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(Some Guy)   Hiding from zombies in a mall much smarter than heading for the hills. Here come the BRAAINNNS   ( insidescience.org) divider line
    More: Spiffy, hiding, Woody Harrelson, BRAAINNNS, malls, research papers, over time, physics, prey  
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11305 clicks; posted to Geek » on 29 Sep 2009 at 3:59 PM (8 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-09-29 12:55:31 PM  
I have my plan mapped out. If I can make it to the two-story mall a couple miles away and camp out of the second floor, blocking the staircases, I'll be okay for a while. Fortunatly, the food court is on the second level. There's an Asian novelty store on the first level where I might grab some swords on my way up. Hopefully some of those cell phone selling douchebags will be the first to be turned so I can kill them without any guilt.
 
2009-09-29 01:06:43 PM  
The mall closest to me is one of the newer designs that's open-air, not a single building, so that won't help me.

I did live close to a mall (since closed) that had maybe 2 or 3 stores left in it, and thus was pretty much completely deserted most of the time. Walking through it did feel like being in Dawn of the Dead.
 
2009-09-29 01:16:32 PM  
I want to make it to our local Dicks Sporting Goods. Shares a roof with the grocery store, a knife shop and a few other things. If I can get in there and block it off (just one main door), I could be set for a long long time.

/finds it a little weird that I have this all thought out
 
2009-09-29 01:25:05 PM  

KC8501: I want to make it to our local Dicks Sporting Goods. Shares a roof with the grocery store, a knife shop and a few other things. If I can get in there and block it off (just one main door), I could be set for a long long time



That's ideal. A big Wal*Mart would be good too. Groceries, weapons, radios...except it's only one floor and has too many windows.
 
2009-09-29 01:31:05 PM  

Mugato:
That's ideal. A big Wal*Mart would be good too. Groceries, weapons, radios...except it's only one floor and has too many windows.


Windows in a Walmart? Do you mean the skylights, or actual windows?

Most supercenters have only 2-3 entry points (2 front entrances, plus auto or garden center). Other than that, I've never seen a window.
 
2009-09-29 01:33:01 PM  

KC8501: /finds it a little weird that I have this all thought out


Nope, not werd at all. People of a certain generation have been conditioned by comics, movies, video games and the internet to know that when it comes to the Necropalypse, it's a matter of when...not if. Whether through the gestation of a super-virus, the use of chemical weapons, or government meddling...we know it's coming. Thankfully, we all keep our undead survival plans in the back of our heads.

Personally, I'm hoping that when the Zombie menace strikes, I'm at work. Not only do I work in a giant, fortress-like building...But it's an outdoor-goods mail-order company with a GIANT on-site warehouse. Yep. Place is positively dripping with weaponry, survival gear and necessities. Guns, knives, light explosives, crossbows, generators, flashlights, batteries, MRE's...all neatly-organized and readily-available under one roof in a HUGE concrete building. I couldn't possibly conceive of a more ideal location to ride out the fall of civilization at the hands of the dead. Not even a mall compares.

Envy me.
 
2009-09-29 01:41:20 PM  
Oh sure, get yourself bottled up and surrounded by undead. You'll fit right in with the Redeker Plan.

Me? I'm staying mobile.
 
2009-09-29 01:54:15 PM  

Sybarite:
Me? I'm staying mobile.


I'd like to as well but you're constantly going to be hunting/fighting for gasoline. If it did happen I'd imagine there would be some kind of rouge human element (Dawn Of The Dead '78) that you'd most likely have to deal with.

Discuss
 
2009-09-29 02:28:39 PM  

Mugato: Hopefully some of those cell phone selling douchebags will be the first to be turned so I can kill them without any guilt.



I like the cut of your jib. BTW, I call dibs on the goths at Hot Topic.

/My place is already the perfect anti-zombie fortress.
//The only way into my second-story condo is through the front door on the garage.
 
2009-09-29 02:32:47 PM  
I would head into the back country. Maybe some basin in the wilderness where the only way in is to climb over some high pass. Or maybe somewhere in the Canadian lake district...
 
