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(Eliminate Homeland Security)   2004: Shoe Bomber. TSA: "Remove your shoes, Citizen." 2006: Liquid Bomber. TSA: "No water for you, Citizen." 2009: Body-cavity Bomber. TSA: "Bend over, Citizen"   (schneier.com) divider line 259
    More: Scary, TSA, suicide bombers, shoe bomber, rubber gloves, traditional methods, Trojan horse, remote control, rectum  
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27772 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Sep 2009 at 4:57 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



259 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-09-28 05:13:04 PM
Barakku: Unless you used some REALLY powerful explosives, is it even possible to do much damage (to something other than yourself) with an internal explosive?
Just sounds like very expensive and elaborate suicide to me.


Seems to me the only thing an explosive like would do would be to force the plane to make an emergency landing... so they can take the bomber to a hospital.

I seem to recall a would be IRA bomber who stuff a pipe bomb up her vagina, she survived but completely scrambled her reproductive organs, earning her a Darwin.
 
2009-09-28 05:13:17 PM
We can always turn a negative into a positive.

Like, we could turn this thread into a series of pics of women bending over.

Just sayin'
 
2009-09-28 05:13:40 PM
fark flying.
 
2009-09-28 05:14:08 PM
So glad we summoned the security experts for this thread!

/Srsly, what does the article have to do with TSA???
//Besides someone wanting to troll everyone?
///Schneier is the best troll on teh intarwebs. He even beats Bevets.
 
2009-09-28 05:14:14 PM
Donald_McRonald: Nobody tell the TSA, but last month someone tried to assassinate a Saudi prince by exploding a bomb stuffed in his rectum.

Must've damn near killed 'em!


The real question is how he got the bomb stuffed into the Saudi prince's rectum without him noticing.
 
2009-09-28 05:14:19 PM
i229.photobucket.com


Does not approve, Creasy does

/hot
 
2009-09-28 05:14:55 PM
Change you can belive in! Bend over and smile.
 
2009-09-28 05:15:22 PM
patrick767: since you are allowed to take drinks on the plane purchased inside security

Once you pass through security you can take your drinks on board with you. I fly pretty regularly and do this all the time and many different airlines.
 
2009-09-28 05:15:56 PM
elchip: Mr. Coffee Nerves: Please enter your credit card number to have your anus sewn shut by the ticketing agent before being issued your boarding pass.

I saw some pr0n like that, except it was a vajayjay.


I...I don't understand. Wouldn't that kinda defeat the purpose of the pr0n in the first place?

/dares not Google
 
2009-09-28 05:16:06 PM
I blew up in my lady's ass last night. Does that make me a terrorist?
 
2009-09-28 05:16:07 PM
Oldiron_79 Quote 2009-09-28 05:11:41 PM

You beat me by 3 minutes. Took me a while to find a pic
 
2009-09-28 05:16:13 PM
Jacobin: Looking better all the time

/if you have the time


At the company I worked for in 1993 (Santa Monica, CA) a couple of employees flew to New York on business. The guy was a nervous flier to begin with. They stayed at the hotel in the World Trade Center, and their luggage was in their rooms when it was bombed. They took Amtrak back - the guy wouldn't consider getting back on a plane.
 
2009-09-28 05:16:21 PM
All this would result in is human salsa.
 
2009-09-28 05:16:22 PM
Kozakman: patrick767: Barakku
Unless you used some REALLY powerful explosives, is it even possible to do much damage (to something other than yourself) with an internal explosive?
Just sounds like very expensive and elaborate suicide to me.

The fact that the wannabe liquid bombers had almost no chance of succeeding with their plan didn't stop the government from banning liquids. Most likely the plan would have resulted in no explosion of note at all. At worst, or best depending on your perspective, one of them might have succeeded in blowing off his own hand in an airplane restroom.

My current theory on the liquid ban: since you are allowed to take drinks on the plane purchased inside security, the ban will never go away. Big Concessions will make sure of it!

Bring EMPTY water bottle. Fill water bottle at drinking fountain. Problem solved.


Yea, if you want water..........

Here in Portland we used to have a sweet chain called Coffee People and Starbux purchased them, then closed all the locations to kill any chance of somebody enjoying chain coffee(hey I am a PDX Coffee snob, piss off), BUT Coffee People has one location left, at the airport! so this usually means I have to pitch the end of my tasty cup O joe, because inside the security gates.... all starbux, Ugg.
 
2009-09-28 05:17:07 PM
TeddyRooseveltsMustache: fark flying.

Yeah, you should take a train, bus, or drive from Boston to the west coast. That's the ticket
 
2009-09-28 05:17:29 PM
It would have been funnier if before he detonated he said "pull my finger."
 
2009-09-28 05:17:43 PM
This news will excite many TSA agents.
 
2009-09-28 05:18:10 PM
Good thing no one at TSA can read.
 
