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Drew discovers a new and previously unknown version of the Seasonal Article that you might have never noticed. Also, Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 9/20 to 9/26
Posted by Drew at 2009-09-28 1:46:51 PM (36 comments) | Permalink
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I just missed one of the more curious seasonal articles of the year. Usually I'm more on top of things but I've been getting some rapid-fire travel in. Heather's pregnancy was a little complicated but I'll spare everyone the details - the short version is it all worked out with no significant complications. Unfortunately that means that I haven't had time to keep up on current Fark events, such as who the latest Florida teacher to be arrested for having sex with a student is, the latest naked guy to rob a bank, etc. Friends will ask me about stories when we're out for beers, but lately I've had to tell them I haven't seen them either.
So last week, I missed one of my favorite Seasonal Article repeats of the entire year. For those unfamiliar with the article type, Seasonal Articles are articles that get repeated every year. Such as the article about how much productivity is lost during the Super Bowl, Hey There'll Be Traffic on Memorial Day/4th of July/Labor Day/Thanksgiving, the annual Where To X-Ray Your Halloween Candy with the debunking of the urban legend about poisoned candy, etc. They're lame and media trots them out every year at the exact same time as if we've never heard of these things before.
Most of the Seasonal Articles rotate around holidays. There are a few that don't though, such as the flu sequence of articles. It goes something like this
- Here's Where to Get Flu Vaccine, Get It or You'll Die
- Oh My God We're Running Out of Flu Vaccine
- Oh My God The Flu Vaccine is for the Wrong Flu Variant
- Oh My God There's a New Strain of Flu That Will Surely Kill Us All
- Celebrity Non-Scientist Claims Flu Vaccine Causes Autism (Paragraph Five: But There's No Evidence)
And so on.
For the most part, MSM knows they're running the same articles at the same times of the year. It's no secret to them. However, around the time I was doing research for my last book, I discovered one that no one realizes is a Seasonal Article. For all I know it could be one hell of a coincidence, but it does appear every year at exactly the same time:
- Saturday Night Live's New Season Sucks, But It Was Good 10 years ago.
I can't figure this one out. For whatever reason, MSM hates SNL's first show of the season. They can't wait to bash it into the ground. Maybe it does really suck, I quit watching SNL years ago because it's easier to just wait until they do one good sketch and then catch it on Youtube/Hulu. But to me the really strange part of this seasonal article is the claim that it was better 10 years ago. Because I first remember seeing this seasonal article when I was back in High School. It said exactly the same thing, SNL is past its prime, it sucks today, it was great 10 years ago. I remember being really disappointed, man I'd missed the great golden age of comedy. 10 years later I was out of college (and therefore reading for fun again, something that stops when you're in college) and came across the same article. This season of SNL is terrible, 10 years ago it was great. Wait a second, 10 years ago they said it was terrible. Obviously it wasn't the same people writing the review, but it was essentially the same article. You could copy and paste the thing, change the names of the cast members and hosts, and voila, done for another year.
I think probably what's going on here is that it's the SNL highlight shows that are hilarious and awesome. Every SNL episode has one or two (or zero) really funny skits that end up on the Best Of reel, and those Best Of shows are what reviewers are talking about when they say that SNL was great 10 years ago. So to fans and non-fans alike, I say don't worry about whether or not this season is any good, the Best Of reel will be great and 10 years from now when several of the stars have gone on to make terrible movies and one or two of them have gone on to make the rare actually funny movie, we'll all think the entire season 10 years ago was pure awesome. But today, it sucks.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-09-20 to Sat 2009-09-26:
Small group of Calvinists fight to stop their church from being closed. Last seen barricaded in the building armed with transmogrifier guns and a stuffed tiger
80-ton wave generator works briefly as advertised when it falls into the ocean
Woman reports own son to police for rolling a joint with a page from a bible. Holy Smokes
Four punks try to rob 88-year-old WWII vet, accidentally open a very large can of Acute Failure of the Victim Selection Process
Census worker found hung, with the word "fed" scrawled into his chest. Hey, at least we know he ate before he died
At least nine out of 10 Americans have had premarital sex. So that means for every virgin, someone is having a three-way
Sheriff of Nottingham uses taxpayers' money to visit US. If only there was a folk hero who would stand up for the common man in situations like this
Dispute over donkey leads to knifing, proving once again that you always have to watch your ass
Kissimmee considering changing its name to Owitsstingingmee
"Vehicle crashes into house, disappears." Pentagon unavailable for comment
Fake psychologist charged with freud
Elementary school kids run through blocking and tackling drills with the Detroit Lions. Advice and encouragement were given, as well as physical fitness pointers. Hopefully the Lions learned something
TO admits that he wants to become an actor. He could start by not looking so surprised when a perfectly thrown, sure TD pass goes right through his hands
Tebow injured and taken to the hospital by ambulance, expected to rise again in three days
35 million worldwide living with dementia, posting in Fark Politics tab
Linus Torvalds, creator of the Linux kernel, says the OS has become "bloated and huge". Much like your average Linux user
Incredibly, Bing has increased Microsoft's search share by a whopping 0.4 percent. Google it if you don't believe me
Kevin Federline, who earned a shred of fame as the remora to Britney Spears' whale shark, has signed on to VH1's Celebrity Fit Club. And there it is folks, proof that our culture has hit bottom
♫ All the leaves are brown ♫ And the sky is gray ♫ So I'll sleep with my daughter ♫ Every single daaaaaaaaay ♫
Capitalism has failed, says Michael Moore, whose new movie will be available free of charge to all the workers of the world
Senator Robert Byrd is in the hospital. Subby hopes he's okkkay
Meg Whitman, former eBay CEO, announces run for Governor of California. Expects to lead early, but get sniped five seconds before the polls close
Ted Kennedy's recently appointed replacement says joining Senate is "sobering" experience. So he's already abandoning the Kennedy legacy
Jay-Z shows Bobby Brown how it's done; he's beaten Whitney Houston two straight weeks in a row
Sex Pistols' Glen Matlock is going on a solo tour. Expect your grandparents to get excited and demand tickets, and then come home upset because they completely misunderstood
Morrissey recruits fellow vegan and woman Chrissie Hynde to help him with a new album of rarities, B-sides, and live tracks
Custom Iacocca edition mustangs sells for $90k. DeLorean edition will have extra wide mirrors and a street value of $500k
Sara Lee may sell off its line of body care products (i.e. shampoo) in order to focus on its line of body neglect products (i.e. Jimmy Dean sausages)
More and more engaged couples signing pre-nups to protect assets amassed during their single days, like chipped Billy bookcases, mismatched sets of Corningware and complete sets of Star Wars figurines
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