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(Some bat, man)   Farker DiamondDave needs to get a bat out of his house and needs suggestions. Link goes to a picture of the unwanted guest. Voting enabled   ( divider line
    More: Strange  
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7680 clicks; posted to Main » on 09 Mar 2003 at 3:38 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2003-03-09 05:24:02 PM  
9 votes:
I use to rehab injured and orphaned bats when I lived in Texas. I also did the original website for BatWorld. This is a Mexican Free Tail bat. They're really quite harmless.

Here's what you do...

1.Wait until the bat is motionless. A bat that is flying is almost impossible to catch, and you have a greater chance of injuring the bat if you attempt to capture it while it is airborne. In addition, bats that are caught while flying frequently panic and attempt to bite. Be patient. Wait until the bat lands and is still, and then proceed to step 2.

2.Contain the bat. Quietly approach the bat, and wearing thick gloves, gather the bat up (holding it securely but not tightly) and place it into a box or similar container with a lid. Or instead, simply place a box, waste can, coffee can or similar object over the bat where it has landed. Then, take a piece of cardboard and gently slide it between the box and the surface the bat is on (i.e. floor, wall or ceiling). Keeping the cardboard in place, gently turn the container right side up. If the bat is captured during the day, proceed to step 5. If the bat is captured at night, proceed to step 3. Note: Do not place the bat in a bird cage or container with small openings. Bats are very intelligent and can easily squeeze through a 1/4 x 1/2 inch crack.

3.Release the bat outdoors. Once the bat has been captured, take the container outdoors. Find an elevated area (such as a deck or ladder), lift the box over your head, and tilt it to the side so the bat can fly out (the bat will not be able to fly out of a grounded container in a vertical position). Proceed to step 4. (Note: Do not release the bat during winter time or during bad weather. Instead, proceed to step 5).

4.Watch it leave. If the bat does not fly away, or attempts to fly but seems unable to, it is likely that is has an injury or illness. It may be a disoriented juvenile, or it may simply be dehydrated or starved from being trapped indoors. If this is the case, keep the bat in the closed container and put it in a safe place that is free of children, pets, fire ants or other hazards, and proceed to step 5. Note: It is not safe to attempt care for the bat on your own - bats should only be cared for by trained, vaccinated individuals. Furthermore, in order to survive, bats in this condition may need injections of electrolytes in addition to specialized food and caging.

5.Call a local wildlife rehabilitator for assistance.
2003-03-09 03:45:25 PM  
9 votes:
Now with voting. I'm so sorry.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 04:02:21 PM  
8 votes:
Hire exterminators.
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2003-03-09 03:53:32 PM  
8 votes:
"Take off, and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."
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2003-03-09 04:01:12 PM  
7 votes:
[image from too old to be available]

2003-03-09 03:51:23 PM  
7 votes:
Mood music!
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2003-03-09 05:16:18 PM  
6 votes:
Buy your mother-in-law a plane ticket home, cheapskate.
2003-03-09 03:48:18 PM  
5 votes:
Just ice the motherfarker!

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 03:46:41 PM  
5 votes:
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2003-03-09 03:41:31 PM  
5 votes:
The right bait, man.
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2003-03-09 05:52:51 PM  
4 votes:
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"We can't stop here....this is bat country!"
2003-03-09 03:45:27 PM  
4 votes:
Create a total vacuum outside the house then blow the bat out the front door.
2003-03-09 03:40:43 PM  
4 votes:
play your solo albums.
2003-03-09 08:57:34 PM  
3 votes:
Ok, Kabar beat me to the reference, but here it is anyways:
[image from too old to be available]

Now thats how to fight a bat!
2003-03-09 07:52:01 PM  
3 votes:
[image from too old to be available]
Build a bathouse.  These animals are the best natural insect control around, have a heart.
2003-03-09 04:54:52 PM  
3 votes:
use a "bat"apult
2003-03-09 04:51:13 PM  
3 votes:
Call PETA. Tell them you are raising the bat for fur and are eventually going to make a tiny bat fur coat for Barbie that you're going to sell on eBay.

PETA will send Pamela Anderson to protest nude in front of your house as part of their "I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur" campaign. Get an eyeful, tell them the bat got away.

2003-03-09 03:52:51 PM  
3 votes:
1. Douse entire house in gasoline.
2. Light match.
3. Run like hell.
2003-03-09 03:48:28 PM  
3 votes:
Oven mitts. Try to chase it into a low-ceiling corner, if you need to, grab it with the (heavy) oven mitts, then toss it outside (in the shade if you're not a cruel bastard).

