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Drew calls out Keith Olbermann, and Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 8/30 - 9/5 
Posted by Drew at 2009-09-08 11:33:41 AM (376 comments) | Permalink
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21314 clicks; posted to Main » on 08 Sep 2009 at 2:00 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Normally, I use this space to sort out the media trends in play, but last week during Keith Olbermann's Worst Person in the World segment, he called out "internet nerds" for starting a false internet rumor about Glenn Beck. Since it seemed to be aimed in Fark's general direction, I feel compelled to respond.

Mr. Olbermann, I am outraged. OUTRAGED, I tell you. *shakes fist*

It really is a dark day in American Politics when "internet nerds," as you call them, cannot simply make baseless, horrific allegations from thin air and then question the accused to respond. Although it appears to be standard operating procedure from some television people who happen to work for Fox and whose initials are G.B. and whose names might rhyme with "hen peck," it is perhaps a bit much for the internet community at large.

Oh sure, it's easy to throw lightning bolts from your Ivory Tower down upon our plebian hordes for something as benign as smearing the reputation of an esteemed colleague (even if he is a complete and utter dickwad) with the same techniques he uses on a regular basis to sway the opinions of people who apparently lack the critical thinking skills of carrots.

However, your response does merit consideration. In the light of the criticism, we'll take your advice and try to not propagate unsubstantiated rumors about huge, flaming dickwads like Glenn Beck and will instead focus on making fun of Glenn Beck for his ridiculous, real-life antics. Point taken.

Also, I still regret that we weren't able to make the number one slot, because yet again that went to Richard Lieberstein, president of your co-op board. We shot for #1, but we do know that Miss Precious Perfect is a hard act to follow.


Note, this response is satirical in nature. We do not mean to infer that Mr. Beck is actually a dickwad, huge dickwad, huge flaming dickwad, or unbelievably crass and ridiculous dickwad, even though everyone thinks he is.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-08-30 to Sat 2009-09-05:

img1.fark.net  Proving that a vegetarian lifestyle doesn't always work, Terry Schiavo's father dies of heart failure    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Fire officials in SoCal wildfires: "GTFO." Residents: "STFU." Fire: "NOM NOM NOM." Residents: "OMG." Fire department: "DIAF"    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Best-selling bible to be edited and re-released, will feature deleted commandments, digitally enhanced plagues, and Han casts the first stone    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  The Vatican issues a prayer for Catholics to say before sex. Apparently shouting, "Oh God" at the end of sex isn't enough    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman blows a .31 on the Breathalyzer. Also, up her car    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  70 years ago today, World War II began. Unless, of course, you're American - in which case you might want to green light this in two year's time (once you've decided who's likely to win)    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ali Bongo drums up enough support to snare election victory, thanks his electoral bass for helping him ride to this cymbalic win    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "Deputies: Woman Beats Mother With Candlestick." Was it in the library or the conservatory? No clue    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Woman slams into tractor trailer while driving and eating. She sounds flat    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Washington State park closed due to Cougar sighting. Officials plan to put up end-zone goalposts to get rid of it    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Ice cream factory burns down, firefighters expect to finally extinguish flames by sundae    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Thai fighter retains WBC boxing title, is then mercilessly pursued by X-Wing, Y-Wing, and Millennium Falcon    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Daunte Culpepper sacked by living room carpet. Ladies and gentlemen, your 2009 Detroit Lions    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  17 year old toples Maria Sharapova    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  Andromeda galaxy growing by eating other nearby galaxies. Here comes the astronom-nom-nom-nomy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Men with high IQ's have the healthiest sperm. Here come the scientists    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Researchers use YouTube to study brain injuries. Presumably by reading the user comments    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Madonna and Jesus visit the holy land. This is not a repeat from 31    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Keanu Reeves agrees to take DNA test to prove he's not The One    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Whitney Houston's normally CRYSTALline voice goes to POT, CRACKs during performance, fueling speculation that she needs a new training METHod. No word on why it happened    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  R. Lee Ermey tells Birthers he's gonna give them three seconds, exactly three farking seconds, to square their stupid asses away and start shiatting him Tiffany cufflinks or he will gouge out their eyeballs and skull-fark them    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Palin joins forces with Glenn Beck. It's like Voltron, but retarded    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Obama spokesman criticizes furor over back-to-school speech, apparently failing to realize that you automatically lose an argument if you defend your position by criticizing the furor    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  Brandon Flowers urges Oasis to reunite. World urges Brandon Flowers to shut the fark up    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Michael Jackson is finally being buried 70 days after his death, proving how well our current plastic products can withstand the elements    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Chris Brown recorded a song called "Changed Man" as an apology to Rihanna. It will be released on his next album, and is expected to be another big hit. Or maybe a succession of little hits    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Pfizer to pay $2.3 billion fine after pulling a major boner    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Gold surges toward the $1,000-an-ounce mark. Au sh*t    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Microsoft granted stay allowing it to keep selling Word while it appeals decision in favor of patent troll, thereby preventing dangerous shortages of Comic Sans-formatted memos in offices everywhere    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


