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Running from Tobagos, land speed in hectares per hogshead and a whole new breed of enamel: Headlines of the Week 8/2 to 8/8 
Posted by Drew at 2009-08-10 1:26:32 PM (37 comments) | Permalink
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5110 clicks; posted to Main » on 10 Aug 2009 at 2:00 PM (6 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



No writeup this week; Drew's still hung over.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-08-02 to Sat 2009-08-08:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Scientist claims sex without condoms is good for you. Here comes the professor    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Mother and Daughter severely ill after their E Coli was contaminated with British food    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  American man pulled over for speeding in Canada explains that he thought the road signs were in miles per hour, not the hectares per hogshead or whatever the hell it is they use there    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Domino's giving away lava cakes for the 24 hours of Obama's birthday. Lava comes from volcanoes, Kenya has 24 volcanoes. It all makes perfect sense now, how could we have been so blind?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Creationist theme park to be seized by the federal government for tax evasion. I guess they didn't see that situation evolving    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Hugo Chavez becomes a major threat to Americans everywhere as it's announced he's seizing coffee companies. THIS IS NOT THE STORY I WANTED TO SEE FIRST THING IN THE MORNING    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Many British dentists earn over £200k. Where do they find such lucrative second jobs?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Flatfoots ferret out fleeing fugitive in freezer. Dogs detect chillin' felon; earn extra eats. Crook hooked; hastily hoicked to hoosegow, tarrying till trial    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  DC offers free STD tests to high school students. Who wants teachers catching anything these days?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Warning of violence issued after man attacks couple in Tobago. He must've been a good runner, because those things go really fast downhill    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Milk tanker overturns on Tennessee highway, local residents urged not to cry    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Sports:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Soccer players take a stand for gay pride, which is entirely appropriate as both groups go all weak at the knees if someone looks at them intently    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Tiger shoots final-round 69, wins 69th PGA Tour Event, hopes for numerical trend to continue later tonight with Elin    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Mariners fight strip club opening near ballpark, eliminating the most likely way their team will get to second base    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Geek:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Experts grow new teeth in adult mice. This is a whole new breed of enamel    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Incredibly detailed pictures of Betelgeuse. Incredibly detailed pictures of Betelgeuse. Incredibly detailed pictures of Betelgeuse    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  14,000-year-old map found engraved chunk of rock in Europe, determined to still be more accurate than Mapquest    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Showbiz:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Jenna Jameson to pose for Playboy. This is like closing the barn door after the horse has gotten out, been ridden hard by 6000 jockeys and turned into dog food    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Andre the Giant consumed 7,000 calories of alcohol on a daily basis. His bar bill during shooting of "The Princess Bride" was $40K. He once drank 119 bottles of beer in six hours. I say we canonize the dude    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Rosie O'Donnell denies that her partner has somehow escaped her gravitational field    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Politics:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Sen. Arlen Specter has a challenger in the 2010 Democratic primary, Rep. Joe Sestak, who announced today surrounded by his family--Marshall, Will, Holly and Cha-ka    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Senator Barbara Boxer (D-ipshiat) says health care protestors can't be real because they're not dressed like slobs    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Congressmen receives death threats over healthcare plan. On the good side, he's got a great medical plan through his employer, so if he's only wounded, he should be okay    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Music:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Fred Durst says new Limp Bizkit album will sound like Neil Diamond. Neil Diamond reportedly put on 24-hour suicide watch after hearing claim    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Katy Perry is in awe of Gwen Stefani's staying power and her continued artistic integrity. And then they totally started hungrily making out. Okay that last part isn't true    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Bob Dylan concert cancelled due to "risk too great for all involved." Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with his music    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]


Business:

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Profits at Tokyo Disneyland fall by 78 percent due to bad weather, fear of swine flu, and underperforming used Snow White panties vending machines    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  When it comes to drinking with colleagues, the risk is very high that something negative will come out of it, or what Fark calls its bread and butter    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]

[image from img1.fark.net too old to be available]  Alabama city destroying ancient Indian ceremonial mound to create a Sam's Club. Have they never seen a scary movie?    [image from img.fark.net too old to be available]
· · ·
(view entire blog)


37 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2009-08-10 01:33:38 PM  
No writeup this week; Drew's still hung over

you lazy sack of sugar
 
2009-08-10 01:36:26 PM  
What about the "milk comes in bags in the UK, just like Prince Charles" headline? That one was really good.
 
2009-08-10 01:41:49 PM  
Rev.K: What about the "milk comes in bags in the UK, just like Prince Charles" headline? That one was really good

That one never went green.

/ grumbles at the unfairness of it all
 
2009-08-10 01:48:04 PM  
Woohoo, one of mine made on drewslist.

/Hey, it's been a long dry spell on greenlights.
//Much like my sex life. :-(
 
2009-08-10 01:58:15 PM  
B-b-but the metric system is used by every country in the world except the really backward sh*tty ones like Liberia, Myanmar and the Paranoid States of 'merikuh!
 
2009-08-10 01:58:34 PM  
Hmm.

I had two headlines this week that I thought had a chance of making the list, but an entirely different one made it instead.
 
2009-08-10 02:04:25 PM  
Is Fark.com Sports tab Yardbarked right now?
 
2009-08-10 02:04:31 PM  
Oh, I missed the soccer one. No one mentioned Jonny McGovern.
/well, someone alluded to him...
 
2009-08-10 02:09:40 PM  
I really wasn't expecting to be on the list this week. Pleasant surprise to make the cut.
 
