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(London Times)   Police union under fire for writing 102-word sentence in official document, much too difficult to read for a society dumbed down to think in tweets   (timesonline.co.uk ) divider line
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4075 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jul 2009 at 10:14 AM (7 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2009-07-03 08:49:37 AM  
"The promise of reform which the Green Paper heralds holds much for the public and Service alike; local policing, customized to local need with authentic answerability, strengthened accountabilities at force level through reforms to police authorities and HMIC, performance management at the service of localities with targets and plans tailored to local needs, the end of centrally engineered one size fits all initiatives, an intelligent approach to cutting red tape through redesign of processes and cultures, a renewed emphasis on strategic development so as to better equip our service to meet the amorphous challenges of managing cross force harms, risks and opportunities."

Oh my God. TL;DR. STOP WRITING THESE WALLS OF TEXT YOU ASSHAT. I swear, some people think that just because their sentences have commas and periods and use all that grammar crap, they can go on forever. Why don't they just get to the farking point? Everybody can write massive screeds, anyway. It doesn't take any talent. It doesn't mean you're special. It's nothing to write and write and write and write and write and just keep slapping on words like their bricks in some masonry project you're building for the hell of it, and you don't even have permission for the wall that you're constructing from that asshat who runs the Homeowner's Association, that guy who's got the unfortunate bald spot that covers the back half of his head and is a hoarder, too, I mean, a serious hoarder, the kind of person who stacks up boxes and boxes of crap like old magazines and coupons and ancient electronic equipment all over his house that you really just have little paths between stacked garbage to navigate your way from room to room. And this is the guy running policy for the HOA? What the holy hell? What does it mean that "my numbers can't be seen from the road," you ass? I DON'T WANT MY NUMBERS TO BE SEEN FROM THE ROAD. But you know what? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to put up the biggest farking numbers you've ever seen. I'm going to paint them red and outline them with neon tubes and hire a stripper to spend an hour or to a day drawing attention to them. You'll see them from the farking road, you mental pack rat. I farking promise you'll see them. But how did I get on this topic? I can't even remember now. I'm just adding bricks. Bricks, bricks, bricks.
 
2009-07-03 09:18:26 AM  
i218.photobucket.com
 
2009-07-03 09:30:35 AM  
I whole-heartedly agree with Pocket Ninja's premier post in this thread, as it highlights what is wrong with our modern society, especially in schools, colleges and other academic institutions world-wide, for nowadays, people seem to believe that verbosity, usefulness and proprietary aside, is a good, if not the best, indicator of importance and intelligence, even though it is nothing more than an irrelevant talking-point, nothing more than a lame, pathetic proxy for e-peen measurement, and truly nothing more than another line in an unnecessary tool in Microsoft's fancy little word-processor, Word, which, not only popularized this statistic, but encouraged people to write to pass arbitrary Flesch-Kincaid reading levels and other data-points instead of writing for their audience as they should.
 
2009-07-03 09:50:47 AM  
omg lol wat r u saying tl dr
 
2009-07-03 10:00:59 AM  
Sadly, I had no trouble understanding that behemoth. It could have been improved with a few semi-colons but I guess I'm used to corporate hedgetalk.

The real problem is the last part of the sentence--"a renewed emphasis on strategic development so as to better equip our Service to meet the amorphous challenges of managing cross force harms, risks and opportunities." I think that means they want more money set aside for seaside conferences on whether or not they should buy more tasers. That last part could either be dropped or put into English.

How refreshing that their spokesman added, "This may be one occasion when an appropriate response is, 'Fair cop, guv'."
 
2009-07-03 10:18:34 AM  
wat
 
2009-07-03 10:18:54 AM  
GNAA leverages core skillsets and world-class team synergy through sodomy to provide clients worldwide with robust, scalable, modern turnkey implementations of flexible, personalized, cutting-edge Internet-enabled e-business application product suite e-solution architectures that accelerate response to customer and real-world market demands and reliably adapt to evolving technology needs, seamlessly and efficiently integrating and synchronizing with their existing legacy infrastructure, enhancing the e-readiness capabilities of their e-commerce production environments across the enterprise while giving them a critical competitive advantage and taking them to the next level.
 
2009-07-03 10:19:02 AM  
The sentence would have expressed it's point more effectively had it been broken down into three or four smaller sentences.
 
