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(Eliminate Homeland Security)   2004: Shoe Bomber. TSA: "Remove your shoes, Citizen." 2006: Liquid Bomber. TSA: "No water for you, Citizen." 2009: Body-cavity Bomber. TSA: "Bend over, Citizen"   (schneier.com) divider line 261
    More: Scary, TSA, suicide bombers, shoe bomber, rubber gloves, traditional methods, Trojan horse, remote control, rectum  
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27781 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Sep 2009 at 4:57 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



261 Comments   (+0 »)
   

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2009-09-28 03:56:02 PM  
What will kids not put in their asses these days? I guess boys will be boys.
 
2009-09-28 04:02:04 PM  
An unsuccessful ass bomber...what will his tombstone say?
Sounds like he should have turned around
 
2009-09-28 04:09:34 PM  
You also can't stuff a lot of det cord in a shoe, and igniting it isn't easy.
 
2009-09-28 04:11:32 PM  
Wut wut in mah butt?
 
2009-09-28 04:11:48 PM  
Please enter your credit card number to have your anus sewn shut by the ticketing agent before being issued your boarding pass.

"Sir, has your colon been with you and in your control the entire time since you left your house today?"
 
2009-09-28 04:13:22 PM  
Unless you used some REALLY powerful explosives, is it even possible to do much damage (to something other than yourself) with an internal explosive?
Just sounds like very expensive and elaborate suicide to me.
 
2009-09-28 04:14:25 PM  
FTFA: But who ever accused the TSA of being rational?

That sums it up pretty well ;)
 
2009-09-28 04:17:48 PM  
Barakku
Unless you used some REALLY powerful explosives, is it even possible to do much damage (to something other than yourself) with an internal explosive?
Just sounds like very expensive and elaborate suicide to me.


The fact that the wannabe liquid bombers had almost no chance of succeeding with their plan didn't stop the government from banning liquids. Most likely the plan would have resulted in no explosion of note at all. At worst, or best depending on your perspective, one of them might have succeeded in blowing off his own hand in an airplane restroom.

My current theory on the liquid ban: since you are allowed to take drinks on the plane purchased inside security, the ban will never go away. Big Concessions will make sure of it!
 
2009-09-28 04:19:21 PM  
If the TSA hires proctoligists, they can spin the whole thing as preventative medicine.
 
2009-09-28 04:22:36 PM  
Wife like typing detected
 
2009-09-28 04:23:11 PM  
Dammit wrong thread
 
2009-09-28 04:25:19 PM  
Next up, head asploding bomber.

TSA: "Your brain will have to come out, citizen."

/Just like theirs.
 
2009-09-28 04:29:59 PM  
Barakku: Wife like typing detected

Barakku: Dammit wrong thread

In a weird way, it kind of works here.
 
2009-09-28 04:40:52 PM  
patrick767: My current theory on the liquid ban: since you are allowed to take drinks on the plane purchased inside security, the ban will never go away. Big Concessions will make sure of it!

Same theory here. Solution: Carry empty Nalgene through security. Fill Nalgene at water fountain. Profit (assuming you enjoy water, which I do).

But if you really wanna stick it to them, just carry a plastic baggie full of liquor minis and make your own drinks.
 
2009-09-28 04:45:51 PM  
NikolaiFarkoff: But if you really wanna stick it to them, just carry a plastic baggie full of liquor minis and make your own drinks.

Meh, man up and duct-tape a quart baggie full of whisky under each armpit.

/Use the double-zipper freezer bags ftw.
 
2009-09-28 04:54:17 PM  
oldebayer: Meh, man up and duct-tape a quart baggie full of whisky under each armpit.

/Use the double-zipper freezer bags ftw.


if you're afraid of a sweaty rent-a-cop pat-down, you could always fake a catheter bag.
 
2009-09-28 05:00:19 PM  
Well I guess I won't be flying anytime soon!
 
2009-09-28 05:00:38 PM  
hereby is coined the term, "commiting al-Asiri"
 
2009-09-28 05:00:57 PM  
If this is the pattern, could one of you please stuff an annoying child with explosives?
 
2009-09-28 05:02:17 PM  
patrick767: Barakku
Unless you used some REALLY powerful explosives, is it even possible to do much damage (to something other than yourself) with an internal explosive?
Just sounds like very expensive and elaborate suicide to me.

The fact that the wannabe liquid bombers had almost no chance of succeeding with their plan didn't stop the government from banning liquids. Most likely the plan would have resulted in no explosion of note at all. At worst, or best depending on your perspective, one of them might have succeeded in blowing off his own hand in an airplane restroom.

My current theory on the liquid ban: since you are allowed to take drinks on the plane purchased inside security, the ban will never go away. Big Concessions will make sure of it!


I believe this to be 100% true.
 
2009-09-28 05:02:23 PM  
But I hide hashish in there!
 
2009-09-28 05:03:26 PM  
leonel: Well I guess I won't be flying anytime soon!

And I will now fly every chance I get!
 
