If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.
Drew sets the Fark Betting Line for this week and announces Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week 9/6 - 9/12 
Posted by Drew at 2009-09-14 2:18:46 PM (29 comments) | Permalink
More: FarkBlog

•       •       •

4363 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Sep 2009 at 2:20 PM (4 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Greetings from Lexington. Now that the NFL season has started, it is fall, even though it won't be officially called that for another week. But in America, Farmer John's Almanac doesn't decide when fall starts, Roger Goodell does, and the first weekend of NFL means finish your harvests already.

Media is embracing football season because it finally gives them something to talk about other than healthcare, and with so little else happening, the 24-hour news cycle has talked it completely to death, revived it, then talked it to death again. It won't go away until after the vote, so you can expect more discussion, more protests, more analysis, more expert opinion, and even more marginal stories to be squeezed out of this dry bone.
Now that the weather is starting to cool, people are thinking about the flu. Specifically, swine flu. More specifically, everybody on Earth dying from a major pandemic that results in something that Hollywood could make a movie about, sort of like The Day After Tomorrow but with less flooding and more vomiting. Only it's just not true.

This week we're setting the Fark Betting Line with some stories we expect to hear and the odds they'll be in the news between now and Sunday. Pony up to the window and place your bets:

- United States backs down from the trade war with China with a little perfunctory barking and some territory marking (5:1)

- Story from Florida involving beer, nudity, a high-speed chase and buttocks taserin' (2:1)

- More "stories from the front lines" of the healthcare debate, now coming from hospital emergency rooms (4:1)

- Both sides of the debate find victory from imperceptibly minor differences in the same interview (1:1)

- Poorly tattooed Asian Myspace dwarf-slut Tila Tequila announces new reality television show (6:1)

- Now that the 9/11 anniversary has passed, media starts wondering again where the heck that Bin Laden fella is hiding (4:1)

- Cubs win four straight, look to steal wild card spot before sinking below the waves (9:1)

- Lady Gaga breaking news press release mentions her sexuality or her genitalia (3:2)

- First NFL drunk driving arrest of the season (8:1)

- Scientists discover that beer wards off swine flu (247:1)

Also, thanks to those of you who sent well wishes on my new baby girl Sierra Elizabeth. The person who deserves all the credit is my wife, who frankly did all the heavy lifting, baby-wise. I put up a posting about her here for anybody who is interested.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-09-06 to Sat 2009-09-12:

img1.fark.net  Feet are washing ashore at Cockey Creek in Maryland. And you don't want to know what's washing up at Footy Beach    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Great White terrorizes New England for second time this decade    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Today is International Litericy Day    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  New Hampshire man guilty of beating his ex with a flip-flop. Has he no sole?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Humorist Garrison Keillor hospitalized following minor stroke; fans hope his woe be gone soon    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Santa Claus coming early this year. In a 13-year old boy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  State Department releases lists of countries that use child labor, so the discerning consumer will know what labels to look for when they want the tight stitching and attention to detail that only those tiny little hands and eyes can provide    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man who starred in anti-drug commercial busted for having sophisticated pot growing operation. Those that live in grass houses shouldn't get stoned    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Web-based petition urges Gordon Brown to apologize for Britain's treatment of Alan Turing; Brown issues apology after finding online petition indistinguishable from real one    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jealous husband who killed his wife after she changed her facebook status is sentenced to a lifetime of being poked    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Celebrating legalized gay marriage in Vermont, Ben & Jerry's creates new ice cream. Curiously, it does not have twice the nuts    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Cubs tie MLB record with eight consecutive hits in the first inning. Other teams that have accomplished this feat are the Yankees, Athletics, Pirates, Phillies, and Chris Brown  

img1.fark.net  Ancient Mongolian competition ties past to present, and features what may be the absolute gayest sports uniforms ever created in the history of mankind, with the possible exception of the 1980's Houston Astros    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  South Africa beats New Zealand to win Tri-Nations Cup rugby championship. For you American fans, rugby is what football could be if it were interesting    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Adding plants to classrooms found to increase satisfaction among university students while giving liberal arts majors an intellectual equal to talk to    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Scientists discover how to make mice levitate. Are you pondering what I'm pondering?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Just-released images from the recently refurbished hubble. So real, it's like actually being in the universe    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Kathy Griffin says she was an unattractive, talentless magnet for gay guys back in high school. Good thing that changed    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  David Hasselhoff to perform at Berlin wall anniversary. East Germans consider rebuilding the wall    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Former ABC anchor Carole Simpson says legitimate TV news is dying. We'll have more on this story after a Jon and Kate Plus 8 update, and it looks like Britney and Li-Lo are at it again    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  "Muslim women fight for right to pants, beer" They do realize that by gaining access to the second, they'll probably end up without the first again?    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Mark Foley turns over a new page in his life, becomes a talk radio host    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  NY state legislature deadlocked on whether ethics bill should allow them to be thieving whores or conniving scum    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Chris Brown to perform at Michael Jackson tribute concert. Presumably the organizers wanted someone who'd help us remember a popular singer with a badly misshapen face    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Spandau Ballet's Gary Kemp says that Simon Cowell is ruining the music industry with American Idol and The X-Factor. Kemp then stopped his rant and asked if the table wanted to start with an appetizer    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Daft Punk to bring beats, disguises and set designs to upcoming DJ Hero, for people who thought Guitar Hero required honing too many skills    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  DoctoRs in brItaiN want cracKdown on alcohol marketinG, including mUsIc spoNsorship aNd advErtiSing at Sports    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Morgan Stanley CEO steps down from his post to focus on packaging and bundling his kid's lemonade stand into collateralized debt obligations    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Porn, which should be essential to pumping up our flaccid economy, seeing profits plunge as tight-fisted consumers gag on swollen prices for everything else. Boobs    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


