They should be tested for the blabbies.

The rabies would have explained why Glenn Beck sexually attacked and murdered that woman back in 1990.

@ headline

Hey now, just because they're the most "fair" and "balanced" network in news... according to them, and their own imaginary definitions for "fair" and "balanced"... doesn't mean you need to go about trying to make them look like rabid, idiotic, fanatical, liars.

/They do that perfectly well on their own.
/Zing!

skinink: The rabies would have explained why Glenn Beck sexually attacked and murdered that woman back in 1990.

I don't think it was his mouth that was foaming, though.

Fox allows rabbis in their building?

/ I didn't understand the assignment

vernonFL: My friend has a racoon in their property that is out in the daytime and acting funny. Rabies, right?

So she calls the county health department and reports this, and the county will not come out to help. They will only send someone if the animal is dead.

So my friend and her neighbors have to carry a gun around with her to protect themselves, because animal control won't help.

WTF??

A chick I dated a while back had a group of squirrels living under her house. We caught one with one of those Have a Heart traps and it was hissing and even growling (I didn't know squirrels growled) and falling all over itself. I called the Health Department and they told me to call animal control. animal control told me to call game and fish. game and fish told me to call the health department.
Then I shot it.

The rabid raccoon i met wasn't very fast, vernonFL. I didn't have a gun, but walking away from it was easy enough.

vernonFL: My friend has a racoon in their property that is out in the daytime and acting funny. Rabies, right?

So she calls the county health department and reports this, and the county will not come out to help. They will only send someone if the animal is dead.

So my friend and her neighbors have to carry a gun around with her to protect themselves, because animal control won't help.

WTF??

You mean the government won't come solve her problem for her?

You mean she might have to fix it herself?

She might have to carry a mean old gun?

Shocking.

My varmint gun (not my picture, but the same model)



Savage Classic .17HMR (new window)

Wow, I didn't know Glenn Beck sexually attacked and murdered that woman back in 1990! That is NOT okay with me. I mean, put that on a ballot and I'll vote against it. I'm going to have to react to this fact, immediately. I guess a standard boycotting of all advertisers is an order, followed by letters complaining to FOX.

/Wish me luck
//Please join my boycott
///Pro-Not being sexually assaulted and murdered as a child.

vernonFL: My friend has a racoon in their property that is out in the daytime and acting funny. Rabies, right?

So she calls the county health department and reports this, and the county will not come out to help. They will only send someone if the animal is dead.

So my friend and her neighbors have to carry a gun around with her to protect themselves, because animal control won't help.

WTF??

That's neither fair nor balanced.

OK, I simplified my rabid raccoon story because I still cringe every time I think about it. The neighbors had dogs tied up on a run about 50 feet away from the raccoon, and they were going nuts. My friend and I decided we had to kill the raccoon to keep the dogs safe. We did in fact have guns, but they were pellet guns (hunting squirrels). The pellets did not have much impact on the raccoon, so my friend grabbed his bow, but all his arrows had were field points, so again, not terribly effective. I had the bright idea of smashing the thing with a large stick, but all that I could find were rotten willow limbs, so they just broke on the poor thing. In the end we used additional sticks to push it into the adjacent stream and hold it under until it drowned.

I don't know if any other animal has been subjected to so much misery. Riddled with an agonizing disease, pierced with pellets, poked with blunt arrows, bludgeoned with rotten logs, and finally drowned while suffering from a disease formerly known as hydrophobia!

/Since it was killed before it came into contact with any pets, the state never bothered collecting its brain for testing.
//This thing was no 28 Days Later zombie, you would have had to try to get it to bite you.
///which those dogs would have if it had stumbled into their range

Two solutions:

1. Shoot, shovel, shut up.

2. Gut shoot and have it die on our neighbors land.

rinse, repeat as needed.

SapperInTexas: vernonFL: My friend has a racoon in their property that is out in the daytime and acting funny. Rabies, right?

So she calls the county health department and reports this, and the county will not come out to help. They will only send someone if the animal is dead.

So my friend and her neighbors have to carry a gun around with her to protect themselves, because animal control won't help.

WTF??

You mean the government won't come solve her problem for her?

