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(60 Minutes)   Andy Rooney wants NASA to dig a tunnel to Australia, heat his home with lava and dump the rocks on the moon   ( divider line
    More: Obvious  
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7317 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Feb 2003 at 6:21 PM (14 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

65 Comments     (+0 »)

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2003-02-24 01:16:21 PM  
well, there's two minutes of my life i'll never get back.
2003-02-24 01:18:33 PM  
I hope that story was a joke.
2003-02-24 01:22:47 PM  
Ahhh. The center of the Earth, a place where no women are allowed....
</Andy Rooney Channeling>
2003-02-24 01:31:50 PM  
Oh Andy, your senile dementia just keeps reaching new heights.
2003-02-24 01:41:35 PM  
[image from too old to be available]

"Rusty cars are driven by criminals and perverts. Ask any cop in any town, and he'll tell you, 'Rusty cars and the people who drive them are no farking good.'"

"If I had beautiful feet like that Latoya Jackson, I'd probably sit around and look at them all the time. And touch them lovingly. But I don't."

"'Jock itch,' they call it. Well I'm not a jock, and I get itchy. And why do men get powder, and women get ointment? I'd like some good ointment for my masculine itches."

"They say half of the homeless people in New York are mentally ill. Well I don't know about that, but I do know they're probably pretty nutritious."

* not affiliated with the cbs news personality of same name & appearance
2003-02-24 02:20:42 PM  
What a nutcase. What was the point of that? I wonder what ridiculous amount of money he gets paid to write like a chimp?
2003-02-24 02:25:50 PM  
Eh, Andy Rooney seems like an idiot, but I get a chuckle every time I hear him. Everybody has an uncle like this. Ply him with a couple of shots of bourbon, and he's off on a tangent that even your 90-year-old grandmother rolls her eyes at.
2003-02-24 02:34:30 PM  
He's one of the last guys on TV that won the war for you. Show some respect. Blithering idiot or not.
2003-02-24 03:06:48 PM  
I love it when the Obvious tag is used like this ;-)
2003-02-24 03:18:49 PM  
I love it when Howard makes fun of Andy Rooney...I just thought I would share that with you.
2003-02-24 04:26:50 PM  
Yes Knochen, I like that too, but I like it more when he makes fun of Charles Grodin's piss poor attempts at being the next Andy Rooney, but his segments never actually even come close to making any kind of point at all.
2003-02-24 04:34:37 PM  
Yeah? Well I want NASA to knit a giant sling from Andy Rooney's eyebrow hair and sling this journalistic charpe' into orbit.

Who's with me?
2003-02-24 06:24:07 PM  
Why not? The Moon is just a dumb rock in the sky.
2003-02-24 06:26:37 PM  
I think Andy makes a lot of sense.
2003-02-24 06:27:15 PM  
Ahhh...the endless wit and wisdom that is Andy Rooney.
2003-02-24 06:28:05 PM  
Wildncrzy14 - The mods changed the tag from weird. I agree it's an improvement.
2003-02-24 06:28:28 PM  
I have heard much better Andy Rooney (and I saw him do this on TV, so it's not just that it's written instead of being said.) I liked the one a couple of weeks ago where he flamed the French for not supporting us: "I've earned the right to disagree with my president about this haven't." Hahahaha. Those old vets--they're a hoot.
2003-02-24 06:29:34 PM  
I interivewed Rooney about a month ago. Nice guy.
2003-02-24 06:31:43 PM  
Please explain the use of the obvious tag.
2003-02-24 06:34:18 PM  
2003-02-24 06:38:49 PM  
The OUTER core is molten, but hte innner core is solid. The mantle is molten, and then there's the crust. I'm not sure if it's wheat or white, but that's not what we're talking about here.
2003-02-24 06:42:21 PM  
Once upon at time, in a galaxy - no, planet - no, country - no, right here. Okay. Once upon a time, right here - no, a long time ago - no, pretty recently. Okay. Not so very long ago, and right here in America, it was considered scandalous and maybe even a bit tittilating to poke fun at America and our government.

Okay, I spent too much time on that, and derailed myself.

Anyway. Used to be that you were skating on thin ice if you acted as though you were making fun of the US government. Rooney is a product of those times. (Anybody remember the *fill in blank here from the period 1952-1976*
2003-02-24 06:44:18 PM  
In a related story, Andy Rooney wants the FBI and the CIA to form a joint coalition to investigate why his adult diapers fill up so fast.
2003-02-24 06:45:15 PM  
**looking for hint that author is using sarcasm**

**still looking**

**still looking for one shred of evidence that Andy Rooney doesn't really think humans could build a tunnel to Sydney**

**still looking**

**drinking heavily**
2003-02-24 06:46:47 PM  
There was a time when Andy was on the cutting edge of societal observation. Once he actually got out into the sunshine and met real people and listened to the sounds of the city.

