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(Some Superhero)   SuperHero Smackdown QuarterFinals: Batman vs The Hulk   (thecorrectness.com ) divider line 294
    More: Hero, the Hulk, quarterfinals, Hulk, Friday Night Fight, The Correctness SportsishNetwerkkz, Pengrowth Deathdrome, Spongebob Squarepants, The Dark Knight  
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11383 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Oct 2009 at 4:55 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-10-09 06:10:25 PM  
Hulk. No contest.
 
2009-10-09 06:10:33 PM  
DC character vs. not DC character



DC character wins


I am qualified to write for that website.
 
2009-10-09 06:10:45 PM  

mooseyfate: I like how this long and no doubt well rehearsed little single-serving rant is followed by:

Let it go, Bat-Fanboys. Let it go.

Yes, CowboyNinja. Let it go.


Not well rehearsed, just many times repeated. If Batman is your favorite character, that's fine. If you want to say he's the most interesting comic book character, I might even agree.

But Batman can't beat EVERY other comic book character in a fight. He really can't even beat most of them without the writers coming up with some ridiculous plot twist at the end. People that keep mentioning DKR in Batman threads come off like the "B-b-but Reagan/Clinton/Bush/Carter" morons who post in the politics threads.

And go ahead a patronize me all you want. You and more than a hundred other people care enough to post in this thread, too. So don't act like you're above it.
 
2009-10-09 06:11:01 PM  
Panel 1: They meet.

Panel 2: Batman throws a batarang at the Hulk's head.

Panel 3: Hulk pulls batarang out of his nose, eats batarang.

Panel 4: Batman throws gas grenade at Hulk's head.

Panel 5: Hulk eats grenade, farts.

Panel 6: Batman launch flying kick at Hulk's solar plexus to paralyze Hulk.

Panel 6: Hulk grabs Batman by the ankle.

Panel 7: Hulk smashes Batman against rock. HARD.

Panel 8: Hulk throws Batman's shattered, lifeless body into next time zone.

Panel 9: The funeral.
 
2009-10-09 06:11:08 PM  

dreadprophet: CygnusDarius: Here's a better smackdown:



vs.

Fap?


Well, besides the obvious, I think it would be a pretty cool match, Emma being psychic and all.
 
2009-10-09 06:11:14 PM  

This text is now purple: Gwendolyn: mandingueiro: superman is the worst character. I'm down with Batman, he cool.

/the question would be: Punisher vs. Batman.

Woah. That would be more interesting.

Wouldn't Spiderman or Iron-Man vs Batman be more appropriate? Iron-Man's got the paranoid rich guy thing going and Spiderman is Marvel's resident genius.


Pete is smart, no doubt, but resident genius?

notsureifserious.jpg
 
2009-10-09 06:11:21 PM  

CygnusDarius: Here's a better smackdown:



vs.


white queen, always the white queen.

/kryptonians are farking lame.
 
2009-10-09 06:15:49 PM  

mike.thesauce: if some glorified canadian neanderthal can give the Hulk a run for his money - i'm looking at you Wolverine - then Batman would probably have this fight over by the time i'm done writing this post.


Wow, your argument was only good for 60 seconds.
 
2009-10-09 06:17:18 PM  
choosetheforce.com

This shouldn't even be a debate.
 
2009-10-09 06:17:42 PM  
The weakness of the Hulk is Betty, and, depending on the iteration, Batman may not be above threatening Betty with harm if necessary to force the Hulk back into Banner.
 
2009-10-09 06:18:56 PM  

Ringtailed79: This text is now purple: Gwendolyn: mandingueiro: superman is the worst character. I'm down with Batman, he cool.

/the question would be: Punisher vs. Batman.

Woah. That would be more interesting.

Wouldn't Spiderman or Iron-Man vs Batman be more appropriate? Iron-Man's got the paranoid rich guy thing going and Spiderman is Marvel's resident genius.

Pete is smart, no doubt, but resident genius?

notsureifserious.jpg


Wouldn't the smartest be somebody like Reed Richards?
 