You mean she might have to fix it herself?

She might have to carry a mean old gun?

Shocking.

well, if Animal Control isn't going to come out and help the public with a problem related to a wild animal, why should the Animal Control people receive public money?

Rohasman: well, if Animal Control isn't going to come out and help the public with a problem related to a wild animal, why should the Animal Control people receive public money?

To hold pet dogs for ransom, dummy!

Rohasman: SapperInTexas: vernonFL: My friend has a racoon in their property that is out in the daytime and acting funny. Rabies, right?

So she calls the county health department and reports this, and the county will not come out to help. They will only send someone if the animal is dead.

So my friend and her neighbors have to carry a gun around with her to protect themselves, because animal control won't help.

WTF??

You mean the government won't come solve her problem for her?

You mean she might have to fix it herself?

She might have to carry a mean old gun?

Shocking.

well, if Animal Control isn't going to come out and help the public with a problem related to a wild animal, why should the Animal Control people receive public money?

Knucklepopper: A chick I dated a while back had a group of squirrels living under her house. We caught one with one of those Have a Heart traps and it was hissing and even growling (I didn't know squirrels growled) and falling all over itself. I called the Health Department and they told me to call animal control. animal control told me to call game and fish. game and fish told me to call the health department.
Then I shot it.

The first time a squirrel growled at me, I was just walking along in the squirrel's general direction. It ran partway up a tree, stopped at exactly my head height, and started to growl.

I was like "Holy crap, squirrels can growl? OH GOD IT'S GOING TO ATTACK" and got the hell out of there.

/it's a surprisingly threatening sound

skinink: The rabies would have explained why Glenn Beck sexually attacked and murdered that woman back in 1990.

No, the Glenn Beck 1990 thing is proof that you people aren't bright enough to come up with anything for yourself and an just parrot the same joke.

vernonFL: My friend has a racoon in their property that is out in the daytime and acting funny. Rabies, right?

So she calls the county health department and reports this, and the county will not come out to help. They will only send someone if the animal is dead.

So my friend and her neighbors have to carry a gun around with her to protect themselves, because animal control won't help.

WTF??

She needs to go ahead and shoot to kill it, no questions asked. Raccoons out in the daylight are always rabid.

/grew up in the country, my father was a hunter.
//also saw a lot of pets in my area put down due to attacking rabid raccoons.
///people, raccoons are not cute they are the worst rabies carriers out there.

Rohasman: SapperInTexas: vernonFL: My friend has a racoon in their property that is out in the daytime and acting funny. Rabies, right?

So she calls the county health department and reports this, and the county will not come out to help. They will only send someone if the animal is dead.

So my friend and her neighbors have to carry a gun around with her to protect themselves, because animal control won't help.

WTF??

You mean the government won't come solve her problem for her?

You mean she might have to fix it herself?

She might have to carry a mean old gun?

Shocking.

well, if Animal Control isn't going to come out and help the public with a problem related to a wild animal, why should the Animal Control people receive public money?

Because she didn't call Animal Control, she called the County Health Department. In most places Animal Control is a law enforcement function - police or sheriff's office.

Quit being a suburban 'tard.

vernonFL: Her place is in the suburbs, its kind of weird seeing all the neighbors walking around with .22s and shotguns. Plus there are kids and dogs around, or at least there used to be before word got out there there might be a rabid raccoon in the area.

Farking suburbs. I knew it.

Oldiron_79: skinink: The rabies would have explained why Glenn Beck sexually attacked and murdered that woman back in 1990.

No, the Glenn Beck 1990 thing is proof that you people aren't bright enough to come up with anything for yourself and an just parrot the same joke.

Why did the Glenn Beck cross the road?

wait for it...

To kill a woman in 1990.

...and that's how you do that.

Farkin'round: She needs to go ahead and shoot to kill it, no questions asked. Raccoons out in the daylight are always rabid.

From Wikipedia:

Though usually nocturnal, the raccoon is sometimes active in daylight to take advantage of available food sources.

It depends on how the critter is acting. But, I agree, out in the daylight is very, VERY weird for a Raccoon..

This Glen Beck fellow, I heard that he sodomized a clown at a child's birthday party and then strangled the family's dog while they watch on in horror.