2009-07-03 10:19:19 AM  
notmtwain:
It could have been improved with a few semi-colons

Or a chainsaw.

What it really needed was some periods.

You could also win a round of Buzzword Bingo with that monstrosity.
 
2009-07-03 10:20:24 AM  
Police unions are useless anyway. A union only has power through collective bargaining and the threat of striking should their conditions not be met. Police, by law, are not allowed to strike, nor can firefighters, EMS, or any other job considered to be essential to public safety.

It works for collectively paying into a lawyer fund, I guess, but it's not that big of a deal. I'm not really surprised they put out a brain-dead, internetese influenced document. They don't exactly hire the best and the brightest to run the union...
 
2009-07-03 10:26:18 AM  
The promise of reform which the Green Paper heralds holds much for the public and Service alike; local policing, customized to local need with authentic answerability, strengthened accountabilities at force level through reforms to police authorities and HMIC, performance management at the service of localities with targets and plans tailored to local needs, the end of centrally engineered one size fits all initiatives, an intelligent approach to cutting red tape through redesign of processes and cultures but my mom got scared, and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo holmes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.
 
2009-07-03 10:29:22 AM  
Menjo_Bleeko

Aaaaand thread over.
 
2009-07-03 10:29:32 AM  
I suspect that was written by Mr. Smoketoomuch.

Excerpt from Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl:
---------------------


Mr. Smoketoomuch: Why-why, what's the point of going abroad, if your just going to be treated like a sheep?
Mr. Bounder: Mmm.
Mr. Smoketoomuch: Cartered around in buses surrounded by sweaty mindless oaves from Vetchy and Boventry.
Mr. Bounder: Absolutely.
Mr. Smoketoomuch: They've blothed backs and their bardigans and their chances to radios, complaining about the tea or they
don't make it properly, do they? And stopping at endless Majorcan bodegas selling fish and chips and Rodney's Red Barrel
and calamares and toothache. And sitting in their cotton sunfrost, squirting Timothy White Suncream all over their puffy,
raw, swollen, parollen flesh, 'cos they overdid it on the first day.
Mr. Bounder: Yes, I know just what you mean! Now, what we offer is...
Mr. Smoketoomuch: Being herded into countless Hotel Miramars and Bellevues, Bontinentals with their international luxury
modern roomettes...
Mr. Bounder: Oh, yes.
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ...and swimming pools full of draft Red Barrel and fat German businessmen pretending to be acrobats
and forming pyramids and frightening the children and...
Mr. Bounder: Oh, yes.
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ...barging into the cues. And if you're not at your table...
Mr. Bounder: Oh, yes.
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ...spot on seven you miss your bowl of Campbell's Cream and Mushroom Soup, the first item in the
menu of International Cuisine.
Mr. Bounder: Absolutely. Now what we have here is...
Mr. Smoketoomuch: Every Thursday night there's a bloody cabaret in the bar featuring some tiny ---- dego with nine-inch
hips and some fat bloated tart with her hair really creamed down and big arse presenting her to foreigners.
Mr. Bounder: Will you be quiet, please?
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ---- from Birmingham with bloody right...
Mr. Bounder: Will you be quiet?
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ...legs and diarrhea trying to pick up hairy, bandy legs ,whop degos called Manuel.
Mr. Bounder: Be-be quiet!
Mr. Smoketoomuch: And once a week there's an excursion to local Roman remains, where you can buy Cherry Aid and
melted ice cream...
Mr. Bounder: Be quiet!
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ...and bleedin' Rodney's Red Barrel.
Mr. Bounder: Shut up!
Mr. Smoketoomuch: And one night they take you to a typical restaurant with local...
Mr. Bounder: Shut up!
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ...atmosphere and color and you sit next to a...
Mr. Bounder: Shut up!
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ...party from Relu who keep singing "I love the Costa Brava!"
Mr. Bounder: Shut up!
Mr. Smoketoomuch: "I love the Costa Brava!" And you get cornered by some drunken green grocer from Luton with an
Instamatic camera and last Tuesday's daily express...
Mr. Bounder: Please be quiet!
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ...and he's on and on and on about how it is running the country and how many languages Margaret
Powell can speak and she throws up all over the cuba libre. And spending four days on the tarmac at Luton Airport on a five-
day package store with nothing to eat but dry----sandwhiches.
Mr. Bounder: Shut up! Please shut up!
Mr. Smoketoomuch: And you can't even get a glass of Rodney's Red Barrel because you're still in England with the bloody
bar closes every time you're thirsty. And the kids are crying and vomiting and breaking the plastic ashtrays. They keep telling
you won't be another hour, but you know damn well your plane is still in Iceland, because it had to turn back, trying to take a
party of Swedes to...
Mr. Bounder: Shut up!
Mr. Smoketoomuch: ...to take a party of Swedes to Yugoslavia. Of course it loads you up there at 3 a.m. in the morning. And
then you sit on the tarmac for four hours because of unforeseen difficulties, i.e. the permanent strike of airtraffic control over
Paris. When you finally get to Malaga airport, everybody's cueing for the bloody toilet, and cueing for the bloody half-
customs officers, and cueing for the bloody bus that isn't there, waiting to take you to the hotel that hasn't yet been built.
When you finally get to the half-built----ruin called the Hotel Limassol, while paying half the holiday money to a license
Spaniard in a taxi, there's no water in the pool, there's no water in the bath, there's no water in the tap, there's only a bleeding
lizard in the bid‚, and half the rooms are doublebooked, and you can't sleep anyhow, 'cause the permanent are in the jungles in
the hotel next door. Meanwhile, the Spanish National Tourist Board promises that the raging cholera epidemic is merely a
mild outbreak of the Spanish Conleigh, while the like of the previous outbreak in 1616 even the bloody rats are dying from it!
Graham Chapman: As early as the late 14th century, or indeed as late as the early 14th century, the earliest forms of japes
were divisible in...
Mr. Smoketoomuch: Meanwhile, the bloody guardia are arresting 16-yearolds for kissing in the streets----everybody's buying
awful little horrid donkeys with their names on, I can't tell you the----and when you finally get to Manchester, there's only
another bloody bus to carry you another 60 miles...
 