2009-10-09 06:18:59 PM  
I haven't really read much in the way of Superhero comics in a few years, but when you say "the Hulk has no weaknesses, and that makes him boring," I have to disagree. I was under the impression that the conflict of a good Hulk story is usually The Hulk/Banner. Banner, a man, a very smart man but otherwise just a normal guy, carries within him a weapon of mass destruction. He can either totally withdraw from society, which he has tried and failed to do, or he can attempt to direct the destruction as best he can, and maybe do some good with it. Banner probably wishes that the Hulk did have some weaknesses so he can be killed and end the nightmare that is Banner's life. (why doesn't he just kill himself? That's what I would do. But I seem to remember something like if Banner gets shot in the head he immediately turns into the Hulk in order to regenerate...or something). I think that's a pretty cool idea.

That having been said, given sufficient time to plan and analyze his opponent, the Batman will always win. Not through brute strength, obviously, and not even through any sort of violence. You could pull that Dark Night Returns hit-him-with-an-a-bomb stuff, sure. Except that the Hulk was CREATED by gamma radiation from a BOMB. No, Batman would beat the Hulk by putting the Hulk in a situation where he can't beat Batman. Like, dropping him in the middle of Antarctica to chill out for a while, or flinging him into space. How? I dunno, man, I'm not the Batman.
 
2009-10-09 06:19:50 PM  
Vangor: The weakness of the Hulk is Betty, and, depending on the iteration, Batman may not be above threatening Betty with harm if necessary to force the Hulk back into Banner.

Yes, but once he's Banner he's like a super genius. He could then like challenge Batman to a test of wits with iocaine powder or something.
 
2009-10-09 06:20:11 PM  
Batman..becayuse the Hulk is a sucky excuse for a comic book character. He should be relegated to villain status..then sodomized by Ambush Bug.
 
2009-10-09 06:21:56 PM  
I wish a single person in this thread had read any (non-Loeb) Hulk comic from the past 20 years.
 
2009-10-09 06:22:06 PM  

mike.thesauce: CygnusDarius: Here's a better smackdown:



vs.

white queen, always the white queen.

/kryptonians are farking lame.


no way. Power Girl wins because her girls are real.


Cheops: DC character vs. not DC character



DC character wins


I am qualified to write for that website.


Spidey beat Green Lantern
 
2009-10-09 06:22:18 PM  

Barbigazi: The Hulk. If Batman had like six weeks to prepare, maybe. But the Hulk would smear Batman across the road in two seconds.


And a wheelbarrow. Maybe a holocaust cloak.
 
2009-10-09 06:22:55 PM  

IMDWalrus: Ringtailed79: This text is now purple: Gwendolyn: mandingueiro: superman is the worst character. I'm down with Batman, he cool.

/the question would be: Punisher vs. Batman.

Woah. That would be more interesting.

Wouldn't Spiderman or Iron-Man vs Batman be more appropriate? Iron-Man's got the paranoid rich guy thing going and Spiderman is Marvel's resident genius.

Pete is smart, no doubt, but resident genius?

notsureifserious.jpg

Wouldn't the smartest be somebody like Reed Richards?


DOOM
THE ANSWER IS DOOM
 
2009-10-09 06:23:36 PM  

ChimpZealot: I wish a single person in this thread had read any (non-Loeb) Hulk comic from the past 20 years.


No one reads him because he's a boring character. You can only make a character so powerful. When Superman thinks he's overpowered, that's a problem.
 
2009-10-09 06:24:16 PM  

Pocket_Pitbull: Heroic Poser: Maybe we should call on Namor.

Okay. Seriously.. WHAT is that?

Where's "I'm the farkin' Batman" strip??


No, no...it's "I'm the goddamned Batman."

The image is blocked here, so I don't know what we're referring to. But Namor is a really boring-ass character that is known to have a hate-on for Hulk (I'll show you those issues of "The Defenders" by Keith Giffen when I get a chance), and it did lead to a pretty funny moment when Bruce Banner called Namor "Ariel".

