FARK.com: (4546749) "TSA brings full body scanning to Cleveland airport." Lament the loss of your civil liberties if you must, but remember the poor TSA agent who is forced to look at naked Clevelanders every day

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(Some Guy)		"TSA brings full body scanning to Cleveland airport." Lament the loss of your civil liberties if you must, but remember the poor TSA agent who is forced to look at naked Clevelanders every day (wkyc.com)		255
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eraser8

2009-07-31 11:19:26 PM

kirby528: /have you seen the women who work for TSA?

Or, worse: the men.

maxheck

2009-07-31 11:20:33 PM

Coming soon:

As you approach, you're scanned by a metal detector. The bulletproof lexan clamshell doors open, and you enter the small chamber. You slide your ID card past the prox sensor, then enter your ID number on a small keyboard. You're on camera from the ceiling the entire time. While you are doing this, the pad in the floor is checking your weight against the database. You then have a choice of either an iris scan or a fingerprint scan, also checked against the database.

If any of these fails you're trapped in that box until the guys with automatic weapons arrive, or they can just open the trap door and drop you into the crocodile pit.

You laugh, but I actually built exactly that for a very spooky site.

/ Was kidding about the crocodile pit... Or was I?

eraser8

2009-07-31 11:22:46 PM

maxheck: they can just open the trap door and drop you into the crocodile pit.

Does it have to be crocodiles? Can't it be starving rats? Or giant man-eating koalas?

QuailhuntingwithCheney

2009-07-31 11:23:01 PM

Next time I fly anywhere I'm just going naked, it will save everybody the hassle.

/Thank god I don't fly much
//You might want to as well

vrod2028

2009-07-31 11:23:18 PM

kirby528: Does someone have pics that show the resolution of these things? I seem to remember seeing them in an article somewhere, but I can't remember how good the resolution is.

cache.gawker.com

/hot

Terrified Asexual Forcemeat

2009-07-31 11:24:03 PM

kirby528: No thanks.
/have you seen the women who work for TSA?

www.sillydogs.net

maxheck

2009-07-31 11:26:54 PM

eraser8:

maxheck: they can just open the trap door and drop you into the crocodile pit.

Does it have to be crocodiles? Can't it be starving rats? Or giant man-eating koalas?

Erotically-inclined skunks? Underfed geckoes?

Chaussman

2009-07-31 11:29:19 PM

This shiat is unbelieveable. Thank God I am leaving the country. If these machines are introduced as mandatory (and according to Orwell, this sort of thing creeps up in a society in just this manner) then I may never come back. This is not the United States of even a few decades ago. The people are different.

Most amazing to me is how we're still dealing with this stuff 8 years after 9/11.

/For more reading, go to the George Carlin section of your local library

detfrost1

2009-07-31 11:29:48 PM

basemetal: Too damned invasive. If they want to pat me down, I'm okay with that but they have no right to see my wang. My huge and precious wang.

Can we see it then?

What's your manhunt id?

Oh wait.... were you talking about this

www.canberra.edu.au

?

why the hell are you traveling with that hidden in your body?

Chaussman

2009-07-31 11:29:55 PM

*unbelievable

Eyebleach

2009-07-31 11:30:06 PM

vrod2028: cache.gawker.com

/hot

They cause explosive diarrhea?!

Count me out.

SharkTrager

2009-07-31 11:40:17 PM

Having seen many a TSA screener I am quite certain this is being done because these scans represent the closest thing the typical TSA employee will ever get to seeing anyone of the opposite sex naked in person.

Smeggy Smurf

2009-07-31 11:42:07 PM

I want to be scanned while wearing an undershirt with metal tape that spells "HAYDUKE LIVES". Then I come to my senses and remember that the TSA isn't bright enough to know who that is.

ShannonKW

2009-07-31 11:42:31 PM

I have lived outside the U.S. since May, 2006. I have been through customs in Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, Oman, Dubai, and Jordan. A few weeks ago I went back to the U.S. for vacation. It was only coming back into my own country that I was treated like I was being booked into jail and detained by security flunkies for an hour. It was an enduring memory of my homecoming, being buttonholed by some 20-year-old Inspector McGruff from TSA who confiscated my shopping list and asked me why I wanted a copy of GTA 4.

/just sayin'

Rodrigo Hernandez

2009-07-31 11:43:03 PM

I will now go through all of these with a boner.

pablodolanez

2009-07-31 11:43:19 PM

/Cleveland residents say they are not embarrassed that LeBron James ignored the media after losing to the Magic. After all, being disappointed to the point of silence is what officially makes him a Cleveland resident.

tuna fingers

2009-07-31 11:43:20 PM

You sad prude farks!

Just think of it as the T&A checkpoint, rather than the TSA checkpoint and enjoy the fact that someone may masturbate to you. Just maybe.