2009-07-03 10:34:34 AM  

Menjo_Bleeko: The promise of reform which the Green Paper heralds holds much for the public and Service alike; local policing, customized to local need with authentic answerability, strengthened accountabilities at force level through reforms to police authorities and HMIC, performance management at the service of localities with targets and plans tailored to local needs, the end of centrally engineered one size fits all initiatives, an intelligent approach to cutting red tape through redesign of processes and cultures but my mom got scared, and said, "You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near The license plate said fresh and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare, but I thought, "Nah, forget it. Yo, holmes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8 and I yelled to the cabbie, "Yo holmes smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the prince of Bel-Air.


I'd add a picture featuring the phrase, "I see what you did there" but as this is a thread about verbosity in writing, I'll just leave this as it is.
 
2009-07-03 10:51:30 AM  
"It shames me that the authors are the leaders, the people who can effect change, the senior police officers who can really make the difference when it comes to clarity."

lostmoya.files.wordpress.com
 
2009-07-03 10:55:04 AM  
Was there something funny in this thread? I had to scroll over a lot.
 
2009-07-03 10:58:10 AM  

Last One Left: I whole-heartedly agree with Pocket Ninja's premier post in this thread, as it highlights what is wrong with our modern society, especially in schools, colleges and other academic institutions world-wide, for nowadays, people seem to believe that verbosity, usefulness and proprietary aside, is a good, if not the best, indicator of importance and intelligence, even though it is nothing more than an irrelevant talking-point, nothing more than a lame, pathetic proxy for e-peen measurement, and truly nothing more than another line in an unnecessary tool in Microsoft's fancy little word-processor, Word, which, not only popularized this statistic, but encouraged people to write to pass arbitrary Flesch-Kincaid reading levels and other data-points instead of writing for their audience as they should.


Not to mention those that get up at weddings to deliver their long and tedious speeches. The last one I went to the reception started at 6:30PM. It was 10:30 PM when the last gasbag was done.

Four hours of my life spent sweating in a suit that I'll never get back.

SHUT UP ALREADY AND GET ONE WITH IT!!!
 
2009-07-03 11:00:17 AM  

Pocket Ninja: tubes and hire a stripper to spend an hour or to a day drawing attention to them


Pocket, im ashamed to even know of your fake online identity , as it has been my honor up to now to read your comical sentences; However it is my sad duty to inform you that the word you were looking for, see bold word above, is actually TWO and not to as you put in your long sentence which I still read fully as I like to read all your posts.
 
