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(Epicurious.com)   The Food Network has a Wii game out. To complete the Sandra Lee level, just stir some almond extract into a can of icing and make a vodka smoothie   (epicurious.com) divider line 225
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2291 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 04 Aug 2009 at 3:29 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-08-04 02:05:11 PM
To complete the Paula Deen level, add six pounds of butter and drop your pants.
 
2009-08-04 02:07:36 PM
To complete the Sandra Lee level, just stir some almond extract into a can of icing and make a vodka smoothie

I'd stir some extract into her can and make a smoothie on her face.
 
2009-08-04 02:07:48 PM
My wrist won't be able to take the Giada level...
 
2009-08-04 02:14:14 PM
To complete the Rachel Ray level, tip your server .01%.
 
2009-08-04 02:15:15 PM
To complete the Bobby Flay level, make paella, stir it with your penis and tell everyone how f*cking awesome you are.
 
2009-08-04 02:17:13 PM
"To complete the Sandra Lee level, just stir some almond extract into a can of icing and make a vodka smoothie"

The Kwaanza Cake (new window) is a lie!

No, really, it is. It's a travesty, a shame, and an insult to the very idea of humanity and baked goods. Somebody called it an 'edible hate-crime' and I couldn't agree more.
 
2009-08-04 02:21:56 PM
Soymilk: "To complete the Sandra Lee level, just stir some almond extract into a can of icing and make a vodka smoothie"

The Kwaanza Cake (new window) is a lie!

No, really, it is. It's a travesty, a shame, and an insult to the very idea of humanity and baked goods. Somebody called it an 'edible hate-crime' and I couldn't agree more.


Were those "acorns" actually Corn Nuts? I love Corn Nuts... but on cake?
 
2009-08-04 02:23:53 PM
Nabb1: Were those "acorns" actually Corn Nuts? I love Corn Nuts... but on cake?

Yes! They were corn nuts! CORN NUTS!
 
2009-08-04 02:25:50 PM
Soymilk: Nabb1: Were those "acorns" actually Corn Nuts? I love Corn Nuts... but on cake?

Yes! They were corn nuts! CORN NUTS!


Black people be lovin' some corn nuts for Kwaanza, apparently.
 
2009-08-04 02:31:41 PM
Soymilk: "To complete the Sandra Lee level, just stir some almond extract into a can of icing and make a vodka smoothie"

The Kwaanza Cake (new window) is a lie!

No, really, it is. It's a travesty, a shame, and an insult to the very idea of humanity and baked goods. Somebody called it an 'edible hate-crime' and I couldn't agree more.


Individually the ingredients are some of my favorite things. I also love anchovies, she should have put some of those on there.
 
2009-08-04 02:33:45 PM
EvilEgg: Soymilk: "To complete the Sandra Lee level, just stir some almond extract into a can of icing and make a vodka smoothie"

The Kwaanza Cake (new window) is a lie!

No, really, it is. It's a travesty, a shame, and an insult to the very idea of humanity and baked goods. Somebody called it an 'edible hate-crime' and I couldn't agree more.

Individually the ingredients are some of my favorite things. I also love anchovies, she should have put some of those on there.


I think she's saving that for the Christmas cookies on her show.
 
2009-08-04 02:34:52 PM
... and pass the "cake" level by leaving the controller out unrefrigerated for a week while making everyone in the house touch it after sneezing and/or playing with their hair, then hurry up and embellish it half-assedly with a bedazzler at the last minute and charge 10x a rational price for it...

/ Sandra Lee video is hysterical
// Quote The Onion: "Sticking toothpicks in marshmallows is NOT a recipe!"
 
2009-08-04 02:53:32 PM
This thread is full of win.
 
2009-08-04 02:55:03 PM
Completing the Alton Brown level requires PhDs in chemistry, metallurgy, engineering, and awesome.
 
2009-08-04 02:56:08 PM
Adjective Bird Whiskey: My wrist won't be able to take the Giada level...

www.celebritywonder.com

So how do you motorboat that with a Wiimote?
 
2009-08-04 02:57:02 PM
Rev.K: To complete the Bobby Flay level, make paella, stir it with your penis and tell everyone how f*cking awesome you are.

You have to add chipotle peppers to get the bonus.
 
2009-08-04 02:59:05 PM
SFSailor: / Sandra Lee video is hysterical
// Quote The Onion: "Sticking toothpicks in marshmallows is NOT a recipe!"


Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with three new recipes a week? At three AM the night before the deadline the marshmallow/toothpick idea sounds like genius.
 
2009-08-04 03:00:50 PM
To complete the Guy Fieri level, beat yourself over the head with the Wiimote until you start talking about how "money" everything is.
 
2009-08-04 03:04:57 PM
To complete the Neely level add two parts saccharine biatch, one part whipped husband, and lather in barbecue rib sauce.
 
2009-08-04 03:05:51 PM
EvilEgg: SFSailor: / Sandra Lee video is hysterical
// Quote The Onion: "Sticking toothpicks in marshmallows is NOT a recipe!"

Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with three new recipes a week? At three AM the night before the deadline the marshmallow/toothpick idea sounds like genius.


Yeah, well maybe if the production meeting didn't focus most of its energy on wrapping the dining room table in foil and putting a disco ball in the center with individual place cards covered in glitter like some Quaalude-addled Martha Stewart we'd have a little more time to actually go over the FOOD on a FOOD NETWORK show.
 
2009-08-04 03:10:45 PM
Nabb1: Yeah, well maybe if the production meeting didn't focus most of its energy on wrapping the dining room table in foil and putting a disco ball in the center with individual place cards covered in glitter like some Quaalude-addled Martha Stewart we'd have a little more time to actually go over the FOOD on a FOOD NETWORK show.

That was a lovely tablescape. You people who want to set the table so folks can eat off it are so lacking in creativity. Don't you know you eat with your eyes first, your mouth can wait until you get home.
 
2009-08-04 03:17:51 PM
Soymilk: The Kwaanza Cake (new window) is a lie!

That was so bad that I feel like I've just been punked. Every additional ingredient was like another level of "holy shiat did she just put _____ on there?!?" I mean, the corn nuts and pumpkin seeds were ridiculous, but I almost fell out of my chair when she just dumped a can of cold store-bought apple pie filling into the middle of the cake.

How the fark did this ever make it on the air?
 
2009-08-04 03:28:14 PM
EvilEgg: Nabb1: Yeah, well maybe if the production meeting didn't focus most of its energy on wrapping the dining room table in foil and putting a disco ball in the center with individual place cards covered in glitter like some Quaalude-addled Martha Stewart we'd have a little more time to actually go over the FOOD on a FOOD NETWORK show.

That was a lovely tablescape. You people who want to set the table so folks can eat off it are so lacking in creativity. Don't you know you eat with your eyes first, your mouth can wait until you get home.


Oh, please, the only thing good about her tablescapes is that unlike my stomach after eating her food, my eyes can't vomit.
 
2009-08-04 03:34:05 PM
To complete the Ina Garten level, marry a guy and make him the happiest farker on the planet. Bonus points if he accrues speeding tickets on the way home everynight.
 
2009-08-04 03:35:18 PM
To complete the Barefoot Contessa level, cook a four course dinner using nothing but mayonnaise for all your gay friends, and discuss your house in East Hampton 100 times in 2 minutes
 
2009-08-04 03:35:58 PM
To complete the Nigella Lawson cake level recipe:

- 2 cups of flour, make sure to get *just a little* on your nose and giggle like a naughty schoolgirl
-add 2 cups of sugar, you can never have enough carbs or sweetness in a NL recipe
- crack two eggs, let them slowly out of the shell to gently ease down the side of the bowl
- add 2 cups of the heaviest cream known to man. No really. Take heavy cream down to the neighbourhood nuclear reactor and have them bond another hydrogen atom onto each molecule. That's the cream you want to use in a Nigella recipe. Bonus- Exclaim how much you love cream, while dragging your tongue slowly across your teeth.
- Take a pound of butter, warm to room temperature. Put half in the cake bowl, rub the other half on your tits until they glisten

stir, well, then exclaim how much you love to lick off the creamy beaters, while slowly dragging your tongue up the side of one of them.

Bonus points awarded for then getting disgusted when anyone suggests that you might somehow be behaving in an overtly sexual manner.
 
2009-08-04 03:37:06 PM
Nabb1: Rev.K: To complete the Bobby Flay level, make paella, stir it with your penis and tell everyone how f*cking awesome you are.

You have to add chipotle peppers to get the bonus.


blue corn, ancho chile
 
2009-08-04 03:37:43 PM
unyon: Take heavy cream down to the neighbourhood nuclear reactor and have them bond another hydrogen atom onto each molecule.