29 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2009-09-14 02:23:08 PM
My headline was the best.
 
2009-09-14 02:24:45 PM
8:1 Kanye West says something to outdo his MTV stunt.
 
2009-09-14 02:25:56 PM
Huh. I got two in this week.

/the "Chris Brown got 8 hits" one and the "jon and kate update and Li-Lo is at it again"
//congrats on the baby, Drew. Be sure to kiss your wife and take care of my kids.
 
2009-09-14 02:26:38 PM
1:164 - Somebody uses the paint huffer in a photoshop contest.
 
2009-09-14 02:27:55 PM
the "Footy Beach" one cracks me up.
 
2009-09-14 02:28:44 PM
Can we have a `Most Retarded TFD Submission'? There was some stellar stupid last week.
 
2009-09-14 02:29:24 PM
My favorite of the year is still this one, for maximum meme density in a single headline.
 
2009-09-14 02:30:19 PM
slim pickings this week
 
2009-09-14 02:34:44 PM
Do we ever look at last weeks predictions and see how we are doing? I'd be kinda fun to lay down some bets on which of these will come true, return next week to the bets and revise the credits. We can all start with 10 internets and see who bets best at the end of the year, keep and revise the internets tally each week in profile. If you run out of internets you are out of the competition.
For instance. I'd lay down 5 internets on China, 2 on Fark's favorite Asian myspace drawf slut, 1 internets on lady Gaga and 1 on Healthcare looking at ER's. (I'll save my other internets for next week just in case).
 
2009-09-14 02:36:48 PM
AppleOptionEsc: 8:1 Kanye West says something to outdo his MTV stunt.

8:1? Wow, I'll take the bet that he does and at those odds, I'm gonna be rich.
 
2009-09-14 02:54:02 PM
AppleOptionEsc: 8:1 Kanye West says something to outdo his MTV stunt.

I like those odds. Perhaps he'll pull a Goddwin?
 
2009-09-14 03:01:16 PM
It's either

Emmy[knock knock knock]...Emmmy[knock knock knock]...Emmy[knock knock knock] - - Jim Parsons gets his well-deserved Nobel Prize in Television
 
2009-09-14 03:02:34 PM
or it's

Jim Parsons is NOT The SWORD MASTER

Which would be a crying shame.
 
2009-09-14 03:06:50 PM
Waiting for more Jim Traficant news
 
2009-09-14 03:11:22 PM
oldfarthenry:
Can we have a `Most Retarded TFD Submission'? There was some stellar stupid last week.

It's a fine line. The headline generally has to be clever enough that at least some people are amused. But it also works in reverse. Often submissions have to be dumbed down enough so that at least some people 'get' it. Attacking it from that position, though, you can easily overshoot the mark and end up in the stupid section.
 
2009-09-14 03:12:37 PM
I submitted this with a better summary.

Also shouldn't "Poorly tattooed Asian Myspace dwarf-slut Tila Tequila" be changed to something like "Poorly tattooed Asian Myspace dwarf-slut tackling dummy Tila Tequila" ?

Also, Drew, congrats to you and your wife on Sierra Elizabeth. It isn't just you; I'm pretty certain she really is way cuter than most newborns. Who's the dad?
 
2009-09-14 03:14:12 PM
oldfarthenry: Can we have a `Most Retarded TFD Submission'? There was some stellar stupid last week.

Meh. It would get kind of repetitive. The only contenders would be on the politics tab.
 
2009-09-14 03:16:35 PM
1:3: Henry Earl arrested

/Congratulations on the new baby! You should have let us name her.
 
2009-09-14 03:20:22 PM
Drew, congrats on the super sperm
 
2009-09-14 03:35:47 PM
So that's what passes for analysis at StratFor? Pathetic.

On the one hand, FTFA: And if you take two facts away, consider this as well: Influenza data are incomplete at best and rarely cross-comparable, so any assertions of the likelihood of mass deaths are little more than scaremongering bereft of any real analysis or, more important, any actual evidence.

On the other, StratFor goes on to do just that: take data they themselves admit are weak to come to conclusions presented with a certainty that is unwarranted.

The entire article reeks of having reached a conclusion before starting to research the problem: Most notable is the fact that the demographic normally associated with influenza vulnerability R12; the elderly R12; is considered at low risk from A(H1N1), and there has yet to be a single outbreak at any nursing home.

Really, the author wants to re-assert the point as to how harmless this virus is, so they make "most notable" a point that old people aren't dying.