Now his great mind is turning inward, not unlike his recommendation for NASA. I find a gentle charm in his reverting to the childhood goal of digging a hole to China.
2003-02-24 06:46:49 PM  
Wow, he's pretty damn batshiat
2003-02-24 06:46:57 PM  
02-24-03 06:42:21 PM SpinStopper
Once upon at time, in a galaxy - no, planet - no, country - no, right here. Okay. Once upon a time, right here - no, a long time ago - no, pretty recently. Okay. Not so very long ago, and right here in America, it was considered scandalous and maybe even a bit tittilating to poke fun at America and our government.

As far as I know, the Sedition Act of 1918 is still in effect, providing fines and prison time for anyone convicted of criticizing the government and/or it's actions during time of war.

We're all farked, I tell ya...
2003-02-24 06:53:30 PM  
Did you ever wonder why NASA doesn't just tie a rubber band to a rocket and tie it to the moon? I have. Seems it would be a lot easier for future liftoffs.

2003-02-24 06:54:58 PM  
I wish we could send Andy Rooney to the Earth's core. We could answer the age of scientific question: What would happen to his withered old body more quickly? Compacted to the size of a pencil eraser by the weight of 5.97*10^24 kg or vaporized by the 6000 degrees Celsius temperature.
2003-02-24 06:57:21 PM  
and i was the biggest STAR, in the world!
2003-02-24 06:58:36 PM  
Abig_problem, Andy has reached that point in his career where the only thing he can come up with is biatching about whatever is around now that wasn't around when he finished school. It isn't unusual for aging journalists to sink into this. But watching him has made me uncomfortable for a while, it's sort of descended to the level of watching a sideshow geek happily biting the head off a chicken.
2003-02-24 06:59:16 PM  
help my brain is melting, Andy wtf?
2003-02-24 07:02:10 PM  
Think of all the traffic accidents, Aussies driving on the left and Americans on the right = lots of head on collisions.

All the kangaroos hopping down the tunnel would further complicate matters.

Other than that, this seems as sensible as most things I've seen on Sixty minutes.

p.s. Aussie version of 60min. is even smellier BS than U.S. version.
2003-02-24 07:18:05 PM  
Maximus: Is that even possible?

Remind me not to watch TV when I visit Australia
2003-02-24 07:19:24 PM  
Jimmypop, that was MICKEY Rooney! Oh you knew that, sorry.
2003-02-24 07:24:38 PM  
"Eventually, of course, we'd have a full moon."

Dear god alive.
2003-02-24 07:26:15 PM  
Sounds like ol' Andy has been watching a lot of film previews.
[image from too old to be available]
[image from too old to be available]
[image from too old to be available]
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-24 07:27:38 PM  
I just want to watch Tom Brokaw say "Lovely little lizards lying low leap lovingly lest larger lizards leave later" I hate when people say Ls with the back of their throat. I want pull their tongues out with pliers.

That is all.
2003-02-24 07:28:37 PM  
Undertoad -

Looks like you're having a little problem controlling THE VOLUME OF YOUR OWN VOICE!

2003-02-24 07:35:23 PM  
Remind me not to watch TV when I visit Australia

Consider yourself reminded.

Pay TV is OK but free to air is abysmal crap!
Especially the turgid slime that passes for news and current affairs.
2003-02-24 07:37:16 PM  
While the article is admittedly unfunny, some of you seem like you need to see things like "THE FOLLOWING IS SARCASM" or "THIS IS SATIRE" before you get it. Which is totally self-defeating.
2003-02-24 07:37:17 PM  
At the end of the the day (?)(never mind)...

When all is said and done...

Ok - look. Hey may be senile - I don't know that and neither does any other Farker...but...if he uses his wit and popularity to get just 100 Big-Mac eating Americans off thier mental asse5 and thinking about a better way to give us The Juice - I am all for it - and him.

Ask some poor damn Gatoraid drinking bastard who is sitting on a rock in Jordan, Turkey or Kuhwait waiting for the Pres. to say "Shoot'em!" what he/she thinks about the importance of a bunch of sand and oil wells.

/stepping off my pedestle now...
2003-02-24 07:39:39 PM  
Maximus: I know what you mean. I dunno what I'd watch without the history channel and comedy central :\

Heh, this week's "historical" Onion is hilarious. I LOVE the TV article :)

[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-24 07:44:55 PM  
Rooney's always been a nut. It has nothing to do with age.
2003-02-24 07:52:52 PM  
You guys know that he's joking right?

Or have you never heard of Andy Rooney before?

Picking on a old man. Pathetic.
2003-02-24 07:57:09 PM  
Andy Rooney, proof life stops at 50.
2003-02-24 07:59:31 PM  
I watch the tail end of 60 Minutes every week; I find that the old timer is usually good for a chuckle.

Some people actually take Andy's comments seriously? Pretty much everything he says is tongue-in-cheek, folks...
2003-02-24 08:27:12 PM  
Maybe he is paid by the crazy.
2003-02-24 08:37:08 PM  
[image from too old to be available]
2003-02-24 08:43:28 PM  
02-24-03 07:52:52 PM Confabulat
You guys know that he's joking right?

Yes, I think most of us picked up on that.

You know that most of us are joking right?

/not flaming, really
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