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(St Augustine)   Door to door magazine salesman cusses out people that don't order from him   ( divider line
    More: Florida  
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7334 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Feb 2003 at 5:58 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

101 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-02-25 01:45:55 PM  
That guy would have four big dogs on him in about two seconds if he was banging on my door.
2003-02-25 02:29:19 PM  
I've had a few salesmen that were pretty agressive, but thankfully, not this agressive. Scary.
2003-02-25 02:40:05 PM  
...the salesman mockingly introduced himself as "the kid you ordered on the Internet."

Hee hee. He's angry AND funny.
2003-02-25 03:09:46 PM  
Jamaican me crazy......I just wanted to ax you a queshun'.
2003-02-25 03:17:09 PM  
Must have got his training as wood carving seller in Jamaica. Those guys never give up.
2003-02-25 03:30:56 PM  
It took three deputies to force him onto the trunk of a patrol car.

"Might I suggest a nightstick officer?"

2003-02-25 04:05:44 PM  
Why were they putting him in the trunk?
2003-02-25 04:27:53 PM  
DownSouth ... perhaps to spare him the embarrasment of being seen.

[/slaps knee]
2003-02-25 04:43:18 PM  
Bump you crack me up. Where to you come up with this crap?
2003-02-25 05:13:46 PM  
"Retort's Digest." (Some guy came to my door and sold me a 5 year subscription.)
2003-02-25 05:26:10 PM  
Yeah I've had salesmen like this come to my door before. He says something along the lines of "Please buy 5 years of Reader's Digest...or I'll be BACK OUT ON THE STREETS RAPING, KILLING, AND DOING DRUGS!!

So there's an implied threat there.
2003-02-25 05:36:44 PM  
SmoothTex Me too. We had these two girls come up (my wife answered the door) and said something along the lines of: "well if we can't sell enough magazines at your front door, we could be coming in the back door" We called the poe leece. Another kid tried to get all urban with me ("yo yo yo main, wazzup???) an approach that does not work with me. So I busted a cap in hiz ayuss, boyeeeeee.

[/old, white AND busted]
2003-02-25 05:43:56 PM  
Bump and SmoothTex, I've gotten that same spiel as well. One kept talking even after I shut the door.

I'm not opening the door anymore unless it is one of the neighborhood kids.
2003-02-25 06:04:18 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

2003-02-25 06:06:38 PM  
Waving a gun to let salespeople know yer not there's an idea!
2003-02-25 06:07:13 PM  
Ken Lewis looks like a nerd.....oh wait, i do too.
2003-02-25 06:07:43 PM  
Damn Tina Brown.
2003-02-25 06:08:44 PM  
I simply answer the door naked. This scares off all kinds of no-goodniks. Salesmen, Mormons, Girl Scouts, none of those bastards darken my doorstep any more. Especially those religious kooks. One look at my shrivelled sack and flaccid schlong sends them to the Jehovah's Witness Protection Program.
2003-02-25 06:08:57 PM  
I hate the approach that says "Hi, I just moved into the complex last week and I'm out meeting my neighbors." to which we say "Yeh, which # are you in?" and more often than not get "420 maaaaaaaaan" as the response.

Then there are the girls that try to flirt with my hubby and the guys that try to flirt with me...and of course the guys that get all touchy feely wanting to high five you and shake your hand and hug you and shiat like that.
Sometimes we act like we want to buy magazines, and get them grinning, but always ask for something obscure that doesn't exist like Furryfest Monthly.
2003-02-25 06:09:28 PM  
you got to admit though, he wanted to close the deal real bad.
2003-02-25 06:10:53 PM  
Poeple don't do that when you live out in the sticks. They'd probably get shot.

Mormons are a different story around here. They wake you up if you're sleeping in past 9:00 A.M. trying to sermonize you. I hate that. so, I've found that if you open the door in your underwear with the ol' morning wood they go away. The look on their faces is priceless!
2003-02-25 06:11:00 PM  
That actually happend to me once because I didn't give the guy from "Crime Stoppers" money. he yelled,
"Don't you give a fark? Don't you care about this neighbourhood?"

