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Drew sets the betting line for news stories coming up this week: Embarrassing keg stand photos of Sotomayor are the longshot at 207:1. Also, some of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week from 7/5 - 7/11 
Posted by Drew at 2009-07-13 12:49:55 PM (36 comments) | Permalink
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5871 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Jul 2009 at 2:00 PM (5 years ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Lots happening in the news last week, but very little of it original. Michael Jackson is still dead -- for now, at least -- nobody is sure how Iran will shake out, and North Korea's tantrums are comical, and with Kim Jong Il being sick with possible pancreatic cancer and having only two weeks
six months
five years to live, the speculation could last a while.

But the media doesn't need to worry about any of that, because they're sitting pretty with a full week of Sotomayor confirmation hearings. Also, publicists are working overtime for the summer movies, so expect more bullshiat stories about anybody related to any of the following upcoming movies: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, The Ugly Truth, Funny People, and Inglourious Basterds. Oh, and Lady Gaga will be in the news again, primarily on the basis of her main talent, which is being in the news.

More than ever, it helps to have a handy guide to let you know what to look for, so this week Fark is setting the betting line on stories you will might hear this week, and dropping odds on which ones will probably shake out and which ones won't:

- Shark attack makes national news (2:1)

- Said shark attack does not involve actual injury except to surfboard (4:1)

- Dubious connection made between Michael Jackson's death and global warming (3:2)

- Errant North Korea test rocket inadvertently sinks one of its own ships (85:1)

- Fairly hot female teacher taps underage student like he was a fraternity keg (3:2)

- Shaquille O'Neal practices with Cleveland Cavaliers, promptly injures finger tweeting it (3:1)

- Nudity + driving arrest (5:4)

- Major scientific breakthrough rescinded two days after being announced (9:1)

- Female entertainer suggests she likes to play for both teams *wink* (3:2)

- A tragic reminder of the dangers of car surfing (5:1)

- Darwin award + "alcohol may have been a factor" (2:1)

- Embarrassing keg stand photos of Sotomayor revealed during confirmation (207:1)

So that's all we have for now. Place your bets, we may have a busy week.

Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2009-07-05 to Sat 2009-07-11:

img1.fark.net  Midgets call on the FCC to legally, most regally, reliably, certifiably, undeniably ban the word Midget    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Man has five kidneys. Says he'd rather have five penises so his pants would fit like a glove    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Cops cite a woman after she was singing an expletive-filled N.W.A. song. Talk about a bad rap    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Two-year-old boy's body stolen from grave; authorities dispatched to the Staples Center as a precautionary measure    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Drunken farm tractor driver leads police on slow chase; police await official results of BAC test, but expect driver was really plowed    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  "Baby Floats Recalled." Maybe the root beer was too warm and the babies melted    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Orlando among the worst on list of cities with best drivers. Submitter laughs at these bad drivers, and can even post on Fark while d    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  There is a wallaby loose in Muncie, Indiana. Last seen hanging out with a turtle and a cow near a comic book store    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Dead in Chicago suburb rise from the grave. You'd think it was election day    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Patronizing Tijuana hookers while on drugs may be unhealthy, according to Dr. N.S. Sherlock, of the Doy Institute    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Gay couple handcuffed and cited for trespassing after one kissed the other on the cheek in the Mormon temple plaza. Church officials say they've never seen such an inappropriate display in all their wives    img.fark.net


Sports:

img1.fark.net  Indians GM: Wedge's job safe for rest of year. After helping blow up two Death Stars, it should be    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Horse dies in chuckwagon race. Failed to escape from family dog by running under dining room table    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Monica Seles gets to take a stab at a Hall of Fame acceptance speech    img.fark.net


Geek:

img1.fark.net  New device monitors your heart rate and posts it on Twitter. If only they had these when Abe Vigoda was alive    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Good language skills in your youth may stave off Alzheimer's later. Good news for us people who have a way with words, not so much for those of you who...um...not have way, I guess    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  New software lets you send voice-activated text messages from your cell phone. Finally, a way to use your voice on your cell phone    img.fark.net


