I was a door-to-door saleman in Houston Texas for 6 months after I graduated college. I worked on a commission based performance. I didn't get paid my first 3 months there as I had no sales in those three months and then *idea* hit me that (even if I do toot my own horn) was brilliant.

It was this:

When the person answers the front door, fark the script. Instead start off with "did you hear about the (enter different race) that got caught breaking into homes in the neighborhood last week?". This is your starter. Instead of going 0-10, I started going 3-10 on sales. Huge Huge improvement.

Months 4-5 I made over $600,000 thousand dollars. I was rolling in the dough, eating at the fanciest restaurants, going to the poshest clubs and hanging out with superstars. Then I had my first shot of herion.

Mormons have always been polite to me. You folks are cool in my book, even if you do go a step further on the kookbelief scale.

If it were up to me, I'd use the Mormon as the security system. No one would come near him.

Someone might try to swindle a few wives from him, but, hey...

One of the guys came to my house to try to sell me steaks & he wouldn't leave me alone.... I just closed the door on him... I just should have started talking to him in German or Hungarian and see what he would done then.

When I was in college, there was a mormon joint across the street from my dorm. One day, a bunch of us are sitting in the front yard of Sanford Hall at the smoking table when this pair of mormons comes out and heads toward the street.

All my friends kept saying that we better get insde before the mormons get to us, but I had no intention of wasting a perfectly good cigarette (that I'd just lit). When the mormons got across the street, I set my cigarette down and stood up, facing them. By this time everyone that was smoking with me had gathered on the front porch of the building and was watching.

As soon as the first mormon started to open his mouth, I walked forward, grabbed his hand (hard), started shaking it up and down and yelled "CAN I TELL YOU ABOUT JESUS??" with a big, cheesy grin on my face.

From that point on, whenever I was outside, they would always just leave us alone.

That's probably a great idea. Generally Mormans are hard workers, too.

Ponzholio: geekluv: One of the guys came to my house to try to sell me steaks & he wouldn't leave me alone.... I just closed the door on him... I just should have started talking to him in German or Hungarian and see what he would done then.

Why would a Mormon want to sell you steaks?

I have no clue... maybe trying to pick me up for a date maybe... The guy would not leave me alone at all...

Ponzholio: geekluv: One of the guys came to my house to try to sell me steaks & he wouldn't leave me alone.... I just closed the door on him... I just should have started talking to him in German or Hungarian and see what he would done then.

Why would a Mormon want to sell you steaks?

Yeah, i know multiple wives is a perk, but thats just a demeaning way to say it...

Hot Jehovah Witness lady: Hi how are you
Me: Hey cutie
HJWL: Well don't you want your soul saved
Me: Well I am atheist(looking at her tits)
HJWL: Can I read something to you
Me: Sure(she turns a bit and I stare at her ass not even hearing what she's saying)
HJWL: Can I leave this with you
Me: Yes
HJWL: I am going to come back tomorrow......with my husband
Me: I am atheist lady and would not like that
HJWL:Ok

Next day biatch and her and her hubby came back I acted like I wasn't home
/If you can get a Jehovah witness female to cheat with you you're a bad mofo

wage0048: When I was in college, there was a mormon joint across the street from my dorm. One day, a bunch of us are sitting in the front yard of Sanford Hall at the smoking table when this pair of mormons comes out and heads toward the street.

All my friends kept saying that we better get insde before the mormons get to us, but I had no intention of wasting a perfectly good cigarette (that I'd just lit). When the mormons got across the street, I set my cigarette down and stood up, facing them. By this time everyone that was smoking with me had gathered on the front porch of the building and was watching.

As soon as the first mormon started to open his mouth, I walked forward, grabbed his hand (hard), started shaking it up and down and yelled "CAN I TELL YOU ABOUT JESUS??" with a big, cheesy grin on my face.

From that point on, whenever I was outside, they would always just leave us alone.

Mormon: "But I just wanted to ask you about the problem set!"

wage0048: "CAN I TELL YOU ABOUT JESUS??".

Well,can you? My guess would be no. But give it a whirl and lets see...Start at Genesis 3:15 and see how far you can get...

I feel like a Mormon thread is about to happen....

tarkus1980: It's so true. I've known plenty of college-age people from church who've spent their summers selling security systems. I kinda roll my eyes at the whole thing, but hey, whatever they need to do to pay for college.

couldn't they find a internship in the major? That's what I did every summer...

/Internships were also part of my major of Information Sciences & Technology... not really fun though....

drjekel_mrhyde: Hot Jehovah Witness lady: Hi how are you
Me: Hey cutie
HJWL: Well don't you want your soul saved
mofo
I call BS...they don't believe in a soul....AND their woman don't go to houses alone.They go in pairs like turtle-doves on a christmas tree.Oh and they don't believe that either.
Justfactchecking.me

Ontos: That's probably a great idea. Generally Mormans are hard workers, too.

