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(Columbus Dispatch)   Zombies attacking on the University of Florida campus? Yea, there's an emergency plan for that   (columbusdispatch.com) divider line 171
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13612 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Oct 2009 at 9:33 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-10-01 04:04:45 PM
Lifeist scum! There are millions of revenent individuals un-living in America today with no interest in "braaaaains". The works of the likes of Romero and Brooks is nothing more than anti-deadite propaganda. The feral type is rare, most zombies wouldn't eat your dirty flesh even if you marinated yourself. You might even deal with a zombie on a daily basis and wouldn't know it unless he/she told you. Even *if* you've been bitten by a zombie, you *will not* instantly become one, and you may *never* become one unless you die violently.

(This message brought to you by People for the Ethical Treatment of the Undead.)
 
2009-10-01 05:01:28 PM
It's already been pulled. did someone get a copy?
 
2009-10-01 08:28:03 PM
That sucks. What kind of humorless pricks are they that they made them pull the zombie attack instructions.

What they really needed was instructions for the male students to defend cougar attacks.
 
2009-10-01 08:36:07 PM
Although, so far there's no known treatment for death's crippling effects, still everyone can acquaint himself with the three early warning signs of death:

one, rigor mortis;

two, a rotting smell;

three, occasional drowsiness.
 
2009-10-01 09:34:47 PM
suckerpunch: It's already been pulled. did someone get a copy?

It has begun.
 
2009-10-01 09:35:58 PM
Yea, verily.

Yeah, really.
 
2009-10-01 09:36:47 PM
Wow, really? Pulled already?

Someone's a bitter asshat who hates fun.
 
2009-10-01 09:37:01 PM
They're looking for "life-impaired individuals" who are probably slow moving and mumbling incoherently.

In other words, snowbirds.
 
2009-10-01 09:37:42 PM
I already have plans for Velociraptor proofing my house. These might come in handy...
 
2009-10-01 09:38:03 PM
FTFA:

It notes that a zombie outbreak might include "documentation of lots of strange moaning.


Of course, the strange moaning could be your roomate getting his swerve on with the campus slut.
 
2009-10-01 09:38:17 PM
Since zombies can't read: The tunnels. Hide in the steam tunnels. Weld the manhole covers shut.
 
2009-10-01 09:40:00 PM
dreadprophet: Wow, really? Pulled already?

Someone's a bitter asshat who hates fun.


Here it is (pops/pdf)

I would ask for a thank you, but we're preparing for war here, so just enjoy.
 
2009-10-01 09:40:47 PM
ghare: Since zombies can't read: The tunnels. Hide in the steam tunnels. Weld the manhole covers shut.

What are you gonna eat? Trick is to keep moving, work with a small group. Keep your options open. Remember, if you have a last stand mentality, it will be your last stand. And most important, don't ever panic. Plus remember to keep a bladed weapon. Something longer than arm length and aim for the head and neck. Isolate anyone injured and restrain them if possible. This isn't simple people.
 
2009-10-01 09:41:48 PM
"life impaired individual"

teeheeee
 
2009-10-01 09:42:27 PM
What do you expect from a state that has that many old people, people fried in "Old Sparky", Ted Bundy's body, and Miami?
 
2009-10-01 09:42:40 PM
api.ning.com

/hot
//I suck.
 
2009-10-01 09:43:36 PM
Zombies can't turn door knobs on doors. Put knobs on things.
 
2009-10-01 09:43:46 PM
Lampmonster: ghare: Since zombies can't read: The tunnels. Hide in the steam tunnels. Weld the manhole covers shut.

What are you gonna eat? Trick is to keep moving, work with a small group. Keep your options open. Remember, if you have a last stand mentality, it will be your last stand. And most important, don't ever panic. Plus remember to keep a bladed weapon. Something longer than arm length and aim for the head and neck. IsolateShoot anyone injured and restrain themremove the head/bury them if possible. This isn't simple people.


FTFY

An injured "friend" is deadweight, literally. And if they are your friend, they'd realize it too. If you want to survive a zombie apocalypse, you're gonna have to get as gruesome as them.
 
2009-10-01 09:44:26 PM

My plan on surviving a zombie attack involves a box of condoms and Dolores O'Riordan.


forgottenjournal.com

 
2009-10-01 09:44:34 PM
I worked for the hospital on campus for a little while and suggested having a zombie drill after the hospital ran a disaster drill. Glad to see someone was on the same page.
 
2009-10-01 09:44:35 PM
Party Boy: Zombies can't turn door knobs on doors. Put knobs on things.

knobs. teeheeeee

OK, OK, I'm leaving now!
 
2009-10-01 09:46:52 PM
elmundotech.files.wordpress.com

Not Impressed

/does not care if fear of zombies is at an all time high
//get in the sack
 
2009-10-01 09:48:30 PM
It's all fun and games until someone gets bit in the head.
 