2009-09-28 05:04:04 PM  
... Paging Dr. Gorgor
 
2009-09-28 05:04:07 PM  
What about vaghinas?
 
2009-09-28 05:04:25 PM  
Nobody tell the TSA, but last month someone tried to assassinate a Saudi prince by exploding a bomb stuffed in his rectum.

Must've damn near killed 'em!
 
2009-09-28 05:04:31 PM  
It is my unmitigated feeling that any post-9/11 plots on American soil are just guys in a cave thinking up 'plots', leaking them to the CIA or DHS, and watching the TSA overreact, thus doing more long-term damage to the psyche and well-being of the domestic traveler than whatever they physical damage possible.
 
2009-09-28 05:04:45 PM  
As long as it's a hot chick and she uses her tongue.
 
2009-09-28 05:05:10 PM  
For the love of all things good and holey, do not summon the Gorgor.
 
2009-09-28 05:05:16 PM  
images.paraorkut.com

Looking better all the time

/if you have the time
 
2009-09-28 05:05:37 PM  
How is this new? The airline industry/TSA has been bending everyone over ever since they got their blank 911 check.
 
2009-09-28 05:06:01 PM  
Have YOU ever seen a Yeti when twelve condoms full of cocaine burst in his stomach? Not a pretty scene.
 
2009-09-28 05:06:09 PM  
Please take off your shoes before entering the Rape Booth.
 
2009-09-28 05:06:18 PM  
Remember that Fatherland Security is working to make air travel safe from YOU.
 
2009-09-28 05:07:06 PM  
www.schneier.com

meh.
 
2009-09-28 05:07:13 PM  
BesiktasBoy83: What about vaghinas?

I don't know. I don't speak Portuguese.
 
2009-09-28 05:08:08 PM  
I can just imagine these guys trying to think of new ways to mess with the flying public.

"Hey, Mohammed, check this out. How 'bout we shave our heads, tape some C4 to our scalps and then let the hair grow back in. When they find out they'll make a new rule that you says the TSA inspectors have to run their hands through everyone's hair. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!"
 
2009-09-28 05:08:19 PM  
Mr. Coffee Nerves: Please enter your credit card number to have your anus sewn shut by the ticketing agent before being issued your boarding pass.

I saw some pr0n like that, except it was a vajayjay.
 
2009-09-28 05:08:25 PM  
patrick767: Barakku
Unless you used some REALLY powerful explosives, is it even possible to do much damage (to something other than yourself) with an internal explosive?
Just sounds like very expensive and elaborate suicide to me.

The fact that the wannabe liquid bombers had almost no chance of succeeding with their plan didn't stop the government from banning liquids. Most likely the plan would have resulted in no explosion of note at all. At worst, or best depending on your perspective, one of them might have succeeded in blowing off his own hand in an airplane restroom.

My current theory on the liquid ban: since you are allowed to take drinks on the plane purchased inside security, the ban will never go away. Big Concessions will make sure of it!


Bring EMPTY water bottle. Fill water bottle at drinking fountain. Problem solved.
 
2009-09-28 05:09:15 PM  
*sigh* no bra-bomber yet.
 
2009-09-28 05:09:40 PM  
phlegmmo: I can just imagine these guys trying to think of new ways to mess with the flying public.

"Hey, Mohammed, check this out. How 'bout we shave our heads, tape some C4 to our scalps and then let the hair grow back in. When they find out they'll make a new rule that you says the TSA inspectors have to run their hands through everyone's hair. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!!"


Fake breasts loaded with C4.

Alllll right.
 
2009-09-28 05:09:43 PM  
"Sir, you either need to see an oncologist or the bomb squad, which will it be?"
 
2009-09-28 05:10:27 PM  
No 72 virgins for you but an eternity of

i176.photobucket.com
 
2009-09-28 05:10:50 PM  
2004: Shoe Bomber. TSA: "Remove your shoes, Citizen." 2006: Liquid Bomber. TSA: "No water for you, Citizen." 2009: Body-cavity Bomber. TSA: "Bend over, Citizen

I'm sure they can ask the

fusilly.com

IRS for tips.
 
2009-09-28 05:11:04 PM  
"That would have to be in da butt, Bob"
 
2009-09-28 05:11:07 PM  
I meant VAGINAS rofl
 
2009-09-28 05:11:25 PM  
paygun: Please take off your shoes before entering the Rape Booth.

+1
 
2009-09-28 05:11:41 PM  
no Man On Fire ass bomb references?
 
2009-09-28 05:11:41 PM  
Alleyoop: *sigh* no bra-bomber yet.

Travel Inspection Terrorism Safety program?
 
2009-09-28 05:11:58 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com

Moooonnn Riivvveerrr
 
2009-09-28 05:12:51 PM  
Kozakman: Bring EMPTY water bottle. Fill water bottle at drinking fountain. Problem solved.

Yes, very true. I do this every time I fly. However:
1) I wanna bring a bottle of two of Diet Pop or juice. I can buy then for $2 past security or 25 cents on sale at Safeway.
2) The liquid ban is just plain farktarded.
 
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