2009-07-03 11:05:32 AM  
I'm surprised they haven't touched up on the declaration of independence. That thing is filled with 102 word sentences. As a matter of fact, a lot of those documents are.... WOOT right on time for Independence Day. Cue Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum duo.
 
2009-07-03 11:08:46 AM  
Having to read leases at work made this sentence easy to follow aside from all the buzzwords. And realizing that now makes me sad.

/btw if you could not follow the sentence, it says that they are planning to waste money pretending to change their system while doing absolutely nothing different.
 
2009-07-03 11:21:08 AM  
I must say I am delighted, as this thread moreso than many others on Fark is obviously ripe for every entrant to craft their best parody of the subject, namely, long and winding sentences so stuffed with verbosity that clear and specific intentions become occulted by swallowing stygian depths of nuance, inference, abstractions, obfuscations and interpretation, and so forthwith I contribute my verse, but try as I might, despite all the urgencies and impulses pursuant to fame and notoriety on the internet, I cannot seem to craft a 102-word sentence, so I guess I will just have to settle for 101.
 
2009-07-03 11:22:11 AM  
I encourage them to write more lengthy documents and sentences.
Every second spent writing/typing is a second not spent randomly tazering or shooting someone in the back because you raided the wrong house because you thought they were selling weed, or you thought that old biatch deserved it, or they had a recording device or etc etc.
 
2009-07-03 11:22:32 AM  
!
 
2009-07-03 11:30:43 AM  
Any writer worth a damn will tell you not to write sentences that long. Big words and long sentences don't have that much to do with intelligence. They're more likely used so complicate or obscure a topic, like the fine print on a rebate.
 
2009-07-03 11:31:42 AM  
img194.imageshack.us
 
2009-07-03 11:50:14 AM  

Devolving_Spud: Rodney's Red Barrel

...


You mean Watney's
 
2009-07-03 12:13:22 PM  

My Baloney Has No First Name: "It shames me that the authors are the leaders, the people who can effect change, the senior police officers who can really make the difference when it comes to clarity."



i wonder if the creator of that cartoon realize he misspelled "foreign"?

/not a grammar nazi
//just hate rotskys
 
2009-07-03 12:14:26 PM  

vudukungfu: Devolving_Spud: Rodney's Red Barrel

...

You mean Watney's


lol - now that's going back some!
 
2009-07-03 12:31:30 PM  
Sent to : pecpr­esso­ff­i­ce[nospam-﹫-backwards]l­oa*c­om

Your group does not like long sentences. You have long sentences on your web site. Not everyone can read those. You should change them. You also have big words. You should change them too.
 
2009-07-03 12:42:36 PM  
There was nothing wrong with that sentence, but for some missing hyphens in "one-size-fits-all". It could be just as easily structured as a list instead, though.

There's plenty of legalese which is infinitely more abstruse.
 
2009-07-03 12:48:31 PM  
So, it was written by a FARKer, then?
 
2009-07-03 12:59:38 PM  
img89.imageshack.us
 
2009-07-03 01:09:23 PM  

Githerax: I must say I am delighted, as this thread moreso than many others on Fark is obviously ripe for every entrant to craft their best parody of the subject, namely, long and winding sentences so stuffed with verbosity that clear and specific intentions become occulted by swallowing stygian depths of nuance, inference, abstractions, obfuscations and interpretation, and so forthwith I contribute my verse, but try as I might, despite all the urgencies and impulses pursuant to fame and notoriety on the internet, I cannot seem to craft a 102-word sentence, so I guess I will just have to settle for more than 101 102 words.


FTFY
 
2009-07-03 01:38:23 PM  

Pocket Ninja: "The promise of reform which the Green Paper heralds holds much for the public and Service alike; local policing, customized to local need with authentic answerability, strengthened accountabilities at force level through reforms to police authorities and HMIC, performance management at the service of localities with targets and plans tailored to local needs, the end of centrally engineered one size fits all initiatives, an intelligent approach to cutting red tape through redesign of processes and cultures, a renewed emphasis on strategic development so as to better equip our service to meet the amorphous challenges of managing cross force harms, risks and opportunities."

