FARK.com: (4592199) Forget Usain Bolt - this guy did 100m in 8 seconds flat. The three-ton hippo chasing him took second place

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		Forget Usain Bolt - this guy did 100m in 8 seconds flat. The three-ton hippo chasing him took second place (mirror.co.uk)		83
		More: Scary

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27294 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Aug 2009 at 1:41 PM | Favorite | share:

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GoldenFleece

2009-08-23 09:51:23 AM

eddyatwork

2009-08-23 10:14:17 AM

If I had three tons of muddy angry hippo coming after me I'd break a speed record too. In my shorts!

badscooter

2009-08-23 10:20:24 AM

Old picture is old.

img515.imageshack.us

St_Francis_P

2009-08-23 10:31:41 AM

At least he didn't have to play the waiting game.

jehovahs witness protection

2009-08-23 10:32:34 AM

jake_lex

2009-08-23 12:12:17 PM

If I have to choose between encountering a lion or a hippo in the jungle, I'm taking the lion. Hippos are mean bastards who can seriously fark you up. They kill more people every year in Africa than any other animal.

PC LOAD LETTER

2009-08-23 01:11:31 PM

Oh man! You know what this reminds me of? Hungry Hungry Hippos! Does anyone else remember that game?

juiced.files.wordpress.com

GAT_00

2009-08-23 01:15:07 PM

Amazing how fast something that low and fat can move.

Toshiro Mifune's Letter Opener

2009-08-23 01:26:56 PM

He should have joined the Nintendo Fun Club today...

i.r.id10t

2009-08-23 01:50:30 PM

What, did he light a camp fire or something?

/ gods must be crazy

Wizzin

2009-08-23 01:50:49 PM

I bet it was scary as hell for the guy being chased, but you know that anyone watching had to be rofl.

gregscott

2009-08-23 01:51:40 PM

What does it mean. This amazing synchronicity of hungry hippo submissions. Has a collective consciousness formed on Fark? Have we transcended to some higher form of consciousness? Or maybe a lower one...

BigSnatch

2009-08-23 01:54:05 PM

gregscott: What does it mean. This amazing synchronicity of hungry hippo submissions. Has a collective consciousness formed on Fark? Have we transcended to some higher form of consciousness? Or maybe a lower one...

No, Farkettes are just getting more attention than usual.

JustFarkingGreat

2009-08-23 01:55:35 PM

Or was it just a really cool opatamus

elchip

2009-08-23 01:57:47 PM

BigSnatch: No, Farkettes are just getting more attention than usual.

You're evil.

They're hungry, hungry Farkettes!
They're hungry, hungry Farkettes!
They're hungry, hungry Farkettes!
It's time to feed your face!

They're hungry, hungry Farkettes!
They're hungry, hungry Farkettes!
They're hungry, hungry Farkettes!
They're in an eating race!

\I'm evil too

Bungalo

2009-08-23 01:59:29 PM

Didn't know hippos could look ANGRY.

Also, their mouths look like gigantic anuses (new window).

rhiannon

2009-08-23 01:59:30 PM

And upsetting them when they are eating makes them muddy furious...

Yeah really. Wait, what the hell does "muddy furious" mean?

MiddleyMcCentrist

2009-08-23 02:00:41 PM

elchip

2009-08-23 02:03:13 PM

Bungalo: Didn't know hippos could look ANGRY.

Well, they are the second-deadliest animals in Africa, after the mosquito.

Speaking of Africa,

www.cslacker.com

\so sorry

2009-08-23 02:04:20 PM

cecil36

2009-08-23 02:05:49 PM

Imagine the world records if all of these track stars were being chased by a wild hungry hippo. Usain Bolt or Asafa Powell would finish the 100m dash in the blink of an eye if a hippo chased them.

Goodfella

2009-08-23 02:06:47 PM

almandot

2009-08-23 02:07:43 PM

how the fark do hippos run that fast?

porcelain808

2009-08-23 02:09:20 PM

Friend with camera has enlarged funny bone and unreliable moral compass.

fireclown

2009-08-23 02:10:39 PM

badscooter: Old picture is old.

It is, but it's a classic. I have a copy of it in my clip art folder. If you must use stock images, use good ones.

fireclown

2009-08-23 02:11:42 PM

almandot: how the fark do hippos run that fast?

They're surprisingly good sprinters. The important thing is not how fast they go, but how fast YOU move when you see one. They will mess you up.

2009-08-23 02:14:48 PM

porcelain808: Friend with camera has enlarged funny bone and unreliable moral compass.

He has a "certain moral flexibility."

/Grosse Pointe Blank'd

RandomNed

2009-08-23 02:18:27 PM

badscooter: Old picture is old.

wait...compare those pictures to the picture in the article...
Is this the same incident? if so, why the story now?
images.mirror.co.uk

(hotter than a summer day in africa)

RandomNed

2009-08-23 02:19:55 PM

fireclown: badscooter: Old picture is old.

It is, but it's a classic. I have a copy of it in my clip art folder. If you must use stock images, use good ones.

The article reads like the story is about the guy in the picture...not that it's a stock photo...

Lampmonster

2009-08-23 02:20:04 PM

jake_lex: If I have to choose between encountering a lion or a hippo in the jungle, I'm taking the lion. Hippos are mean bastards who can seriously fark you up. They kill more people every year in Africa than any other animal.