376 Comments   (+0 »)
   

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | » | Last | Show all
 
2009-09-08 11:59:59 AM  
Olbermann is just worried that somebody is going to uncover all the hamsters in his closet.
 
2009-09-08 12:00:18 PM  
not you, too... what a broken shtick....
 
2009-09-08 12:02:36 PM  
This is my favoritest HotW yet.
 
2009-09-08 12:05:07 PM  
The only being #2 hit hard. Quickly, back to our caves for liquor and brainstorming on how to be the worst.
 
2009-09-08 12:05:26 PM  
ninjakirby: This is my favoritest HotW yet.

me too
 
2009-09-08 12:06:00 PM  
None of this would even be necessary if Beck would simply produce the death certificate proving he didn't rape and murder the girl.
 
2009-09-08 12:08:16 PM  
Glenn beck keeps the frozen head of Walt Disney in his basement. He only takes it out once a year to skullfark it while watching Fantasia.
 
2009-09-08 12:08:30 PM  
Go Drew.
 
2009-09-08 12:10:05 PM  
It was actually 1991. Shhh.
 
2009-09-08 12:10:28 PM  
Action Replay Nick: None of this would even be necessary if Beck would simply produce the death certificate proving he didn't rape and murder the girl.

jesus christ, are we still on that farking meme?
 
2009-09-08 12:12:40 PM  
Pocket Ninja: Olbermann is just worried that somebody is going to uncover all the hamsters in his closet.

His closet? I heard he keeps them somewhere else.
 
2009-09-08 12:14:12 PM  
pxlboy: Action Replay Nick: None of this would even be necessary if Beck would simply produce the death certificate proving he didn't rape and murder the girl.

jesus christ, are we still on that farking meme?


xzhibit was a meme. Longcat was a meme. Even "getting a kick out of these replies" was a meme.

An honest inquiry into whether or not Glenn Beck raped and murdered a young girl in 1990 is not a meme, it is a search for justice.
 
2009-09-08 12:14:50 PM  
"Note, this response is satirical in nature. We do not mean to infer that Mr. Beck is actually a dickwad, huge dickwad, huge flaming dickwad, or unbelievably crass and ridiculous dickwad, even though everyone thinks he is."

I think you don't mean to imply that Glen Beck is a dickwad, even though everyone thinks he is.
 
2009-09-08 12:14:51 PM  
If only Glenn Beck would address the rumors that he raped a gerbil in his rape room and murdered a former SNL star in 1990. Why don't you talk about that Glenn? Why?

But who am I to ask for Glenn Beck to show us the proof that he did not remove the tag from his mattress and everything else above.
 
2009-09-08 12:16:56 PM  
I'd never heard that Glenn Back had actually killed someone, but I did hear that he raped a 17-year-old girl back when he was using drugs in the early '90s. Or at least he was accused of rape.