Next step: Buy new oven mitts
Final step: Find out where they're coming in (ours came in through the attic vent, where the screen had come out) and block it up.

That's what we did, at least, last summer. We kept the old oven mitts as 'bat mitts' in case it happens again.
2003-03-09 03:47:12 PM  
3 votes:
Play a round of bat tennis. Works every time, and it's good exercise to boot.
2003-03-09 03:46:36 PM  
3 votes:
Slather peanutbutter (the chunky kind only) all over your body and run around the house. It will follow you because bats love peanutbutter. Then just run out of the house and lock the door so it can't get back in.
2003-03-09 03:46:08 PM  
3 votes:
If it's a gay bat, then you'll need..

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 03:46:02 PM  
3 votes:
Fire, and lots of it.
2003-03-09 03:45:42 PM  
3 votes:
Or, (realistically) you could purchase a cheap sonic pest controller. They plug into your outlet and emit a screech inaudible to humans, but like nails on a chalkboard to rodents and other pests. If you do this and it works, though, concider putting a bat box outside somewhere. The poor fella probably just needs his own house.
2003-03-09 03:43:56 PM  
3 votes:
How the hell did the bat get in to begin with?

A vote for me is a vote that asks a question instead of making a solution!

I'm a dork.
2003-03-09 03:43:49 PM  
3 votes:
Bats: Nature's little flashers.

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 09:30:35 PM  
2 votes:
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 06:47:44 PM  
2 votes:
Ask these guys:

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 05:25:42 PM  
2 votes:
2003-03-09 05:15:04 PM  
2 votes:
Buy a LOT of those fly-tape rolls and hang them all over your house. Not only will they make your crappy place look festive, but the bat is sure to get stuck in them and then you can just leave it hanging there dead for a few years since it's no longer flying around bothering you, and the bat corpse will serve to ward other bats away.
2003-03-09 05:10:07 PM  
2 votes:
One word:

Inter-continental ballistic missile.
2003-03-09 05:09:05 PM  
2 votes:
Take your house apart plank by plank and reassemble it 100 feet to the left of where it was. When you get to the last plank with the bat attached to it, shoo it away. Make sure when shooing the bat that you do not have your front door open or it will fly back into the house. Then you can safely add the last plank to finish rebuilding your house, sans bat.
2003-03-09 05:02:56 PM  
2 votes:
Just keep it and name it Eric the Fruit Bat. But first get a license for it.

Now with voting. Mods can just delete the previous one.
2003-03-09 04:47:23 PM  
2 votes:
How about your stop being a nancy-boy and go fling it outside your hizzouse?
2003-03-09 04:15:15 PM  
2 votes: need The Holy Hand Granade of Antioch for this beastie Squire.
2003-03-09 04:12:34 PM  
2 votes:
Democrats method of bat removal:

1) Blame Republicans because obviously the big mean chemical and oil companies they love so much, have so polluted the earth that the bat had to seek refuge somewhere.

2) Blame Republicans for not funding enough bat studies to prove whether or not bats can live indoors.

3) Blame Republicans for ignoring the threat posed by flying squirrels. Because, as anyone knows, they are obviously concentrating on the wrong animal, and the house is much less safe because of it.

2003-03-09 04:10:19 PM  
2 votes:
Salad tongs.

There, now with hot voting action. (It actually seemed like a good idea to me after I posted it so what the hell. Voting enabled!)
2003-03-09 04:07:52 PM  
2 votes:
Farkwicket, Love the Aliens and the Meat Loaf references.

Seriously, If you don't know what to do, call the exterminator or animal control. They might kill it though. If you don't want it killed, and it's in your house, not the attic, chase it out with a tennis racket, or grab it with heavy duty work gloves and carry it out. Be careful, though, bats are like the most common carriers of Rabies. Do not let it bite you, and if the little bugger does get a chomp in, go immediately to the doctor.

And BTW, Byteblock, I think the Diamond Dave thing is a Van Halen/ David Lee Roth reference. Has nothing to do with homosexuality.
2003-03-09 04:04:29 PM  
2 votes:
You should impose a series of economic sanctions that allow it to live comfortably while crippling the rest of the house. After 12 years, you should invade without international support, on say... March 17th. This should do the trick. However, you must be careful, as other bats will soon take it's place.
2003-03-09 04:01:39 PM  
2 votes:
Two ideas:

Go to Home Depot. Buy lots of building materials & supplies & such. Buy large bell (maybe two). Build belfrey next to your house. Open window. Everyone knows that bats like be in belfreys, silly DiamondDave!

