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(Guardian)   Some sick bastard put Dan Brown's new novel on the internet for some damn reason or other   (guardian.co.uk ) divider line
    More: Sick, Dan Brown, The Lost Symbol, Lost Symbol, pirates, novels, JK Rowling, Robert Langdon, bookstore  
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26800 clicks; posted to Main » on 16 Sep 2009 at 2:15 PM (6 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-09-16 05:37:40 PM  
jst3p
Reminds me of:

"This is a unix system! I know this!"


Yeah, close. :)
But I think it's more like this


Following are excerpts from the book. The NSA is definitely running "Movie OS 2.0 (tm)".
Read and weep:

----------------------------------------------------------------------​----

"We've got a five-tier level of defense," Jabba explained. "A primary Bastion Host, two sets of packet filters for FTP and X-eleven, a tunnel block, and finally a PEM-based authorization window right off the Truffle project. The outside shield that's disappearing represents the exposed host. It's practically gone. Within the hour, all five shields will follow. After that, the world pours in. Every byte of NSA data becomes public domain."

[..]

Fontaine gazed up at the screen and watched the first of the five walls disappear entirely.
"Bastion Host is toast!" a technician yelled from the back of the room. "Second shield's exposed!"

[..]


"Losing FTP filters!" a voice yelled."Third shield's exposed!"
There was a new flurry of activity.

[..]

"X-eleven's are down!" a technican called out. "This bad boy's hungry!"

[..]

"Final shield under attack!"
On the VR, the PEM authorization programming was now being consumed. Black, penetrating lines engulfed the final protective shield and began forcing their way towards its core.
Prowling hackers were now appearing from all over the world. The number was doubling almost every minute. Before long, anyone with a computer - foreign spies, radicals, terrorists - would have access to all of the U.S. government's classified information.
As technicians tried vainly to sever power, the..

[..]


"How much time?" Jabba demanded from the podium.
There was no response from the technicians in the back. They stood riveted, staring up at the VR. The final shield was getting dangerously thin.


-----------------------------------------------
And now for the finale.
From chapter 127, without the "prime difference" riddling and trying out codes until they find the solution (which is "3")
---------------------------------------


On the VR, the final firewall was only a sliver. A mass of blackness surrounded it, hundreds of lines waiting to tie in.
[..]
"Incoming lines preparing to authenticate!"
[..]
"Company at the door!"
Jabba stared at the screen. "Here we go!" Sweat poured down on his face.
On the center screen, the final wisp of the last firewall had all but disappeared. The black mass of lines surrounding the core was opaque and pulsating. Midge turned away. Fontaine stood rigid, eyes front. Brinkerhoff looked like he was about to get sick.
"Ten seconds!"
[..]
A technician began the countdown. "Five! Four! Three!
[..]
"We're down!" a technician yelled.
The VR began flashing wildly as the core succumbed to the deluge. Sirens erupted overhead.
Outbound data!
High-speed tie-ins in all sectors!

[..]
The sirens kept going. Five Seconds, Six seconds.
"Outbound data!"
"No change!"
Suddenly Midge began pointing wildly to the screen above. "Look!"
On it, a message had materialized.

KILL CODE CONFIRMED

"Upload the firewalls!" Jabba ordered.
But Soshi was a step ahead of him. She had already sent the command.
"Outbound interrupt!" a technician yelled.
"Tie-ins severed!
On the VR overhead, the first of the five firewalls began reappearing. The black lines attacking the core were instantly severed.
"Reinstating!" Jabba cried. "The damn thing's reinstating!"
There was a moment of tentative disbelief, as if at any instant, everything would fall apart. But then the second firewall began reappearing...and then the third. Moments later the entire series of filters reappeared. The databank was secure.


 
2009-09-16 05:39:22 PM  

magu2k: magu2k: Uwe Boll is set to direct "Digital Fortress" starring Matt Damon, Leonardo DiCaprio and Ben Affleck. It will reportedly have guest directors Quentin Tarantino and Michael Bay.

I've also heard rumours that the soundtrack to this gem will be performed entirely by Bono with sounds revolving around the sounds of him slapping his ass and farting.


Phew! I thought he was gonna sing for a minute there...
 
2009-09-16 05:40:52 PM  

raptusregaliter:

//soooooooo overrated
/I can write better tripe


do it or shut up
 
2009-09-16 05:43:47 PM  

The Voice of Doom: Following are excerpts from the book. The NSA is definitely running "Movie OS 2.0 (tm)".
Read and weep:


hehe
hahaha
BAHAHAHAHAHA

*wipes a tear*
 
2009-09-16 05:47:13 PM  
I think the literature snob thread is easily twice as stupid ghey fresh as a beer snob thread. Perhaps because they are fewer and farther between. But probably more likely that the people involved think their book learning is finally about to get them laid.
 