As to the topic on hand, as it's been said (and I can't really read all these responses 'cuz I'm at work, but I can post because when I'm typing in Notepad, it actually looks like I'm working), with sufficient time to prepare, Batman can pretty much defeat any foe because he's the goddamn Batman (except for maybe weak comic sales and Joel Schmuacher). Bruce Wayne's R&D department has come up with some pretty fancy swag that has allowed him to go toe-to-toe with some of the toughest, ranging from Superman to the Predator.

The lazy response: A Wizard magazine article ordering the weakest to strongest superheroes placed Hulk as #10 and Superman as #3 (fyi: Thor ranked #2, Silver Surfer ranked #1). If was able to beat the #3 guy on the list (as depicted in The Dark Knight Returns), he could come up with a way to defeat the Hulk.

The slightly more detailed response and scenario: Hulk is defeatble by mere non-powered humans with the use of extremely specialized equipment. Tony Stark (aka Iron Man) has already developed several versions of Hulkbuster armor, specifically designed for fighting the Hulk. The most recent (MK2) version was armed with SPIN tech, injectable nanobots designed to completley nullify superhuman abilities (these were initially tailored for a specific individual's powers, but later modified to affect anyone with powers) and it would've worked if it weren't for sabotage.

While Bruce Wayne may lack Tony Stark's scientific and technological knowledge, he also has a lot more money. It wouldn't be too hard for him to sub-license out Stark's technology, attach Batman ears and a logo to it, then proceed to kick Hulk's ass. Because he's the goddamn Batman.

There are a few things that could tip it in Hulk's favour, though. While his intellect as the Hulk has varied significantly throughout the years, it's usually on par with his genius level as Bruce Banner. As a scientific mind, Bruce Banner will pretty much trump just about everyone except for maybe Mr. Fantastic. This would probably be of limited use, however, as he's not necessarily a combat strategist or detective at the level of Batman.

Additionally, the Hulk has a tendency to keep coming back for more. The Marvel Illuminati shot him out in to space to get rid of him (as seen in the Planet Hulk storyline), but after the rocket that was carrying him blew up and destroyed a planet's population, he got really pissed off and came back. On a sufficiently long timeline, the Hulk will eventually win as Batman is still just a goddamned puny human.

And of course, without Batman's toys or Bruce Wayne's money, Hulk smash puny human.
 
2009-10-09 06:24:47 PM  

ChimpZealot: I wish a single person in this thread had read any (non-Loeb) Hulk comic from the past 20 years.


Keep on trollin'

Planet hulk was great
/wwh not so much
 
2009-10-09 06:25:13 PM  
hat tip nto Moseyfate:

i787.photobucket.com
 
2009-10-09 06:25:13 PM  

CowboyNinjaD: Heroic Poser: If Batman beat farking Superman in Dark Knight Returns, he dang sure can kill the Hulk.

/not a contest


I'm so farking sick of this farking argument.
Let it go, Bat-Fanboys. Let it go.


Dude! You call ME a fanboy yet are "sick of the argument"?
Who's having all these arguments over DKR Batman?
And while I actually hate Millers stuff except for the first Sin City, I think I speak for everyone when I say, "Lighten up, Francis."

/more of a Deadpool, Blue Beetle, Booster, JLI fan-boy
 
2009-10-09 06:25:15 PM  

Ringtailed79: This text is now purple: Gwendolyn: mandingueiro: superman is the worst character. I'm down with Batman, he cool.

/the question would be: Punisher vs. Batman.

Woah. That would be more interesting.

Wouldn't Spiderman or Iron-Man vs Batman be more appropriate? Iron-Man's got the paranoid rich guy thing going and Spiderman is Marvel's resident genius.

Pete is smart, no doubt, but resident genius?

notsureifserious.jpg


As a high school student, he, in a quiet weekend, invented the strongest, most versatile fabric material ever.

However, like an idiot, he never realized it was worth billions.
 