2009-08-10 02:10:00 PM  
What happened to the small plane/helicopter headline?
 
2009-08-10 02:11:35 PM  
DammitIForgotMyLogin: Hmm.

I had two headlines this week that I thought had a chance of making the list, but an entirely different one made it instead.


Lest you forget, I submitted that one with a funnier headline to boot.
 
2009-08-10 02:12:15 PM  
That_Dude: What happened to the small plane/helicopter headline?

That was yesterday, wasn't it? It'll be eligible for the next list

At least, that's the reason i'm telling myself the "import cat" headline wasn't on this list :D
 
2009-08-10 02:12:58 PM  
tuna fingers: DammitIForgotMyLogin: Hmm.

I had two headlines this week that I thought had a chance of making the list, but an entirely different one made it instead.

Lest you forget, I submitted that one with a funnier headline to boot.


That wouldn't surprise me, link?
 
2009-08-10 02:17:31 PM  
Whoo, scored a headline of the week! Boobies!
 
2009-08-10 02:20:29 PM  
SimonSnAkeYeS: Is Fark.com Sports tab Yardbarked right now?

Instead of clicking on the Sports tab, go to fark.com/sports
 
2009-08-10 02:20:49 PM  
Talking about funny rejected headlines, can a total farker pass on the message that was left on my rejected one about the O'Nion boy who was electrocuted.

"[Main] What would you like on your hot dog Mr Darwin? Just some grilled O'Nion please"

If the story was deemed distasteful, fair do's, however it was similar to the prat who fried in the train yard today.

I doubt I'll ever be that funny ever again, that's all! :(
 
2009-08-10 02:22:19 PM  
warwick_hunt: If the story was deemed distasteful, fair do's, however it was similar to the prat who fried in the train yard today.

?

maybe you need to get a grasp of english and you'll do better in the greenlight department.
 
2009-08-10 02:28:18 PM  
albo:
maybe you need to get a grasp of english and you'll do better in the greenlight department.


Thanks for the constructive critique, I hope your stupid dog gets eaten by a grue.
 
2009-08-10 02:29:11 PM  
warwick_hunt: I doubt I'll ever be that funny ever again

You didn't set that bar particularly high.
 
2009-08-10 02:32:38 PM  
40below:
You didn't set that bar particularly high.


I never do, that way I'm rarely disappointed.
 
2009-08-10 02:32:38 PM  
I hope your stupid dog gets eaten by a grue.

a grue? not much. what's grue with you?
 
2009-08-10 02:35:49 PM  
SimonSnAkeYeS: Is Fark.com Sports tab Yardbarked right now?

You can always skip clicking the link and just type (or bookmark) http://www.fark.com/sports. that skips all the yardbarker crap.
 
2009-08-10 02:36:30 PM  
markyp09: SimonSnAkeYeS: Is Fark.com Sports tab Yardbarked right now?

Instead of clicking on the Sports tab, go to fark.com/sports


damn, too slow.

//shakes his tiny fists!
 
2009-08-10 02:38:52 PM  
markyp09, abmoraz: Danke.
 
2009-08-10 02:41:09 PM  
warwick_hunt: Talking about funny rejected headlines, can a total farker pass on the message that was left on my rejected one about the O'Nion boy who was electrocuted.

"[Main] What would you like on your hot dog Mr Darwin? Just some grilled O'Nion please"

If the story was deemed distasteful, fair do's, however it was similar to the prat who fried in the train yard today.

I doubt I'll ever be that funny ever again, that's all! :(


***** [totalfark] 2009-08-04 09:09:19 PM
The 13-year-old said: "It was horrible. We told him not to go up but he did it anyway."

The fark you did, kid.
 
2009-08-10 02:41:21 PM  
I'm shocked that Bill Clinton picks up two asian chicks didn't make the cut.
 
2009-08-10 02:41:31 PM  
albo:
a grue? not much. what's grue with you?


The grue is a sinister, lurking presence in the dark places of the earth. Its favorite diet is adventurers and albo's dog, but its insatiable appetite is tempered by its fear of light and coherent grammar. No grue has ever been seen by the light of day, and few have survived its fearsome jaws to tell the tale.
 
2009-08-10 02:44:15 PM  
Thanks for that Megain.
 
2009-08-10 02:53:52 PM  
warwick_hunt: Thanks for that Megain.

you're welcome
 
2009-08-10 03:23:37 PM  
DammitIForgotMyLogin: That_Dude: What happened to the small plane/helicopter headline?

That was yesterday, wasn't it? It'll be eligible for the next list

At least, that's the reason i'm telling myself the "import cat" headline wasn't on this list :D


Did you submit that one? You are one magnificent bastard.
 
2009-08-10 03:50:06 PM  
I did, and thankyou :)
 
2009-08-10 04:29:24 PM  
No HOTW for the prior week? That's quite a bender
 
2009-08-10 04:35:09 PM  
No greens, let alone a(n) HOTW this week. Good work, subbies
 
2009-08-10 04:59:32 PM  
This isn't exactly a point of rebuttal to the Mapquest headline, but ever since Google switched to TeleAtlas the quality of Google Maps has gone to crap. MQ doesn't show nearly the same amount of outdated or misnamed roads that Google does now.
 
2009-08-10 05:25:13 PM  
I just noted I got two HOTWs, not just one.

Thanks Drew. It had been a rough week. Appreciate the warm fuzzies.
 
2009-08-10 06:12:53 PM  
TWO appearances in HOTW? Aw, shucks. *blushes*
 
2009-08-10 08:04:21 PM  
I miss the Drew commentary.
 
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