2009-09-29 02:36:12 PM  

The_Sponge: I call dibs on the goths at Hot Topic.



You can have the cashiers but I get the customers. Hey, there won't be any law by then.

And my Wal*Mart has a ton of windows.
 
2009-09-29 02:40:09 PM  
Great, now everyone will head to the malls and kill each other off trying to protect their turf.
 
2009-09-29 02:42:00 PM  

Sybarite: Oh sure, get yourself bottled up and surrounded by undead. You'll fit right in with the Redeker Plan.

Me? I'm staying mobile.


I'd rather have a wall to my back than be in open space if I'm armed. I'll take my chances in the mall and hope that roving motorcycle gangs don't break in.
 
2009-09-29 02:54:12 PM  
MaxxLarge:Envy me.

OOOOH. That's even better. Hopefully you'll get wind of it before your coworkers infect you. That's the REAL worry. How do you get there/survive long enough to get walled in.
 
2009-09-29 03:12:09 PM  

KC8501: How do you get there/survive long enough to get walled in.


There are a core group of us who are ever-vigilant for the warning signs, and we'll do what we have to in order to ensure the integrity of the command center...up to and including kill each other if we morph into head-jelly-hungry reanimants.

Y'know those clueless dolts at the beginning of every movie who are all, "Oh my god! What IS that thing? What's HAPPENING?!?" That's not us. Our plan is ready to go at a moment's notice, and ensures the at least short-term survival of as many ready people as are willing to not stand around trying to reason with turned friends, family, or associates.

Sorry, stragglers. I know it can be hard to deal with, and you have to get your head straight in seconds when it hits...But the world just changed forever. That thing that sort of vaguely LOOKS like your mother / father / sister / brother / child / spouse / significant other or best friend...isn't. Not anymore. Now, they're just a loathsome monster whose only desire in afterlife is to eat your delicious brains. You may be stretching your arms out to try to embrace and comfort what seems to be a mortally-wounded loved one, but they are walking with outstretched arms because they're trying to make a snack out of you.

So man up, harden your heart, and blink ONCE if you must. But then aim for the bridge of the nose, barrel turned slightly upward, and fire.

Try not to jerk when you squeeze the trigger.
 
2009-09-29 03:27:45 PM  

MaxxLarge:
There are a core group of us who are ever-vigilant for the warning signs...



That's why I have a couple of these in my house:

i37.tinypic.com
 
2009-09-29 03:45:55 PM  
I feel like I'll be safest in my garden:

gogaminggiant.com

And I've already been practicing.....
 
2009-09-29 03:53:34 PM  

KC8501: /finds it a little weird that I have this all thought out


Some friends and I are building a scale model of our zombie defense fortress. It's pretty goddamn detailed, too.
 
2009-09-29 04:10:10 PM  
I think the real question is how soon do you shoot your friend after they've been bitten? I'm leaning on almost immedietly but you might need them for a little while if your group is too small.
 
2009-09-29 04:11:48 PM  

Mattevil: I think the real question is how soon do you shoot your friend after they've been bitten? I'm leaning on almost immedietly but you might need them for a little while if your group is too small.


My opinion is to keep them under close watch. Once they pass out, blow them away before they wake up.
 
2009-09-29 04:12:54 PM  
There is a cinder block convenience store near my house with no windows and bars over the doors. It gas a oil/gas/natural gas powered generator. Let's see... food, water, fuel, security. A little small but easily defended.
 
2009-09-29 04:12:55 PM  
Assuming the zombies are the shambling-type (they should be due to the effects of rigor mortis), I have the following plan:

- Gather my survivor team. Load up on semi-auto assault rifles and ammo. Lots and lots of ammo.
- Raid stores for as many goods as we can transport in our apocalyptic van.
- Commandeer a power boat and head out to one the islands in the San Juans.
- Wipe out every zombie on the island.
- Sneak back to the mainland for more food as necessary.
- Wait out the zombies; they will eventually starve and they don't reproduce.

If you live in Bellingham when the shiat comes down, just email me and we'll coordinate.
 
2009-09-29 04:13:14 PM  
Wow, this far and no Dead Rising references?
 