2009-10-01 09:48:39 PM
I'd say if you're on the 'create a fortress' route, you should dig a zombie ditch so if any mobs come running towards they'll stumble in it and take a few minutes to get out.

If you're on the 'run to freedom' I'd say you should always know where the nearest airport is, how to fly an airplane, and aim for an island. Zombies can't swim, right?

Of course if you live in a landlocked state like me you're screwed. :(
 
2009-10-01 09:49:12 PM
You can read the attack plan:

Here (new window)
 
2009-10-01 09:50:33 PM
spidermilk: Zombies can't swim, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

/anybody?
 
2009-10-01 09:51:42 PM
Dispatch infected co-worker...... lol like that form.


/have guns
//have ammo and always getting more
///but when will the zombies attack!?!?!?
 
2009-10-01 09:52:49 PM
IXI Jim IXI: It's all fun and games until someone gets bit in the head.

You have to pay extra for that in Amsterdam.
 
2009-10-01 09:53:46 PM
I blame the Semiholes.
 
2009-10-01 09:53:51 PM
Wow. This many posts and no Tebow jokes?
 
2009-10-01 09:54:27 PM
spidermilk

You are also assuming that zombies cannot fly planes.
 
2009-10-01 09:54:38 PM
I like how it says "the story continues below," then you click on it and the story does not continue below.
 
2009-10-01 09:54:38 PM
spidermilk: I'd say if you're on the 'create a fortress' route, you should dig a zombie ditch so if any mobs come running towards they'll stumble in it and take a few minutes to get out.

If you're on the 'run to freedom' I'd say you should always know where the nearest airport is, how to fly an airplane, and aim for an island. Zombies can't swim, right?


Of course if you live in a landlocked state like me you're screwed. :(



According to the authoritative WWZ Z, doesn't need to swim. They don't breathe, so they just walk. There were huge swarms of underwater Z that overran islands.
 
2009-10-01 09:54:44 PM
jaylectricity: spidermilk: Zombies can't swim, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

/anybody?


Right.
 
2009-10-01 09:55:12 PM
jaylectricity: spidermilk: Zombies can't swim, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

/anybody?


jaylectricity: spidermilk: Zombies can't swim, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

/anybody?


i644.photobucket.com

Would like a word with you...
 
2009-10-01 09:55:24 PM
Considering how much of my time lately has been spent writing emergency planning documents, I find this farkin' hilarious. I'm gonna see if we can get it included in our stuff.
 
2009-10-01 09:55:59 PM
ericb1228: jaylectricity: spidermilk: Zombies can't swim, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

/anybody?

Right.


... but they can't drown, either.
 
2009-10-01 09:56:37 PM
Funny, zombies are walking the city of Tallahassee tonight.
 
2009-10-01 09:57:04 PM
Bet UGA doesn't have a plan for such an emergency, so once again:
img.photobucket.com
 
2009-10-01 09:57:33 PM
i483.photobucket.com
 
2009-10-01 09:59:46 PM
www.gatorenvy.com

They're already here.
 
2009-10-01 10:01:33 PM
Yetimandias: ericb1228: jaylectricity: spidermilk: Zombies can't swim, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

/anybody?

Right.

... but they can't drown, either.


NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
 
2009-10-01 10:01:41 PM
skinink: My plan on surviving a zombie attack involves a box of condoms and Dolores O'Riordan.


Why wrap it? Somebody has to repopulate the world.

Hopefully white people. Wait, what?!
 
2009-10-01 10:03:03 PM
Yetimandias: ericb1228: jaylectricity: spidermilk: Zombies can't swim, right?

RIGHT?!?!?!?!

/anybody?

Right.

... but they can't drown, either.


Exactly, they can walk. Underwater or above.

I've been reading up. The trick is, if you are at home, go to the second floor and destroy the stairs.
 
2009-10-01 10:03:28 PM
The Zombieland documentary opens tomorrow, everybody should go to learn how to deal with zombies.
 
2009-10-01 10:07:37 PM
skinink: My plan on surviving a zombie attack involves a box of condoms and Dolores O'Riordan.

Is that a 5 or a 6 head?
 
2009-10-01 10:08:18 PM
scottydoesntknow: dreadprophet: Wow, really? Pulled already?

Someone's a bitter asshat who hates fun.

Here it is (pops/pdf)

I would ask for a thank you, but we're preparing for war here, so just enjoy.


Thank You.

I especially like pages 5 and 6.
 
2009-10-01 10:09:20 PM
This would make much more sense at Florida Atlantic University, which is just a couple of miles from Leisureville. I've delivered flowers there, and the place is a hive of zombies.
 
2009-10-01 10:11:59 PM
dj_spanmaster: Funny, zombies are walking the city of Tallahassee tonight.

They are scheduled to overrun Atlanta on Sunday from what I hear.
 
2009-10-01 10:13:49 PM
As the chairman of the UNH Library Emergency Prep Committee, I'm getting a real kick out of this.

I'm also bringing it to the table at our next meeting.
 
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