2009-10-09 06:25:33 PM  
None of the Super heros that your grandma knows about have a "weakness." They get knocked around in the first rounds then come back all rocky style to save the day.

See batman
spiderman
wolverine
superman
wonderwoman
hulk

sure they die every once in a while but if captain america can still sell then you know he is coming back.
 
2009-10-09 06:26:36 PM  

Ringtailed79: IMDWalrus: Ringtailed79: This text is now purple: Gwendolyn: mandingueiro: superman is the worst character. I'm down with Batman, he cool.

/the question would be: Punisher vs. Batman.

Woah. That would be more interesting.

Wouldn't Spiderman or Iron-Man vs Batman be more appropriate? Iron-Man's got the paranoid rich guy thing going and Spiderman is Marvel's resident genius.

Pete is smart, no doubt, but resident genius?

notsureifserious.jpg

Wouldn't the smartest be somebody like Reed Richards?

DOOM
THE ANSWER IS DOOM


the answer is: Spidey is just as smart as Doom or Reed, the factor is the age difference and type of specialty. peter is by far much younger and has not accumulated the amount of knowledge and experience.

/i almost hate myself for this post.
 
2009-10-09 06:27:17 PM  

pd771:
Cheops: DC character vs. not DC character


DC character wins

I am qualified to write for that website.

Spidey beat Green Lantern


He pulled his yellow costume from like issue 7 out from mothballs?
 
2009-10-09 06:28:07 PM  

This text is now purple: Ringtailed79: This text is now purple: Gwendolyn: mandingueiro: superman is the worst character. I'm down with Batman, he cool.

/the question would be: Punisher vs. Batman.

Woah. That would be more interesting.

Wouldn't Spiderman or Iron-Man vs Batman be more appropriate? Iron-Man's got the paranoid rich guy thing going and Spiderman is Marvel's resident genius.

Pete is smart, no doubt, but resident genius?

notsureifserious.jpg

As a high school student, he, in a quiet weekend, invented the strongest, most versatile fabric material ever.

However, like an idiot, he never realized it was worth billions.


If he patented it now, people would know peter parker is spiderman. He should have aunt may patent the web fluid and then split the cash
 
2009-10-09 06:28:33 PM  

pd771: Of course Batman wins. Batman always wins.


This.

The contest is pointless. Batman always has a Deus Ex Machina in his pocket. Its one of the reasons I don't like the character very much. He cheats via the writers.
 
2009-10-09 06:29:07 PM  

pd771: ChimpZealot: I wish a single person in this thread had read any (non-Loeb) Hulk comic from the past 20 years.

No one reads him because he's a boring character. You can only make a character so powerful. When Superman thinks he's overpowered, that's a problem.


Powers != character. Peter David turned the Hulk into one of the deepest characters in comics with his 11 year run, but let's not let facts get in the way of retarded arguments.
 
2009-10-09 06:30:21 PM  

I Said: Look at this picture:

i180.photobucket.com

Look at it!

Batman is throwing a boomerang at the Hulk (and MISSING) and the Hulk is about to smash him with a goddam firetruck. USING ONLY ONE ARM!


And yet, Batman wins.
 
2009-10-09 06:30:31 PM  

Baldanders: Banner probably wishes that the Hulk did have some weaknesses so he can be killed and end the nightmare that is Banner's life. (why doesn't he just kill himself? That's what I would do. But I seem to remember something like if Banner gets shot in the head he immediately turns into the Hulk in order to regenerate...or something).


Yep. Banner wants to off himself, but Hulk is all about self-preservation. Even the recent movie with Norton (I think it was cut from the final production) shows Banner running in the arctic, pulling out a pistol and pointing it to his head. At this moment, he starts changing and Hulk crushes the pistol, preventing Banner from offing himself. I'm sure they could try a sniper from a mile away putting a bullet in Banner's head, but I'm sure the writers would just slow the bullet down and before the bullet even penetrated Banner's skull, he'd already be Hulked out and unable to die.