It's all good fun.

porterm

2009-07-31 11:45:41 PM

oh geez,i can never fly again.
one look and they will be following me around forever.
damn stupid biatches.
cant touch dis.

stainedglassdoll

2009-07-31 11:47:01 PM

pablodolanez: /Cleveland residents say they are not embarrassed that LeBron James ignored the media after losing to the Magic. After all, being disappointed to the point of silence is what officially makes him a Cleveland resident.

is that....poo?

/bwahahaha

One Thirty-two and Bush

2009-07-31 11:48:37 PM

With those scanners and this eagle-eyed agent on the job, terrorism is history.

i533.photobucket.com

/resting his eagle eyes.

kb7rky

2009-07-31 11:49:48 PM

TSA - Too Stupid Anyway

ochobit

2009-07-31 11:52:10 PM

The scans are very very low resolution and you can barely tell the difference between a man and a woman.

The scanning is so boring that TSOs have fights over not going into the scanning room. Some people hate it so much that they lie that they are not certified...

Once you've seen ten images all the fun is gone, it's really boring, let me assure, not even the biggest perv in the world could get excited with the pics... and by the way it's the second image up there not the first image.

You can't even see the person to compare it with...

besides, these machines will eventually replace metal detectors as soon as they can get the auto-scanning programs software working right (yeah that means only a machine will see you nekkid).....

ochobit

2009-07-31 11:52:56 PM

One Thirty-two and Bush: With those scanners and this eagle-eyed agent on the job, terrorism is history.

/resting his eagle eyes.

This guy is obviously taking a nap on one of the airport chairs.

AliasUndercover

2009-07-31 11:53:31 PM

I don't even drive past an airport if I can help it...

VegasVinnie

2009-07-31 11:53:52 PM

I fly for work & think the TSA has sunk the airlines far more than Osama ever could. I abhor the TSA -- the organization is nothing but highly structured and efficient incompetence on a national scale. Billions of dollars down the toilet and travelers left with their belongings torn apart and stolen at every stop. Zero accountability. Almost anyone who's put something of value in a checked bag can tell you how it arrived with the stuff gone and a nice little TSA inspection notice in its place. "Passenger protection" is the ultimate sick joke.

Friggin TSA Gangstaz.

ochobit

2009-07-31 11:53:52 PM

ochobit: One Thirty-two and Bush: With those scanners and this eagle-eyed agent on the job, terrorism is history.

/resting his eagle eyes.

This guy is obviously taking a nap on one of the airport chairs.

My question is: are you to stupid to not notice that?

ochobit

2009-07-31 11:54:29 PM

ochobit: ochobit: One Thirty-two and Bush: With those scanners and this eagle-eyed agent on the job, terrorism is history.

/resting his eagle eyes.

This guy is obviously taking a nap on one of the airport chairs.

My question is: are you to stupid to not notice that?

*too

stainedglassdoll

2009-07-31 11:55:12 PM

Anyways, the TSA is useless. The last time I flew, I made sure to have little 4oz bottles of makeup, toothpaste, and contact solution, all packed up in a baggie according to their protocol. However, I'd completely forgotten about a full bottle of shampoo I had in my backpack.

Went right through the x-ray machine, and no one said or did anything. Either 1) they didn't notice, meaning the so-called terrorists they are looking out for could easily get past security by, um, packing their liquids into their bags or 2) they did notice, but didn't care, in which case...great? why have rules at all if you're not going to gleefully enforce them?

Juniper Jupiter

2009-07-31 11:55:13 PM

Wow.

They may as well start using these now:

Eh...how about you click this...it's probably NSFW

/Jelly up.

zannen

2009-07-31 11:55:21 PM

It's a good thing I always throw my drugs in my checked luggage, then.

dead_dangler

2009-07-31 11:55:33 PM

What happened to you America? You used to be cool.

ochobit

2009-07-31 11:56:20 PM

VegasVinnie: I fly for work & think the TSA has sunk the airlines far more than Osama ever could. I abhor the TSA -- the organization is nothing but highly structured and efficient incompetence on a national scale. Billions of dollars down the toilet and travelers left with their belongings torn apart and stolen at every stop. Zero accountability. Almost anyone who's put something of value in a checked bag can tell you how it arrived with the stuff gone and a nice little TSA inspection notice in its place. "Passenger protection" is the ultimate sick joke.

Friggin TSA Gangstaz.

The thefts in baggage are not TSA, they are the airlines baggage handlers. Although the TSA should do something so they are not stealing from peoples bags.

If you ever see a baggage handler, ask them personally how easy is it to rob and they can tell you several stories...

kb7rky

2009-07-31 11:57:07 PM

...which reminds me...

I'm going to be flying to California in a couple weeks.