Is that original enough?

/seriously though, who the hell is Glen Beck

Well, this explains the past few years of their so-called "news" reporting: Fox tests positive for rabies

/easy
//cheap shot
///yet still a gross understatement

the_wanderer: Farkin'round: She needs to go ahead and shoot to kill it, no questions asked. Raccoons out in the daylight are always rabid.

From Wikipedia:

Though usually nocturnal, the raccoon is sometimes active in daylight to take advantage of available food sources.

It depends on how the critter is acting. But, I agree, out in the daylight is very, VERY weird for a Raccoon..

Out in the daylight, it is rabid.

/wikipedia isn't always right.

Chinchillazilla: The first time a squirrel growled at me, I was just walking along in the squirrel's general direction. It ran partway up a tree, stopped at exactly my head height, and started to growl.

I was like "Holy crap, squirrels can growl? OH GOD IT'S GOING TO ATTACK" and got the hell out of there.

/it's a surprisingly threatening sound

Ya' know?! It's freakish is what it is. I had that little farker in a steel cage and I was still weirded out by it. Ugh
Another chick I dated, this one sometime last year or so, she kind of used to make the same growling sound while I farked her. The whole memory makes me feel ugly inside.

vernonFL: My friend has a racoon in their property that is out in the daytime and acting funny. Rabies, right?

So she calls the county health department and reports this, and the county will not come out to help. They will only send someone if the animal is dead.

So my friend and her neighbors have to carry a gun around with her to protect themselves, because animal control won't help.

WTF??

I would just go pony up the $50 and get vaccinated against rabies. Then you dont have to worry so much ;)

Thenixon: OK, I simplified my rabid raccoon story because I still cringe every time I think about it. The neighbors had dogs tied up on a run about 50 feet away from the raccoon, and they were going nuts. My friend and I decided we had to kill the raccoon to keep the dogs safe. We did in fact have guns, but they were pellet guns (hunting squirrels). The pellets did not have much impact on the raccoon, so my friend grabbed his bow, but all his arrows had were field points, so again, not terribly effective. I had the bright idea of smashing the thing with a large stick, but all that I could find were rotten willow limbs, so they just broke on the poor thing. In the end we used additional sticks to push it into the adjacent stream and hold it under until it drowned.

I don't know if any other animal has been subjected to so much misery. Riddled with an agonizing disease, pierced with pellets, poked with blunt arrows, bludgeoned with rotten logs, and finally drowned while suffering from a disease formerly known as hydrophobia!

/Since it was killed before it came into contact with any pets, the state never bothered collecting its brain for testing.
//This thing was no 28 Days Later zombie, you would have had to try to get it to bite you.
///which those dogs would have if it had stumbled into their range

Awww (: You always think its going to be easier to kill something humanely than it actually is. I got a lobster, and wanted to kill it myself because I thought I could do it more humanely. I put it in the freezer. All the intarwebs say all you have to do is keep it in their for 30 min and it'll stop moving. It was in their for FOUR HOURS AND WAS STILL MOVING. Then I decided to end its suffering in the frigid cold by stabbing it in the neck right behind its head (supposed to kill it right away). IT WAS STILL MOVING. So finally I threw it head first into a pot of boiling water because I just wanted to get it suffering over with. Ugh. I should have just boiled the bastard in the first place. 4 minutes of pain vs 4 hours of torture. Eeeesh ;)

What kind of milk does one get from a Derry fox?

Andralynn: Thenixon: OK, I simplified my rabid raccoon story because I still cringe every time I think about it. The neighbors had dogs tied up on a run about 50 feet away from the raccoon, and they were going nuts. My friend and I decided we had to kill the raccoon to keep the dogs safe. We did in fact have guns, but they were pellet guns (hunting squirrels). The pellets did not have much impact on the raccoon, so my friend grabbed his bow, but all his arrows had were field points, so again, not terribly effective. I had the bright idea of smashing the thing with a large stick, but all that I could find were rotten willow limbs, so they just broke on the poor thing. In the end we used additional sticks to push it into the adjacent stream and hold it under until it drowned.