Showbiz:

img1.fark.net  Al Sharpton demands "Michael Jackson" postage stamp, so little boys can lick him    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  ♫ Spider bite ♫ Spider bite ♫ It was just an injection site ♫ Drug abuse, he denied ♫ But it seems MJ lied ♫ Look out ♫ That's not a spider bite ♫  

img1.fark.net  Austrians think Bruno is pretty funny. But then, they also think Vegemite is edible    img.fark.net


Politics:

img1.fark.net  White House, hospitals reach deal on health care. Vice President Joe Biden announced the deal at the White House today, so expect a retraction from Obama shortly    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  John the Maverick, Caribou Barbie, Joe the Plumber and now Fireman Frank. This isn't a political party, it's an episode of Pee Wee's Playhouse    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  NY Times reveals that it was Cheney who ordered the CIA to lie to Congress. This revelation is about as surprising as a totally unsurprising thing that isn't at all suprising    img.fark.net


Music:

img1.fark.net  "Nine Inch Nails announce intimate US shows." Intimate like an animal, I hope    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  George Fullerton, the musician who helped Leo Fender create his guitars, dies at the age of 86. I'm gonna pick up my Rock Band Fender Stratocaster and play you a song. Red blue, green, blue, orange. That was for you, buddy    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Jay-Z close to signing a book deal. It's got 99 chapters, but a page ain't one    img.fark.net


Business:

img1.fark.net  Oil under $60 on news that Obama and Sarkozy reach 17-year Brazilian drilling agreement    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Walgreen's opens first Alaskan store in Wasilla after it became obvious last year that the community needed greater access to birth control and magazines    img.fark.net

img1.fark.net  Rent-to-own stores thriving in latest proof that Americans aren't getting any better at math    img.fark.net
· · ·
(view entire blog)


36 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2009-07-13 01:11:36 PM
Yay! I got a headline of the week! :) I'm honored.
 
2009-07-13 01:14:47 PM
- Errant North Korea test rocket inadvertently sinks one of its own ships (85:1)

Buahahahahahahaha! I'll put $20 on this!
 
2009-07-13 01:16:39 PM
Pffftt... What's with the insta-green?!? I AM SICK OF THIS FAVORITISM WITH CERTAIN SUBMITTERS!@!1!
 
2009-07-13 01:18:34 PM
I ASSumed there would be a conga line of young men claiming to have been buggered by MJ coming out of the woodwork by now.
 
2009-07-13 01:18:50 PM
Two headlines this week. I am most pleased
 
2009-07-13 01:40:29 PM
HaywoodJablonski: Two headlines this week. I am most pleased

"drilling agreement" is pure comedy gold. Political, topical, tropical and leaves you with a refreshing image of hot Brazillian ass.

10/10.
 
2009-07-13 01:40:29 PM
0 weeks 1 week since mistaking the one minority quarterback for another.
 
2009-07-13 01:42:14 PM
Said shark attack does not involve actual injury except to surfboard (4:1)

Of all the bets, this is the one I hope I see. Nothing better than a shark attack story where there's just the bite out of the surfboard.
 
2009-07-13 01:43:06 PM
Barnacles!: Yay! I got a headline of the week! :) I'm honored.

The headline should have been shorter.
 
2009-07-13 01:48:30 PM
Mrshowrules: thank you, sir.
 
2009-07-13 02:05:53 PM
I'd like to take bets on this. Is there a real pool or is this more of a gentleman's bet?

Either way, I'll take:
$20 - Nudity + driving arrest (5:4)
$10 - Embarrassing keg stand photos of Sotomayor revealed during confirmation (207:1)
 
2009-07-13 02:06:56 PM
why can't we vote on TFD headlines?
 
2009-07-13 02:06:58 PM
cup of tea: - Errant North Korea test rocket inadvertently sinks one of its own ships (85:1)

Buahahahahahahaha! I'll put $20 on this!