Any Fark-worthy suggestions on how to stir the hornets' nest of stupidity?

I'm thinking of wearing a shirt with an image of a gun on it to see just how far I can get before some TSA ape decides I can't wear it for fear of spooking the sheep.

My next alternative is to have a T-shirt custom printed with the following in Arabic Script:

"This Isn't A Shirt...It's My LAWSUIT"

I definitely want to make a point of just how monumentally moronic the TSA (and the general public) is/are...

ochobit

2009-08-01 12:01:11 AM

kb7rky: ...which reminds me...

I'm going to be flying to California in a couple weeks.

Any Fark-worthy suggestions on how to stir the hornets' nest of stupidity?

I'm thinking of wearing a shirt with an image of a gun on it to see just how far I can get before some TSA ape decides I can't wear it for fear of spooking the sheep.

My next alternative is to have a T-shirt custom printed with the following in Arabic Script:

"This Isn't A Shirt...It's My LAWSUIT"

I definitely want to make a point of just how monumentally moronic the TSA (and the general public) is/are...

Have fun with the shirts, the TSA never do anything about them, the airlines on the other hand, may have a problem.

I remember a guy with a bag full of copies of 1984 being really cute thinking it would bother me or something and we had a conversation and even admitted I was the "smartest TSA guy [he] had ever seen"...

phedex

2009-08-01 12:01:22 AM

Juniper Jupiter: Wow.

They may as well start using these now:

Eh...how about you click this...it's probably NSFW

/Jelly up.

That is some seriously messed up shiat.

ochobit

2009-08-01 12:02:04 AM

bucket_chemist

2009-08-01 12:03:36 AM

Just one more reason why I will attempt to live the rest of my life without setting foot in the US again.

vgss

2009-08-01 12:03:47 AM

They just did this in New York at the WTC Path station (between there and New Jersey)

The viewers were at one side of the room, watching the images on laptops. Media and dignitaries were behind the cops with them and looking.

One Thirty-two and Bush

2009-08-01 12:05:01 AM

ochobit: ochobit: ochobit: One Thirty-two and Bush: With those scanners and this eagle-eyed agent on the job, terrorism is history.

/resting his eagle eyes.

This guy is obviously taking a nap on one of the airport chairs.

My question is: are you to stupid to not notice that?

*too

It took you 3 posts to try to zing me? You're a bigger fail than the TSA.

trollkiller

2009-08-01 12:07:27 AM

corn-bread: Let's say that the image scanner does find something, like a gun or something. Are we to believe that this piece of evidence, potentially very useful in a criminal prosecution, is just deleted never to be seen again?

Yea, I smell a steaming pile of bullshiat here.

You would think that keeping the image would be necessary for a good prosecution but you would be wrong.

The TSA's only allowed to look for weapons, explosives and incendiaries (WEI). If they see something that may be illegal but not a WEI, like a pot smoking pipe, they can not search you for it. (See Fofana (new window)PDF warning)

On the other hand if they can claim that the object was not discernible as a pot smoking pipe but merely an object they could not identify, they can then legally search for that object. If an image is saved by the MMW WBI the defense could have a field day knocking down the evidence because it was gained by an illegal search.

iNoodles

2009-08-01 12:10:31 AM

kb7rky: ...which reminds me...

I'm going to be flying to California in a couple weeks.

Any Fark-worthy suggestions on how to stir the hornets' nest of stupidity?

I'm thinking of wearing a shirt with an image of a gun on it to see just how far I can get before some TSA ape decides I can't wear it for fear of spooking the sheep.

My next alternative is to have a T-shirt custom printed with the following in Arabic Script:

"This Isn't A Shirt...It's My LAWSUIT"

I definitely want to make a point of just how monumentally moronic the TSA (and the general public) is/are...

When you get through yell out with raised arms "I made it!" friend did that once he was worried cause his passport only had four months left on it...he got "the little room"

jaymzz

2009-08-01 12:10:50 AM

TSA can look upon my naked body all they want. God help them.

/yet I have a hot wife
//not home schooled
///need to be at the gym in 26 minutes

ochobit

2009-08-01 12:11:09 AM

trollkiller: corn-bread: Let's say that the image scanner does find something, like a gun or something. Are we to believe that this piece of evidence, potentially very useful in a criminal prosecution, is just deleted never to be seen again?

Yea, I smell a steaming pile of bullshiat here.

You would think that keeping the image would be necessary for a good prosecution but you would be wrong.

The TSA's only allowed to look for weapons, explosives and incendiaries (WEI). If they see something that may be illegal but not a WEI, like a pot smoking pipe, they can not search you for it. (See Fofana (new window)PDF warning)

On the other hand if they can claim that the object was not discernible as a pot smoking pipe but merely an object they could not identify, they can then legally search for that object. If an image is saved by the MMW WBI the defense could have a field day knocking down the evidence because it was gained by an illegal search.