2009-09-29 04:13:17 PM  

Mattevil: I think the real question is how soon do you shoot your friend after they've been bitten? I'm leaning on almost immedietly but you might need them for a little while if your group is too small.


He is not your friend unless he turns and says "Remember me." before charging at the horde attempting to single handedly defeat the approaching army while buying you guys some time to make your escape.
 
2009-09-29 04:13:55 PM  

UberDave: MaxxLarge:
There are a core group of us who are ever-vigilant for the warning signs...


That's why I have a couple of these in my house:


Dude, in real life chainsaws are no damn good. After cutting open two or three walking dead they get all gummed up and lord help you if you get the damn thing stuck in one of those suckers.

Me I'm going to the downtown post office. Few windows, Postal Police headquarters, two stories underground, and connecting tunnels to various place throughout the city. After I clear of the undead, and my co-workers it will be the perfect fortress.
 
2009-09-29 04:16:24 PM  
Hey, zombies aren't unreasonable. At least they don't want to eat your eyes.
 
2009-09-29 04:17:03 PM  

Slaves2Darkness: UberDave: MaxxLarge:
There are a core group of us who are ever-vigilant for the warning signs...


That's why I have a couple of these in my house:

Dude, in real life chainsaws are no damn good. After cutting open two or three walking dead they get all gummed up and lord help you if you get the damn thing stuck in one of those suckers.

Me I'm going to the downtown post office. Few windows, Postal Police headquarters, two stories underground, and connecting tunnels to various place throughout the city. After I clear of the undead, and my co-workers it will be the perfect fortress.


I don't if that is a good idea considering the post office is already staffed by zombies, making it all the more difficult to clear out.
 
2009-09-29 04:17:21 PM  
I'll be pretty screwed. As I work in the hospital, I'll be at the epicenter, since many paramedic will stupidly try to save those who have been bitten but not turned, which they will here. The only chance I'll have if I can make it into the maintenance areas, which have strong doors, and access to some of the food storage.
 
2009-09-29 04:20:42 PM  
The article fails to take into consideration the biggest threat of all, other survivors.

But my plan is all set; I plan to go live in Big B.M.'s house!

*That'll make more sense after you see ZombieLand..
 
2009-09-29 04:22:18 PM  
Yes, even infected, your friend is still valuable as labor and defense. He also raises the option of being disposable should the need arise. Got an awesome plan that requires one of your guys to be outside to lock the door behind you? Send the guy thats already infected!

And while the mall may good defense against random walkers, zombies are not random walkers. Sure, they're random at a distance, but if they get anywhere close they will sense you and bring in their buddies. It only takes one to get within sight, sound, or smell of you, and you'll be overrun.

Since malls tend to be in high population density areas (for obvious reasons), the number of undead will be much higher than out in the countryside. Combine that with everybody trying to get to the mall drawing more and more attention to the location, and you're just committing suicide.

And remember kiddies, zombies perceive their surroundings just as well at night as during the day, so do any outdoor traveling during the daylight hours, and hole up at night. Last thing you need is for the zombies to spot you before you spot them.
 
2009-09-29 04:22:39 PM  

UberDave: I would head into the back country. Maybe some basin in the wilderness where the only way in is to climb over some high pass. Or maybe somewhere in the Canadian lake district...


That's the last place to go! Didn't you read WWZ?
 
2009-09-29 04:23:40 PM  

CitizenTed: Assuming the zombies are the shambling-type (they should be due to the effects of rigor mortis), I have the following plan:

- Gather my survivor team. Load up on semi-auto assault rifles and ammo. Lots and lots of ammo.
- Raid stores for as many goods as we can transport in our apocalyptic van.
- Commandeer a power boat and head out to one the islands in the San Juans.
- Wipe out every zombie on the island.
- Sneak back to the mainland for more food as necessary.
- Wait out the zombies; they will eventually starve and they don't reproduce.