2009-09-16 05:48:03 PM  

4chan: raptusregaliter:

//soooooooo overrated
/I can write better tripe

do it or shut up


According to Wikipedia that is precisely how Brown started. He was reading some wordplop by Sidney Sheldon, who makes Brown look like Philip Roth, and said to his wife "I could do better than this."

So, "put up or shut up" isn't an insult. It's a challenge.
 
2009-09-16 05:50:30 PM  

Masso: BlorfMaster: People...there's worse out there....much worse...
I call and raise you this.


Dear God...I could at least finish Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons. I tried reading that (Mom sent it to me since I read a lot of Templar/Masonic history). When it reached the point where the woman knows she shouldn't go somewhere alone, but does anyway (the text actually says it that way), I had to give it up.
 
2009-09-16 05:52:09 PM  
People who read his novels let alone buy them can't even operate ballpoint pens so his profit margin will be unaffected.
 
2009-09-16 05:53:31 PM  

trappedspirit: Schrodinger's Petting Zoo: I've read DaVinci Code, Angels & Demons, and Deception Point. I have no idea why he is so popular and why he keeps getting movies made.

I haven't read his books, but I saw DaVinci Code. It was a good movie. Perhaps that is the key. Unlike any other literary to cinema endeavor, people should probably be encouraged to not read the book.


I finally saw the movie about 4 months ago. As a movie, it works somewhat. One of the few movies that turn out better than the book its based on.

/National Treasure was still better.
//While it's internal mythology was flawed, it stayed true to itself all the way through.
 
2009-09-16 05:56:19 PM  
Teddy Bear de Molay is not amused.


teddynation.com
 
2009-09-16 05:58:52 PM  

ExperianScaresCthulhu: TwistedIvory: I read Angels and Demons right after it was released before I'd heard any hype about it (I picked it up after the cover blurb sounded interesting at a bookstore).

Immediately I was disappointed.

And then Dan Brown became mega-popular, and I was even more disappointed.

Nice riff on the style, ha. Brown is better than Turtledove. That's all that matters to me.

/I hate Turtledove. Hate him, hate him, hate him.
//I love Barbara Hambly.
///John Ringo is an asshole who obviously hates women and the real Jesus Christ.
/Dan Brown is readable, and isn't the only writer to suffer from 'screenplayitis' elchip talks about above. His books being interchangeable reminds me of 'Bag of Bones'... maybe Mr. Brown is in a slump and is just doling out from his emergency stack until he's out of his slump.


Ok, you called Brown better than Turtledove, you lost all credibility right there.

Barbara Hambly is a hack.

John Ringo may very well be an asshole, I've never seen any evidence of him hating women at all and he seems to have a firm grasp of various religions.

The fact that Brown writes to a template isn't a problem. Its the ludicrous things he wants you to suspend belief on. Deception Point (new window) for example. The plot holes you could pilot a 747 through etc...
 
2009-09-16 05:59:34 PM  

TwistedIvory: I read Angels and Demons right after it was released before I'd heard any hype about it (I picked it up after the cover blurb sounded interesting at a bookstore).

Immediately I was disappointed.

And then Dan Brown became mega-popular, and I was even more disappointed.


I read it because I was on a long flight and found it in the seat pocket. I'd never heard of him before, but thought I was extremely lucky to find a free book just when I needed one.

I was wrong. Reading the in-flight magazine 20 times in a row would have been more fulfilling.
 
2009-09-16 06:10:04 PM  
I'm glad to see people reading.

I'm sad when they rave how "Da Vinci Code" is the best book they've ever read.
 
2009-09-16 06:12:17 PM  

Cockpuncher to the Stars: TwistedIvory: I read Angels and Demons right after it was released before I'd heard any hype about it (I picked it up after the cover blurb sounded interesting at a bookstore).

Immediately I was disappointed.

And then Dan Brown became mega-popular, and I was even more disappointed.

I read it because I was on a long flight and found it in the seat pocket. I'd never heard of him before, but thought I was extremely lucky to find a free book just when I needed one.

I was wrong. Reading the in-flight magazine 20 times in a row would have been more fulfilling.


I bet you wanted to cockpunch the passenger who left it to the stars, huh?
 
2009-09-16 06:14:06 PM  

Raskolnikov2089: I'm glad to see people reading.

I'm sad when they rave how "Da Vinci Code" is the best book they've ever read.


Why waste time reading? There isn't anything books can teach you that TV can't teach you 10 times faster.
 
2009-09-16 06:16:12 PM  

Doc Daneeka: By the way, if people want to read a novel about that deals, like The Da Vinci Code, with secret societies and ancient conspiracy theories, but is well-written and thoughtful and intelligent, may I suggest this one:


Excellent book. Bad intro sentence.
 
