

Really. Don't bettas cost around $2.99 at any pet store?

And how tiny was that knife he used? I mean, if you stabbed a betta, you'd end up cutting it in half. They're only an inch and a half long, including the tail.

That whole article was full of win.

DjangoStonereaver		2009-10-14 10:48:58 AM

Came for a NAKED GUN reference.

Leaving satisfied.

Eddie Adams from Torrance		2009-10-14 10:51:22 AM

Asshoooooole!

EvilEgg		2009-10-14 10:59:19 AM

How about goldfish eating contests, are they animal abuse?

beerrun: And how tiny was that knife he used? I mean, if you stabbed a betta, you'd end up cutting it in half. They're only an inch and a half long, including the tail.

Maybe he used an icepick or a skewer.

KC8501		2009-10-14 11:15:52 AM

beerrun: And how tiny was that knife he used? I mean, if you stabbed a betta, you'd end up cutting it in half. They're only an inch and a half long, including the tail.

That whole article was full of win.

Seriously, can you imagine the skill required to actually hit the squirming little thing?? I have a hard enough time getting em with a net before I change the water. Just amazed at the charge. For a fish.

EvilEgg		2009-10-14 11:18:18 AM

Fish are not pets, they are living bric-a-brac.

brap		2009-10-14 11:22:09 AM

"...he must work 80 hours of community service"

Unixfreak		2009-10-14 11:24:09 AM

Ahhh, Oregon. The Florida of the west.

That guy should be put in jail just for wearing those stupid glasses in public. Give them back to your grandma, douche.

TwistedIvory		2009-10-14 11:28:35 AM

TwistedIvory		2009-10-14 11:29:14 AM

Actually, I can't decide between Andy Dick and Elvis Costello.

What do you think?

www.morethings.com

tortilla burger		2009-10-14 11:30:23 AM

"He is absolutely mortified and ashamed about what he did to the fish," said attorney Tom MacNair today in Multnomah County Circuit Court.

But he's not ashamed of beating his girlfriend? lolz

Megain		2009-10-14 11:34:29 AM

his band, delorean sunset

40below		2009-10-14 11:40:48 AM

"If she can't have me, then she can't have the fish."

I'm just going to end all my conversations at work today with that phrase and then stride off looking disgruntled.

brap		2009-10-14 11:40:49 AM

Aside from being a complete tool he apparently lacks the basic reading comprehension to understand even the most elementary Flipper lyric.

xanadian		2009-10-14 12:02:23 PM

Megain: his band, delorean sunset

oh gawd. LOL!

jghanc		2009-10-14 12:17:40 PM

That may be the greatest news story I've ever read.

ConConHead		2009-10-14 12:20:52 PM

Wanda!

FreudulentSplit		2009-10-14 12:21:18 PM

Eddie Adams from Torrance: Asshoooooole!

Came for the Fish Called Wanda reference.

Leaving sated.

DriftingJesus		2009-10-14 12:22:49 PM

This is just so awesome I think I'll take a nap in this thread to soak up the epic.

Stray Slacker		2009-10-14 12:23:07 PM

Can you hear me now?

AtlanticCoast63		2009-10-14 12:23:33 PM

...From the looks of those glasses I'm surprised he could find the fish...

charkocu		2009-10-14 12:24:08 PM

Metrosexual yuppie.

TXEric		2009-10-14 12:24:20 PM

And now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go piss on the fish...

I_Should_Be_Working_Right_Now		2009-10-14 12:24:34 PM

I have a feeling this thread is going to be epic.

butres		2009-10-14 12:24:39 PM

no one else is blown away by the request for a fine which would fund a memorial fish tattoo?

Pinner		2009-10-14 12:25:33 PM

If he would have eaten it. No charges.

PYROY		2009-10-14 12:26:00 PM

Hmmmm, what can I do to look like I live in Portland...I've got it! Stupid Glasses!

Still Itchy		2009-10-14 12:26:22 PM

He murdered a sea kitten, subby, thank you.

Pocket_Pitbull		2009-10-14 12:27:53 PM

Megain: his band, delorean sunset

What. Seriously???

skinink		2009-10-14 12:27:56 PM

R-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-revengggggggge!!!!

rogerklotz		2009-10-14 12:28:04 PM

Cryptic Farker		2009-10-14 12:28:11 PM

butres: no one else is blown away by the request for a fine which would fund a memorial fish tattoo?

Exactly. Seems the girlfriend isn't wrapped too tight either. Figures though. Just look at his mug. Imagine who would be taken with this guy and have a "relationship" to break up.

Megain		2009-10-14 12:28:45 PM

Pocket_Pitbull: Megain: his band, delorean sunset

What. Seriously???

heh. click either of the pics for the source

89 Stick-Up Kid		2009-10-14 12:29:20 PM

Nice beaver!

Thanks, I just got it stuffed.

jonr		2009-10-14 12:29:39 PM

For some reason, this came to mind...
media-2.web.britannica.com

RedT		2009-10-14 12:29:39 PM

Hector Remarkable		2009-10-14 12:29:42 PM

I'm sure if she would just have a baby with him, the situation will resolve itself.

thekla		2009-10-14 12:30:06 PM

"she wanted Fite to pay for a memorial tattoo she plans to get of the fish."
I would pay top dollar to see the tattoo IF it was of the fish in it's final hour.

RedT		2009-10-14 12:30:26 PM

jonr: For some reason, this came to mind...

You got me by a fraction of a second!

Thisbymaster		2009-10-14 12:30:54 PM

tortilla burger: "He is absolutely mortified and ashamed about what he did to the fish," said attorney Tom MacNair today in Multnomah County Circuit Court.

But he's not ashamed of beating his girlfriend? lolz

this

goochmeister42		2009-10-14 12:31:31 PM

40below: "If she can't have me, then she can't have the fish."

I'm just going to end all my conversations at work today with that phrase and then stride off looking disgruntled.

I thought your work was submitting links to fark?

offacue		2009-10-14 12:31:35 PM

butres: no one else is blown away by the request for a fine which would fund a memorial fish tattoo?

No, I saw that too. Now I've gotta see what this chick looks like.