If you live in Bellingham when the shiat comes down, just email me and we'll coordinate.


so, go to galveson, blow the bridges, and make pirate raids on shore, would work down in Houston
 
2009-09-29 04:23:42 PM  

Mugato: KC8501: I want to make it to our local Dicks Sporting Goods. Shares a roof with the grocery store, a knife shop and a few other things. If I can get in there and block it off (just one main door), I could be set for a long long time


That's ideal. A big Wal*Mart would be good too. Groceries, weapons, radios...except it's only one floor and has too many windows.


Costco is even better, since their entrances have nice big roll down metal doors. Also, with just one set of entrance and exit door s right next to each other, it is easier to defend the main way in and out. Blockade the emergency exits and guard the loading dock, and a Costco/Sam's is easier to defend than a typical big box store with many entrances and glass doors/windows.
 
2009-09-29 04:24:09 PM  
madeinatlantis.com
approves.

/Hotlinked.
 
2009-09-29 04:24:37 PM  
Is it me or does TFA suggest that Zombies are 100% "randomly moving"? What if they react to movement, noise or the smell of sweet sweet Braaainns?

i483.photobucket.com
 
2009-09-29 04:25:19 PM  

Mattevil: I think the real question is how soon do you shoot your friend after they've been bitten? I'm leaning on almost immedietly but you might need them for a little while if your group is too small.


Bad news. If your friend has been bit, you need to say your last goodbyes and put a round through his/her head. After he dies, behead or burn the corpse. It's the only way to be sure.

/I'd expect the same if it was me.
 
2009-09-29 04:26:43 PM  

MaxxLarge: KC8501: /finds it a little weird that I have this all thought out

Nope, not werd at all. People of a certain generation have been conditioned by comics, movies, video games and the internet to know that when it comes to the Necropalypse, it's a matter of when...not if. Whether through the gestation of a super-virus, the use of chemical weapons, or government meddling or the unprepared sheeple who, desperate for food and water after a natural or man-made disaster, can react much like undead fast movers looking for brains...we know it's coming. Thankfully, we all keep our undead survival plans in the back of our heads.

Personally, I'm hoping that when the Zombie menace strikes, I'm at work. Not only do I work in a giant, fortress-like building...But it's an outdoor-goods mail-order company with a GIANT on-site warehouse. Yep. Place is positively dripping with weaponry, survival gear and necessities. Guns, knives, light explosives, crossbows, generators, flashlights, batteries, MRE's...all neatly-organized and readily-available under one roof in a HUGE concrete building. I couldn't possibly conceive of a more ideal location to ride out the fall of civilization at the hands of the dead. Not even a mall compares.

Envy me.


FTFEveryone.
 
2009-09-29 04:29:14 PM  

basemetal: Great, now everyone will head to the malls and kill each other off trying to protect their turf.


Sounds like human history.
 
2009-09-29 04:29:25 PM  

MaxxLarge: KC8501: /finds it a little weird that I have this all thought out

Nope, not werd at all. People of a certain generation have been conditioned by comics, movies, video games and the internet to know that when it comes to the Necropalypse, it's a matter of when...not if. Whether through the gestation of a super-virus, the use of chemical weapons, or government meddling...we know it's coming. Thankfully, we all keep our undead survival plans in the back of our heads.

Personally, I'm hoping that when the Zombie menace strikes, I'm at work. Not only do I work in a giant, fortress-like building...But it's an outdoor-goods mail-order company with a GIANT on-site warehouse. Yep. Place is positively dripping with weaponry, survival gear and necessities. Guns, knives, light explosives, crossbows, generators, flashlights, batteries, MRE's...all neatly-organized and readily-available under one roof in a HUGE concrete building. I couldn't possibly conceive of a more ideal location to ride out the fall of civilization at the hands of the dead. Not even a mall compares.

Envy me.


This generation may do well, with all the virtual training that they have been receiving...

not a RR (new window)
 
2009-09-29 04:29:31 PM  
 
2009-09-29 04:30:00 PM  

KC8501: /finds it a little weird that I have this all thought out


When I designed and built the shop behind my house, I decided to put in skylights and no windows for security, along with a sink for cleaning up and a drinking fountain. After it was built, I realized it was a great holdout point for zombies, also having a rooftop escape and a short jump to either my home or neighbor's roof - it is only lacking only a toilet.