North Korea has ships?
 
2009-07-13 02:08:43 PM
Cool...my Biden headline made the cut.
 
2009-07-13 02:13:54 PM
I think Drew should put the wagers up on something like blubet.com or something
 
2009-07-13 02:16:55 PM
My headline prediction for this week: Palin Accepts Appointment as new Iranian President

Something for everyone!
 
2009-07-13 02:17:04 PM
The Al Sharpton h/l has my vote. v/v/sick, v/v/funny!
 
2009-07-13 02:18:35 PM
- Female entertainer suggests she likes to play for both teams *wink* (3:2)

Do the odds change if we correctly guess which female entertainer?

I got $20 on the obvious attention whore.
 
2009-07-13 02:25:50 PM
- Nudity + driving arrest (5:4)

Add Florida, and the odds fall to 1:3
 
2009-07-13 02:32:26 PM
I recently interviewed the guy who took Sotomayor's virginity. Good story, but no keg stands.
 
2009-07-13 02:35:23 PM
mrapier: why can't we vote on TFD headlines?

enormous potential for abuse?

[ADVICE] Is it "inhale, THEN exhale"? Please help, my SO is about to pass out and I can't remember the number for 911 (169)
 
2009-07-13 02:50:48 PM
mrapier: why can't we vote on TFD headlines?

that would be hilarious... back when I was a TFer, I laughed at quite a bit that never made the cut

 
2009-07-13 02:52:01 PM
Kegstands are not that hard if you are shaped like a keg.

/just sayin'
 
2009-07-13 02:54:04 PM
Putting 16:1 odds right now that a possible shark attack story gets blamed on Sotomayor.
 
2009-07-13 02:54:57 PM
mrapier: why can't we vote on TFD headlines?

Princip caught sayof (235)

Please help, so very scared (198)
 
2009-07-13 02:55:54 PM
If a shark attacked Sotomayor, we could have the perfect storm of a headline.
 
2009-07-13 03:01:41 PM
Well, I do have embarrassing keg-stand videos of my former boss [in the office even]. I suppose we could 'shop Sotomayor's face in there. :)
 
2009-07-13 03:02:51 PM
Pythagoras: I'd like to take bets on this. Is there a real pool or is this more of a gentleman's bet?

Either way, I'll take:
$20 - Nudity + driving arrest (5:4)
$10 - Embarrassing keg stand photos of Sotomayor revealed during confirmation (207:1)


We play for the only thing we have, years of service.

z.about.com

I got $5 on: - Fairly hot female teacher taps underage student like he was a fraternity keg (3:2)

/safe bet
 
2009-07-13 03:04:30 PM
Now this is a headline I'd like to see on a t-shirt
 
2009-07-13 03:05:39 PM
BubbaWilkins: Pythagoras: We play for the only thing we have, years months of service.


/FTFM
 
2009-07-13 03:06:01 PM
No odds on a celeb dying this week?

Photoshopping embarrasing Sotomayer pics would make a good PS contest.
 
2009-07-13 03:15:31 PM
- Dubious connection made between Michael Jackson's death and global warming (3:2)

somebody just shop the pirates/global warming image so that it shows the awareness of global warming rise as michael jackson's popularity lowers, and then put why does michael jackson hate global warming, and then submit it for a green
 
2009-07-13 04:24:00 PM
/knows someone w/ semi-embarassing pics of Sotomayor
//true
///not keg stand, though
 
2009-07-13 07:19:20 PM
Speaking of headlines popping up,what happened to SOMALI PIRATES?
Did they just quit or did we quietly sink their boats and execute them all? Oh, and take their money,rape their women and children,and pillage their homes....ARRRR!
 
2009-07-13 10:06:17 PM
Yup, i'm a headline of the week
 
2009-07-14 10:00:23 AM
This.. ::sniff:: is a great honour. Thank you!
 
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