But that was just a rumor. I wouldn't expect him to deny that he's a rapist.

Men with high IQ's have the healthiest sperm. Here come the scientists

That one's headline of the year material IMHO.
 
2009-09-08 12:17:19 PM  
pxlboy: Action Replay Nick: None of this would even be necessary if Beck would simply produce the death certificate proving he didn't rape and murder the girl.

jesus christ, are we still on that farking meme?


What meme? This is a serious topic, my friend. Serious allegations that need to be addressed. I assure you that the alleged victim's family does not feel the same way that you do.
 
2009-09-08 12:18:44 PM  
I just get a giggle out of the idea that Fark's Mods and Admins were pushing this, when there was ONE Green thread for this whole thing, and that was the originator.

Which means, that all the outrage that poured out, and all the subsequent "pushing" of this was seen by folks who have TF Memberships. So, the folks who reported on this phenomena sold the idea that Fark was pushing this, when there were no Green threads. Which means that the very folks who reported the viciousness are themselves TF Members. And the "outrage" was that they couldn't get a green for their own stories to report how outraged they were that this was going on behind closed doors.

"Someone is making fun of Glenn Beck, and they AREN'T sharing!"

How dare folks laugh at their own jokes. How DARE you, Sir!
 
2009-09-08 12:20:37 PM  
For (probably) the last time...

i223.photobucket.com
 
2009-09-08 12:21:10 PM  
Methinks someone overestimates the importance of this website to the real world
 
2009-09-08 12:24:25 PM  
ninjakirby: This is my favoritest HotW yet.

img1.fark.net 17 year old toples Maria Sharapova

That's Headline of the Year material right there.
 
2009-09-08 12:28:54 PM  
I'll play devil's advocate here, but wasnt Olbermann even mentioning this somewhat of a positive for those pushing the meme? Before this it languished on the pages of the Examiner for crying out loud.
 
2009-09-08 12:30:12 PM  
Barack Obama once starred in a gay porn video. He was a 'bottom'. Full story at eleven.

i25.tinypic.com
 
2009-09-08 12:43:11 PM  
hubiestubert: I just get a giggle out of the idea that Fark's Mods and Admins were pushing this, when there was ONE Green thread for this whole thing, and that was the originator.

There was a green thread about it? I must've missed that. Anybody have a link?
 
2009-09-08 12:43:35 PM  
i253.photobucket.com

Chatty and Gabby in Those Fecking Martini Birds

Bwaaaak! Shut your piehole!!!!
Bwaaaak! Shut your piehole!!!!
Bwaaaak! Do you ever tire of this nonsense my friend?
Bwaaaak! Do you ever tire of this nonsense my friend?
Bwaaaak! Thank you in advance for respecting the rule of threes.
Bwaaaak! Thank you in advance for respecting the rule of threes.
Bwaaaak! Pancho Villa enjoyed the occasional game of Parcheesi.
Bwaaaak! Sweet mother of Pearl Jam unplugged I had NO fecking idea. You're really opened my eyes here today.
Bwaaaak! Another martini!
Baaaaak! Another martini!
 
2009-09-08 12:44:10 PM  
I love Drew. In a manly, brotherly, not-wanting-to-inject-semen kind of way.
 
2009-09-08 12:51:15 PM  
Other things that rhyme with "Glenn Beck" (or, at least, Beck):

Hen peck (covered)
All dreck
Small speck
Um... watch Shrek??
 
2009-09-08 12:51:19 PM  
haha nice
 
2009-09-08 12:58:24 PM  

Glenn Beck stories always remind me of this quote from the last Batman movie:

Alfred Pennyworth: A long time ago, I was in Burma, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never found anyone who traded with him. One day I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
Bruce Wayne: Then why steal them?
Alfred Pennyworth: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.

 
2009-09-08 12:58:48 PM  
Gato Negro: Barack Obama once starred in a gay porn video. He was a 'bottom'. Full story at eleven.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... suck

/I smell the stench of desperation...
 
