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(Atlanta Journal Constitution)   Rogue medical examiner gives prostate exams for his own sexual gratification   (accessatlanta.com) divider line 110
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10808 clicks; posted to Main » on 06 Mar 2003 at 12:52 PM (11 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2003-03-06 11:24:04 AM
Witty comments you can say during a prostate exam,(that is, if you can actually be witty while someone's hand is up your rear.)

1. "Take it easy, Doc -- you're boldly going where no man has gone before."
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me now?"
4. "Oh boy! That was sphincteriffic!"
5. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not, in fact, up there?"
6. "You know, in some states, we're now legally married."
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out. You do the Hokey Pokey...
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must acquit!"
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
13. "Deflector shields: Down!"
 
2003-03-06 11:25:48 AM
Everyone's got an angle!
 
2003-03-06 11:30:14 AM
That's a long way to go for sexual gratification. And a weird way.
He'll be getting daily prostate exams where he is going.
 
2003-03-06 11:46:57 AM
It continually amazes me how stupid some "victims" are.
 
2003-03-06 11:47:10 AM
So who's the victim here?
 
2003-03-06 11:49:15 AM
Look, I told the cops and now I'm telling you guys:

I always paid for dinner! They OWED me!
 
2003-03-06 11:53:54 AM
What an asshole.
 
2003-03-06 12:41:04 PM
Hey, insurance companies do that to me all the time -- what's the big news?
 
2003-03-06 12:46:41 PM
I wonder if his fingers always smelled funny
 
2003-03-06 12:51:48 PM


Usin' the whole fist there, doc?
 
2003-03-06 12:56:28 PM
Everyone knows you don't get a prostate exam from the insurance guy, you get it from your barber. Sheeesh!
 
2003-03-06 12:56:34 PM
Doc, when you pull that thing out it better have numbers on it.
 
2003-03-06 12:56:53 PM
pain in the ass
 
2003-03-06 12:58:08 PM
And pelvic exams!!!! OK, gross!

*Shudders
 
2003-03-06 12:58:24 PM
Nice work, Bubbaprog! Exactly what I was thinking.
 
2003-03-06 12:59:10 PM
An Austell man is being held in the DeKalb County Jail on charges that he sexually assaulted nine men...

Reminds me of....

"We've been travelling light years across the galaxy, abducting humans, rectal probing them and releasing them for years and all we've determined is that 1 in 10 don't mind so much".
 
2003-03-06 01:00:15 PM
Is it just me, or did this line steal the show?

"Fuller attempted to surrender at the DeKalb jail Tuesday evening, but arrest warrants had not yet reached the Sheriff's Department"

Fuller: I had a fit on conscience, and want to turn myself in.
Cop: I'm sorry sir, we don't have your paperwork yet. Please come back tommorrow.
 
2003-03-06 01:00:33 PM
I met my fiance when she was in medical school. She had as a paperweight this rubber prostate exam practicer from some drug rep.

Essentially, it was a pair of little rubber assholes mounted on a box. Put your finger in and feel what a normal and an enlarged prostate feel like.

She got rid of it, but I thought it was the best paperweight ever.
 
2003-03-06 01:01:16 PM
Wut a fag.

Direct all hate mail to fa­gsdie­no­w[nospam-﹫-backwards]kuf*u
 
2003-03-06 01:01:32 PM
It would have been fine if he didn't have both hands on their shoulders at the time
 
2003-03-06 01:03:03 PM
there are perks to every job, I guess.
 
2003-03-06 01:03:11 PM
Prostate exams for the doctor's own sexual gratification...?

You wonder what the victims were thinking when the guy with the hand up their ass suddenly sp00ged.
 
2003-03-06 01:04:02 PM
military physicals.... *shiver*

I never understood those rare docs who would perform the "optional" prostate check.


*shiver*

of course, I love checking to see if my woman has grown a prostate yet... over and over and over, cause, you know, these things can be tricky.
 
2003-03-06 01:04:13 PM
So... some folks have larger prostates. Interesting that we have a whole profession to check this important fact out.
 