Hulk would win, plain and simple. He can't be killed.
 
2009-10-09 06:31:54 PM  

scottydoesntknow: Baldanders: Banner probably wishes that the Hulk did have some weaknesses so he can be killed and end the nightmare that is Banner's life. (why doesn't he just kill himself? That's what I would do. But I seem to remember something like if Banner gets shot in the head he immediately turns into the Hulk in order to regenerate...or something).

Yep. Banner wants to off himself, but Hulk is all about self-preservation. Even the recent movie with Norton (I think it was cut from the final production) shows Banner running in the arctic, pulling out a pistol and pointing it to his head. At this moment, he starts changing and Hulk crushes the pistol, preventing Banner from offing himself. I'm sure they could try a sniper from a mile away putting a bullet in Banner's head, but I'm sure the writers would just slow the bullet down and before the bullet even penetrated Banner's skull, he'd already be Hulked out and unable to die.

Hulk would win, plain and simple. He can't be killed.


IIRC, Banner was shot in the head once and instantly transformed into the Hulk.
 
2009-10-09 06:34:24 PM  

scottydoesntknow: Hulk would win, plain and simple. He can't be killed.


But Banner can be. Batman would pull some "Transform Hulk to Banner bat-spray" out of his ass and would win.

I hate Batman so much.
 
2009-10-09 06:35:32 PM  

ChimpZealot: pd771: ChimpZealot: I wish a single person in this thread had read any (non-Loeb) Hulk comic from the past 20 years.

No one reads him because he's a boring character. You can only make a character so powerful. When Superman thinks he's overpowered, that's a problem.

Powers != character. Peter David turned the Hulk into one of the deepest characters in comics with his 11 year run, but let's not let facts get in the way of retarded arguments.


This is a versus thread, not literary corner.

I agree powerful characterization can make a character, but new Hulk stuff is stupid as hell. I do like Hulk when they show mostly Banner, but that's not what they do. They show raging Hulk.
 
2009-10-09 06:38:07 PM  

scottydoesntknow: Baldanders: Banner probably wishes that the Hulk did have some weaknesses so he can be killed and end the nightmare that is Banner's life. (why doesn't he just kill himself? That's what I would do. But I seem to remember something like if Banner gets shot in the head he immediately turns into the Hulk in order to regenerate...or something).

Yep. Banner wants to off himself, but Hulk is all about self-preservation. Even the recent movie with Norton (I think it was cut from the final production) shows Banner running in the arctic, pulling out a pistol and pointing it to his head. At this moment, he starts changing and Hulk crushes the pistol, preventing Banner from offing himself. I'm sure they could try a sniper from a mile away putting a bullet in Banner's head, but I'm sure the writers would just slow the bullet down and before the bullet even penetrated Banner's skull, he'd already be Hulked out and unable to die.

Hulk would win, plain and simple. He can't be killed.


that is assuming banner's DNA works just like our own. Perhaps as soon as a cell(and those around it) detect damage (stress) they send chemical signals to counteract and regenerate damaged tissue at an incredible pace--which Hulk is capable of.
 
2009-10-09 06:38:29 PM  

dig420: How's he going to fight The Hulk?


he doesn't fight him. he tranquilizes him.
 
2009-10-09 06:38:42 PM  

ChimpZealot: I wish a single person in this thread had read any (non-Loeb) Hulk comic from the past 20 years.


THIS
 
2009-10-09 06:38:44 PM  

pd771: ChimpZealot: pd771: ChimpZealot: I wish a single person in this thread had read any (non-Loeb) Hulk comic from the past 20 years.

No one reads him because he's a boring character. You can only make a character so powerful. When Superman thinks he's overpowered, that's a problem.

Powers != character. Peter David turned the Hulk into one of the deepest characters in comics with his 11 year run, but let's not let facts get in the way of retarded arguments.

This is a versus thread, not literary corner.

I agree powerful characterization can make a character, but new Hulk stuff is stupid as hell. I do like Hulk when they show mostly Banner, but that's not what they do. They show raging Hulk.


