Approves.

/hot... and sweaty

My job is so farking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the farking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big farking dog to work. Every farking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single farking day.

Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

McKeesport Beer Baron: My job is so farking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:
...(blah, blah, blah)...
Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

Slow neurons today. I had to read all the way to the last sentence to appreciate the depths of your cruelty. Well done.

McKeesport Beer Baron: My job is so farking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick...

So your the one that dresses like a sexually confused sailor?

Been staring too long at some of the PS contests. "Ed" looks PS'd to me.

McKeesport Beer Baron

Nicely done.
Thread over.

McKeesport Beer Baron: My job is so farking unbelievable...Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

Hehe.

This is known as good.

You guys are gonna have plenty of time to live in a van down by the river when...

...

When you're living in a van down by the river!

Best SNL sketch evar (pops, hulu).

Just because Farley is pants-peein' funny.

McKeesport Beer Baron: My job is so farking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

...

Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

I had to read the entire thing also, and LOL'ed when I read the last sentence.

Lose the ascot.

Donnchadha: McKeesport Beer Baron: My job is so farking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the farking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big farking dog to work. Every farking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single farking day.

Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

Well, looks like we got a writer here! Hey Dad, I can't see too good... is that Bill Shakespeare over there?


i'd be more impressed if I hadn't seen this on HF boards a few days ago.

A man, a plan, a canal, Pamana.

/Palindromes, anyone?
//Why isn't "Palindrome" a palindrome?

I lived in a van down by the river, so I'm getting a kick out of these replies.

//twas a luxury van.

If he does win, he plans to share his prize with some of the people who helped him along the way. In particular, he wants to help the Victory Assembly of God food bank in Brunswick, Ga., which supplied him with food and gas when he ran out of money after he had to stop at a hospital because of a severe sunburn.

for all the anti-religious farkers...

I've been drinking coffee and chewing coca leafs all day so I'm getting a kick out of these responses.

How do we get this discussion back on the right track?

McKeesport Beer Baron: Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

+1. Would LOL again.

cksewell: Has anybody mentioned a van by the river? I hate to post late to important threads.

Chris Farley did a "van down by the river" sketch. It was funny, you should check it out.

Government cheese.

I realize that McKeeSport probably stole that, but it's farking hilarious. Favorite list for you!

/approves
//Don't waste your time going to california, they're turning people away at the border

octopied: i'd be more impressed if I hadn't seen this on HF boards a few days ago.

Looking for originality on FARK is like searching for a needle in a black hole.

He's no Steinbeck

/tell me again about the rabbits, George

octopied: Donnchadha: McKeesport Beer Baron: My job is so farking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the farking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big farking dog to work. Every farking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single farking day.

Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

Well, looks like we got a writer here! Hey Dad, I can't see too good... is that Bill Shakespeare over there?


i'd be more impressed if I hadn't seen this on HF boards a few days ago.

You mean 4chan two weeks ago?

happydude45: If he does win, he plans to share his prize with some of the people who helped him along the way. In particular, he wants to help the Victory Assembly of God food bank in Brunswick, Ga., which supplied him with food and gas when he ran out of money after he had to stop at a hospital because of a severe sunburn.

for all the anti-religious farkers...

...?

blazemongr: octopied: i'd be more impressed if I hadn't seen this on HF boards a few days ago.

Looking for originality on FARK is like searching for a needle in a black hole.

If on the event horizon of the black hole down by the river, you'd need headlights pointing out the front and back of the van and a third eye in the back of your head.

asshole broke my coffee table!

+1 subby.
/thank god for spell check.
//isnt everybody drunk at night?

I work in the oil industry. So I'd say the "recession" has "affected" me quite nicely. That's my story anyway...

ps- Please keep driving those old school vans and trucks.

McKeesport Beer Baron: My job is so farking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the farking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big farking dog to work. Every farking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single farking day.

Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

Made me LOL. I see what you did.

Fano: He's no Steinbeck

/tell me again about the rabbits, George

Another great Farley sketch from SNL, where they are doing Of Mice and Men and Chris Farley gets too excited talking about the rabbits, and accidentally kills the guest host....
"tell me about Hollywood, Lorne..."

One evening as the sun went down and the jungle fires were burning
Down the track came a hobo hiking
and he said "boys I'm not turning"
I'm headed for a land that's far away
beyond the crystal fountain
so come with me lets go and see
the Big Rock Candy Mountain

I made this terrible photoshop for the thread where a guy in a van down by the river had his van catch fire. I post it here now, just because I can.

McKeesport Beer Baron: My job is so farking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:

First, there is this supermodel wanna-be chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless. The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on makeup. She is extremely self-centered and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself. She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet. Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10. I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts. I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store, she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the farking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead. In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work. He probably hasn't been sober anytime in the last ten years, and he's only 22. He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big farking dog to work. Every farking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke. Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing. Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonalds and Burger King, every single farking day.

Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

blazemongr: octopied: i'd be more impressed if I hadn't seen this on HF boards a few days ago.

Looking for originality on FARK is like searching for a needle in a black hole.

You know, I've heard that somewhere before...

LegalizeThoughtCrime: Fano: He's no Steinbeck

/tell me again about the rabbits, George

Another great Farley sketch from SNL, where they are doing Of Mice and Men and Chris Farley gets too excited talking about the rabbits, and accidentally kills the guest host....
"tell me about Hollywood, Lorne..."

Or the one where Disney makes a version of "Of Mice And Men", but the focus groups feel that George is too mean, so they make it with two Lennies..."Wanna pet another puppy, Lenny?"

If this guy drives up US 131 to Grand Rapids, that van will be 3 miles from my house. I wonder what time he'll be by?

McKeesport Beer Baron: Anyway, I drive these farktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shiat.

So let me get this straight. You solve mysteries and shiat. With two girls. One of which is a lesbian.

So umm... do you have one cup too?

old man river?