2009-09-28 05:18:14 PM
This text is now purple:
The real question is how he got the bomb stuffed into the Saudi prince's rectum without him noticing.


There's no end to those assholes.
 
2009-09-28 05:18:40 PM
patrick767: At worst, or best depending on your perspective, one of them might have succeeded in blowing off his own hand in an airplane restroom.

I'll let my hand do all of the "blowing" in an airplane restroom, thank you very much!
 
2009-09-28 05:19:07 PM
"Yes, I will be performing a new job with the airline. This one's right up my your alley

freesoupwithpurchase.files.wordpress.com
 
2009-09-28 05:19:41 PM
MIguy: As long as it's a hot chick and she uses her tongue.

You kids and all yer dang newfangled ways of havin' fun!
 
2009-09-28 05:20:22 PM
Mr. Potatoass: This text is now purple:
The real question is how he got the bomb stuffed into the Saudi prince's rectum without him noticing.

There's no end to those assholes.


Wouldn't that make it harder?
 
2009-09-28 05:20:23 PM
Asa Phelps: You also can't stuff a lot of det cord in a shoe, and igniting it isn't easy.

Igniting it actually pretty easy... you just need a lighter and not a book of matches. One of those nice crackpipe torches and it'd go up pretty nice. Granted, it doesn't explode when burned which makes the entire "take off yer shoes" terror plot absolutely impossible to have been pulled off. Passengers would have been rewarded with a great dance-number when his shoes turned into road flares, though.

Sure, sure, they later re-re-revised all the official stories so that instead of PETN core it was some hybrid superexplosive designed by some terrurist military genius that was primed to detonate when burned. Then stuffed in some dipwad's shoes, who was then given a farking match to set it off. (Ahh... yeah. Right. Sure. Ok.)

It isn't -that- hard to set off, though. Just not with fire. You crimp down on it with a pair of pliers or some wire snips you're likely to lose a hand. (Or a good chunk of your office if it's still attached to the spool.) It is pressure-sensitive. Reid would have had more of a chance blowing up his shoes if he did jumping jacks.
 
2009-09-28 05:20:43 PM
Jument: 1) I wanna bring a bottle of two of Diet Pop or juice. I can buy then for $2 past security or 25 cents on sale at Safeway.

www.chachingonashoestring.com

/yeah, doesn't make it any less stupid though.
 
2009-09-28 05:20:49 PM
This text is now purple: Donald_McRonald: Nobody tell the TSA, but last month someone tried to assassinate a Saudi prince by exploding a bomb stuffed in his rectum.

Must've damn near killed 'em!

The real question is how he got the bomb stuffed into the Saudi prince's rectum without him noticing.


Million to one shot I'd imagine.
 
2009-09-28 05:21:33 PM
greaser_77: Yeah, you should take a train, bus, or drive from Boston to the west coast. That's the ticket

The bus blows, but I bet a train ride would be totaly fun, sure it would take a week, but would be fun.

/took the train to BC a few months ago, was a hoot.
 
2009-09-28 05:22:14 PM
Alleyoop: *sigh* no bra-bomber yet.

Bra Bomber (new window)

Video Goodness (new window)
 
2009-09-28 05:23:48 PM
Proud2B_American: "Yes, I will be performing a new job with the airline. This one's right up my your alley

freesoupwithpurchase.files.wordpress.com


"...and it looks like a big Tylenol..."
 
2009-09-28 05:24:37 PM
Ah the unpredictable twists and turns the airline safety business takes
 
2009-09-28 05:25:49 PM
Kozakman: Bring EMPTY water bottle. Fill water bottle at drinking fountain. Problem solved.

The fact that is allowed is just more proof that the TSA is farkworthless, and the entire liquid ban is pointlessly stupid.

Remember their excuses for forbidding half-empty containers? An ounce of toothpaste in a 6-ounce container? Too dangerous... must be stolen seized for your security It's because the container is too big. You might combine smaller portions of your hybrid shampoo bomb into a larger container and blow uppa da plane!

So they're allowing you to bring in a nice container larger than 3 oz? (Which you could just go buy anyway on the other side of the gate...)fark them till they die from it. Security puppet theater. Nothing more.
 
2009-09-28 05:26:40 PM
Having dropped some body-cavity bombs in my time ..........

images.cheezburger.com

What a body-cavity bomber may look like.
 
2009-09-28 05:27:04 PM
Mr. Coffee Nerves: I...I don't understand. Wouldn't that kinda defeat the purpose of the pr0n in the first place?

/dares not Google


That brings up an interesting question. If there's whips and chains and sutures but no penetration, is it hardcore or softcore?
 
2009-09-28 05:27:48 PM
"The resulting explosion ripped al-Asiri to shreds but only lightly injured the shocked prince"

I "ewwwwed" after reading that. WOW, gross. How'd they figure out it was "up there" if he was blown up? I wonder if it only blew out his bottom. I would've diagnosed it as bad taco bell if that were the case.
 