If an obvious threat is found a LEO would be called to handle the passenger, the LEO would be told that we suspect something, he/she will pat them down and find the gun. What do you need an image of the scan for?

And yeah we get people with drugs all the time now...

kb7rky

2009-08-01 12:13:41 AM

ochobit: kb7rky: ...which reminds me...

I'm going to be flying to California in a couple weeks.

Any Fark-worthy suggestions on how to stir the hornets' nest of stupidity?

I'm thinking of wearing a shirt with an image of a gun on it to see just how far I can get before some TSA ape decides I can't wear it for fear of spooking the sheep.

My next alternative is to have a T-shirt custom printed with the following in Arabic Script:

"This Isn't A Shirt...It's My LAWSUIT"

I definitely want to make a point of just how monumentally moronic the TSA (and the general public) is/are...

I'll bite, how stupid am I?

...present company excluded, of course...

:/

/okay, I'll go quietly...

ochobit

2009-08-01 12:13:51 AM

iNoodles: kb7rky: ...which reminds me...

I'm going to be flying to California in a couple weeks.

Any Fark-worthy suggestions on how to stir the hornets' nest of stupidity?

I'm thinking of wearing a shirt with an image of a gun on it to see just how far I can get before some TSA ape decides I can't wear it for fear of spooking the sheep.

My next alternative is to have a T-shirt custom printed with the following in Arabic Script:

"This Isn't A Shirt...It's My LAWSUIT"

I definitely want to make a point of just how monumentally moronic the TSA (and the general public) is/are...

When you get through yell out with raised arms "I made it!" friend did that once he was worried cause his passport only had four months left on it...he got "the little room"

Why?

Even if it was 6 months left it's still valid for the TDC (travel document check), even then, it doesn't make any sense why would they do that...

Are you making this story up?

iNoodles

2009-08-01 12:15:42 AM

ochobit: iNoodles: kb7rky: ...which reminds me...

I'm going to be flying to California in a couple weeks.

Any Fark-worthy suggestions on how to stir the hornets' nest of stupidity?

I'm thinking of wearing a shirt with an image of a gun on it to see just how far I can get before some TSA ape decides I can't wear it for fear of spooking the sheep.

My next alternative is to have a T-shirt custom printed with the following in Arabic Script:

"This Isn't A Shirt...It's My LAWSUIT"

I definitely want to make a point of just how monumentally moronic the TSA (and the general public) is/are...

When you get through yell out with raised arms "I made it!" friend did that once he was worried cause his passport only had four months left on it...he got "the little room"

Why?

Even if it was 6 months left it's still valid for the TDC (travel document check), even then, it doesn't make any sense why would they do that...

Are you making this story up?

Six months for international travel, he was going home. Also he was not an American citizen (Honduran).

IStateTheObvious

2009-08-01 12:16:32 AM

ochobit:

The thefts in baggage are not TSA, they are the airlines baggage handlers.

Your googlefu is weak.

Ed Grubermann

2009-08-01 12:17:50 AM

dead_dangler: What happened to you America? You used to be cool.

Bush happened.

crazycooter

2009-08-01 12:18:13 AM

kb7rky: I got paid $70 to have my fat ass scanned when they were developing these to develop a database of "average" people. All I did was stand there for 10 minutes, holding onto a bicycle handlebar over my head while the MRI (yes, a farking MRI) whirled around me, then got my $70 check.

Those farktards even took out TAXES for that. Why? I wasn't an employee of any company...I was a volunteer. To this day (10+ years later), I *still* can't understand why...

It's called "Income Tax". You received Income. It was Taxed.

ochobit

2009-08-01 12:18:25 AM

kb7rky: ochobit: kb7rky: ...which reminds me...

I'm going to be flying to California in a couple weeks.

Any Fark-worthy suggestions on how to stir the hornets' nest of stupidity?

I'm thinking of wearing a shirt with an image of a gun on it to see just how far I can get before some TSA ape decides I can't wear it for fear of spooking the sheep.

My next alternative is to have a T-shirt custom printed with the following in Arabic Script:

"This Isn't A Shirt...It's My LAWSUIT"

I definitely want to make a point of just how monumentally moronic the TSA (and the general public) is/are...

I'll bite, how stupid am I?

...present company excluded, of course...

:/

/okay, I'll go quietly...

It's fine, I'm just interested in why you think I'm a moron.

Reminds me of a time I very carefully pulled a bunch of flowers stuck in a X-ray machine, the whole time with a smile... the passengers were very thankful and asked "Why do people say so much bad stuff about you on the internet"...

I still don't know why? I'm nice, professional, clean cut, and I think I do a great job, as also my fellow officers, people can hate the process but why do they hate ME?

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