2009-09-16 06:17:36 PM  
Never read Dan Brown fully, I downloaded an audio book, cause I thought it might be alright for something to listen to while walking, deleted it after listening for about 45 minutes, so I cant critique his work, I just know it's not something I find interesting or compelling.

Off-Topic Rant about 'Blindness'.
Same with that 'Blindness' book by that foreign guy. Got 1/3 of the way through and totally lost all interest, I don't know what world that book is suppose to take place in, but it's not earth. 250 random people in a hospital and they all have watches that require winding? Really? Not a single digital watch? The whole "nobody has names because names are unimportant if everyone is blind" conceit is baffling as well. Not to mention that it reads like it was written in a foreign language and translated by babelfish.com. "I kicked that man because he was touching me up." And the characters have the personality of robots, "I cry because I am sad, I have no watch, and in a world of the blind what need is there for such a device anyway.", yeah that sounds totally natural. That book made me want to punch the author in the face. And don't even get me started on 'The Time Travelers Wife'
 
2009-09-16 06:23:24 PM  

Ghola Kwisatz Haderach: Cockpuncher to the Stars: TwistedIvory: I read Angels and Demons right after it was released before I'd heard any hype about it (I picked it up after the cover blurb sounded interesting at a bookstore).

Immediately I was disappointed.

And then Dan Brown became mega-popular, and I was even more disappointed.

I read it because I was on a long flight and found it in the seat pocket. I'd never heard of him before, but thought I was extremely lucky to find a free book just when I needed one.

I was wrong. Reading the in-flight magazine 20 times in a row would have been more fulfilling.

I bet you wanted to cockpunch the passenger who left it to the stars, huh?


Yes. But then I left it in the pocket for the next passenger, so I presume it broke even.
 
2009-09-16 06:24:23 PM  

jst3p: Reminds me of:

"This is a unix system! I know this!"


IIRC, it actually was Unix. I think it was an experimental Solaris interface someone developed. Hold on, lemme see here...

Close, but no cigar. Here's a quick ref:

Indeed, it was an SGI machine at which that girl (Lex?) uttered this phrase that made geeks in the audience say dude and sweet. (All the computers in Jurassic Park were SGIs or 68k Macintoshes) While it might have seemed that the interface she used on the SGI machine was Hollywoodware, it actually does exist. It was an IRIX-only program produced by SGI called fsn (pronounced 'fusion', short for 3D File System Navigator). If you have an IRIX system, you can actually download and run this program right on your box. Grab it from this URL:

http://www.sgi.com/fun/freeware/3d_navigator.html
 
2009-09-16 06:29:13 PM  

Doc Daneeka: By the way, if people want to read a novel about that deals, like The Da Vinci Code, with secret societies and ancient conspiracy theories, but is well-written and thoughtful and intelligent, may I suggest this one:


There's only one (or three) book I know of that deals with secret societies and conspiracy theories in a thoughtful and intelligent way that I know of:
esvaziando.files.wordpress.com

The only intelligent reaction to conspiracy theories is mockery.
 
2009-09-16 06:29:48 PM  
Damn redundant redundancy.
 
2009-09-16 07:32:26 PM  
Will the famous man look at the red cup again?
 
2009-09-16 07:40:41 PM  
CommandantVonThrash: The only intelligent reaction to conspiracy theories is mockery.

You are obviously one of them.
 
2009-09-16 09:09:28 PM  
Am I the only one that sees (or cares) that the cover of his new book, has one of Fark's banned pictures on the cover?

i217.photobucket.com

He's loose in DC!
 
2009-09-16 09:23:09 PM  

Cat F Cat F: Am I the only one that sees (or cares) that the cover of his new book, has one of Fark's banned pictures on the cover?

He's loose in DC!


I just spat tea all over my new laptop you (glorious) bastard!
 
2009-09-16 09:24:37 PM  

Raskolnikov2089: I'm glad to see people reading.

I'm sad when they rave how "Da Vinci Code"

Twilight is the best book they've ever read.

FTFM...I work at a university, so I hear this more often. Including from my student workers, who are otherwise, thoughtful, intelligent girls.
 
2009-09-16 09:56:26 PM  
Hurrah for 0Day! Unfortunately, not for this release.
 
2009-09-16 09:56:37 PM  
Cat F Cat F
Am I the only one that sees (or cares) that the cover of his new book, has one of Fark's banned pictures on the cover?

Took me a moment, but..damn, you're right.
 
2009-09-16 10:06:05 PM  

Cat F Cat F: Am I the only one that sees (or cares) that the cover of his new book, has one of Fark's banned pictures on the cover?

He's loose in DC!


I see it now.
images.cheezburger.com
/so wrong
//yet so fitting
 
2009-09-16 10:14:57 PM  

Cat F Cat F: Am I the only one that sees (or cares) that the cover of his new book, has one of Fark's banned pictures on the cover?

He's loose in DC!