2003-03-06 01:04:23 PM
I think this deserves the "Scary" tag.

I also want to know when a prostate exam is necessary. What am I supposed to do? Not let the doctor stick his finger in my bum cuz he might be a perve?

am I the only one that's normal anymore? -Eminem
 
2003-03-06 01:04:39 PM
Bill_Wick's_Friend, nice KITH reference!
 
2003-03-06 01:04:39 PM
Again....I don't understand. I mean, there are clubs where you can go do that kind of thing without all the subterfuge.
 
2003-03-06 01:05:38 PM
"A hand up your ass? You don't say!"
 
2003-03-06 01:06:33 PM
Gotta have a hobby.
 
2003-03-06 01:06:43 PM

Feh, they got a special reduction on the insurance if they went for the "Examination". They just could not resist.


 
2003-03-06 01:07:17 PM
03-06-03 01:04:13 PM Dattaway
So... some folks have larger prostates. Interesting that we have a whole profession to check this important fact out.


Yeah, well, better a hand up your ass five five minutes now than a big, cancerous lump in there for the rest of your life.
 
2003-03-06 01:07:57 PM
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

hauhauahuahauhauhauahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahuahauhauhauahuahua hauhauhzuhauahuahuahauhauhauhaua
 
2003-03-06 01:09:23 PM
Bill_Wick's_Friend

"I think our supreme leader is a twisted ass freak!"

Classic...
 
2003-03-06 01:09:35 PM
luruid headline rating=8.5

Who is to say that prostate exams are not part of an insurance physical? Some redneck cop?

So a doc probes your bum with his finger. Big deal. If he was aroused and made comments ('nice tight ass bro', 'oooh ahhh yeah man, take it all biatch') thats a differen story.
;-)
 
2003-03-06 01:10:37 PM
Yeah...laugh about rectal exams. Granted, this dude was a freak, but if you need one, get one. Wimp out, and the MD may miss finding something that will lead to you crapping into a bag for the rest of your life.
 
2003-03-06 01:10:55 PM
Please. He is not a doc. He is an insurance guy.
 
2003-03-06 01:10:58 PM
OH MY GOD!!!!!
I just remembered..... BOTH of his hands were on my shoulders!


/really good punchline.
 
2003-03-06 01:12:14 PM
This deserves a "sick" tag.

Sick, sick, sick, and wrong.
 
2003-03-06 01:15:16 PM
I think we need voting for more than just photoshop and captioning contests.
 
2003-03-06 01:15:40 PM
Ew + Ow = article.

An ass-hat has an ass-hand.

/fun with woids
 
2003-03-06 01:16:21 PM
what makes a person want to be a butt doctor anyways?? I mean, when they were a little kid, did that think to them selves, "a want to look up peps bums all day"
/nasty...i will die of prostate cancer!
 
2003-03-06 01:16:21 PM
last time I had to have anything below the waist examined I had a really cute female doctor who checked me for testicular cancer. Unfortunately, I was bright-red head to toe afterwards. :(
 
2003-03-06 01:16:36 PM
The first clue that something is wrong: the examiner should at least have pants on.....
 
2003-03-06 01:17:30 PM
Okay, so the article mentioned that he assulted eight or nine men. It also said that he was giving pelvic exams...but it didn't say anything about assulting women. Is there a way to give a guy a pelvic (in the way I, a woman), am thinking about it, or should I assume that he also assulted women? Maybe it's just that there's something I don't know...

/confused
 
2003-03-06 01:18:53 PM
Not to Thread Jack but here is something I found amusing.


U-571: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT™

By Alexander Wiebe


FADE IN:

EXT. THE OCEAN

A GERMAN SUB is ruthlessly bombed by Allied fleets.

AUDIENCE
Gee, those Germans are regular
people too. I feel sorry for these
guys.

DIRECTOR JONATHAN MOSTOW
Oops.

The GERMANS MASSACRE a raft full of unarmed survivors.

