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(Yahoo)   Armageddon is just 57 years away according to Sir Issac Newton   ( divider line
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14917 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Feb 2003 at 5:07 PM (15 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

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2003-02-22 01:21:42 PM  
There's some fine journalism, right there!

After reading the article,

1) I can't make a general summary of what Newton predicted. What day, or week or whenever ... . Did he mention a specific year, or did he wake up in 1660 and say something like "the world will end 400 years from this minute".

(2) I don't know exactly what words Newton used. We need this to determine if he actually said anything at all about the end of the world, or if the ado is about nothing, just fanciful reading of ambiguous statements, as interpreted by tinhat nutburgers (ala the prophecies of Nostradamus).

(3) I don't know what kind of logic (or illogic) he used to arrive at his conclusions. Was it revealed to him by cherubim bearing fiery swords, dressed like the cast of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat", or was it something he calculated scientifically from a theory about the expansion of the sun. Kind of an important question, doncha think?
2003-02-22 01:57:56 PM  
My Eleventy-first birthday.
2003-02-22 03:22:03 PM  
Ok, I have a question. Why does everyone seem to care about when the world is going to end? You can only be right once, and you really don't want to be right. What good is knowing how it all ends? Do all of you people read the end of a book first?
2003-02-22 03:42:36 PM  
Wow, cool! I hope I live long enough to die in it!
2003-02-22 04:42:58 PM  
I don't think he could predict armageddon. But his fig filled cookies are pretty good.
2003-02-22 05:06:43 PM  
The whole thing was just a Fig Newton of his imagination.
2003-02-22 05:10:35 PM  
F*ck Newton.
2003-02-22 05:11:28 PM  
they're not cookies, they're fruited cake.
2003-02-22 05:12:21 PM  
Damn this story! I want my tip back.
2003-02-22 05:12:35 PM  
57 years?!!

2003-02-22 05:13:07 PM  
I always thought it was 'fruit and cake'
2003-02-22 05:13:47 PM  
I heard from a friend that Newton was an absolute c*nt in real life.

And he wore a wig.
2003-02-22 05:13:52 PM  
Why does everyone and their dog have a prediction for the time of the apocalypse? The Bible says that no one knows when Jesus will return. Fools.
2003-02-22 05:14:05 PM  
I doubt I'll be there to see it.
2003-02-22 05:14:13 PM  
"A flood of apples will rain down from the sky many years future. Men will die, women will make pie."
Ike Newton
2003-02-22 05:14:20 PM  
Maybe he was just predicting the making of a really bad movie that doesn't use any of his physics, and got the date wrong by half a century or so.
2003-02-22 05:14:35 PM  
When I wake up and die, that is when the world ends. Until then, I'll have another beer, and pass to the right.

Ah, science decoding the bible. It is so funny.
2003-02-22 05:15:05 PM  
HEY, EVERYBODY! - Armaggedon is just around the corner!!

Just like it has been for the last 3000 or more years.
2003-02-22 05:15:12 PM  
Hmmm, come to think of it, we're likely to be almost completely out of petroleum by that point...
2003-02-22 05:15:14 PM  
Mark your calendars. Then as the big day approaches, charge up the credit cards, or whatever we'll be using to purchase goods and services.
2003-02-22 05:16:30 PM  
Matthew 24:36 and Mark 13:32, in case anyone cared. "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son."
2003-02-22 05:17:25 PM  
Seeing how many of Newton's calculations were actually off, he probably botched this one too.
2003-02-22 05:17:54 PM  
Oh good, I'll be ready to die by then.
2003-02-22 05:18:05 PM  
sir isaa-who-who?
2003-02-22 05:18:13 PM  
This clown got hit in the head by one too many apples.
2003-02-22 05:19:30 PM  
His calculations would have been correct had he known about the Bush factor. Hmmmm, that would bring it to about August 17th - 19th 2003. Hey, that's pretty soon. Better practice kissing your tushie goodbye.

Maybe if everyone writes a letter to the Whitehouse telling him to cut this crap out the world can be saved, then we can get back to some of his more mundane nonesense like trying to abolish abortion.
2003-02-22 05:19:32 PM  
Ahhhh, nothing like predicting the end of the world through some religious text.

