FARK.com: (4592248) Well, at least this explains how the elves make all those toys, and why they're so small

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(WBIW)		Well, at least this explains how the elves make all those toys, and why they're so small (wbiw.com)		22
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SnakeLee

2009-08-23 11:18:20 AM

I just had an unsettling mental image of elves making toys inside of Santa Claus

AliasUndercover

2009-08-23 12:24:46 PM

I knew it!!

BBRModitha

2009-08-23 12:24:48 PM

SL - I ponder you're thinking of elves leaving presents inside Santa Claus.

Wasilla Hillbilly

2009-08-23 12:25:03 PM

Also explain why they won't shut the fark up.

FrancoFile

2009-08-23 12:27:10 PM

But you think they would have welcomed that elf who wanted to be a dentist, instead of exiling him to wander the frozen wastes with Yukon Cornelius.

ghare

2009-08-23 12:33:27 PM

We are free and fairly sober
With so many toys to build.
The machines are kinda tricky,
Probably someone will be killed,
But we gladly work for nothing
"Which is good because we don't intend to pay."
The elves are back to work today... Hurray!

We have just a couple hours
To make several billion gifts,
And the labour isn't easy...
"When you all work triple shifts.
You can make the job go quicker,
If you turn up the controls to super-speed."
It's back to work on Xmas Eve!

And though you're cold and sore and ugly,
Your pride will mask the pain.
Let my happy smile warm your heart...
"There's a toy lodged in my brain."

We are getting awfully tired,
And we can't work any faster,
And we're very very sorry...
"Why you selfish little bastards,
Do you want the kids to think Santa's just a crummy empty handed jerk?"
No!
"Then shut your yaps and back to work!"

Now it's very nearly Xmas and we've done the best we could.
These toys soldiers are poorly painted
And they're made from inferior wood.
"I should give you all a beating,
But I really have to fly."
"If I weren't stuck here frozen,
I'd harpoon you in the eye."

Now its back into our tennements to drown ourselves in rye.
You did the best you could,
I guess that some of these gorillas are OK.
The elves have rescued Xmas Day! Hooray!

Kraln

2009-08-23 12:35:48 PM

Three words: Ho Ho Ho.

porcelain808

2009-08-23 12:39:13 PM

180^o! Santa = real

And he's busy year round making presents for the toothless and indigent.

farbfarker

2009-08-23 12:46:29 PM

a guy? named shannon!! haha

hogans

2009-08-23 12:47:07 PM

Indiana State Police received information that 29-year-old Shannon Baker was in possession of a stolen green 1999 Ford Mustang, and that the man was wanted on active warrants from Vanderburgh and Perry Counties.

When officers arrived at the residence Baker was found inside hiding behind the furnace.

Baker? I suppose they could have...

Mr. Goodbeer

2009-08-23 12:52:29 PM

farbfarker: a guy? named shannon!! haha

Mr. Hoon, of Blind Melon fame, would have a word with you. That is, he would if he weren't dead.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener

2009-08-23 01:04:57 PM

Considering that Santa Claus conquered the Martians, these kinds of reprisals shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

Kurmudgeon

2009-08-23 01:31:17 PM

"I ponder you're thinking of elves leaving presents inside Santa Claus."

Just remember, when Santa leaves cookies, don't eat the no bakes.
Neither the chocolate or the peanut butter.

Solty Dog

2009-08-23 01:39:18 PM

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener: Considering that Santa Claus conquered the Martians, these kinds of reprisals shouldn't be a surprise to anyone.

Was that with or without enlisting the help of KISS?

zulius

2009-08-23 01:45:39 PM

Because of superior breeding practices and a benevolent dictator like this? m.blog.hu

/Clicks.
//Darn.
///I was close.
////Hot like whoever played Peach.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener

2009-08-23 01:47:34 PM

Solty Dog: Was that with or without enlisting the help of KISS?

Heh, without... but funny you should mention that.

In that episode, Kiss *did* steal a line from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.

/"HEY, SANTA, BE CAREFUL!"

GoteamVenture

2009-08-23 01:47:46 PM

Step 1-build toys
step 2-???
step 3-profit

/oblig

cr0sh

2009-08-23 02:30:35 PM

Ok, I am sure this guy is a scumbag, and he did steal a car, and he probably is a meth head...

With that said (and not to defend this dumbass, of course), I would like to know what the "several items commonly associated with the manufacturing of methamphetamine" are, exactly, because I can guarantee you that most people have these same items lying around their house. Do you have any pseudoephedrine in your medicine cabinet? Do you have any Red Devil lye under your sink? How about some strike-anywhere matches in your junk drawer? Etc...

They might as well charge him for cocaine possession and distribution for having a twenty-dollar bill in his wallet. It is one thing to get a guy for obvious charges (the stolen car), and if he was really running a real meth manufacturing operation (which I sincerely doubt, because the renter wouldn't be staying there after they left, and a hazmat unit would be involved in a cleanup), then arrest him - but these apparently trumped up charges just to get him on something and add years to his sentence (and without more info than what is in the story, this is all speculation) does nothing to make us a more free and secure society...

tacojohn

2009-08-23 04:16:03 PM

Last night at work somebody dropped off a roll of film for developing. The entire roll looked like it was from "that 70s show" where they smoke in the basement. Anyway I was looking at one of the photos and something stuck out as kind of odd. There was a can of break fluid sitting on the table. Upon further inspection next to the break fluid was a bottle of draino. Gee I wonder what those were being used for.

Fano

2009-08-23 06:14:43 PM

Kraln: Three words: Ho Ho Ho.

Now I have a machine gun.

Baz the Spaz

2009-08-23 07:15:22 PM

I was just in Santa Claus, Indiana on vacation. There is a really nice amusement park/water park there called "Holiday World." (Get it? Holiday World? Santa Claus? There's a theme here people!)

Holiday World is a lot of fun, and it is inexpensive. Right next door there is a campground where you can pitch a tent if you wish, pull your motor home in, or rent one of their trailers. Again, VERY affordable and the trailers are NICE with sleeping for eight, kitchen, bathroom with shower, clean and only about 1-2 years old. It's camping for those of us who hate camping.

BTW...in spite of it being Hoosier Land, there really are a lot of hot babes at the water park. (There are also some hefty ones, too, but the hot ones make up for it.)

/ Floatin' on the "Lazy River" for hours.

freakdog19

2009-08-23 07:58:01 PM

A Always
B Be
C Cobbling

Always Be Cobbling

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