AUDIENCE
What was I thinking? farking
Germans! Die Germans die!

DIRECTOR JONATHAN MOSTOW
That's better.

CUT TO:

INT. DANCE HALL SOMEWHERE IN AMERICA

The NAVY GUYS are at one of those stock WW2 parties.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
So tell me, Captain Bill Paxton,
why did you not recommend me for
captain?

BILL PAXTON
Look son, it'll be some time yet...
almost half an hour... before you
get your own command. And "if" you
ever do, there will be certain hard
realities you "might" have to
confront. To choose a random
example, you "might" have to order a
young guy to almost certain death in
order to save the entire crew in a
vaguely tense though ultimately
implausible final action sequence.
So remember this advice just "in
case" anything "should" happen to
me.

Suddenly BILL PAXTON gets blown up by NAZIS.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Grrr! C'mon guys! Let's get those
dirty Nazis!

AUDIENCE
You're gonna get it now, Germans!
You pissed off Matthew McConaughey!

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY and the NAVY GUYS (which include HARVEY
KEITEL, the token black guy, and, allegedly, JON BON JOVI)
go and capture the NAZI SUB from the beginning of the movie.
Along the way there is lip service paid to CODE MACHINES in
order to facilitate all this bullshiat.

INT: NAZI SUB

HARVEY KEITEL
We have to use this beat-up Nazi
sub because our shiny new American
sub got blown up. I guess we should
have left the sonar on when we
entered enemy waters.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Oh no, depth charges!

Everyone HOLDS STILL and SWEATS. MUFFLED EXPLOSIONS are
heard in-between THAT "PING" NOISE. Then there are CLOSER
EXPLOSIONS that make EVERYTHING SHAKE and PIPES BURST and
WATER SPRAY everywhere. This takes roughly AN HOUR and
anyone who has EVER SEEN an old sub movie is BORED TO TEARS.

AUDIENCE
Where's Jon Bon Jovi?

HARVEY KEITEL
Although we are deep in Nazi
territory in a rapidly failing
submarine, if we can just take out
this one Nazi destroyer then we will
be perfectly safe and the movie can
end.

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Wait... this is what Bill Paxton
was telling me about! Smallish young
guy, I order you to almost certain
death!

The SMALLISH YOUNG GUY follows the order and DIES, allowing
the remaining NAVY GUYS to fire their ONE TORPEDO that makes
the Nazi boat EXPLODE like it was the DEATH STAR in an
utterly ludicrous fashion. I mean, no sooner does the
TORPEDO hit the FRONT of the destroyer than its TOP and BACK
ERUPT in FIREBALLS. Really, I laughed out loud.

HARVEY KEITEL
You did it, Matthew McConaughey!
You're a real sub captain now!

MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY
Yippee! Now that was pod racing!

A TITLE CARD explains that the film is dedicated to
numerous HEROIC SUB CREWS during WW2 that RISKED THEIR LIVES
to crack NAZI CODES. It fails to mention they were all
BRITISH.

END
 
2003-03-06 01:19:10 PM
ASSMAN!
 
2003-03-06 01:19:34 PM
...Victims report they became suspicious of the intentions and validity of the examinations when the Doctor was heard quoting phrases such as "who owns you now, biatch" while preforming...

I am sure that part was snipped
 
2003-03-06 01:19:40 PM
"Fuller attempted to surrender at the DeKalb jail Tuesday evening, but arrest warrants had not yet reached the Sheriff's Department, said Mikki Jones, spokeswoman for Sheriff Thomas Brown. On Wednesday, Fuller arranged to surrender near the jail, Jones said."

surrender near the jail? what the hell? just go over to the McDonalds and we'll let you know when we can arrest you.

you missed your chance to move to mexico and start a new life for yourself dummy. a new life with new prostates, you coulda had it all.
 
2003-03-06 01:22:29 PM
Good my grammar is. Understand me you will.

/crappy, Yoda-like grammar
 
2003-03-06 01:22:37 PM
pelivc and prostate exams? surprised he didn't try breast exams too!
 
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