2009-09-08 12:59:14 PM  
Shaggy_C: Methinks someone overestimates the importance of this website to the real world

IT'S REAL TO ME, DAMMIT!
 
2009-09-08 01:08:06 PM  
Gato Negro: Barack Obama once starred in a gay porn video. He was a 'bottom'. Full story at eleven.

i25.tinypic.com


Faptastic!!
 
2009-09-08 01:12:08 PM  
GooberMcFly: I love Drew. In a manly, brotherly, not-wanting-to-inject-semen kind of way.

Just heavy petting?
 
2009-09-08 01:15:47 PM  
Gato Negro: Barack Obama once starred in a gay porn video. He was a 'bottom'. Full story at eleven.

See that doesn't even work, it's just stupid.

I don't know his handle, But Olbermann (or someone on his staff) is a farker and gets a lot his shiat from here, directly. Seems like every time I watch there is not just a story but a twist on a headline from Fark.

\\not saying that's a bad thing.
 
2009-09-08 01:19:02 PM  
I chortled.
 
2009-09-08 01:23:18 PM  
So does this like sorta half officially give us the greenlight to run with this meme?

.....the victims family really needs to know.
 
2009-09-08 01:46:14 PM  
great success.
 
2009-09-08 01:46:17 PM  
I'm going to print this out and rub it on my naughty bits.
 
2009-09-08 01:50:48 PM  
My Madonna/Jesus Headline made it! Kids gather round!
 
2009-09-08 02:00:10 PM  
real shaman: not you, too... what a broken shtick....

Well, bye!
 
2009-09-08 02:02:52 PM  
ToxicMunkee: I'm going to print this out and rub it on my naughty bits.

I can't explain it, but this made me chortle.

Also, I love that the thread that gave birth to that meme made the cut. I also love that I was the subby one that one. So yeah, go me, or something.
 
2009-09-08 02:03:33 PM  
Drew, you are a national treasure.

B~
 
2009-09-08 02:04:12 PM  
"dickwad"

*snicker*
 
2009-09-08 02:04:32 PM  
Adjective Bird Whiskey: Glenn beck keeps the frozen head of Walt Disney in his basement. He only takes it out once a year to skullfark it while watching Fantasia.

i wonder how much he would charge one to attend that party

//begins counting his pennies
 
2009-09-08 02:04:59 PM  
wait, Drew... you said "dickwad" twice.
 
2009-09-08 02:07:41 PM  
It's okay to say FEMA is building concentration camps, our President is a racist, New World Order Socialism!!, in a medium that claims to be "fair and balanced news", but to make a joke in a forum that is known for making jokes is a no-no. Dan Patrick could have explained the context to you.
 
2009-09-08 02:07:45 PM  
FOR GREAT JUSTICE
 
2009-09-08 02:07:51 PM  
Sticky Hands: Adjective Bird Whiskey: Glenn beck keeps the frozen head of Walt Disney in his basement. He only takes it out once a year to skullfark it while watching Fantasia.

i wonder how much he would charge one to attend that party

//begins counting his pennies


Counting your wha.....oh, nvmnd.
 
2009-09-08 02:08:00 PM  
cretinbob: Gato Negro: Barack Obama once starred in a gay porn video. He was a 'bottom'. Full story at eleven.

See that doesn't even work, it's just stupid.

I don't know his handle, But Olbermann (or someone on his staff) is a farker and gets a lot his shiat from here, directly. Seems like every time I watch there is not just a story but a twist on a headline from Fark.

\\not saying that's a bad thing.



Yeah, I have noticed that myself. He'll say things from time to time that I have only ever heard here.
 
2009-09-08 02:08:06 PM  
I like Keith for the most part but his petty war with Glenn Beck has gotten awfully stale.
 
2009-09-08 02:10:08 PM  
vegasj: wait, Drew... you said "dickwad" twice.

I like dick wads.
 
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