Oh my God. TL;DR. STOP WRITING THESE WALLS OF TEXT YOU ASSHAT. I swear, some people think that just because their sentences have commas and periods and use all that grammar crap, they can go on forever. Why don't they just get to the farking point? Everybody can write massive screeds, anyway. It doesn't take any talent. It doesn't mean you're special. It's nothing to write and write and write and write and write and just keep slapping on words like their bricks in some masonry project you're building for the hell of it, and you don't even have permission for the wall that you're constructing from that asshat who runs the Homeowner's Association, that guy who's got the unfortunate bald spot that covers the back half of his head and is a hoarder, too, I mean, a serious hoarder, the kind of person who stacks up boxes and boxes of crap like old magazines and coupons and ancient electronic equipment all over his house that you really just have little paths between stacked garbage to navigate your way from room to room. And this is the guy running policy for the HOA? What the holy hell? What does it mean that "my numbers can't be seen from the road," you ass? I DON'T WANT MY NUMBERS TO BE SEEN FROM THE ROAD. But you know what? You know what I'm going to do? I'm going to put up the biggest farking numbers you've ever seen. I'm going to paint them red and outline them with neon tubes and hire a stripper to spend an hour or to a day drawing attention to them. You'll see them from the farking road, you mental pack rat. I farking promise you'll see them. But how did I get on this topic? I can't even remember now. I'm just adding bricks. Bricks, bricks, bricks.


All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
 
2009-07-03 01:49:13 PM  

vudukungfu: You mean Watney's


Yeah, one of many textual errors in that. I cut & pasted it off the Interwebs.

I used to have it memorized. :oD

///going back to my half-built Algerian ruin
 
2009-07-03 01:59:37 PM  

Shadowknight: Police unions are useless anyway. A union only has power through collective bargaining and the threat of striking should their conditions not be met. Police, by law, are not allowed to strike, nor can firefighters, EMS, or any other job considered to be essential to public safety.

It works for collectively paying into a lawyer fund, I guess, but it's not that big of a deal. I'm not really surprised they put out a brain-dead, internetese influenced document. They don't exactly hire the best and the brightest to run the union...


Despite what you and Subby apparently think, the Association of Chief Police Officers isn't a union.
 
2009-07-03 02:15:34 PM  

MemeSlave: GNAA leverages core skillsets and world-class team synergy through sodomy to provide clients worldwide with robust, scalable, modern turnkey implementations of flexible, personalized, cutting-edge Internet-enabled e-business application product suite e-solution architectures that accelerate response to customer and real-world market demands and reliably adapt to evolving technology needs, seamlessly and efficiently integrating and synchronizing with their existing legacy infrastructure, enhancing the e-readiness capabilities of their e-commerce production environments across the enterprise while giving them a critical competitive advantage and taking them to the next level.


Keyboard, owe, etc. Thank you.
 
2009-07-03 02:43:54 PM  
Even the Declaration of Independance, which I thought had some pretty long sentences, doesn't have one as long as that...

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.

That's only 71...
 
2009-07-03 02:57:02 PM  

CruiserTwelve:

Despite what you and Subby apparently think, the Association of Chief Police Officers isn't a union.


I didn't even read the article, honestly. I just was making a comment on the union.

Never paid dues when I was in. Wasn't any point.
 
2009-07-03 03:47:25 PM  
TLDR version:
"The Green Paper promises reform."

How many business buzzwords did that one sentence utilize? Is there a business chat generator that I can use to create inane drivel of this magnitude?
 
2009-07-03 04:28:39 PM  
That's not half-bad as a sentence. It's mostly just an itemized list. Read House of the Seven Gables, now THAT has some sentences.
 
2009-07-03 07:41:23 PM  
Honestly, it sounds like just about any other business or legal document. Honestly if youre too stupid to parse that sentence, youre too stupid to really honestly care what it means anyway.

Is it going to be illegal in the future to use "big" words in public documents?

Id love to sit these guys down infront of some financial documents from the time before the "plain english" rules came into effect in the US, or hell, since theyre british, sit them down infront of some british financial documents. Then theyll see some really convoluted run on sentences. I think the longest ive seen is solid quarter page, one paragraph, all one sentence. Half of it is friggin latin too.
 
2009-07-03 09:53:06 PM  

Sim Tree: That's not half-bad as a sentence. It's mostly just an itemized list. Read House of the Seven Gables, now THAT has some sentences.


And Don Quixote. Cervantes knows how to pack some words into a sentence.
 
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