I would, but my local nuclear power plant charges by the hydrogen atom so I really can't afford it. It adds up, you know.
 
2009-08-04 03:37:51 PM
EvilEgg:
Do you have any idea how hard it is to come up with three new recipes a week? At three AM the night before the deadline the marshmallow/toothpick idea sounds like genius.


I'm sure she keeps a journal handy, for when inspiration strikes...

"Things to mix with vodak:"
- Orange Juice
- Vodak
- Cornuts
- Ice"

Still, given that epicurious felt compelled to publish Boiling. Water. Seriously. (new salty window goodness), I fear that Ms. Lee may strike some as a genius.
 
2009-08-04 03:39:24 PM
SFSailor: Cornuts EXTRA Cornuts
 
2009-08-04 03:42:46 PM
They should make a game for girls where they make sandwiches for boys and then keep quiet while the boys eat the sandwiches. It could be a nice way to teach girls to make sandwiches and keep quiet.
 
2009-08-04 03:43:13 PM
SFSailor: EvilEgg:
given that epicurious felt compelled to publish Boiling. Water. Seriously. (new salty window goodness), I fear that Ms. Lee may strike some as a genius.


can't beat southern living's "add 1/2 cup of shortening to 1 cup of water, bring to a boil and boild for 5 minutes..." there was more to the recipe, but it exploded before you got to it
 
2009-08-04 03:43:19 PM
I have only watched one episode of Paula Deen's show, and it just happened to be the day Michelle Obama was on. It was the most uncomfortable thing I have seen on TV as Deen kept hugging Michelle. It was so strange.
 
2009-08-04 03:43:41 PM
If you complete the game at 105% you unlock the secret Alton Brown level.

To complete the Alton Brown level you must solve world hunger. Good luck biatches!
 
2009-08-04 03:44:06 PM
boild is a word, just not the one you think it is
 
2009-08-04 03:46:00 PM
SFSailor: Still, given that epicurious felt compelled to publish Boiling. Water. Seriously. (new salty window goodness), I fear that Ms. Lee may strike some as a genius.

My god, the reviews are golden.

"I put the salt in a sachet to infuse it in the water and the strangest thing happened. When I went to remove the sachet, all the salt had disappeared, but the flavour was magnificant. "

"I find this recipe works best if you blanch the salt in advance and add the blanching liquid to the water."

"I want to create a water that expresses the meaninglessness of existence, and instead it tastes wet and heavy. I look at this in the bowl, but this does not look back. Tried eating it with the lights off. It did not help. "
 
2009-08-04 03:46:57 PM
Nabb1: You have to add chipotle peppers to get the bonus.

i gotta say though- every recipe of flay's i have ever made has been met with positive reviews by guests. and since i also find it tastes pretty good, i figure they aren't lieing
 
2009-08-04 03:48:25 PM
tlchwi02: Nabb1: You have to add chipotle peppers to get the bonus.

i gotta say though- every recipe of flay's i have ever made has been met with positive reviews by guests. and since i also find it tastes pretty good, i figure they aren't lieing


I like Flay's stuff, too, but then I'm okay with taking random food items, dragging them through masa, pan frying them, and drowning them in adobo sauce.
 
2009-08-04 03:49:25 PM
Nabb1: tlchwi02: Nabb1: You have to add chipotle peppers to get the bonus.

i gotta say though- every recipe of flay's i have ever made has been met with positive reviews by guests. and since i also find it tastes pretty good, i figure they aren't lieing

I like Flay's stuff, too, but then I'm okay with taking random food items, dragging them through masa, pan frying them, and drowning them in adobo sauce.


But where do you add the Corn Nuts?
 
2009-08-04 03:49:32 PM
tlchwi02: Nabb1: You have to add chipotle peppers to get the bonus.

i gotta say though- every recipe of flay's i have ever made has been met with positive reviews by guests. and since i also find it tastes pretty good, i figure they aren't lieing


That's the annoying thing, the man's a colossal ass, but he can make some awesome food.


/However, not so good as to be equal to the level of jackass he is.
 
2009-08-04 03:49:43 PM
Ender's: To complete the Ina Garten level, marry a guy and make him the happiest farker on the planet. Bonus points if he accrues speeding tickets on the way home everynight.