Go to local feed store. By bag of Purina Bat Chow. Make trail of Bat Chow away from your house. Leave remainder of Bat Chow well away from your house. Return to house. Open door. Take photos of departing bat to document the Great Bat Invasion of '03, (Hint: be sure to close door!)
2003-03-09 03:51:16 PM  
2 votes:
Borrow a cat. It'll just be a matter of time.
2003-03-09 03:47:29 PM  
2 votes:
While this guy would scare any bat out of hidding... the best best is to call local pest control since bats (like squirles and other home invaders) are protected animals. I think the fines can be upwards of $500-$1000 for off'ing one of the nasty critters, not quite worth the risk.. while most city pest removal guys will do it for free....Ps. If photo doesn't link I'll re post
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 03:44:48 PM  
2 votes:
Put garlic in your house

In S_O_V_I_E_T R_U_S_S_I_A_ Bats drive out YOU

Now with voting
2003-03-09 03:43:35 PM  
2 votes:
During the day, put garlic strings everywhere, fill a super soaker with holy water, place wooden stakes in easy-to-accsess areas, and hang crucifiixes on every wall. Then tie a scantily-clad young virgin to a bed somewhere. Hide, and wait for the bastard to turn into his true self...
2003-03-10 05:22:32 AM  
1 vote:
I'd Hit it!

[image from too old to be available]

... with a bat
2003-03-09 10:58:23 PM  
1 vote:
1) Place a TV and VCR or DVD player in the room containing the bat.
2) Wire up the TV and player in the usual fashion. (Consult your owner's manuals if necessary.)
3) Open all nearby doors and windows.
4) Make sure that you are wearing OSHA-certified eye and ear protection.
5) Begin playing "Battlefield Earth" on the player.
6) In most cases, the bat will immediately flee the room, along with all other life forms.
7) If the bat does not flee the room, it has most likely been stunned or killed by the sheer awfulness of "Battlefield Earth". In this case, the bat can now easily be removed from the premises through any of the methods previously described.
8) Destroy the copy of "Battlefield Earth" in an environmentally sensitive fashion.

Note that the use of "Battlefield Earth" on nonconsenting life forms may violate certain state or federal laws. Consult an attorney prior to using this method.
2003-03-09 08:22:12 PM  
1 vote:
I agree: Fontcase you are just wrong. Even experts can be wrong (such as those your relative quoted) - especially on this topic: there is a lot of misplace fear surrounding bats.
Less than 1 half of one percent of bats carry rabies. They also do not seek hair to entangle themselves; nor do they bite unless handled.

That said: Bat Conservation international offers the following advice on their website:
Accidental Intruders
What if you find a bat in your home?
On occasion, a solitary bat may accidently fly into a home, garage or other building through an open door or window. Such incidents often involve lost youngsters whose primary goal is a safe escape. As long as no direct contact with the bat has occurred, it can be released outside. These bats will usually leave on their own if a window or door to the outside is opened while others leading to the rest of the building are closed. Bats are rarely aggressive, even if chased, but may bite if handled. As with any wild animal, bats should not be touched with bare hands, and anyone bitten should immediately seek medical consultation.

If a bat does not leave your home on its own, its exit can be hastened by waiting until it lands, and then covering it with a small box or other container. Slip a piece of cardboard between the wall and box, slide the bat into the box, then release the bat outside. You may also catch it by hand, using leather work gloves to avoid being bitten. Keep doors and windows to buildings closed, and window screens in good repair, to prevent bats from reentering.

There is little reason to evict bats from buildings where they are not causing a nuisance. However, bats should be prevented from entering human living quarters.

Then, hang a bathouse. They're better than bug zappers for your yard if you barbeque in the summer...
2003-03-09 07:48:42 PM  
1 vote:
And when I was in college, I lived one summer in a 3rd floor apartment. My cat liked to go out onto the roof. One night he came inside with his very first catch (he was just a year old). And guess what, it was a bat. My girlfriend spazzed out of course, and I still had phobias from my 'ugly mouse' encounter 12 or 13 years earlier. We did learn that a bat can't take off from the floor, which is where the cat dropped it. But we weren't willing to touch it.