I don't know if any other animal has been subjected to so much misery. Riddled with an agonizing disease, pierced with pellets, poked with blunt arrows, bludgeoned with rotten logs, and finally drowned while suffering from a disease formerly known as hydrophobia!

/Since it was killed before it came into contact with any pets, the state never bothered collecting its brain for testing.
//This thing was no 28 Days Later zombie, you would have had to try to get it to bite you.
///which those dogs would have if it had stumbled into their range

Awww (: You always think its going to be easier to kill something humanely than it actually is. I got a lobster, and wanted to kill it myself because I thought I could do it more humanely. I put it in the freezer. All the intarwebs say all you have to do is keep it in their for 30 min and it'll stop moving. It was in their for FOUR HOURS AND WAS STILL MOVING. Then I decided to end its suffering in the frigid cold by stabbing it in the neck right behind its head (supposed to kill it right away). IT WAS STILL MOVING. So finally I threw it head first into a pot of boiling water because I just wanted to get it suffering over with. Ugh. I should have just boiled the bastard in the first place. 4 minutes of pain vs 4 hours of torture. Eeeesh ;)

Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick, Earl!

And people criticize me for being a shooter. Yeah, bludgeoning and drowning is sooooo much more humane than a .22 to the base of the skull. The squirrels and raccoons I've shot on my property were dead pretty much instantly.

That's what I call gun control. I feel guilty if I take a shot that doesn't result in a clean kill. I know that a creature suffered because of my choice - and I actively strive to prevent that. It's one of the reasons I spend so much time at the range.

But go ahead, liberals. Paint me with the "Bambi-killer" brush.

SapperInTexas If I coulda figured out a way to shoot the lobster humanely I would have tried ;) RIP lobster, you were delicious.

But to your point, yes I agree. If its bigger than a squirrel use the proper gun/arrow. Bludgenoning something to death is usually not the brightest idea ;)

Gyrfalcon: SapperInTexas:

Jumpin' Jesus on a pogo stick, Earl!

And people criticize me for being a shooter. Yeah, bludgeoning and drowning is sooooo much more humane than a .22 to the base of the skull. The squirrels and raccoons I've shot on my property were dead pretty much instantly.

That's what I call gun control. I feel guilty if I take a shot that doesn't result in a clean kill. I know that a creature suffered because of my choice - and I actively strive to prevent that. It's one of the reasons I spend so much time at the range.

But go ahead, liberals. Paint me with the "Bambi-killer" brush.

BAMBI KILLER! BAMBI KILLER!

Feel better? I hope, though, that when you go deer hunting, you don't use a .22. I hear larger calibers are better for animals of the hooved persuasion.

Browning Lever Action .243 scoped with a Leupold 3x9. Last year I took one deer, with one shot. I'm not greedy, nor am I bloodthirsty.

/kaboom

UnspokenVoice: We have a concentration of idiots in the thread... I needn't add my own brand of idiocy to it but I want to. Seriously, honestly, does anyone think anyone buys that Beck actually did any of that or that do you're actually benefiting anyone or any cause with such idiocy? Does anyone think it brings helpful discourse, engages like-minded folk, or projects anything other than an image of simple minded people parroting idiocy (not one of you farkers thought of it) to no one's benefit and, nearly, everyone's disgust?

Yes? Then you're a mouth breathing moron.

No? Then why bother. If you cared you'd actually do something that matters instead of pouting and stomping your feet while screaming gibberish. Maybe if you hold your breath it will bring more attention to your "cause."

durp durp!!!

I herd that Michelle Obama has genital wartz cuz she had sexerzzz with three bi-sexual midgets and a goat!!!eleventy!!one! -- NTTAWWT

Seriously... I lean left more often than I lean right and you driveling morons aren't doing anything to help your "cause." Then again, I don't expect most of the giddy goobers aren't actually aware of what their "cause" actually is.

Do you really REALLY think that you're actions benefit you in the long run or don't you realize that the juvenile behavior actually reflects VERY poorly on the side that you've chosen to identify with?

Tell that to Glenn Beck.

/I'm pretty sure most people would consider me to be a reactionary, not a conservative, but is so... what's the word... EASY to hate Fox news.

