Obviously he has to have one enemy.

AHHHH, COBRAS!!!

When 30-year-old Joseff Calhoun opened up a package last week, a deadly cobra popped out of the plastic foam.

He should've known. It was sent Fed Exssssssss.

Too bad it didn't come out of a cash register. That would've been a great simpsons crossover.

Hey, that's what happens when you subscribe to the Snake Of The Month Club.

/got nothin'

Steve Irwin says,"Crickey, he sure is a fussy bugger. What a beut-. I think I'll stick my thumb up his bottom...."

*ding dong*
"Cobra-gram!"

Hey, now look. How do we know that's it is deadly and spitting. We've just stereotyped it because it's a cobra, but that doesn't allow us to automatically assume that it spits and it is deadly. Cobras get a bad rap like this because of all the negative press some rotten apples have....

What?

Oh.

The man was quoted as saying, "I don't like spiders and snakes and that ain't what it takes to love me, like I wanna be loved by you."

Was he married?

/vague reference to another thread, wherein it was stated that "women are snakes"

Numberz Actually, this thread proves that married women are snakes - they spit too.

..this reminds me of a PS thread.

I have one of those. Except it hasn't killed anyone yet, and it only spits at you if you rub it for a while.

A message from Cobra-lalalallaallalala!

Then some guys clawed out of the ground started playing guitars and the drums kicked in and the mailbox exploded. It was totally awesome.

Ah yes, the old spitting cobra in the mail trick.

Say hello to my little friend. Ptoo!

Where are the Joes when you need them?

Opening your mail and finding a snake. That really bites.

......Dear Steve Erwin fan club. I would like to formally request you please take me off your uberfan list as I have had a problem with the latest free samples.....

He should be thankful it wasn't a swarm of screw worms.

COLESLAW.. i have one of those too, darn thing has only one eye too!

Damn you Saddam! Damn you and your snake army!

I would guess they didn't send a mustang because that would take a much larger box.

just yesterday I received three books from Amazon. Mail is fun.

Spitting cobra bite. Owwwie

you know how much that thing is WORTH!!!???

FirstBornApproximation: now THAT - was funny.
Really

Hmmmm, now why did they ship my DVD in such a large and thermally insulated box.

I remember seeing that crazy bastard The Crocodile Hunter do a show about these! They spit what is basically acid at you... he was wearing sunglasses while being spat at. Let me see if I can dig up a picture.

If it had been a python, I'm sure he would have been in a bind.

Every other joke I could think of off the top of my head had already been used ;)

Bah, the best I could do:

The ol' spitting cobra in the mail trick - there's a sucker born every minute

AAH! Cobras! Cobras!
Just night terrors, ma'am.

Well, at least it was just a spitting cobra. If he had been mailed a king cobra, and he killed it, I'm sure a new "War of the Snakes" would begin.

There, I thought up another.

Cockpit, Snakepit.
Serpent in a dop kit.

Earhart, Loud fart.
Who sent me this shiat?

If it had been a Pythbon he woulda' got the full Monty.

The only thing my cobra ever spat was oil out the head gasket.

The man did hear a hissing sound in the package but, though suspicious, decided it was okay, because a bomb would have ticked.

Ahhh yesssss.....The old wanger with fangs.

I think I'll cut a hole in the bottom of a box and set it on my lap and stick my penis through it into some foam and then I'm going to open the box and act surprised. Hmmm, then what could I do?

"He should've known. It was sent Fed Exssssssss."

that was horroble Bump

That was just a press kit from Scotland promoting the new up and coming sport of shirling ( sorry for the obscure kids in the hall reference )

I was talking to my mom earlier today on the phone, just chitchatting the way mothers and daughters do. She kept yelling at her dogs because they were yapping their little heads off. Bark bark bark bark nonstop. She was telling them to stop and scolding them, when all of a sudden, she let out this blood curdling scream. Her scream caught me totally off guard. My mother was screaming bloody farking murder. I had never ever in my 37 years heard my mother scream such a scream. I thought one of her dog's body must be splattered across the living room wall with pools of blood settling on her granite. The girl can scream. Turns out there was a snake in her hallway.

Now if Tomax, Xamot, Zartan and the Dreadnoks show up at his front door, that is a story.

Yooooooooooo Joe!