Previous to her show and store, she was a budget analyst in Washington, and wrote energy policy papers for Carter and Ford. And now she has a posh pad and lots of fun gay friends. Really though at this point, shouldn't the hub just retire and help her cook, or lounge by the pool all day? She must make a metric boatload of dough. Plus, while she's not much of a supermodel, I bet she gets certain tips from her gay pals, if you get my drift.
 
2009-08-04 03:51:42 PM
HappyLittleTree: I have only watched one episode of Paula Deen's show, and it just happened to be the day Michelle Obama was on. It was the most uncomfortable thing I have seen on TV as Deen kept hugging Michelle. It was so strange.

"Look y'all, I'm huggin' a black girl!"
 
2009-08-04 03:52:29 PM
Pump_ThePurpleWarrior: If you complete the game at 105% you unlock the secret Alton Brown level.

To complete the Alton Brown level you must solve world hunger. Good luck biatches!


... and when you complete _that_ level, Gordon Ramsay steps in from a couple channels over and kicks the living shiat out of you and your "cooking" with one hand tied behind his back making you realize that anything on Food Network is amateur at best... but does it in such a direct, lovingly-insulting, carefully-obscenity-filled way that you like him at the end of your asswhooping.
 
2009-08-04 03:52:44 PM
markie_farkie: So how do you motorboat that with a Wiimote?

Shove the Wii-mote up your nose, then go for it?
 
2009-08-04 03:54:57 PM
To beat the Guy Fieri level, you must:
- dye and gel your hair to resemble Bart Simpson
- dress like the world's douchiest fratboy
- drive from one eatery to another, consuming everything on the menu at once
- continuously spout inanities like "That's money!" and "Winner, winner, chicken dinner"
- finally, you must make people sick of you by appearing in every other FN show and making stupid TGIF commercials
Even when you win, you lose!

Bonus points if you manage not strangle yourself with the Wiimote in the first 5 minutes!
 
2009-08-04 03:55:06 PM
To complete the Emeril level, you add 40 cloves of gahlic to something and BAM you're cancelled.
 
2009-08-04 03:55:58 PM
unyon: To complete the Nigella Lawson cake level recipe:

- 2 cups of flour, make sure to get *just a little* on your nose and giggle like a naughty schoolgirl
-add 2 cups of sugar, you can never have enough carbs or sweetness in a NL recipe
- crack two eggs, let them slowly out of the shell to gently ease down the side of the bowl
- add 2 cups of the heaviest cream known to man. No really. Take heavy cream down to the neighbourhood nuclear reactor and have them bond another hydrogen atom onto each molecule. That's the cream you want to use in a Nigella recipe. Bonus- Exclaim how much you love cream, while dragging your tongue slowly across your teeth.
- Take a pound of butter, warm to room temperature. Put half in the cake bowl, rub the other half on your tits until they glisten

stir, well, then exclaim how much you love to lick off the creamy beaters, while slowly dragging your tongue up the side of one of them.

Bonus points awarded for then getting disgusted when anyone suggests that you might somehow be behaving in an overtly sexual manner.


You forgot the random out-of-focus, excessive zoom shots every third minute.

/Mmmm. Nigella.
 
2009-08-04 03:57:16 PM
spyderqueen: That's the annoying thing, the man's a colossal ass, but he can make some awesome food.


/However, not so good as to be equal to the level of jackass he is.


actually i got one of his books- Grill It with Bobby Flay- from my dad for christmas. Knowing my love of grilling he apparently picked it off the bargain rack at borders on clearance. Neither of us had ever actually heard of the guy. I did a bunch of his recipes for dinner parties with overall great success before finally catching one of his shows. I was pretty surprised by his attitude, it didn't come through in the recipe book at all.

personally, some of my current favorites came out of NFL Sunday Night Cookbook. all the profits go to charity and they have a recipe for spicy tuna miso chips in there that is my current favorite. Also a really good beef carpacio recipe
 
2009-08-04 03:57:35 PM
DeadZone: markie_farkie: So how do you motorboat that with a Wiimote?

Shove the Wii-mote up your nose, then go for it?


Speechless with the LOLs. +1 Intarwebs and required tube series.
 
2009-08-04 03:58:27 PM
Nabb1: Rev.K: To complete the Bobby Flay level, make paella, stir it with your penis and tell everyone how f*cking awesome you are.

You have to add chipotle peppers to get the bonus.


I guess I'd lose the game then, I'm not sadistic enough to drag my dick through chipotles.
 
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