Everybody knows Mormons are terrible dancers and they can't jump.

swangoatman: wage0048: "CAN I TELL YOU ABOUT JESUS??".

Well,can you? My guess would be no. But give it a whirl and lets see...Start at Genesis 3:15 and see how far you can get...

Yeah, I really didn't have much of a backup plan if they'd said "yes." I was just hoping to freak them out enough to get them to go away. Fortunately, it worked.


"I will put enmity between you and the woman, and between your offspring and hers; He will strike at your head, while you strike at his heel." - Gen 3:15 (NAB)

twoody: It's a common "summer job" for mormon return missionaries in college. The recruiters swarm Utah colleges.

They get hired a lot for pest control sales jobs too.

Pests selling pest control service, that is a good business plan. "I will pay you to go away."

Security services are a great Mormon industry.

"How do you keep a mormon from drinking your beer? Invite another mormon over."

I distinctly remember making this back in college:



Cool that it's still floating around in the tubes.

I'm trying to come up with a Mormon-specific ABC, but I'm drawing a blank.

/need more coffee

I had my run-in with these folks earlier this week. Two companies that you need to watch out for: Pinnacle (the one in the article) and Platinum Protection. Their sales practices are questionable at best.

So one of their (Platinum Protection) Utahan salesmen (don't know if he was Mormon or not) came by as my wife and I were moving into our new house. He gave his spiel and it sounded ok. We had a security system but would need to activate a land line to have it monitored, and this guy was hawking a cellular system. So we signed some papers (he tried to fold over the part of the contract that listed the 3-day escape clause, but I knew the law anyways). After he left, we immediately did a google search and found a plethora of horror stories of their questionable business practices. We would experience them firsthand as not 15 minutes after the salesman left, a technician came to install the equipment. We refused, and 10 minutes later, the salesman comes back and pushes hard to have their equipment installed immediately. We refused of course. Had they replaced the existing security equipment, they would not reinstall after removing their equipment and we would have to shell out the cash to have the original re-installed. Their HQ was however surprisingly helpful in cancelling the service.

So, in summary, regardless of their Mormon connection, these are two companies you want to avoid.

StaleCoffee: Mormons have always been polite to me. You folks are cool in my book, even if you do go a step further on the kookbelief scale.

there's not a got damn thing kookier about mormons than christians. Their myths just happened more recently so you think they're crazier, but they're not. Gotta go - there's some shrubbery on fire and it may be the voice of the lord!

canadianloon: I was a door-to-door saleman in Houston Texas for 6 months after I graduated college. I worked on a commission based performance. I didn't get paid my first 3 months there as I had no sales in those three months and then *idea* hit me that (even if I do toot my own horn) was brilliant.

It was this:

When the person answers the front door, fark the script. Instead start off with "did you hear about the (enter different race) that got caught breaking into homes in the neighborhood last week?". This is your starter. Instead of going 0-10, I started going 3-10 on sales. Huge Huge improvement.

Months 4-5 I made over $600,000 thousand dollars. I was rolling in the dough, eating at the fanciest restaurants, going to the poshest clubs and hanging out with superstars. Then I had my first shot of herion.

Heroin's one hell of a drug, one day you're relaxing with friends down in Austin, next thing you remember it's two weeks later in Montreal and you're marrying a french hooker. Madeleine was her name, five-eight, long black hair, all in all a fine woman except for the syphilis. It's too bad she ran off with that Lithuanian drug smuggler, could have stayed with her forever. Not that this happened to me, drugs are nasty, wouldn't touch the stuff.

I was moving ten tons of topsoil to my back yard when the Mormon missionaries showed up with their white shirts and neckties. When I told them I was too busy to talk with them, they asked if they could help me. They rolled up their sleeves, removed their neckties and grabbed shovels. We worked for hours moving that pile of dirt and they never took a break. Afterwards I invited them in for a cool drink and told them I was Jewish (which I'm not) when they asked if I was familiar with their teachings. They dropped the subject, drained their glasses and left.

Nice fellas...

Sticky Hands: geekluv: One of the guys came to my house to try to sell me steaks & he wouldn't leave me alone.... I just closed the door on him... I just should have started talking to him in German or Hungarian and see what he would done then.

Switching languages on a Mormon... not as useful as you might think.

//especially if you choose Spanish, German or Korean.

That's why I would then switch to speaking Hungarian or old Church Slavanic....