But wait, there's more: In the United States, where data is more reliable, the figure is 593, a far cry from the 402,000 to 675,000 America

Straw Man. No one predicted that H1N1 would kill a significant number of people before the Fall, so to now draw that comparison is a false equivalency, and really bad analysis.

The media is exceptionally bad at reporting when it comes to science, and dramatic stories bring in the viewership, so it's no surprise that there's a sense of hype and hysteria that exceeds what appears to be supported by the data. But there are reasons to be concerned.

Of the 36,000 average deaths, all but about 3,600 are old people who were going to face death panels anyway. But with H1N1, even if we expect the same number of overall deaths, about 30,000 people of working age will die. That's as many as dead + wounded from Iraq. Also, the hospitalization rate and mortality are not the complete picture. The rate of infection will give us the ultimate answer. Something with half the mortality but infects twice as many people will kill the same number (not to mention cause a lot more people to miss work).

If you look at outpatient rates, you'll find that it's well above (new window) the usual for this time of year. The red line (the current one) suddenly jumps at shortly after H1N1 appeared in Mexico and is currently way above where one would normally expect it. One could dismiss the increase as a result of the "hysteria" but that's an assumption for which we have no evidence.

None of this promises a deadly epidemic with half a million dead. But you issue a tornado watch when the conditions are favorable to a tornado forming, not when it's already flattened a few houses just to make sure it killed enough people to satisfy you that it's deadly. Add to the mix the late arrival of the vaccine and the potential anti-viral shortfall, and this season might be very costly. And even then, no one at the CDC is predicting a 1918 repeat in terms of absolute numbers. In fact, given the difference in population (we're about 3x the size we were in 1918), the prediction is rather modest in comparison.
 
2009-09-14 03:40:49 PM
vygramul: So that's what passes for analysis at StratFor? Pathetic.

Say what?
 
2009-09-14 03:43:12 PM
FredaDeStilleto: vygramul: So that's what passes for analysis at StratFor? Pathetic.

Say what?


Drew linked to a StratFor analysis on H1N1 in his post.
 
2009-09-14 04:02:39 PM
- Drew and the mods will green light more freep tastic headlines that may contain as little truth as possible in order to increase click throughs (1:1)

-Drew will drive to the bank after making said money on hate mongering/click throughs then proceed to light a cigar with a $100 bill (2:1)

-GatoNegro will become such an epic troll that his forces will overwhelm and swallow all other trolls in what will later be deemed "Troll 2009: the Ravaging" (4:1)

- The Politics tab will become sponsored by FreeRepublic which will be linked to the single largest epidemic of fist going through monitors in the world. (10:1)
 
2009-09-14 04:13:22 PM
Drew, did you choose the initials "SEC" on purpose?
 
2009-09-14 04:21:48 PM
TheGhostofFarkPast: -GatoNegro will become such an epic troll that his forces will overwhelm and swallow all other trolls in what will later be deemed "Troll 2009: the Ravaging" (4:1)

I'll throw down 1:4 that Gato will be the first troll that EVERYONE puts on ignore. Then we'll see him pop up the next day as the white dog, possibly el Hurron.
 
2009-09-14 05:46:51 PM
FredaDeStilleto: You should have let us name her.

I don't think Drew would be able to explain the name Snowflake Crotchfruit to his wife ;)
 
2009-09-14 06:05:38 PM
TheGhostofFarkPast: - Drew and the mods will green light more freep tastic headlines that may contain as little truth as possible in order to increase click throughs (1:1)

-Drew will drive to the bank after making said money on hate mongering/click throughs then proceed to light a cigar with a $100 bill (2:1)

-GatoNegro will become such an epic troll that his forces will overwhelm and swallow all other trolls in what will later be deemed "Troll 2009: the Ravaging" (4:1)

- The Politics tab will become sponsored by FreeRepublic which will be linked to the single largest epidemic of fist going through monitors in the world. (10:1)


Drew has a baby now. He has more liquor to buy now.

If I could, I'd put half of the politics on ignore, but they just keep quoting each other. It's gotten really bad. What chemical spill started this? 6 months ago, all you had to worry about Removeallrepublicans(or whoever) and the occasional Tatsuma flamewar.
 
2009-09-14 06:44:54 PM
blazemongr: My favorite of the year is still this one, for maximum meme density in a single headline.

LNWMF
 
2009-09-15 09:14:12 AM
AppleOptionEsc: If I could, I'd put half of the politics on ignore, but they just keep quoting each other. It's gotten really bad. What chemical spill started this? 6 months ago, all you had to worry about Removeallrepublicans(or whoever) and the occasional Tatsuma flamewar.

I see this sentiment often, but I'm not convinced things are any worse than they've always been; the majority of my ignore list consists of old politics trolls who, as far as I can tell, haven't posted in years. There might be more now in terms of raw numbers, but there are more posters overall; I don't think the ratio has changed much. Reading politics threads here has always been like mining through a pile of shiat and occasionally finding beautiful gems.

/experienced shiat-miner
 
Displayed 29 of 29 comments



This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »





Report