What? It's just a picture of a goat, see?
 
2009-09-16 10:40:40 PM  
Some sick bastard published Dan Brown's new novel.
 
2009-09-16 11:43:04 PM  
Who is Dan Brown and who the fark cares that his book was leaked onto the net?

If Fark greenlit every thread about something stupid being posted on the internet, this website would eat itself.
 
2009-09-16 11:49:05 PM  

Cat F Cat F: Am I the only one that sees (or cares) that the cover of his new book, has one of Fark's banned pictures on the cover?

He's loose in DC!


Bravo! well played!
 
2009-09-17 12:59:00 AM  
PSA tag was broken?
 
2009-09-17 01:17:06 AM  

just_another_asshole/jaa: So lets check this out. So many Dan Brown haters. Must be a bunch of literary critics with degrees to come out with such clear reasons for hating him, oh yeah not one real criticism. "I don't like him" doesn't count. How many of you haters have written any books? None! Hell, how many can write a coherent sentence? Sounds like a bunch of basement dwellers with serious jealousy issues!

Brown writes good escapist entertainment for folks that enjoy a quick relaxing read and are not looking for anything deeper. " Angels and demons" is good right up to the helicopter stunt which pushed believability way off the scale! But, the book kept one guessing all the way to the end, and isn't that the goal of mysteries?


Huh? Does reading Dan Brown make people incoherent or is that all you?

I think most people have pointed out that his writing is terrible and plot lines are even worse, which is something you basically acknowledged when you said sometimes people just want be entertained. There is a difference between a good book and a quick read, not that there is anything wrong with either types. But people are not mocking it for it's entertainment value, because clearly as you stated that is all this book is. They are criticizing it for it's inability to add anything meaningful. Yea, I could watch an episode of The Hills, but you wouldn't see me trying to defend it as anything more than 30 minutes of trash (which describes his novels as well, coincidentally).
 
2009-09-17 01:24:33 AM  

teke367: Don't get me wrong, his books aren't all that surprising (especially after you read a couple), nor are they the best written, but no way in hell do they deserve all the criticism they get.

Considering how the book industry is one that generally loses money, and is a tax break to parent companies, when a book comes along that basically makes a billion dollars, it allows other books to be published that might not otherwise.

What this is really about, a lot of people like to feel superior because "I read and you don't." Now that millions have read this book, they still need to feel superior, but now its "you read, but not what I read."

This isn't Punk music, its a good thing when something is successful and has mass appeal.


See I used to think that reading something is better than not reading anything at all, but I do not think that is right anymore. If you read People magazine, for example, you are exposed to writing that is more like conversational speech (simple sentences and vocabulary)and content that is not challenging. While it may be entertaining, I don't think the fact that it is being read adds ANYTHING. I don't have a list of genres and books that I think are more valuable, but if your 6 year old can read the book and understand it, it probably is not for you.
 
2009-09-17 03:34:19 AM  
www.digitalaudiovideo.com
 
Nib
2009-09-17 07:00:30 AM  
The Da Vinci Code sucked.
 
2009-09-17 10:02:54 AM  

raptusregaliter: The Russian writers are all pretty depressing but they're good pieces of literature (poor Russia... they thought they had it bad with the Tsars; Stalin made them look like choirboys)... but the Russians had/have plenty to be depressed about.

I tackled Tolstoy and Dostoevsky at one point and retreated to Barbara Taylor Bradford's la-la-land to keep myself from being clinically depressed. :)


Would you like a piece of pie? It is a very good pie.
 
2009-09-17 10:04:34 AM  
Ok, enough of this.

Dan Brown is popular, yes...but his writing is atrocious. His characters have all the substance of wet pizza box, his plots are predictable, and his descriptions simplistic are simplistic at best.

Anyone who has actually spent any time actually, you know, READING books and stories from different authors develops the ability to be able to separate the good stuff from, well, everything else. This isn't to say that a writer must be flawless, sometimes his flaws are part of his style (i'm looking at you, H.P.), but when a writer is ALL flaw, well...even calling it a popcorn flick of a book isn't enough to either justify the cost and effort to print the damn thing, or for you to not appear as a drooling moron.

tl:dr - Dan Brown is a hack, quit giving him money.

/also goes for the eragon and twilight series
//J.K. Rowling does a decent job, but needed a better editor.
 
2009-09-17 10:04:43 AM  

BlippityBleep: Of course appealing to the lowest common denominator will result in huge sales. It's been the American Waytm for decades. It's the reason why we can't ever have nice things.


Agree. It's like buying Ford cars and trucks.
 
2009-09-17 11:10:48 AM  
If anyone wants a free copy of The Da Vinci Code, you one I threw out of the train windown near Southampton Airport Parkway station in England could well still be there.

Just sayin'.

It's like Scooby Doo for people who didn't listen at school
 
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