I've been thinking of replacing the garage door with one of those fancy glass semi-opaque deals, but am thinking about security (and secretly, zombies).
 
2009-09-29 04:33:39 PM  
Melee Weapon: Crowbar. Good at cracking skulls and can be used for other purposes

Long range weapon: Hunting rifle with scope

Short range weapon: Handgun with silencer

Transportation: Mountain bike

Clothing: Well-broken in shoes/boots. Layered clothing.

Provisions: Canned goods, preferably ones with a pull tab, in case something happens to the can-opener.

Load up a pack/bike with canned goods, first aid kit, small bicycle repair kit, small gun maintenance kit. Try to load no more than 40 lbs. Head for the countryside. Population centers will be slaughterhouses and malls, warehouses, Wal-marts, etc will be where a majority of people go. Therefore, so will the Zs. Teams are good, but should be no larger than 4 people. Travel by night.

\Could go on
\\But won't
 
2009-09-29 04:34:02 PM  
Who didn't know this already?

Honestly?

/wishes my Mall had a hardware store and a gun shop, but I'll make do.
 
2009-09-29 04:34:17 PM  
My plan basically involves fortifying where I work - a supermarket. No windows (except for the front door, those can be blocked off), 4-5 emergency exits to block off, safe roof access through the store. My only concerns are:

What to do with the perishable food once it starts rotting?
Can I go through the ceiling of the liquor store next door?
How can I defend against rogue humans (a la Dawn of the Dead)?
 
2009-09-29 04:34:21 PM  
Minneapolis farkers.
Zombies Pub Crawl is less then 2 weeks away. Saturday Oct. 10. I expect everyone to be drunk and looking for brains.!!!!

/best night of the year.
//hundreds of zombies looking for alcohol and brains
///tasty brains
 
2009-09-29 04:34:41 PM  
The physics model assumes zombies are moving completely randomly.

Zombies do not move randomly. They move towards life, eat it, and keep moving towards the faintest sound, smell, or sight of it.
 
2009-09-29 04:38:25 PM  

Lexx: The physics model assumes zombies are moving completely randomly.

Zombies do not move randomly. They move towards life, eat it, and keep moving towards the faintest sound, smell, or sight of it.


so, what you need is a zombie decoy

Perhaps a radio inside a manequin while you're on roof with a gun sniping zombies.
 
2009-09-29 04:38:36 PM  

Edymnion:
And while the mall may good defense against random walkers, zombies are not random walkers. Sure, they're random at a distance, but if they get anywhere close they will sense you and bring in their buddies. It only takes one to get within sight, sound, or smell of you, and you'll be overrun.


I'm also a little leery with applying random walk theory to zombies. I'm not even sure how it applies to stock prices, either, as referenced in the TFA. I'm sure day to day fluctuations may be random, but random chance didn't make Apple go from $10 per share to $185 a share over the last decade, iPods, iPhones and OS X did.
 
2009-09-29 04:39:18 PM  

Lexx: The physics model assumes zombies are moving completely randomly.

Zombies do not move randomly. They move towards life, eat it, and keep moving towards the faintest sound, smell, or sight of it.


If they go after non-humans, I would probably hide in a zoo. I'm sure the bears, tigers, lions, etc. would provide me with some nice protection.
 
2009-09-29 04:39:20 PM  

MrSteve007: KC8501: /finds it a little weird that I have this all thought out

When I designed and built the shop behind my house, I decided to put in skylights and no windows for security, along with a sink for cleaning up and a drinking fountain. After it was built, I realized it was a great holdout point for zombies, also having a rooftop escape and a short jump to either my home or neighbor's roof - it is only lacking only a toilet.

I've been thinking of replacing the garage door with one of those fancy glass semi-opaque deals, but am thinking about security (and secretly, zombies).


The wife and I have been apartment hunting - she's grown a bit frustrated with my requirements that the new place be close to public transportation, have room for my car off the street, and most importantly be easily barricaded in the event of a Zombie uprising.

/did see a perfect building in Chicago - brick outer wall at least shoulder height, all windows higher than head height, and a score of little balconies, perfect for sniping. Turned out to be student housing :(
 
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