You and others are the ones saying Hulk is a boring character (which has no impact in a versus topic) so I was merely pointing out that they're ignorant morons.
 
2009-10-09 06:39:36 PM  

Hobodeluxe: dig420: How's he going to fight The Hulk?

he doesn't fight him. he tranquilizes him.


How?
 
2009-10-09 06:40:54 PM  
Batman always wins. Always. With enough time Batman could defeat God.
 
2009-10-09 06:41:05 PM  
The Hulk does not suck, in the hands of the right writer, it can be a very interesting and nuanced character.

That said, Batman wins. Batman always wins.
 
2009-10-09 06:42:53 PM  

netweavr: Hobodeluxe: dig420: How's he going to fight The Hulk?

he doesn't fight him. he tranquilizes him.

How?


with a colorless and odorless gas delivered in an unassuming way. perhaps a robot disguised as a bird flies over his head and drops it on him?
 
2009-10-09 06:44:48 PM  

Hobodeluxe: netweavr: Hobodeluxe: dig420: How's he going to fight The Hulk?

he doesn't fight him. he tranquilizes him.

How?

with a colorless and odorless gas delivered in an unassuming way. perhaps a robot disguised as a bird flies over his head and drops it on him?


Which may or may not work. Original Silver Age Hulk might go down to it, but more recent versions definitely wouldn't.
 
2009-10-09 06:45:08 PM  
farm3.static.flickr.com
Hey look. Here's the Hulk surviving a nuclear explosion at ground zero......



farm4.static.flickr.com
And here's Batman getting almost killed with a wooden stick.

But Batman would win because he's......what? Smart? Ok.
 
2009-10-09 06:47:51 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: Deathstroke did single-handedly kick the JL asses in "Identity Crisis", using his own tactics. He uses 90% of his brain capacity, so he's always 10 steps ahead of everyone else.


OK, in the entire dumb history of comic books, that may be the dumbest thing ever. They really said that? Really?

Because you, me, and everybody on the planet (with the possible exception of people posting in Fark Politics threads) uses 100% of their brain capacity. If Deathstroke is only using 90%, he's one step behind, not to mention a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

/Really?
//Dumb!
///Really dumb!
 
2009-10-09 06:49:04 PM  
All right all you Batman fellatiators, answer me this: If Smart is such a great thing for super heroes how come the Riddler doesn't PWN Batman since he's supposed to be smarter than the bat.
 
2009-10-09 06:49:19 PM  

czetie: FuryOfFirestorm: Deathstroke did single-handedly kick the JL asses in "Identity Crisis", using his own tactics. He uses 90% of his brain capacity, so he's always 10 steps ahead of everyone else.

OK, in the entire dumb history of comic books, that may be the dumbest thing ever. They really said that? Really?

Because you, me, and everybody on the planet (with the possible exception of people posting in Fark Politics threads) uses 100% of their brain capacity. If Deathstroke is only using 90%, he's one step behind, not to mention a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

/Really?
//Dumb!
///Really dumb!


That was back when everyone believed the myth that you only use 10% of your brain capacity. Nowadays they mostly just say he's really smart.
 
2009-10-09 06:50:19 PM  

czetie: FuryOfFirestorm: Deathstroke did single-handedly kick the JL asses in "Identity Crisis", using his own tactics. He uses 90% of his brain capacity, so he's always 10 steps ahead of everyone else.

OK, in the entire dumb history of comic books, that may be the dumbest thing ever. They really said that? Really?

Because you, me, and everybody on the planet (with the possible exception of people posting in Fark Politics threads) uses 100% of their brain capacity. If Deathstroke is only using 90%, he's one step behind, not to mention a few sandwiches short of a picnic.

/Really?
//Dumb!
///Really dumb!


His power was written when popular belief was everyone used 10% of their brains. He been reclassified as a Super genius.
 
2009-10-09 06:51:20 PM  
limboslam wins.
 
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