I laughed. What a flake. A neighbourhood full of mom's and seniors, WE'RE ALL HOME fark-KNUCKLE!
2003-02-25 06:11:28 PM  
"A B C. A Always, B Be, C Closing. Always be closing. ALWAYS be closing! You hear me you cocksuckers?"
2003-02-25 06:12:09 PM  
"When GRIT salesmen Attack", coming soon to FOX.
2003-02-25 06:12:27 PM  
The image of the guy who sold magazines door to door in Office Space came to mind when I read that article. Hehe...I love that movie.

2003-02-25 06:12:50 PM  
"Thompson grabbed one [officer] by the neck after his hands were locked."

How on earth...
2003-02-25 06:13:17 PM  
glad I don't live in your neighbourhood, it sounds more than odd.
2003-02-25 06:13:24 PM  
We told one of those magazine guys we would only buy if they had high times. He said that they didn't sell that one, but if we let him in he would get us high. He had some good smoke, and when he was really high he told us it was all a con. That the checks would be cashed and you would never get any magazines. What a bunch of Bull Shiat. Good smoke though. Uh oh, Ashcroft's comin for me, gotta go.
2003-02-25 06:14:20 PM  
Ida dusted that thar ******
2003-02-25 06:16:34 PM  
He's in my weight class.
And, after a zillion reps, I'm used to giving the left jab upward.
2003-02-25 06:18:29 PM  
when someone came to my house they used the 'flirty hot girl' approach. I bought two subscriptions. :(
2003-02-25 06:20:23 PM  
"Mormons are a different story around here. They wake you up if you're sleeping in past 9:00 A.M. trying to sermonize you. I hate that. so, I've found that if you open the door in your underwear with the ol' morning wood they go away. The look on their faces is priceless!"

I suspect that you're making this up, unless you are somehow aroused by 19-year-old men wearing white shirts and ties.
2003-02-25 06:20:48 PM  
Bah! This guy's an amateur! To be really effective, he should do this:

Show up at the target's door with an order form in one hand, a live squirrel hanging by its throat from his mouth, a wild, menacing stare in his eyes, and a note that says "Buy my magazines, or Chippy the Happy Dancing Squirrel gets it!" Having the theme from Halloween playing in the background wouldn't hurt, either.

I mean, if you're going to get arrested, at least give 'em something to remember you by!
2003-02-25 06:20:54 PM  
Step into my office.
Cause you're farking fired!
2003-02-25 06:22:00 PM  
The guy who showed his gun to make him go away deserves the HERO tag.

10X much more so if he actually used it...
2003-02-25 06:22:06 PM  
Who in the hell opens their door to strangers?? That's nuts. I don't open my door at all unless I know someone's coming over, and even then I like to have them call me a few minutes before they arrive.

Of course, I've been subpeoned a few times, maybe that has something to do with it...

(sitting in the dark with the TV off)
2003-02-25 06:23:22 PM  
This guy's been running his scam for weeks now. (Yes, I live in St. Augustine.) Nobody's buying his line anymore, which probably frustrated the hell out of him. If he'd listened to the radio he would have know this and moved on to the next town.
2003-02-25 06:25:33 PM  
Just a sec ago, I was reminded of this:

Lots of people suckered into "subscription teams", and woe be to those who do not make their daily "quota", 'cuz the foreman's not a forgiving kinda guy. Think of a cross between fagin from "Oliver" and the warden from "I Am A Fugitive From a Georgia Chain Gang".

Methinks our hero was in such a "team" and knew that unless he scored a sale that day, he was in for another dance with foreman's friend, Mister Tazer, and a good night's rest upside down in the motel shower stall.
2003-02-25 06:25:52 PM  
Hello, I'd like to order a subscription to "Shut The F**k Up You Stupid MotherF**ker Monthly.
2003-02-25 06:26:35 PM  
My brother had a magazine salesman stop by his apartment. My brother said that he didnt want any magazines, so when he closed the door the salesman drew a set of male genitalia on the door.
2003-02-25 06:29:42 PM  
I too immediately thought of poor Orlando Jones from Office Space...
2003-02-25 06:30:21 PM  
These ultra-agressive door to door salesmen are brave. All it takes is for one gun-owning homeowner to feel that his home and family are threatened for the piece to come out and for some bodies to turn cold.