JohnBigBootay: StaleCoffee: Mormons have always been polite to me. You folks are cool in my book, even if you do go a step further on the kookbelief scale.

there's not a got damn thing kookier about mormons than christians. Their myths just happened more recently so you think they're crazier, but they're not. Gotta go - there's some shrubbery on fire and it may be the voice of the lord!

Getting your own planet ups the ante a bit.

Adjective Bird Whiskey: At the end of the day, if you sold more alarm systems than you did your faith...how does that make you feel?

I wouldn't care but then again I'm Byzantine Catholic & not Mormon...

drjekel_mrhyde: Hot Jehovah Witness lady: Hi how are you
Me: Hey cutie
HJWL: Well don't you want your soul saved
Me: Well I am atheist(looking at her tits)
HJWL: Can I read something to you
Me: Sure(she turns a bit and I stare at her ass not even hearing what she's saying)
HJWL: Can I leave this with you
Me: Yes
HJWL: I am going to come back tomorrow......with my husband
Me: I am atheist lady and would not like that
HJWL:Ok

Next day biatch and her and her hubby came back I acted like I wasn't home
/If you can get a Jehovah witness female to cheat with you you're a bad mofo

When I was a mormon missionary in germany, we used to argue all the time with Jehovah's Witnesses (we called them J-dubs). It was great fun. One time a hot one came to the door of our apartment (she had a teenage boy with her), and got really scared when I came to the door with my name tag on. I guess she wasn't ready for bible war with another proselytizer.

pottie: I was moving ten tons of topsoil to my back yard when the Mormon missionaries showed up with their white shirts and neckties. When I told them I was too busy to talk with them, they asked if they could help me. They rolled up their sleeves, removed their neckties and grabbed shovels. We worked for hours moving that pile of dirt and they never took a break. Afterwards I invited them in for a cool drink and told them I was Jewish (which I'm not) when they asked if I was familiar with their teachings. They dropped the subject, drained their glasses and left.

Nice fellas...

Helping people do physical work was always more interesting to me when I was a missionary. Experiences like that generally make up the fondest memories I have of the two years.

Sticky Hands: StaleCoffee: JohnBigBootay: StaleCoffee: Mormons have always been polite to me. You folks are cool in my book, even if you do go a step further on the kookbelief scale.

there's not a got damn thing kookier about mormons than christians. Their myths just happened more recently so you think they're crazier, but they're not. Gotta go - there's some shrubbery on fire and it may be the voice of the lord!

Getting your own planet ups the ante a bit.

It sure beats singing praises for eternity.

La la la la la la la la.

Dandy.

I can't sing. Besides, I'd rather be a divine planetary dictator with a fleet of heavenly DC-8 airliners available to offload undesirables into the volcanoes of a backwater planet.

Anyone who hates Mormon Missionaries is, IMO, a d-bag.
Nice guys, don't cuss, always smiling when 50 doors have been slammed in their face.
Aw, you had to get up from masturbating while playing WoW to answer the door? You poor pussy.

Heroic Poser: "Anyone who hates Mormon Missionaries is, IMO, a d-bag. Nice guys, don't cuss, always smiling when 50 doors have been slammed in their face. Aw, you had to get up from masturbating while playing WoW to answer the door? You poor pussy."

Yeah, nice guys.

swangoatman: wage0048: "CAN I TELL YOU ABOUT JESUS??".

Well,can you? My guess would be no. But give it a whirl and lets see...Start at Genesis 3:15 and see how far you can get...

Not a lot of talk about Jesus in Genesis.

I get a lot of knocks on my door from various religious folks. There is a good sized lot of Mormons about 4 blocks east of me, and they get around. Toronto is apparently a mission site for them - why I don't know? As a woman over 40, I find it odd to see all these guys running around with their name badges saying "Elder this" and "Elder That". Could you at least wait until you are 25 before you become my "Elder"? Nice enough guys, just not interested.

We also have the Portuguese Pentecostals from the end of the street papering "Are you saved" signs in 3 languages, hoping to get people to attend their service (in Portuguese, with English and Spanish translations). They came to my door the other day.

Finally we get the Jehovahs Witnesses. Most of these are older Portuguese women, standing on the street corners handing out Watchtower, but from time to time we get them coming to the door. My favourite was the young woman who came by 1 saturday morning, trying to convert me. I tried just as hard to convert her to lesbianism. We both left frustrated! :)

Evil Canadian: I get a lot of knocks on my door from various religious folks. There is a good sized lot of Mormons about 4 blocks east of me, and they get around. Toronto is apparently a mission site for them - why I don't know? As a woman over 40, I find it odd to see all these guys running around with their name badges saying "Elder this" and "Elder That". Could you at least wait until you are 25 before you become my "Elder"? Nice enough guys, just not interested.