What if the lion had a monkey with a machete on it's back? And the Hippo had diamond teeth? What then smart guy?

Tanqueray

2009-08-23 02:23:19 PM

fireclown: They will mess you up.

Your femur is like a pretzel to them. African wildlife photographers fear them more than lions or snakes.

porcelain808

2009-08-23 02:25:41 PM

Lampmonster: jake_lex: If I have to choose between encountering a lion or a hippo in the jungle, I'm taking the lion. Hippos are mean bastards who can seriously fark you up. They kill more people every year in Africa than any other animal.

What if the lion had a monkey with a machete on it's back? And the Hippo had diamond teeth? What then smart guy?

Or a flaming monkey with a tactical shotgun? I once came across one in a FPS game - actually many.

ironrat

2009-08-23 02:30:32 PM

I would also run.

fanbladesaresharp

2009-08-23 02:35:17 PM

cecil36: Imagine the world records if all of these track stars were being chased by a wild hungry hippo. Usain Bolt or Asafa Powell would finish the 100m dash in the blink of an eye if a hippo chased them.

Throw in some performance "enhancing" drugs or some meth and they'd launch into space.

Wobambo

2009-08-23 02:37:53 PM

We should have domesticated the hippo instead of the horse. Would have been so much cooler.

fireclown

2009-08-23 02:43:44 PM

may I humbly present my nominee.

/you're right about the hippos though. Among vertebrates they mess a whole lot of Ifricans.

Zmog

2009-08-23 02:56:58 PM

Mind you, those hippø bites kan be pretty nasti.

awright

2009-08-23 03:01:46 PM

WTF? So the telegraph just decides they can run the same story a second time a year later? Here's yesterdays http://www.telegraph.co.uk/earth/wildlife/6076159/Hungry-hippo-chases-gamekeeper -who-disturbed-him-at-feeding-time.html. I've tried but I can't find the original article with the additional pictures, did they remove it?

Mad Mark

2009-08-23 03:03:58 PM

If I was the guy in the picture I would have smoke coming off my shoes and shiat running down both legs.
That being said, this looks like a good fodder for a photoshop contest.

porcelain808

2009-08-23 03:13:23 PM

Mr_Ectomy's post = thumbs up

Barak vEsh

2009-08-23 03:21:56 PM

I once had a coach who tried to motivate us to run faster by having us pretend a tiger was chasing us. Of course, we were at the zoo at the time.

/Didn't work, I was still slow

brownbread

2009-08-23 03:25:54 PM

Maybe someone could substantiate the 30 mph thing for me. I've been looking for evidence of fast hippos and can't find any. I find it a little hard to believe. I know some aircraft carriers can hit over 30 knots which gives me a similar feeling of 'ooh', but they're nuclear powered whereas hippos eat grass.

There are a number of videos on youtube entitled something to the effect of 'hippo running', but let me tell you, those hippos are not running. I'd describe it as romping if anything. In fact, many of them are stationary.

Oakenshield

2009-08-23 03:33:03 PM

It's funny because they're both black.

diaboni

2009-08-23 03:36:53 PM

brownbread: Maybe someone could substantiate the 30 mph thing for me. I've been looking for evidence of fast hippos and can't find any. I find it a little hard to believe. I know some aircraft carriers can hit over 30 knots which gives me a similar feeling of 'ooh', but they're nuclear powered whereas hippos eat grass.

Can't claim to scientifically back up those numbers but here is a clip with a hippo chasing a boat at around the 1:10 mark and he seems to moving a decent clip.

Link (new window)

ZoeNekros

2009-08-23 03:42:53 PM

jake_lex: If I have to choose between encountering a lion or a hippo in the jungle, I'm taking the lion. Hippos are mean bastards who can seriously fark you up. They kill more people every year in Africa than any other animal.

That's some silly reasoning.

actual danger = danger or animal * probability of encounter

By making it a choice, the probability is 1 in either case, and so it is only the danger of the animal itself that matters. I bet more people in the US get killed by horses than lions, but I'd still rather encounter a horse.

/but yes, hippos are dangerous... I'm just not convinced they are more dangerous than lions given an encounter.

brownbread

2009-08-23 03:45:50 PM

diaboni: brownbread: Maybe someone could substantiate the 30 mph thing for me. I've been looking for evidence of fast hippos and can't find any. I find it a little hard to believe. I know some aircraft carriers can hit over 30 knots which gives me a similar feeling of 'ooh', but they're nuclear powered whereas hippos eat grass.

Can't claim to scientifically back up those numbers but here is a clip with a hippo chasing a boat at around the 1:10 mark and he seems to moving a decent clip.

Link (new window)

Damn good find. I think it's safe to assume that hippos are nuclear-powered.

Alf_Garnett

2009-08-23 03:55:49 PM

I wonder if he wants a hippopotamus for christmas (new window)

SlothB77

2009-08-23 04:23:34 PM

god hippos are ugly

Magnetar

2009-08-23 04:29:51 PM

I once got carried by a current a little too far out and up the coast while surfing off the Pacific coast of Panama at night (yeah stupid, I know, but peer pressure had put me there) when I felt something shark-like brush my leg.

Way down deep, I know I set kind of record. I swear I paddled a quarter-mile in like 5 seconds or something. Must have looked hilarious, too.

Magnetar

2009-08-23 04:37:34 PM

Oh yeah, and:

www.deanjustisswheeler.com