Fortunately Darwinism is at play here...
2003-02-25 06:31:46 PM  
After about a year of answering the door with a .45 (1911) in hand I have seen a noticable drop in the number of people trying to sell me shiat.

One year alone I had at least 10 different girl scouts and damn if they don't get them Jr. High kids to sell subscriptions for stupid (and almost worthless) prizes.

I actually had an old guy one time that just kept knocking on the farking door to sell me candy I didn't want. After about 30 minutes of it I opened the door with a shotgun in hand. It had to be ten minutes after that I had the police knocking on my door, so what the fark do I do? Open the door with a shotgun in hand again. They didn't think it was funny. The guy told them I had said that I was going to kill him. The cops asked me if that was true, I said yes.

That was a long night in the police station. I never did get my shotgun back.


2003-02-25 06:33:15 PM  
My wife is hilarious. When those guys on the bikes from the Jehovahs witnesses show up. She says, "I worship the Devil" and yells "Honey, sacrifice another baby tonight...the Jehovahs witnesses are here!" I love her.
2003-02-25 06:37:06 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

"F--- you, that's my name. You know why mister? Because you drove a Hyundai to get here tonight and I drove an eighty thousand dollar BMW. That's my name."
2003-02-25 06:39:47 PM  
I think people should have the right to beat up anyone who goes door to door selling stuff.

"I got your subscription RIGHT HERE!"
2003-02-25 06:40:52 PM  
02-25-03 06:20:23 PM Mr_Crink
"Mormons are a different story around here. They wake you up if you're sleeping in past 9:00 A.M. trying to sermonize you. I hate that. so, I've found that if you open the door in your underwear with the ol' morning wood they go away. The look on their faces is priceless!"

I suspect that you're making this up, unless you are somehow aroused by 19-year-old men wearing white shirts and ties.

No I am not making this up. No, 19 year old guys do not not turn me on. Yes I wake up with a hardon every morning like clockwork. If my wife were here she would vouch for that.

I don't know about you but I thought morning wood was normal.
2003-02-25 06:42:13 PM  
I've actually had one of those magazine sales guys come to my door before.. some 'college kid' selling magainzes for prizes or some shiat. Guy came buy four days in a row while my husband was gone. The fourth time I watched him in a van across the street through the window. As soon as my husband left, he got out and came to my door. He pounded on it for a good 10 minutes, then I finally answered the door. Told him for the fourth time that I didn't want anything and if he continued to harrass me, I would be calling the police. He cussed me out... big time. I slammed the door in his face. He pounded on my door for another ten minutes. I ended up calling the cops. Three neighbors heard him and called as well. One neighbor, in his stupidity, warned the guy he had called the cops. The sales guy booked. I would have liked to have seen his ass carted off, but thankfully, he never came back.
2003-02-25 06:45:12 PM  
02-25-03 06:12:09 PM Korag_The_Nasty
"When GRIT salesmen Attack", coming soon to FOX

HAHAHAH you know GRIT. umm, i've heard of it.
2003-02-25 06:45:33 PM  
Ah, door to door salespukes.

I got tricked into applying for that job once. Vacuum cleaner company. Ad said "carpet cleaners/environmental technicians wanted"--I thought it was that kind of a job where a customer calls in and says "Clean my carpet", I go "yes sir", drive over in the company van, pull out the shampooer, clean the carpet, pick up contract, go home. No, that was just Lie 1.

Pretty amusing, I kept my patience long enough to go on a run with them. Well, actually, not really but I went on the run anyway. Ex-Actor Recruiting Bunghole does not know how lucky he was to not have been in the building when I finally figured out what was going on. Anyway, by this point I knew exactly how strong that vacuum was. (STRONG) Experienced SalesTwat(my supposed "mentor") is trying to talk Customer with Antique Upholstered Chairs into buying, and wants to demonstrate that the vac can easily transition from a floor upright to a one-handed canister. I take one look, and say I aint doing it, the machine is too strong. It'll suck the weave right out of the upholstery. SalesTwat tells me to do it anyway.

VWAWP! One fuxored antique chair.

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