Always an accurate thing for a scientist to use religious texts as a benchmark for research.

Good stuff. Next stop? Voodoo as a method of healing.
2003-02-22 05:20:08 PM  
2-22-03 05:10:35 PM

F*ck Newton.


I have a shovel if you're that willing.
2003-02-22 05:20:15 PM  

Actuarial tables suggests I will not be around for it.

I SO wanted to say "I told you so".
2003-02-22 05:20:26 PM  
The world will actually end in 2013. Don't any of you scoffers believe in the Mayan Calendar?

Of course, when 2014 rolls around, all paranoiacs will have no idea what to do with themselves.

But the Christians will be strong in their faith, knowing that Armaggedon and the resulting return of their Lord shall happen. Someday.

He promised, didn't he?
2003-02-22 05:20:28 PM  
Newton, who died in 1727, is best known for discovering gravity

does that mean everyone else was just kinda floating around?
2003-02-22 05:20:35 PM  
I doubt I'll be there to see it.

Young Fart = Not-So-Young Fart?

I must concur with Tomasso. This isn't a news article. It's more like an anecdote. "I heard from a guy who heard it from a guy who thought he overheard some other guy say that Newton said the world was gonna end in 57 years. I think it was Newton. It mighta been 570 years." Yahoo is following the general trend of dumbing things down for the masses who lack the wit to understand and the attention spa...hey, let's go ride out bikes!

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2003-02-22 05:20:50 PM  
Way to not include any real information in the article.

*Official announcement*

The End of the Frickin World alert level is now orange!
2003-02-22 05:21:01 PM  
Oh good, I won't be here.
2003-02-22 05:22:42 PM  
Dec. 21, 2012, actually. I fully intend to see that ^_^
2003-02-22 05:23:21 PM  
Forefather of Classical Physics, not Modern.
2003-02-22 05:23:52 PM  
57 years sounds surprisingly accurate.
2003-02-22 05:24:02 PM  
Me too Serendipity23! I'm planning an "End of the World" cocktail party!!
2003-02-22 05:24:57 PM  
Some say the end is near.
Some say we'll see armageddon soon.
I certainly hope we will.
I sure could use a vacation from this
Bullshiat three ring circus sideshow of freaks.
2003-02-22 05:25:04 PM  
Tomasso: That's exactly what I was thinking when I read the article.
2003-02-22 05:25:26 PM  
"No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son."

Jesus lost his day planner? "I know I'm supposed to go back someday, but I can't remember when. Dammit! Where'd that agenda go? I know I had it when they stuck those nails in my wrists..."

/blasphemy...a wonderful thing

Newton, who died in 1727, is best known for discovering gravity

does that mean everyone else was just kinda floating around?

Newton 'discovered' gravity in the same way explorers discover waterfalls. Sure, the local natives have know about Victoria Falls for generations, but until some berk in a pith helmet shows up, names it after his sovereign and puts it on a map, it's just a hill with water sloshing over it.

But everybody knows that gravity is really a push.
2003-02-22 05:25:29 PM  
Actuarial tables suggests I will not be around for it.

MorteDiem - maybe you should try this instead.
2003-02-22 05:26:57 PM  
Bondith, depends on your point of view I suppose. It's something I got called when I was 16, though.
2003-02-22 05:27:49 PM  
"...The world will end on Feburary 14th, 2016"

"Valentine's Day. Bummer."
2003-02-22 05:28:09 PM  
Oh great, just give more ammo to the fundie assholes who keep justifying their shiat by saying, "Well the world will be ending soon so it doesn't matter."

Like does anybody remember Secretary of the Interior James Watt, who said with a completely straight face to a Senate committee that we should use up all our available resources as fast as we can because the time of Revelation was going to be soon.
2003-02-22 05:28:17 PM  
I think he took one too many apples to the head.
2003-02-22 05:29:11 PM  

Been there, done that.

Last timeI checked, I think I was supposed to be dead like 3 years ago.
2003-02-22 05:30:44 PM  
DarKrow wins the obscure comedy reference award!
2003-02-22 05:31:36 PM  
Thank you, DisneyOnIce
2003-02-22 05:32:21 PM  
Bondith: hey, let's go ride our bikes!

Blatant theft of Dave McBride. I love it...
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