Eventually one of our roommates used a can of Lysol and a lighter to torch the little thing. He didn't kill it outright though - he chased the bat down a 'mysterious' hole in the floor into the airspace between the 2nd & 3rd floors.
2003-03-09 07:39:44 PM  
1 vote:
When I was a kid (probably 8 or 9 years old) I had a room that had a half-door into the attic. My bed was against the wall that the door was on. One evening when I was reading in bed, I saw an ugly-ass mouse crawling through the 1/2-inch crack at the top of this little door. When he got all the way through he sprouted wings & started flying around my room. I nearly plotzed!

I say all of this to add credence to my favorite method of getting a bat out of the house. Which is, run screaming down stairs, throw open the front door, and hide behind the sofa with your mom.
2003-03-09 05:44:15 PM  
1 vote:
Tactical nuke
You'll thank me later !!
2003-03-09 05:43:04 PM  
1 vote:
03-09-03 04:34:31 PM I_farked_yo_mama
I love how everyone is saying Let him stay. Doesn't anybody realize that bats are one of the largest carriers of rabies in the animal kingdom. If you've got kids, or just don't want rabies, kick the damn bastards out.

in that case, get a bigger animal that eats bats AND vermins. like a giraffe.

yeah, get a giraffe!
2003-03-09 05:11:50 PM  
1 vote:
Everyone knows bats like flying into peopel's hair, so find yourself a hair metal god, and bring him in your house. Then when the bat attakcs him and gets tangled in his hair, he should run screaming out of your house and your problem should be solved. Make sure however that when attempting this you do not have anything flammable lying arould like say egg carton packing material or the hair metal god will burn your house down.
2003-03-09 05:09:32 PM  
1 vote:
Another idea:

Taser (need I say more?)

[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 05:04:28 PM  
1 vote:
Friend debatted his attic with a vacuum cleaner hose attachment. Worked like a charm.
2003-03-09 04:58:45 PM  
1 vote:
We had a bat fly into our cabin once. We cornered it using a broom to scare it, and a tightly woven fishing net to capture the bat. It took about 2 hours but it was worth it because my mom was spazzing out the whole time. great fun for the whole family!
2003-03-09 04:47:39 PM  
1 vote:
That's easy, just grab it by its handle and give it to a kid to play with.

Oh, you're talking about the other kind of bat. Well, the best way to get rid of one of those is to get two completely-off-topic retards to argue with each other in your house. Eventually the bat will get tired of listening to the shiat coming out of their mouths (remember that bats have very sensitive hearing) and leave. ASUJon and MorningBreath should do the trick nicely.

2003-03-09 04:40:34 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 04:31:53 PM  
1 vote:
Window screens, it really screws with the bat radar. They never see it coming, kills bats dead. Kid tested, mother approved
2003-03-09 04:27:57 PM  
1 vote:
let the guy stay - he'll hunt vermins for you
2003-03-09 04:27:10 PM  
1 vote:
One reference isnt enough.

And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths and carp and anchovies and orangutans and breakfast cereals and fruit bats and large chu--
Skip a bit, Brother.
And the Lord spake, saying, 'First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then, shalt thou count to three. No more. No less. Three shalt be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then, lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in My sight, shall snuff it.'
2003-03-09 04:21:39 PM  
1 vote:
he's so cute!!!! keep him as a pet!
2003-03-09 04:00:00 PM  
1 vote:
[image from too old to be available]
2003-03-09 03:53:15 PM  
1 vote:
If he is your house, use the glove trick. If he is in the attic, he'll leave when he gets hungry. Bats eat mosquitoes. Set up a bathouse for him outside. They eat their weight in mosquitoes nightly, so they are nice to have around your house.
2003-03-09 03:50:57 PM  
1 vote:
Beat that biatch with a bat.
2003-03-09 03:48:37 PM  
1 vote:
2 words

Another Bat
2003-03-09 03:47:44 PM  
1 vote:
Open your front door and scream like a little girl until it eventually flies out. That's what I do.
2003-03-09 03:47:43 PM  
1 vote:
if it's in a part of the house where there are doors, wait until dark, put outside lights on, open door. bat will let himself out when he picks up a moth on his radar, sonar (whatever).
2003-03-09 03:44:45 PM  
1 vote:
I used mace when my friend had a flying squirrel stuck in his house. It had been trapped in a pantry for a couple of days. Just tossed it outside. I'd try the same with it.
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