2009-09-28 05:28:04 PM
Jacobin: Looking better all the time
/if you have the time


More like:

amishamerica.typepad.com
 
2009-09-28 05:28:34 PM
Even the body cavity search could be avoided. Ever hear of a colostomy or ileostomy bag? Wonder how much RDX or whatever you can fit in there....
 
2009-09-28 05:29:08 PM
Are we certain it wasn't just Echirito day at Taco Bell?
 
2009-09-28 05:30:23 PM
How come this didn't get the ASSinine tag???

/just sayin'
 
2009-09-28 05:37:33 PM
homeschooled: "The resulting explosion ripped al-Asiri to shreds but only lightly injured the shocked prince"

I "ewwwwed" after reading that. WOW, gross. How'd they figure out it was "up there" if he was blown up? I wonder if it only blew out his bottom. I would've diagnosed it as bad taco bell if that were the case.


Tsk tsk. To shreds you say.
 
2009-09-28 05:39:23 PM
Fark YOU TWICW, subby. I can put up with tiny bottles of shampoo to not get blown the hell up.
 
2009-09-28 05:41:29 PM
FarKnight: Even the body cavity search could be avoided. Ever hear of a colostomy or ileostomy bag? Wonder how much RDX or whatever you can fit in there....

"I'm sorry, sir... that bag is larger than the 3oz we allow. You'll need to find a smaller travel bag."
"But there is less than 3oz of shiat in there!"
"Sir, don't argue with us."


Though it would be fun to empty it in the "TSA seized-goods collection bin."
 
2009-09-28 05:42:47 PM
TheHopeDiamond: I can put up with tiny bottles of shampoo to not get blown the hell up.
Yup, we do grow em that Daft in Merica.

/Thankfully it is localised.
 
2009-09-28 05:44:26 PM
patrick767: Barakku
Unless you used some REALLY powerful explosives, is it even possible to do much damage (to something other than yourself) with an internal explosive?
Just sounds like very expensive and elaborate suicide to me.

The fact that the wannabe liquid bombers had almost no chance of succeeding with their plan didn't stop the government from banning liquids. Most likely the plan would have resulted in no explosion of note at all. At worst, or best depending on your perspective, one of them might have succeeded in blowing off his own hand in an airplane restroom.

My current theory on the liquid ban: since you are allowed to take drinks on the plane purchased inside security, the ban will never go away. Big Concessions will make sure of it!


No chance of succeeding? Certain now dead people might disagree with that view.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philippine_Airlines_Flight_434
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Korean_Air_Flight_858
 
2009-09-28 05:44:27 PM
More reason than ever to eat baked beans, Mexican food, greasy pork barbecue and drinks lots of carbonated drinks before a flight if you ask me. Make them sorry they ever pulled you aside.
 
2009-09-28 05:44:56 PM
TheHopeDiamond: Fark YOU TWICW, subby. I can put up with tiny bottles of shampoo to not get blown the hell up.

How cute. You actually think their little kabuki routine makes a difference.
 
Jha
2009-09-28 05:45:03 PM
A small price to pay to make sure my flight doesn't blow up or get hijacked. Or just stop letting towelheads on the flights.
 
2009-09-28 05:45:59 PM
patrick767: The fact that the wannabe liquid bombers had almost no chance of succeeding with their plan didn't stop the government from banning liquids. Most likely the plan would have resulted in no explosion of note at all. At worst, or best depending on your perspective, one of them might have succeeded in blowing off his own hand in an airplane restroom.

My current theory on the liquid ban: since you are allowed to take drinks on the plane purchased inside security, the ban will never go away. Big Concessions will make sure of it!


But the concessions are exactly the reason the liquid ban is near useless. How hard would it be to get the minimum wage delivery guy and the minimum wage concession stand girl to smuggle in your stuff if you told them it was drugs? For $100 in bribes you could easily circumvent the liquid ban by getting your stuff well inside the security perimeter.

Now weigh that $100 against the billions spent on throwing out liquids. It's pretty hard to make the case that those billions are well spent.
 
2009-09-28 05:46:11 PM
Why is it that this doesn't surprise me in the least? Oh well, I guess because it's for our "protection" that it's automatically alright and you should just move along like normal.

I can see it now.

TSA: (Puts on a leather glove and snaps it) Just lock your knees and hold your breath, it'll be over before you know it.

/Hot like consensual rape!
//IS EVERYONE ON CRAZY PILLS!?
 
2009-09-28 05:46:22 PM
You see citizen, you have two choices when it comes to your cooperation...

img8.imageshack.us
 
2009-09-28 05:46:27 PM
looks like a lot of farkers would rather blow up than have their cavities searched . . .
 
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