We also have the Portuguese Pentecostals from the end of the street papering "Are you saved" signs in 3 languages, hoping to get people to attend their service (in Portuguese, with English and Spanish translations). They came to my door the other day.

Finally we get the Jehovahs Witnesses. Most of these are older Portuguese women, standing on the street corners handing out Watchtower, but from time to time we get them coming to the door. My favourite was the young woman who came by 1 saturday morning, trying to convert me. I tried just as hard to convert her to lesbianism. We both left frustrated! :)

How does one convert another woman to lesbianism?

PurplePimpSaber: I had my run-in with these folks earlier this week. Two companies that you need to watch out for: Pinnacle (the one in the article) and Platinum Protection. Their sales practices are questionable at best.

So one of their (Platinum Protection) Utahan salesmen (don't know if he was Mormon or not) came by as my wife and I were moving into our new house. He gave his spiel and it sounded ok. We had a security system but would need to activate a land line to have it monitored, and this guy was hawking a cellular system. So we signed some papers (he tried to fold over the part of the contract that listed the 3-day escape clause, but I knew the law anyways). After he left, we immediately did a google search and found a plethora of horror stories of their questionable business practices. We would experience them firsthand as not 15 minutes after the salesman left, a technician came to install the equipment. We refused, and 10 minutes later, the salesman comes back and pushes hard to have their equipment installed immediately. We refused of course. Had they replaced the existing security equipment, they would not reinstall after removing their equipment and we would have to shell out the cash to have the original re-installed. Their HQ was however surprisingly helpful in cancelling the service.

So, in summary, regardless of their Mormon connection, these are two companies you want to avoid.

Have you noticed that *most* reviews for these security companies are bad? I bet that most of the bad reviews for these companies are the fault of the salesmen themselves. They usually make between $300-600 per sale, so no wonder he came back and tried to get it to go in that day.

I have worked as an installation technician for one of these security companies (not pinnacle or platinum, but very similar in practice) and most of the shady stuff is done by shady individuals, not really the security company itself. There were some salesmen that were very respectable and that I really liked but some were utter douchebags who really tried to do ANYthing to get the sale, even leave out major details of the contracts.

But all in all, every one of these companies is very similar in monitoring pricing and business tactics, especially the big guns like ADT, APX, Pinnacle, etc.

Can't believe this hasn't been posted yet..

hnic17: Evil Canadian: I get a lot of knocks on my door from various religious folks. There is a good sized lot of Mormons about 4 blocks east of me, and they get around. Toronto is apparently a mission site for them - why I don't know? As a woman over 40, I find it odd to see all these guys running around with their name badges saying "Elder this" and "Elder That". Could you at least wait until you are 25 before you become my "Elder"? Nice enough guys, just not interested.

We also have the Portuguese Pentecostals from the end of the street papering "Are you saved" signs in 3 languages, hoping to get people to attend their service (in Portuguese, with English and Spanish translations). They came to my door the other day.

Finally we get the Jehovahs Witnesses. Most of these are older Portuguese women, standing on the street corners handing out Watchtower, but from time to time we get them coming to the door. My favourite was the young woman who came by 1 saturday morning, trying to convert me. I tried just as hard to convert her to lesbianism. We both left frustrated! :)

How does one convert another woman to lesbianism?

I think the victim has to ingest blood of a Master Lesbian, then after a few days of lying around in bed with the curtains drawn, rises amidst lacy things and fluffy pink pillows with a rapacious hunger that must be satisfied immediately.

My first and last experience with a Jehovah's Witnesses was when I first moved into a new neighborhood (moved since then) a JW Man and his kid came up to my door. You have to keep in mind that about 30 minutes or so before he had come I had taken allergy pills was so sleepy I probably looked doped out, I also had been sleeping on the couch so I was really groggy and out of it. I heard a knock at my door and in my medicated state I answered the door. The guy rambled on really fast about his God, I was so out of it that I didn't really hear a darn thing and nodded and mumbled. He quickly shoved pamphlets into my hand and almost ran away from my house with his kid in tow. I then threw the pamphlets in the trash and fell back asleep on the couch. I woke up thinking I had had the weirdest dream of my life, that was until I looked in the trash, and found out it had been real. From then on the Jehovah's Witnesses left my house alone. To this day I still get a big chuckle out of it.

Beeblebrox: swangoatman: wage0048: "CAN I TELL YOU ABOUT JESUS??".



Not a lot of talk about Jesus in Genesis.
IT's where the story begins...in prophesy,or did you miss that part in the movie? And of course the conversation God had with Jesus about making mankind.The whole..you know...beginning thingy...maybe someone could pinpoint the date on the Mayan book of dates before it's too late?