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Drew sets Fark's betting lines for this week's news; place your bets or set your own odds. Also, some of our favorite Headlines of the Week from 7/19 - 7/25
Posted by Drew at 2009-07-27 11:25:17 AM, edited 2009-07-27 1:09:10 PM (63 comments) | Permalink
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Summertime is always difficult for the media, since not too much really happens. Make no mistake, important stuff is happening, but not enough of it to really keep a 24-hour news cycle going. For that reason, you can expect a whole lot of Not News in the next several weeks. This will include local newspapers writing about their colorful neighborhood characters, sports writers hypothesizing about unlikely situations that involve their home teams, and network television's favorite topic: Things That Will Kill You.
In politics, you likely won't hear anything at all this week except the healthcare debate. Congress breaks soon and Obama wants action quickly, but there's a metric assload of money associated with it (on both sides of the aisle), so expect the debate about it to rage long and loud and stupid. A lot of people stand to lose if that sacred cow is slaughtered, so remember, no matter what anybody says, it's about the money.
By far, the most entertaining story that will come out this week (no later than tomorrow, likely) will be 4chan vs. AT&T, in which AT&T will be playing the role of the Police Chief and 4chan will be playing the role of Project Mayhem. Update: since this was first greenlit the issue has been resolved, here's hoping some foolishness will result anyhow)
We're setting the betting line again on stories you might hear this week, and dropping odds on which ones will probably shake out and which ones won't:
- First NFL arrest of the preseason (3:1)
- Obscure town gets media coverage for creating a new "world's largest" food item, royally pissing off starving people in countries with no food, like England (7:1)
- Story involving nudity, alcohol, and office supplies (3:1)
- Story involving nudity, alcohol and tasered genitalia (4:1)
- Florida involved in either of the two stories above (1:1)
- Semi-hot teacher nails underage student like a squeaky floorboard in a woodshop (3:2)
- Media dusts off "West Nile Virus will kill you" story from 2008 (4:1)
- Hot white girl abduction newsflash (9:1)
- A tragic reminder of the dangers of drinking and rafting (6:1)
- Darwin award + "alcohol may have been a factor" (2:1)
- Researchers announce findings of groundbreaking study: People Like Sex (7:1)
- Head of AT&T dismayed to find nude photos of himself all over the internet (5:1)
The betting window is now open.
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-07-19 to Sat 2009-07-25:
Man carrying cross from Maine to Mexico upsets locals, Pontius Pilate
Astronauts perform spacewalk on Apollo 11 anniversary, since moonwalk would have been tacky, too soon
Baby born at burger joint. That's one small fry to go
California court rules that state can now ban nude sunbathing at all California state beaches; nudist group says its members will be a-peelin'
Acupuncture helps women conceive. Wouldn't be the first time that conception involved a little prick
Woman's body found in machine at McDonald's food processing plant. Corporate officials ask for a moment of soylents
♫ When I find my mouth in times of trouble, Rosa's chair for gums and teeth. Screeching drills on wisdoms...dentistry ♫
Research shows adults forget three things a day, such as where they put their house keys, charging their mobile phones, and something else
Man delivers pizzas to top of Chicago skyscraper, attempting to set record for highest pizza delivery; Guinness rejects record, saying pizzas have been delivered high since at least the 1970s
John Barry, inventor of WD-40, dies. Rust in Peace
German porn star furious after her name is placed on the ballot without her consent, as politics would ruin her reputation
Indians finally release Kobayashi, say they were tired of him always getting them into no-win situations
Memphis Grizzlies agree to terms with Thabeet, continue negotiations with Yesyesyall and Youdontstop
Before you get all outraged that Michael Vick is only getting a 4 game suspension, take note that it's a 28 game suspension in dog years
A large jet-black spot has suddenly appeared near the south pole of Jupiter. This is not a repeat from 2010
MSN Soapbox, Microsoft's YouTube killer, to be shut down. Customers expected to lose access to literally megabytes of irreplaceable videos
Ion engine ships may power quick trips to Mars. Formations may look something like this: |-o-| [-o-] |-o-|
Heath Ledger's NYC apartment building sold for $15 million at foreclosure auction. Why SoHo serious?
Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick to separate; and here we thought their relationship was stable
Brad Pitt doesn't believe in God, despite having regular sex with Angelina Jolie
Kirk considering a run for Obama's old Senate seat, still weighing the pros and Khaaaaaaaaaaaaaaans
The National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance has jumped to the defence of Obama's Surgeon General nominee. Wait, jumped?
House Demaocrats quit stalin, announce a great leap forward in their five year plan to produce a cultural revolution in our nation's remarxably inefficient healthcare system
International Mozarteum Foundation announces discovery of two new works composed by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Suck it, Tupac
Phil Spector's first wife missing, but he's got a good alibi this time
Beastie Boys replaced by Jay-Z at All Points West. There hasn't been a substitution this bad since Sarah Chalke replaced Lecy Goranson on Roseanne
New York criticized for lack of slaughterhouses - even though they do have Newburgh, Troy, Utica and wherever the Mets play in September
Seagate's revenue imitates its hard drives, crashes
Chrysler to Match "Cash for Clunkers" incentive. Coincidentally, this is going to be Chrysler's new sales event motto
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