UnspokenVoice: We have a concentration of idiots in the thread... I needn't add my own brand of idiocy to it but I want to. Seriously, honestly, does anyone think anyone buys that Beck actually did any of that or that do you're actually benefiting anyone or any cause with such idiocy? Does anyone think it brings helpful discourse, engages like-minded folk, or projects anything other than an image of simple minded people parroting idiocy (not one of you farkers thought of it) to no one's benefit and, nearly, everyone's disgust?

Yes? Then you're a mouth breathing moron.

No? Then why bother. If you cared you'd actually do something that matters instead of pouting and stomping your feet while screaming gibberish. Maybe if you hold your breath it will bring more attention to your "cause."

durp durp!!!

I herd that Michelle Obama has genital wartz cuz she had sexerzzz with three bi-sexual midgets and a goat!!!eleventy!!one! -- NTTAWWT

Seriously... I lean left more often than I lean right and you driveling morons aren't doing anything to help your "cause." Then again, I don't expect most of the giddy goobers aren't actually aware of what their "cause" actually is.

Do you really REALLY think that you're actions benefit you in the long run or don't you realize that the juvenile behavior actually reflects VERY poorly on the side that you've chosen to identify with?

Oldiron_79: skinink: The rabies would have explained why Glenn Beck sexually attacked and murdered that woman back in 1990.

No, the Glenn Beck 1990 thing is proof that you people aren't bright enough to come up with anything for yourself and an just parrot the same joke.


Who are "you people"? The internet? You actually think Fark is some sort of place where /b/ tards and SA goons never post? Really?

vernonFL: My friend has a racoon in their property that is out in the daytime and acting funny. Rabies, right?

So she calls the county health department and reports this, and the county will not come out to help. They will only send someone if the animal is dead.

So my friend and her neighbors have to carry a gun around with her to protect themselves, because animal control won't help.

WTF??

florida?

/just call atticus, hes a good shot

SapperInTexas: But go ahead, liberals. Paint me with the "Bambi-killer" brush.

SapperInTexas: WTF??

You mean the government won't come solve her problem for her?

You mean she might have to fix it herself?

She might have to carry a mean old gun?

Shocking.

SapperInTexas: Quit being a suburban 'tard.

Wow, someone's lookin for a fight

UnspokenVoice: We have a concentration of idiots in the thread... I needn't add my own brand of idiocy to it but I want to. Seriously, honestly, does anyone think anyone buys that Beck actually did any of that or that do you're actually benefiting anyone or any cause with such idiocy? Does anyone think it brings helpful discourse, engages like-minded folk, or projects anything other than an image of simple minded people parroting idiocy (not one of you farkers thought of it) to no one's benefit and, nearly, everyone's disgust?

We're(well I'm) using this to make fun of the usual tactics used by your Orly Taitz(sp?) and other such people demanding proof to disprove retarded rumors and speculation.

/Did you know that in 1871, Glen Beck kicked over a lantern in Mrs. O'Leary barn causing the great Chicago fire?

Was UnspokenVoice Glen Beck's accomplice in the rape and murder of a girl in 1990? It's a question that has been asked. I don't believe it myself, but so far neither of them has denied it. Why not?

Andralynn: I would just go pony up the $50 and get vaccinated against rabies. Then you dont have to worry so much ;)

the 50 buck vaccination makes you immune to having your face ripped off by a crazed animal ?!?

who knew ?

// loves FNC, its kinda like standup with more ads
/ intimidated by rabid animals

Andralynn: 4 minutes of pain vs 4 hours of torture. Eeeesh ;)

My favorites list, welcome to it!


UnspokenVoice: Seriously, honestly, does anyone think anyone buys that Beck actually did any of that or that do you're actually benefiting anyone or any cause with such idiocy? I can take a joke, which is by definition completely inaccurate but in Beck's case richly deserved?

FTFY

madman_oreo: Did you know that in 1871, Glen Beck kicked over a lantern in Mrs. O'Leary barn causing the great Chicago fire?

I really did not know that

perhaps some idiots will write long blogs to defend him against the possible false accusations and raise the google rankings on the phrase whilst doing it.

// I heard Glen Beck flings poo too, thats my story and Im sticking to it
/ so so sticky